Broken Angel

by Nona Mae King

  “Your presence has made these past several days home more bearable, Robert,” she admitted. “Why should I let you escape to a lecture when you’ve likely kept me from the same, or at least borne it with me.”

  “After the confessions within the letters?” he gently pressed. “I had to admit it would be a likely possibility that you would terminate the relationship.”

  Rachel blinked, lowering her fan and softly yet intensely saying, “Mon Dieu! You believe I would usher you away when such letters only proved your honor more intensely?”

  Robert’s ears flushed, but he didn’t look away. He only continued to softly smile. “I didn’t want to assume the best without being prepared, also, for the worst. You’re entitled your unique impressions and opinions the same as I myself.”

  “My ‘unique impression’ is that you deserve a better partner. One better able–”

  “Ange,” Robert interrupted, voice soft yet firm. He shook his head and moved slightly forward in the chair, brown eyes meeting her slightly widened ones of green. “Ange, there is no one ‘better able’ or better suited for me than you.” He reached out and offered her his hand, palm upward. Rachel lowered her gaze to it before hesitantly placing her hand within his soft and warm clasp. “You, ma chéri, are the one God has chosen me to marry.”

  “Did not you yourself choose to pursue the courtship?” Rachel pressed, intrigued still more that he would continue to insist that a God would have so much to do with his life.

  “I chose to follow a press on my heart. One that I couldn’t reason or rationalize away. I prayed. I meditated. I deliberated…” Robert gave a small smile as he lowered his focus to her hand in his. “I’ve told you that I reason our meetings to be God’s fashioning of a miracle. After the short time I’ve spent with you, I’ve no doubt of this. Never before have I so enjoyed a lady’s friendship and humor.” He finally looked up to meet her gaze. “We ‘click’ together much like two pieces of a puzzle, Ange. How could this be anything but God’s design? God’s choice? God’s blessing?”

  ‘God’s blessing.’ She hadn’t been titled such in more years than she could recall, yet she clearly saw the truth of the label in his actions toward her-- ‘God’s choice.’ Rachel lowered her gaze to their joined hands, unable to classify the shift within at such a statement. To be chosen by anyone…

  Robert kissed her hand, giving her a somewhat tilted and very boyish smile when she lifted her eyes to meet his. Encouraging a slight smile and an escape past the seriousness and the reasons ‘why’ such a choice would make an incredible difference on how she viewed what life had to offer.

  ~~~

  Rachel released a deep breath, adjusting her arms gently around her as she stood outside the private train coach and watched the blues and lavenders of the approaching day kiss the sky. When did I last enjoy the dawning of a day? Again, it seemed another life. Closing her eyes, she breathed in deep, leaning more heavily against the train car as she welcomed a return of a past ease. A hinting of peace. Of safety and… and being enough.

  Enough… The word rang within her, causing a shiver and a burning in her eyes. Enough. I am enough. Angel. Dearest. Darling. Dear. A multitude of titles and names for the same feeling of acceptance she hadn’t previously thought to want.

  Rachel brought a hand up to cover her eyes, her sigh a little more tear-filled as she again remembered all the dreams and prayers she had voiced while a child and growing woman. The requests for a loving man. A hero. A prince. The prayers for safety and family. All of them ringing together in her mind to form one beautiful and gentle baritone. All her dreams coming together within her imagination to create a handsome and compelling man of intensity and honor.

  The prayers had been answered, and so much more poignantly than she could have dreamed.

  An unexpected yet welcome softness of warmth on her shoulder lowered her hand and drew her gaze. Robert stood a little behind her, immaculate and comfortable in charcoal slacks and shirt-sleeves while bearing a smile of concern and care. In his other hand he held a knitted throw.

  He draped the throw over her shoulders, rubbing her arms with his hands. “Good morning.”

  Rachel offered him a soft smile before focusing ahead. “It is.”

  “You’ve been out here a while, Angel. Are you all right?”

  She nodded. “I am.” She motioned to the sunrise. “It’s beautiful. A new beginning. A grand and promising day.”

  Robert’s action of hands slowed and then stopped, but his touch remained on her arms. “It is.”

  “I haven’t so appreciated a sunrise in years. Before, each day held the same promise. Expectations never met. Achievements never surpassed, as was demanded.” Rachel very slightly shook her head. “Actions and choices never enough,” she whispered.

  Then Rachel cleared her throat and sent another glance toward Robert. His brown eyes were dark with concern and… pain.

  “The intrigue and intricacy of ‘life in business’ was never taught to me,” she told him, looking again to the orchids and oranges of the changing sunrise. “The challenge and blessing of an intricate balance of pain and joy in a relationship was never shown. Instead, I learned how to best manipulate and use those around me. How to harden a heart so as to not be used stood the most important lesson?”

  Robert’s thumbs began a light action of stroking her arms, but he remained silently listening.

  Rachel brought a hand over to cover his, still staring out at the sunrise and the new possibilities it whispered of. “I lost hope rather than holding on to it, and now I don’t know how to get it back again. I continue to reason that it’s too late. That once we’ve stepped away from it, we can’t have it back again.” She shook her head and lowered her gaze, closing her eyes to staunch the tears. “That’s all I’ve ever had. People stepping away and keeping me back; distant; alone…”

  “You were never alone, Angel,” Robert reminded, voice soft and tender. Turning her to face him with a gentle pressure, he enfolded her into his arms and pressed his lips against her temple. “You were never alone.”

  Rachel pressed her cheek against his warmth as her arms wrapped themselves tight around him. “Wasn’t I? I don’t remember ever feeling safe or protected.”

  “I was always there, praying for you,” he said, voice so soft she only just heard it soothing the hurt and agony. “God was always there, looking over you. Keeping you safe from harm.”

  She tightened her arms around him, tears wetting her face. “I don’t remember ever feeling as if I had a haven where the expectations couldn’t follow. Where I could rest and be myself… Please, Robert. I want that now. Please….”

  Robert released a deep sigh and rested his cheek against the crown of her head. “Of course, Angel. Rest. The Lord and I will guard your haven.”

  ~~~

  “Maggie.”

  Maggie lifted her bright hazel-green eyes from the duty of her embroidery on a kerchief. “Yes, Rach?”

  “When Robert comes back from speaking with the conductor, could you give us a few moments alone? There is a subject I need to discuss with him that is liable to cause him some embarrassment.”

  “Of course.” Maggie smiled. “Please tell me.”

  A smirk twitched Rachel’s lips. “In his letters, which is what the box delivered that morning consisted of, he wrote of the orphanage and a particular pair of children.”

  “Oh?” Maggie leaned forward, project forgotten as her eyes twinkled. “He’s… He’s…?”

  Rachel slightly inclined her head. “He’s of the heart and mind to adopt Bobby and April, an adorable pair of children ages 11 and 9 respectively, but isn’t sure when to tell me of it. He doesn’t want me to believe he manipulates the situation.”

  “Oh!” Maggie exclaimed. “I know those two angels! They simply adore Mr. Trent. Whenever I visit they’re always bestowing stories and pictures of their ‘papa’. Pictures of outings they’ve shared and adventures to swimming holes or picnics.” />
  Her smile briefly widened. “Then you also know why he would think I would believe manipulation, for I’ve come to fancy myself partial to the two since meeting them.”

  “What are you going to say?”

  “I don’t know, as of yet. He should be given the chance to tell me in his own words, but I’ve a feeling he won’t unless I bring it up myself. So--”

  The door to their reserved coach opened then, ushering in a smiling Robert who greeted the pair with a mischievous “Now, now, ladies. No plotting. I’m not in the mind to survive right now, as I’ve been told we’re ahead of schedule and due to arrive in Richmond late this evening. Damon will be meeting us at the hotel the next morning with a carriage.”

  Maggie sent Rachel a wink as she stood. “This evening?” she gasped with feigned horror. “Oh dear! I’ve got to check our things and repack the valises and fold your gowns and… Oh dear, oh dear,” as she scurried from the coach to the sleeping compartments.

  Rachel lifted her fan to hide the smirk, especially when viewing Robert’s lifted eyebrow and thoughtful expression as he stared after her while absently lowering himself into the chair across from Rachel. “Goodness. I didn’t know the poor girl had so much to do. If I had, I would have come sooner.”

  “She’ll be all right,” Rachel offered calmly, drawing Robert’s gaze and returning his smile.

  “Do you realize this is the first moment we’ve had to ourselves in two days?”

  She had noticed, while at the same time coming to find that the lesser… dramatic and romantic time spent with him and his humor had revealed a deeper aspect to his persona. One she enjoyed. One that, again, reaffirmed her belief that he was a man of insight as well as different facets of humor and seriousness. “Is it?”

  “Indeed.” He regarded her calm expression, still mostly hidden by her softly pulsing fan, and absently tapped a rhythm on the arm of his chair. “What are you plotting?”

  Rachel arched an eyebrow. “Plotting, sir? Why would I plot?”

  One side of his lips lifted in his attractive boyish smirk. “If I knew that, I wouldn’t have asked. But I have the inkling that you arranged this time alone, and now I’ve found myself wondering why.”

  Lowering the fan to reveal her soft smile and still calm expression, she told him, “I wanted to speak with you regarding your letters,” in as non-aggressive tone as she could muster.

  Red colored his ears, also moving to his face and neck as he cleared his throat and lowered his gaze. “I see.”

  Regarding him with a softer smile, Rachel said, “I enjoyed them very much.”

  He cast her a glance, followed by another clearing of the throat. “You will never know how much of a relief it was to have those out of my possession.”

  “Why?” she asked, voice quiet and curious.

  “It meant a forward step. A step toward the future I had been praying after for as long as I could remember.”

  Rachel watched his expressions for a silent moment before observing “Another ‘finally’.”

  Robert’s countenance softened as he looked up. “Well said.”

  A smile returned to Rachel’s lips. “And what is to be said future? Sharing the one you have with two very deserving children as well as a wife?”

  His smile vanished as he blinked, hand tightening on the arms of the chair. “What did you say?”

  “Bobby and April,” Rachel prompted. Robert swallowed hard and went a little pale. “Your letters?” she prompted again.

  He lowered his gaze. “I had forgotten that one.” Robert cleared his throat and sent her a quick glance.

  Rachel chuckled. “Robert, there’s no reason to be embarrassed. From the moment I met you children and family have been a priority.”

  “It’s not necessarily embarrassment, Angel…”

  “Children are a very different aspect of a relationship?” Rachel offered.

  One side of Robert’s lips twitched upward before he focused on her. “As you say.”

  “You are quite correct. Children are a more… involved aspect of a relationship. Yet if such a desire of adoption has been on your heart, as I know it has, so deeply that it has become your passion, as I know it has,” she pressed when he seemed about to deny, “then the opportunity should be taken firm hold of. Especially considering I am willing to offer them house and home. Bobby and April…” She released a small smile. “They have withstood enough heartbreak. They deserve a home better than what they have.”

  Robert’s only answer was a continuation of his soft scrutiny, causing a pleasant warmth and shuffling within.

  Rachel’s expression became expectant as she held his gaze. “So what are your plans? When do you intend to adopt?”

  “When?” Robert repeated, blinking.

  Her lips twitched. “Yes.”

  “I…” Robert suddenly chuckled. “I hadn’t thought that far. I wouldn’t until I had first reasoned out how to approach you about the subject.”

  “I appreciate the thought, Robert. Can we speak of possibilities now?”

  “Of course. What do you think?”

  “First, I would like to hear what you yourself had planned.”

  “All right, but as I said before, I haven’t given specific thought to ‘when’ I would adopt them due to the fact I hadn’t decided when to tell you about the adoption. So…” He gave a slight shrug. “I’m at a loss, Rachel, and I’d rather discuss it equally.”

  ‘Equally.’ She inclined her head, and she could feel the smile changing.

  “My initial thought now is to wait to begin the adoption process until we ourselves have had an opportunity to… well, ‘adopt’ one another as ‘wife’ and ‘husband’. Adding another stress to an already new relationship wouldn’t be wise.”

  “Agreed.” Still more thought to her comfort and trust. More putting off of his passions and desires… for her.

  “So, while I believe we should tell them what we intend before we leave for our extended honeymoon, we likely shouldn’t legally adopt them until sometime after we return.”

  “Yes. I believe that to be a wise… precaution…” A sudden thought had her asking, “Robert?” in a somewhat absent tone of voice.

  His expression changed. “Yes?” his prompt cautious and concerned.

  “Perhaps we should ask them before making future plans? Have them stay with us several times, even, before putting any undue pressure upon them?”

  Robert nodded. “That is a safe and sound idea. They’ve titled me ‘papa’, yes, but this is an entirely deeper matter.”

  “We should wait to speak to them about the actual adoption until after the Announcement Party,” Rachel suggested.

  “Yes. I believe that would be wise. Then they would know we’re to be married and they would have an opportunity to see us as a ‘couple’.”

  ‘…couple…’ An aspect of a relationship she hadn’t ever ventured into, saving it for dreams and fantasies that had been locked carefully away. Now…? Rachel only softly smiled.

  Which caused Robert’s eyes to darken and his expression to change to a remembered moment before a kiss… “Ange,” he said in French, “you look at me with eyes of a deeper emerald than usual.”

  Rachel flushed and lowered her gaze to her fan. “Do I?”

  Yet how could she explain that she observed him differently than she had before the letters. Before the journey to a past that had made him so much more real. She gracefully opened her fan, lifting it to shield her face as she lifted her eyes to very coyly meet his. Safe beyond safe was what she felt when she risked ‘life’ with him. There was no anger. No fear or suspicion. Not anymore. There was ‘Rachel’.

  Robert leaned slowly forward, voice tender as he said, “Continue to regard me in such away, ma chéri, and I shall have no recourse but to kiss those eyes, and in plain view of all.”

  Lowering her gaze, Rachel continued to hide her flush and regard behind the graceful caress of her fan. “You would dare risk your reputat
ion for a tender moment with moi, monsieur?”

  Robert shifted his position to sit beside her, leaning close with his left arm resting along the back of the velvet couch as his smile continued to speak to a portion of her heart that had only just begun to wake. “I would dare my father’s wrath for a tender moment with you,” he confessed in a low voice.

  Rachel couldn’t release his lovely and intense brown eyes. “Do what you will, monsieur,” she whispered. “I believe your honor will keep certain passions in check.”

  His lips twitched, but the brown of his eyes darkened with an expression she had come to see more and more often. One that she had begun to understand herself. An extreme attraction and the fight against the action of it. “Perhaps, ma chéri, perhaps.” He lifted a hand to tease a curl at her temple with a single finger. “Your beauty and intelligence sparkling in emerald, though, would have me doubt my mortal strengths. Only God Himself could restrain Himself in the presence of such.”

  And how often had she heard such ‘pretty’ words from men and not believed them? Though the tone had been right and the eyes had glowed with an appropriate intensity… always had there been the irritation and knowledge that they were empty words. There had been no actions of honor and regard to support an ounce of the supposed passion. Yet with Robert…

  Rachel gracefully and almost timidly reached forward a hand to cup his cheek, her thumb caressing the softness. Such a surrender to tenderness tightened her chest and so intensely changed his expression that warmth spread throughout the chill with a welcome tingle. “Restrain as you will, monsieur, but know that it will not be refused.”

  Robert closed his eyes and moved his face enough to kiss her palm, whispering “…ma chéri…” in a tone that held more power than anything experienced before.

  And when he gathered her into his arms to place a kiss of softness and tenderness upon her lips, Rachel’s arms surrounded him with such an assurance and naturalness of movement that the action amazed her. The womanly instinct overrode her training and pressed her closer to a man who had spoken to both portions of her person: business and femininity. Accepting her in a way her mind and heart had forgotten possible.