Collector of Hearts

by Cassandra Samuels

  Quinn looked vastly amused by the whole thing, which was not particularly helpful. What was going on? It looked like everyone knew a wonderfully hilarious secret and it was all about him; this was hardly fair.

  Tremaine looked a little stressed, probably at the thought of how much this wedding was going to cost him. He was lucky they were not too far from London, otherwise he would have most of the wedding guests staying here as well. He was getting off lightly.

  There’d be no such luck when Robert wed Arabella. He should plan a large society wedding in London, in St George’s church, just to spite him. None of this quiet country wedding business for him. When the Collector of Hearts finally took a bride, it would be worth celebrating in style.

  Not that he thought Quinn and Isabelle’s decision beneath them. These kinds of things were often more memorable than the fizz of a ton wedding in town. All right, a little provincial, but then that was Quinn. He may have lived in London now for the past five or six years but he was a country boy at heart. It was part of his charm really, being unspoilt and unpolluted by the stink of London.

  He had to admit that what little he had seen of Arabella’s home was charming in its country way. The house itself was nothing to boast about but it had a nice view from the east side and the stables seemed adequate. The cook was tolerable if lunch was anything to go by and his room overlooked the garden and caught the afternoon sun.

  What would he say to Bella in the library? How would he tell her of his change of heart? She hadn’t seemed at all happy to see him. It was why he had thought to apologise early, to butter her up so to speak, not that it seemed to work all that well but he had got her to agree to meet him in the library and that was a start.

  ‘Mother, are you going to tell me why you had a sudden change of plans and decided to come to the wedding after all? I know how you despise leaving Bloomfield,’ he asked when Lady Shacklesbury stopped for a breath and he could get a word in.

  ‘I was intrigued,’ she said, smiling sweetly at him from behind her wine glass.

  ‘Intrigued?’

  ‘Yes, I thought it may be the one and only time I ever see you in front of an altar.’ She took a sip of her wine.

  On his other side, Quinn’s mother gave a soft chuckle.

  ‘I suppose it is an amusing thought. I do hope I am not struck by lightning in the course of my duty to your son, Lady Shacklesbury.’

  ‘If you are, it will be your own fault. Stubbornness is not a virtue, Shelton. Of course, my son has the good sense to know that when presented with the right woman, you marry her.’

  ‘Is that so? Well then, lucky for you Quinn does have good sense and Isabelle obviously none.’ Lady Shacklesbury and his mother laughed, knowing he didn’t mean any offence to Isabelle.

  He wanted so badly to tell them that they were wrong, that he did have the good sense to marry the right woman but he had yet to ask and she had yet to agree. He turned back to his mother. ‘You travelled for three days because you were intrigued?’

  ‘Yes, it was quite a pleasant journey, actually.’ she glanced at Lord Barton across the table, who gave a slight incline of his head in response. ‘Besides, I was invited, you know, and Lord Shacklesbury is your friend, is he not?’

  Robert looked at Barton, then his mother, then at Quinn. They were all smiling at him. What the bloody hell was going on?

  Chapter 20

  Robert claimed travel fatigue in order to go to his room after lunch, but he was anything but tired as he made his way to the library to wait for Arabella. He had left the others planning what to do for the afternoon. Quinn and Stephen were going to attempt to make some kites with Arabella’s brothers. Tremaine claimed business in town and the ladies were planning on sitting on the terrace to watch the kite shenanigans.

  Robert was hoping that he and Arabella may be able to join them all later with good news but he did not want to count his chickens. Although he was secure in knowing Arabella loved him, he was not sure how she would feel after he told her his sorry tale.

  At first, he tried sitting in one of the wing chairs by the fire but he could not sit still. He paced around the room, pulling random books out and then returning them. Rubbing at his neck, he looked for a place that would afford him the best advantage in which to converse with Arabella. He stroked his cravat and pulled at his cuffs, and still he could not settle.

  He couldn’t afford to say whatever came into his head. His future happiness and that of Bella’s all hinged on his ability not to make a complete arse of himself, therefore he had to keep calm and in control. Control, yes, it was all about control.

  Arabella entered the room and headed straight for the window. She must not have seen him standing over by the religious sermons; he had to admit he would not have expected to find him there either. He watched her pace around the sofa, wringing her hands and mumbling softly to herself, and he fell more in love with her. She was glorious, wonderful and, hopefully, soon she would be his.

  His heart beat so loudly he was amazed that she didn’t hear it. He stepped away from the wall and walked towards her.

  She turned and gasped. ‘I... I didn’t see you there.’

  ‘No, but I saw you and it was a sight to behold.’

  She spared him only a glance before she made her way to the window seat. It was nice to know she was as nervous as he.

  ‘You wanted to talk to me?’ She set herself down and arranged her skirts. ‘Here I am.’

  Bloody hell, this was going to be harder than he thought. It was obvious she wasn’t going to fall into his arms in a bundle of compliance. ‘Yes, thank you. You look well,’ he began.

  ‘Do I?’ She stared at him for a moment, her eyes widening, and then lowering, before adding, ‘Because I feel wretched.’

  He was taken aback by her admission. He took a step closer. He wanted to gather her in his arms, press kisses to her face, her lips, but he could not. The entire thing was his fault. He had been too stubborn to see what was right in front of him. Like a coward, he hid behind the Collector of Hearts persona he’d adopted all those years ago, refusing to acknowledge the feelings he had for her. Feelings, if he was honest with himself, he had felt from the moment she had told him she wanted to know the man beneath the Collector of Hearts.

  ‘Then you are not alone,’ he said.

  She glanced at him suspiciously. ‘Are you trying to make fun of me? Comparing me to all the other women who have fallen for you?’

  He frowned. ‘No. I meant I feel the same way.’

  She crossed her arms over her chest. ‘Do you? Don’t mock me, Robert. That is too cruel, even for you.’ She turned her face towards the window.

  ‘Bella,’ he said coming closer. ‘I am so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry that we argued. I’m sorry I was a completely heartless bastard at the Crowley’s ball.’ He sighed. ‘I know you won’t believe me but, in the stable, when I said I had done a lot of thinking, I meant it. I have only ever been more miserable one other time in my life and it has taken me this long to get over that. Please Arabella, at least let me tell you my story. You always wanted me to tell you about myself. After this you will know why I was so reluctant.’ He looked down at her, pleading for understanding.

  She studied his face for a few moments. He saw the moment her eyes changed and softened. Could she see the truth in his eyes? See the sincerity of his apology, see his love for her?

  ‘I needed you to tell me because I sought to be closer to you. You desired me as your lover, Robert, but I only wanted to love you.’

  ‘And that terrified me. I couldn’t dare to hope you were sincere or that I could return your feelings after so many years of failing to believe in love at all.’

  She tilted her chin up. ‘Tell me your story.’

  ‘It’s not a pretty one.’ He smiled weakly. ‘It is a story of supreme foolishness, of youth and pride. I am not proud of what happened or what I let myself become, but I suppose in order for you to fully understand I must tell you
everything.’

  ‘Yes, you must, and as your friend I must hear you out.’

  He gave a shake of his head as he sat down next to her on the window seat. ‘My friend? I want so much more than that from you, Arabella. I need much more than that from you.’ She frowned so he hastened to add. ‘But let me explain.’

  ‘All right. I’m listening.’

  ‘After a bitter argument with my father, I left Bloomfield and went to make my own way in town. I’d made some friends at Cambridge and secured a room at a boarding house where some of my other fellows were staying. We were to have a merry time, drinking, gambling on the horses, and flirting with all the pretty girls. I had not bargained on falling in love,’ he began.

  Arabella raised her brow. ‘Do any of us?’

  ‘Indeed, but I was wide-eyed and naive to the dangers of the ton then. It was soon after arriving that I met a girl, a young lady of good family. I fell in love with her instantly, or at least I thought I did. She was perfection itself, the belle of the ball, a diamond of the first water … Every man was in love with her. Can you imagine my surprise when it was me she chose to turn her attention to? I was on top of the world, feeling like a god because she wanted me. Me. A lanky, gangly, just out of university, lad about town. A lad who knew nothing about love, or ladies, and was on the outs with his father.’

  ‘You do have your charms, I suppose.’

  Oh, how he wanted to skip this storytelling and get right to the part where he kissed her and made everything better, but the look on her face told him she was waiting for him to go on. ‘At first everything was wonderful. I sent her flowers and diamonds but soon that was not enough. She said she needed more if she was truly to understand how much I loved her. So I bought her more, although my allowance didn’t allow for the expense, and my father wrote furious letters threatening to cut me off.’ He looked up quickly and noted that she was studying him intently. ‘I would have bought her the world if I could have.’

  Arabella nodded. ‘Go on.’

  ‘One night after a ball, we snuck away to watch the fireworks. I proposed to her on bended knee. She agreed to be my wife. I can’t tell you how good it made me feel. I had won her heart and now her hand. She was more than I ever thought I had a right to, and she said she loved me too and I believed her. Of course I was impatient and eager to announce our engagement to the world, but she convinced me it was not the right time; that we must wait for her father to be in a good mood before I asked his permission and made it official. Somehow she convinced me we should wait until the end of the season when it would make a better splash with the ton.’

  He felt Arabella’s gaze on him as he stood and went to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a small measure of brandy and a small glass of Madeira for her. ‘I should have twigged then that something wasn’t right but I had no reason to disbelieve her. I trusted her.’

  Arabella’s eyes grew wide and then she stood, hands on hips. ‘Are you telling me you’re married? Is that why—’

  ‘What? No.’ Robert downed the amber liquid in his glass.

  She was adorable when she lifted her chin like that. ‘But you just said you were engaged to her? Did she cry off?’

  ‘Oh God, I wish she had. I didn’t marry her because she was a liar. A deceitful, manipulative liar.’ The words were bitter in his mouth but he had to say them, get them out. He couldn’t believe it still hurt, after all this time it still hurt like hell. He thought he had buried it all deep within but now he realised it was always there, simmering like a canker beneath the surface.

  ‘And because I was a fool and didn’t see her for what she was until it was too late. I paid the price for my naivety, and so did another.’ He put the glass down and stood in front of where she was sitting so prettily framed by the summer garden outside. He took up her hand and she let him. Maybe she sensed that he needed to have this contact with her.

  ‘You see, she was engaged to another.’

  A frown marred her beautiful face. ‘How can you be engaged to two men at the same time?’

  ‘We didn’t know, but my friend James, Lord Faulkner, also claimed he was engaged to her. That’s how cruel she was. I heard him bragging at one of the clubs one night and I confronted him with what I thought was a lie. Of course, he wasn’t lying but you must remember I thought I was her fiancé so how could he possibly be telling the truth?’ Robert let out a sad little sigh. ‘We were both so young. He challenged me to a duel to settle the matter and I agreed. It was a matter of honour, you understand. I picked Shacklesbury out of the group of men around us to be my second. I’d never met him before, he just happened to be the first man I saw.’

  ‘What about the Thames? I thought that was when you met him?’

  ‘That comes later. Quinn being Quinn tried to talk me out of the duel. We even went to her house hoping she would make a public announcement of who her true fiancé actually was but she was unavailable, no doubt laughing with glee over what simpletons we both were.

  ‘Bella, I really thought she loved me. Even her erratic behaviour did not alert me to her true character, so perhaps I was a simpleton.’ He gave a sour laugh. ‘A lovesick fool.’

  ‘Not such a fool.’ She reached out and caressed his cheek.

  He looked deep into Arabella’s fathomless brown eyes, looking, searching for understanding. He found it and so much more. But did he deserve her love? He wanted her to hold him and tell him that she forgave him for all his sins, but he had not yet finished telling her the worst parts of his story.

  ‘But I was. Don’t you see? I should have seen the signs but I was so blinded by love for her that nothing she did, or demanded, seemed unreasonable. She could have righted the whole situation, stopped the madness, but she didn’t. I think she thought it all very exciting to have us fighting over her. Perhaps she never really thought we would go through with it. More likely she simply didn’t care.’

  ‘What kind of woman would let two men fight over her and not try to stop it?’

  ‘Ah, but that is not the worst part.’

  ‘Oh, Robert, how can someone be so devious? Surely she knew there was a chance one of you would be injured?’

  ‘She must have, but as I said she did nothing to stop it. The duel went ahead even though both of us were confused by her failure to confirm, even by note, who was her true fiancé.’

  Robert kept his eyes on their intertwined fingers. United, for now, but for how long? ‘The order was given and both of us levelled our firearms and fired.’ He shook his head. ‘I will never until my dying day forget the look on Faulkner’s face when he realised I’d wounded him. I rushed to his side just as a maid came running, screaming for us to stop. She had dashed from her mistress’s house to try and stop us, to tell us that we were duelling for nothing. She wept as she told us what she knew, apologising for not coming sooner.

  ‘The truth was like being struck by a horse’s hoof to the chest. I admit I did not take the news well. For God’s sake, I had just shot my friend James for a lie!’

  Arabella gasped, as well she should on hearing the man she loved was a murderer. This is where he would win or lose her and he felt ill at the prospect of messing it all up.

  ‘Only it was worse than that. Not only had she used us both but she’d done so to make yet another man jealous. The man she really wanted. The man who is now her... husband. So, I suppose, she got what she wanted in the end. And Faulkner and I paid the price for her marital bliss. Arabella’s eyes were still wide with horror when he looked up.

  ‘Did Faulkner know you had both been duped?’

  Robert nodded. ‘James was bleeding a lot and the surgeon wanted to take him home to patch up. I was assured by the surgeon he would live. Maybe James knew he wasn’t going to make it because he forgave me for shooting him. He told me he would make it right.’

  His throat constricted, his mouth as dry as parchment. ‘He may have forgiven me, but how could I forgive myself? He told me he would protect me from the co
nsequences of the mess she had put us in and he was as good as his word. To this day the duel is nothing more than a rumour, a whisper of scandal. I don’t know how he did it but every witness there that day swore that James’s pistol misfired and that is how he came to grief that day.’

  ‘He must have been a man of great courage and compassion, to have forgiven you so you did not have to pay for what this woman had done to you both.’

  ‘But, Arabella, I know the truth.’ Guilt washed over him, nerve endings hot with anguish heated his skin with shame. ‘I killed him. And the guilt of this truth is ever present. All these years. All this guilt. It could have been avoided if only she had bothered to be honest and not played her deceitful game.’ He could feel her staring at him like she was trying to peel back his layers to see the man beneath, to see if there was anything of worth left of him.

  ‘Only I know the whole truth. James is dead, and for nearly ten years... I wished I were.’

  He felt her hands on his face and it was only then that he realised that tears were in his eyes. And in hers.

  ‘But you’re not dead, Robert, you’re alive. And, if you wish it, you have a lot to live for.’

  ‘If I wish it?’ he looked up at her bleakly. ‘The only thing I wish for is you.’ His voice was a mere whisper against her palm. Her gaze was steady but so sad. Her lashes spiked with tears lowered to her cheeks. Was it already too late? ‘Do I wish for too much, Bella? Have your feelings been given to Barton already?’ How could she want him after hearing how he had murdered his friend? It was what he had feared. She understood, but how could she give herself to someone like him?

  He stood, not wanting to contaminate her further with the stink of his shame, the blackness of his soul.

  Then she was there, taking his hand and urging him to look at her.

  ‘Barton? Justin? No,’ she blurted. ‘He is like a brother to me. A friend who has tried to help me.’