Maybe Don't Wanna

by Lani Lynn Vale

  “Hey!” someone called from inside. “Where are you going?”

  “To order a goddamn windshield,” Dante muttered, then disappeared fully into the shop.

  “I’ve never been hit with a pussy before,” I said to Rafe and Janie.

  Janie pursed her lips. “Well, there was that one time that I fell on you and slammed my vagina into your face.”

  “What’s this now?” Rafe asked, walking over to his wife.

  He peeked beneath the cover that was over Abrielle’s head and dropped a kiss to her fuzzy black hair.

  “Well, there was this one time that we were trying to sneak back into my dad’s house…”

  I snorted and walked inside, leaving them to their discussion.

  I didn’t need to be privy to what they were discussing. I’d lived it, after all, except that I lived to tell the truth.

  “Hey, Kayla?”

  I paused as I was passing Dante’s door. Dante was co-owner of Hail Auto Recovery. He and his brother, Travis Hail, had built it from the ground up. Where once it was a family-owned operation, it now employed a bunch of us lowly individuals who didn’t have the Hail name.

  Travis was sitting in a chair directly in front of his desk. He had a pencil in one hand, and a phone in the other. He looked harried and annoyed.

  Dante, however, just looked resigned.

  “Yes?”

  He gestured for me to come into his office, and I did, stopping directly next to where Travis was sitting. I raised my brow in question.

  And he didn’t beat around the bush.

  “We could use you in dispatch today,” he gestured to Travis. “Pretty much, all you’ll need to do is answer the phones and then call the next guy on the list.”

  I paused. “On the list?”

  He nodded, then gestured to the paper that Travis was holding.

  “Normally you’d do this on the computer, but since we don’t have anyone here that can teach you how to navigate it, we’re gonna do it the old-fashioned way,” he explained.

  I nodded. “Okay, where would you like me to do this?”

  Dante stood up and grunted. “Follow me.”

  I did, hitching my purse up higher on my shoulder as I did. Dante had long strides, and I didn’t even bother trying to keep up with him.

  He went to a closed door and threw it open. “You can use Hannah’s office for today. She’s out with the flu…”

  I held up my hand. “If she’s out with the flu, I’m sure you don’t really want me in her office.”

  I didn’t really want to be in her office.

  “The only other place I have is at the club,” he explained.

  I’d take anything as long as it kept me from going into a confirmed germ-infested office.

  I nodded. “I’m fine with that.”

  He grunted. “Lines two and three are the lines that you’ll need to answer. Those are the numbers that the county will call if there are any towing needs. It’s also the line that customers use to call in if they need a tow.”

  And so it went as Dante talked about what my duties would be for the day.

  “Do you want me to go ahead and do the rest of what I was going to do today as well?” I asked as he walked me into the club and up a set of stairs.

  The office he led me to was just off the main room where I’d been temporarily setting myself up when I was over here. He pushed the door open and gestured to the desk. “It’s not much. Baylor’s office is next door. If you need anything, call. Okay?”

  I nodded, then Dante was gone, leaving me with a very long day ahead of me.

  But then I got to call Parker for the first time, and my day looked up.

  The second time I got to call him, it got even better.

  Why?

  Because his voice, that’s why.

  Chapter 7

  When you want to unsend the text you sent because you’re not the same person you were six minutes ago.

  -Text from Kayla to Parker

  Parker

  I was walking down the stairs with Carmen, my German Shepherd, at my side when Kayla met me halfway.

  Carmen tensed at my side, and I had to move my hand down to her collar.

  Nobody ever took this set of stairs, so I hadn’t fitted Carmen’s muzzle in place yet.

  Meaning she was only mere inches away from Kayla’s body.

  I tensed and placed my hand on Carmen’s head, silently urging her to stay calm.

  “Oh, hey, Parker! Who’s this?” Kayla asked, sounding tired.

  She looked tired, too.

  “This is Carmen,” I said, then held up my hand. “And before you ask, no, you can’t touch her.”

  Kayla frowned. “Why?”

  I pulled out Carmen’s muzzle and fitted it on over her snout. “Because Carmen has some PTSD, and she doesn’t do well around women.”

  “Oh,” Kayla said, stepping down a step. “I’m sorry.”

  I moved slightly to the side and down a step, blocking Carmen’s upper body and head with mine before gesturing. “You can go past.”

  Kayla nodded and did as I said, but she tensed when Carmen started to snarl.

  “It’s okay,” I said, tightening my hold. “She’s just pissy. She won’t do anything to you.”

  Kayla went up a few more steps and didn’t stop until she was on the landing above us.

  “Is she…okay?” Kayla asked hesitantly.

  I nodded. “She’s adjusting.”

  That was a lie. Carmen had been adjusting for five years now. Although there were some instances where she functioned well and had shown some improvement, she was also still as ornery and cantankerous as the day she’d been brought into my home.

  Before the incident that made her the way that she was, she was a great dog. She was highly sociable. She loved being petted, and she honestly slept damn near anywhere.

  Now…not so much.

  She hated loud noises and women. She couldn’t stand to be petted—even by me. She didn’t want to be anywhere near anyone but me, and even that was only when she felt up to it. And, lastly, she was getting meaner.

  Not even men could approach her anymore without her getting at least a little bit wary.

  A woman?

  Just a moment before with Kayla had been the first time Carmen hadn’t actually lunged at a female since the day she came home.

  Now, to take her to the vet, I had to sedate her.

  God forbid someone need to be let into my apartment—her safe place.

  “Okay,” she said. “I’ll see you later.”

  With that, she turned and climbed up the steps, and I was left staring at her pert ass as it disappeared around a corner.

  Carmen gave an angry huff, and I started to descend the steps once again.

  The moment we made it outside, she started to do her business. Then she waited for me to take her on her walk.

  Something that was part of our routine every single day.

  We walked a mile one way and a mile back, and we didn’t stop to play or chat.

  We would get there, get the job done and get home.

  Carmen couldn’t last very long without her four protective walls around her, and I couldn’t say that I blamed her after what she’d experienced. Torture being one of those experiences.

  About a half an hour after we’d left, we were back, and I smiled at what I saw on my doorstep.

  “Looks like she’s trying to win you over, Carms,” I told my puppy.

  Carmen went to the bone that was sitting on the floor in front of my apartment door and gently nudged it with her nose.

  I bent down and removed the muzzle, and Carmen wasted no time picking the bone up, then glaring at me as if I was taking too long to open the apartment door.

  I rolled my eyes and did as she bid, closing and locking it behind us.

  Carmen did her usual walk through of the apartment, and I went and found a b
eer and popped the top right about the same time that my phone rang in the other room.

  I went to it and picked it up, finding another rare smile. “Hey, Joshie. How’s it going?”

  Gunner grunted. “I got kneed in the balls today, and then got a call from Aleah.”

  I felt my stomach sour. “What did she want?”

  Aleah was Jett’s mother. Jett’s mother who wanted nothing to do with Jett or Gunner about three weeks after she’d had Jett.

  And, it wasn’t lost on me that she was back the moment that Gunner moved up to the majors.

  “What did she want?”

  Gunner laughed, and the way it sounded made my heart hurt.

  “She wanted to know how I was doing,” he said. “To make sure that I wasn’t too upset over Jett’s death.”

  My fist clenched. “And what did you say?”

  “I told her that my life was useless without him and that if she ever called me again, I’d get a restraining order against her. And she had the indecency to laugh at me. Told me I was being soft.”

  I hissed in a breath. “Gunner,” I said softly, tempering my anger. “Aleah is a bitch. Always has been, always will be. She’s doing this because you moved up and now have a good future ahead of you. But, I would suggest changing your number. She’s not going to stop calling.”

  Gunner hummed his agreement. “I’m sorry. I was just…lost.”

  I was, too.

  I had been my whole freakin’ life.

  I hated that my sister’s boy was lost with me.

  If there was one thing that I could change in my life, it would be to have not taken Jett to school that day.

  Then again, if that was my thinking, then maybe I should’ve never gone into the military. Maybe I shouldn’t have ever left. Maybe, if my sister had been there, alive, she would have been able to raise Gunner better than my dad and I did.

  Then Jett wouldn’t have even lived.

  And that, to be honest, was a heartbreaking thought to me.

  Over the years that Jett was with us, he’d changed me.

  He’d made me see things that I normally wouldn’t have seen.

  Like admiring a butterfly or having a discussion about a bald eagle and why it represented the United States.

  So, as much as I loved and missed my sister, I’d never give up the chance at having spent time with Jett.

  He may no longer be with us, but his memory was still there to influence us in everything that we did.

  “Grandpa called,” Gunner continued. “He wants to know if I’m coming home for Christmas.”

  I grinned. “And are you?”

  “Only if you are,” he said just as fast.

  I snorted. “I’m not welcome there, Gunner. If I was, then he would’ve invited me.”

  “Well I invited you,” he countered.

  I laughed.

  The kid had lived through a lot, but he was still so innocent and naïve that it was comical sometimes.

  I chuckled. “As much as I’m sure Dad would love having me there,” I said sarcastically, “I’m going to stay here. You’re more than welcome to come eat Waffle House with me, though.”

  Gunner sighed. “I wasn’t going anyway. I’m probably never going back.”

  That made my belly clench.

  “Josh…”

  “Gotta go.”

  Then he hung up before I could say another word.

  I sighed and pulled the phone away from my ear, then tossed it unceremoniously onto the counter.

  “You can come to my Christmas,” came Kayla’s muffled reply.

  I looked up at the kitchen wall that was separating us.

  “Sorry, doll.” I huffed out a laugh. “But I have a tradition. Waffle House and beer. It’s kind of my thing.”

  She made a sound in her throat.

  “Well, we’ll see.”

  I grinned.

  “I’m sure it’ll be fun to see you try.”

  Chapter 8

  Best relationship advice: make sure you’re the crazy one.

  Parker

  I woke up with a start and sat up in bed, at first not quite sure what had woken me.

  Then the sound came again—moaning.

  That had been what had woken me, and it wasn’t even the good kind of moaning.

  These moans were terrified.

  Then she moaned again.

  I listened harder, and I could hear her thrashing on the bed. The springs of the mattress squeaked in protest with her chaotic movements.

  I swallowed, thinking the worst, and then looked over at Carmen.

  She was sitting up, staring at the wall, almost looking concerned.

  That’s when I wondered if someone was over there with her, making her cry out.

  My mind went into panic mode, and I stood up, grabbed my gun off the nightstand and then my lock picking kit off the counter in the kitchen on my way out.

  Moments later I was standing outside her apartment door with Carmen at my heels.

  Carmen rushed through the door the moment that it was open enough, and I followed right behind her, leaving the lock picking tools in the door as I went.

  Her apartment was set up exactly like mine, but opposite. Her kitchen was on the right wall, whereas mine was on the left.

  Her kitchen led into the bedroom, and that’s where Carmen disappeared before I’d even gotten all the way through the door.

  By the time that I arrived at the door to her bedroom, my relief was palpable.

  There wasn’t anyone in here.

  She was alone, by herself, thrashing on the bed as tears streamed down her face.

  The sight alone was enough to cause my entire body to freeze.

  My eyes went to Carmen, who was about three feet away from the bed. She was staring at the bed like me, and she whined low in her throat.

  “Let’s go,” I ordered.

  I said it so quietly that at first, I wasn’t sure that Carmen heard.

  But then she turned and headed toward me, slowly and reluctantly.

  We made it to the kitchen when she cried out again.

  Both the dog and I froze.

  I looked down at Carmen, my entire body frozen solid.

  “I can’t,” I said softly. “She’ll freak out.”

  That’s when Carmen turned around and started to head back to the room so fast that she was nothing but a black and brown blur in the darkened kitchen.

  I felt my heart knock for a different reason this time, and it had nothing to do with Kayla’s fears, and everything to do with Carmen’s reaction.

  But, when I arrived at the door to Kayla’s bedroom, it wasn’t an angry Carmen that I found, but a sad one.

  She was at the side of Kayla’s bed now, and she was licking her hand.

  Kayla’s whimpering subsided, and she rolled over onto her side.

  That was when the blanket she was using to cover her body slipped down, and her lower half was exposed.

  Her very naked lower half.

  I swallowed, looked down, and then turned away.

  But that didn’t stop my dick from getting hard.

  Nor did it stop my imagination from concocting ideas.

  “Carmen,” I whispered.

  Carmen turned and trotted my way, her nails clicking loudly on the floor as she did.

  I winced and looked back at Kayla’s face, but she didn’t so much as stir at the noise.

  Nor did she stir when we walked all the way through the kitchen, then the living room and out the door.

  I locked then closed the door, giving it a test wiggle to make sure it was actually locked before I turned to head back down the hallway to my own apartment.

  Thankful that we didn’t have any other people on this floor with us, I walked in just my underwear back to my apartment, slamming the door closed and locking it.

  Moments later, I was back in my own bed and wondering if I’
d get back to sleep tonight.

  Probably not.

  I already had to take medication to even get sleepy in the first place.

  With the things I’d seen in my life, and everything I’d experienced, I’d be lucky to catch a solid five hours.

  And, as I looked at the clock, I realized that I’d already gotten at least four of them.

  It was only four o’clock in the morning, but it was good enough.

  Still, I laid in my bed until five because I wanted to hear if she had any more nightmares.

  I was such a loser.

  The next night was much of the same.

  This time, I didn’t worry about someone being in her apartment. I did, however, worry about her.

  Instead of going into her apartment, I banged on the wall.

  She didn’t so much as yelp.

  Carmen, uncharacteristically, barked.

  Still, she cried out.

  I frowned.

  Did this woman sleep like the dead or something?

  The previous night, I hadn’t even tried to be quiet as I’d entered her apartment. The door had banged loudly against the wall as Carmen had pushed herself all the way in. Then there’d been her nails clicking on the floor followed by my own feet pounding on it behind her.

  And just a minute ago, I hadn’t been quiet at all when I’d pounded on our shared wall.

  It was loud as fuck. I would’ve woken up even if I’d been on the good drugs.

  Kayla, though. She didn’t even notice.

  Which made me frown in worry.

  What the hell was it about this girl that made me feel like this?

  I sat and stewed in my bed, my eyes going to the clock on my nightstand.

  Four o’clock. Again.

  I winced.

  Yesterday it wasn’t a problem that I woke up at this time. I’d gotten a solid four hours. Today, I hadn’t been able to fall asleep because of my own nightmares.

  Nightmares that were frequent and hit hard when I least expected them.

  Tonight’s had been about my mom. It was one that replayed in my mind often.

  Her begging and pleading with me not to join that gang.

  The kicker was that I hadn’t even wanted to join the gang.

  Honestly, I’d wanted to stay as far away from it as I could, but my sister was already in it neck deep, and I didn’t want to leave her behind.