The Goddess Workshop

by Margaret K Johnson

  ‘I shouldn’t let her push you around if I were you, love,’ Reenie told her, eliciting one of Gwen’s best glares.

  ‘Excuse me, but Janet has got a mind of her own,’ Gwen snapped. ‘Come on, Janet!’

  The image of herself and Ray in bed evaporated as Janet became aware of Gwen’s bossy voice. Gwen’s perpetually bossy voice. Janet suddenly realised that everyone in the room was looking at her, waiting to see what she would do. She licked her lips and somehow found her voice.

  ‘No,’ she said at last, the word coming out in a squeak.

  Gwen glowered at her, as scary as the PE teacher who had once found Janet hiding behind a tree during cross-country. ‘What?’

  Over Gwen’s shoulder, Janet could see Reenie smiling at her encouragingly. Perhaps Reenie wasn’t so bad after all.

  Self-consciously, Janet tried again. ‘No,’ she said a little more clearly. ‘I’m sorry, Gwen, but… I want to stay.’

  ‘Good for you, love!’ Reenie said, but Gwen was looking horrified now.

  ‘You can’t mean it!’ she said. ‘Janet, this is a small town – everyone will know!’

  Janet’s face was on fire. She knew she would care about that later on, but for now it just felt too good to be standing up to Gwen about something. She lifted her shoulders with feigned carelessness. ‘I want to stay,’ she said.

  Gwen pressed her lips together. ‘I see,’ she said. ‘Well, on your head be it!’ And with that, she marched from the room, her back so rigid it looked as if her spine might snap in two.

  As the door slammed behind her, every bit of Janet’s bravado dissolved. ‘Oh dear,’ she said, suddenly panic-stricken.

  ‘Good riddance!’ said Reenie.

  ‘But you don’t understand,’ Janet wailed. ‘Gwen’s my neighbour! She might tell my husband about it!’

  Jade’s warmth reached out to her from her smile. ‘Don’t worry, Janet,’ she said. ‘When the time is right, you will tell your husband yourself. Not necessarily with words, but by your sensual actions. Picture yourself driving him half-mad with pleasure; he won’t be interested in the gossip of a busybody when you’re doing that.’

  A busybody… The description of Gwen was so pleasing Janet found herself smiling slightly, even though the picture of her driving Ray half mad with pleasure was illusive.

  ‘OK,’ Jade said. ‘Now, as we’ll be working together very much as a group, giving each other plenty of mutual support along our individual journeys, it’s important that we get to know each other. So I suggest we take it in turns to introduce ourselves. Janet. Why don’t you start?’

  And once again, all eyes were on her expectantly. Oh God, what had she gone and got herself into?

  ‘Well, er…there’s nothing much to say really,’ she stumbled. ‘I’m forty-two, married with one daughter, Debbie, and I work part-time as a shop assistant.’ She paused, but Jade was still looking at her expectantly, so she stumbled on. ‘What else? I…like baking. Oh, and my mother’s just died. Two months ago.’

  Now, why, why had she said that?

  ‘Ah, that’s a shame, love,’ Reenie said, laying a sympathetic hand on her arm, and eliciting an immediate lump of reactive emotion in Janet’s throat. She looked down quickly, avoiding looking at anybody while she recovered herself.

  ‘Thank you, Janet,’ Jade said warmly. ‘On a course like this, it’s very important to open up, so well done – you’re off to an excellent start! Now, who wants to go next?’

  ‘I will!’ Reenie said. ‘Might as well get it over with!’

  Judging that the coast was clear, and that the focus of attention had moved on from her, Janet looked up again. Reenie was fiddling with one of the flounces on her dress, and looking as uncomfortable as Janet was feeling herself. It was oddly reassuring.

  ‘Well, my name’s Reenie Richardson and I’m sixty-two, so I’m the geriatric of the group!’ Reenie said. ‘I’m married to Ted; he’s a bus driver, and we’ve been married for nearly forty years now, so we must be doing something right! Though obviously not everything, or there’d be no need for me to be here, would there?’ Reenie stopped and looked around with a nervous smile on her face.

  Across from Reenie, Janet squirmed in her seat, feeling embarrassed for Reenie and more than a little terrified at the thought that she would soon be doing this herself.

  ‘Right,’ said Reenie, pressing on. ‘I’ve got three daughters: one of them still at home; the other two married with kids of their own. Got four grandchildren, I have. It’s bedlam in our place when they all come for Sunday lunch, I can tell you!’

  Once again Reenie looked around, smiling. Janet smiled vaguely back, picturing her own family’s Sunday lunch. They always seemed rather strained affairs these days. Debbie often came round with Nigel, her boyfriend, but since she and Nigel always went out on a Saturday night, they usually had hangovers. And Ray always played golf on Sunday mornings, and inevitably seemed to scream up the drive for lunch at the very last minute.

  ‘I’ve not got a job,’ Reenie said. ‘I’m what used to be called a housewife.’

  She smiled at them all. ‘ What’s the lingo for it nowadays? Homemaker, domestic engineer? What-ever. I kept meaning to try for something, but somehow with that brood it just never happened. And now at the age I am, I don’t suppose it ever will.’

  There was silence. Reenie, it seemed, had finally run out of steam. Looking at her slightly flushed face, Janet wondered if Reenie minded about not having worked. Janet didn’t much enjoy her job, but she couldn’t imagine not earning some money of her own. It would be awful to have to ask Ray for everything.

  ‘Thank you, Reenie,’ Jade said, her eyes moving on to Business Type. ‘Would you like to go next?’

  Business Type sighed and pulled her short skirt down further towards her knees. When she spoke, her voice was clear and confident. ‘My name’s Estelle Morgan and I’m in business locally,’ she said.

  There was silence while everyone waited for her to say more, but nothing more was forthcoming, and as Estelle just sat there, Janet expected Jade to try to draw her out a bit. She and Reenie had said a lot more than that, after all!

  But Jade didn’t try to draw Estelle out. Instead she just gave her the same warm smile she’d given to Reenie and to herself. ‘Thank you, Estelle,’ she said simply. ‘You’re very welcome here.’ And her gaze moved on to Checked Shirt, the last woman of the group.

  ‘And last but by no means least?’ she said, smiling encouragingly.

  Looking over, Janet saw that the smirk was finally gone from Checked Shirt’s face. Now everything about her face and her body language was pure defensiveness, her arms folded across her chest like a rigid barrier, and her eyes focused on a point somewhere to the left of Jade’s shoulder as she avoided making eye contact with anybody. ‘The name’s Kate,’ she said. ‘Kate Mitchell. I’m thirty-two, and I work at Shelthorpe College as a Catering Lecturer.’

  The information she had shared wasn’t particularly remarkable, so Janet was as surprised as everyone else when it seemed to inspire a dramatic response from Reenie.

  ‘I can’t believe it!’ she said, sounding furious. Gone were the friendly smile and the self-effacing humour. It was as if the sun had gone behind the clouds to be replaced by a tempest. ‘You’re the bitch who just threw my Marcia off her catering course!’

  Checked shirt – Kate – turned round in her seat. ‘Marcia Richardson?’ she said, sounding appalled. ‘That little troublemaker is never your daughter?’

  Reenie got to her feet. Janet could see she was literally quivering with rage. ‘My daughter is not a troublemaker!’ she declared. ‘It’s you! She told me about it! You’re nothing but an ignorant bully!’

  ‘I suggest you do your research properly before you go throwing accusations like that around!’ Kate replied coolly, and something about the calmness of her voice seemed to act like a red rag to a bull to Reenie, because she started towards Kate. When Kate got to her feet too, it seemed
to Janet that violence was inevitable. The two women, who were both on the big side, were squaring up to each other. There was going to be a fight!

  But Jade quickly went to stand between them. ‘Ladies, please!’ she said, and Janet looked at her, surprised by her unexpectedly authoritarian tone of voice. The two squabbling women were momentarily jolted too, and they both looked at her.

  ‘Please, take your seats,’ Jade continued, still with the same power in her voice. There was no trace at all of her previous warmth and encouragement, and Janet thought Jade looked almost dangerous. She wasn’t too surprised when both Reenie and Kate sat down again, even though they both continued to glower at each other across the space.

  ‘Thank you.’ Jade was smiling again now, but her eyes were still dark and glittering as she met first Reenie’s and then Kate’s gaze. ‘Now you two ladies clearly have issues to resolve between you,’ she said.

  ‘Too right we do,’ said Reenie, ‘I won’t have that bitch–’

  ‘But,’ Jade interrupted quickly, ‘out of respect for your fellow students, these issues must be resolved out of this class.’ She paused, looking alternately at each woman. Janet waited for Kate to get up again and flounce out of the hall. It seemed inevitable that she would.

  But Jade was sweeping on. ‘Now, Kate,’ she said. ‘You are a beautiful woman.’

  Reenie made a sound of something like disgust, but Janet didn’t look at her. She was too busy looking at Kate, whose face was filled with cynicism and self-loathing. ‘Yeah, right,’ Kate was saying. ‘Ever thought you might need to make an appointment at Specsavers, Jade?’

  ‘No, Kate,’ said Jade deliberately. ‘There’s nothing wrong with my eyesight. You are beautiful. All of you are, in your own, unique ways. And if you have the courage to continue with this course, if you can co-operate and open your minds for the benefit of your bodies, then you will come to realise it.’

  It would be nice to believe that, Janet thought, although she knew she never would. Why would she? She had never felt beautiful in her whole life.

  Jade’s powerful gaze was sweeping over them all again. For a moment, it rested on Janet, and she flushed, experiencing the distinct feeling that Jade could read her mind.

  ‘But I say it again,’ Jade continued. ‘Although you all have individual journeys to make on your roads to fulfilment, you can and must help each other along the way. While you are in this room I want you to be respectful of each other. Mutual support and confidentiality are essential. Each of you must feel she can say whatever she wants to say within these four walls without the fear of being judged, and with the total assurance that nothing she chooses to share will be repeated outside of this room.’

  Again she looked at each one of them in turn, and now Janet felt like a misbehaving child in a classroom. ‘Is that understood?’

  One by one, they muttered something. It was all Janet could do to stop herself saying, ‘Yes, Miss.’

  Three

  Estelle looked disparagingly around at her fellow classmates. Two dull housewives and a closet lesbian. And as for the so-called tutor, she was just a joke. Bloody hell, the woman belonged on the stage, not in a classroom. Why on earth had she ever thought signing up for this workshop was a good idea? What was she doing here with this lot?

  Still, the session hadn’t been without its entertainment value. The look on that snobby cow’s face when she’d found out she’d inadvertently enrolled on an orgasm workshop had been priceless. And then Reenie and Kate almost having a catfight on the floor! It was a shame really that Jade had stepped in the way she had.

  And the way she had stepped in! Lecturing all of them about respect as if they were a class of misbehaving kids! Estelle didn’t appreciate being lumped together with the rest of them. She hadn’t been the one about to pull a handful of somebody’s hair out!

  ‘Now look,’ Estelle spoke out. ‘I didn’t pay to be spoken to like one of her brattish college students.’ Estelle nodded her head in Kate’s direction as she spoke, unintentionally rekindling Reenie’s fire.

  ‘My Marcia isn’t brattish!’ she said. ‘I’ll have you know–’

  But Jade swept in smoothly, cutting Reenie off before she could get going. ‘You’re quite right, Estelle,’ she said. ‘It is essential that I respect you too. And let me assure you that I do. I both respect and admire you all.’ When she smiled this time, the warmth was back in her face. ‘Look, I know it wasn’t easy for any of you to come here today. I know you’re all probably feeling a little vulnerable and ill at ease. That’s only natural. Let’s get on with today’s session, OK? And if any of you want to leave at the end of it, then I’ll refund your money in full.’

  Estelle almost expected Jade to add ‘I can’t say better than that now, can I?’ like some used car salesman, but she didn’t. In fact, she didn’t pause long enough for any of them to comment. Instead she looked at her watch and moved briskly on.

  ‘Now,’ she said, ‘I assume you’re all here because, as yet, you haven’t been able to achieve an orgasm. Over the coming weeks, we will be exploring why this might be so. But for now, just in case any of you thinks – quite wrongly – that this is because you’re frigid, or not a proper woman, just downright inadequate or for any other false reason, I want to prove to you that this isn’t the case.’

  Frigid, not a proper woman, inadequate. Estelle wondered if the other women had felt the way she did as the list was read out. Small. Pathetic. Revealed. Nobody on earth knew she’d never had an orgasm before. Certainly not the men she’d had sex with.

  ‘So I’ve arranged a little entertainment for you,’ Jade said with a smile, ‘something I hope will prove just that. If you’d like to follow me outside, I think we’ll be just in time.’

  Jade walked to the door, her black lace skirts swishing after her. Like some sort of funereal wedding dress! Estelle thought.

  Jade opened the door, pausing to look back at them all. ‘Come on,’ she said. ‘I guarantee you’ll enjoy this experience.’

  Estelle was intrigued despite herself, but it was Janet who was first up. Then Reenie, shooting Kate a colossal scowl as she passed her. Kate, meanwhile, had her head down and her arms folded. At first she had seemed to find everything about the class hilarious, but the laughter seemed to have well and truly gone now, and she didn’t look as if she was going anywhere. Sighing, Estelle got to her feet. Better get it over with. She could always make a dash for her car while she was out there if things got too bad. Put the whole thing down to temporary insanity.

  As Jade led the way out of the room, they had to troop past the Kama Sutra painting. Estelle had disliked it at first sight, and had been avoiding looking at it ever since. But now her gaze swept over it, and her stomach instantly clenched unpleasantly. Suddenly she knew what it was she didn’t like about it. It was the man – he looked so much like Rashid. Why hadn’t she noticed it before? Oh, God; Rashid. She definitely did not want to think about him. Or that night…

  Janet was saying something to her; Estelle barely registered what. Something like, ‘This is all a little strange, isn’t it?’ but Estelle didn’t reply. She was too busy getting outside, away from the painting; stuffing painful memories back where they belonged – deep inside of her.

  When Jade came to a halt at the edge of the car park, near some shrubs, Reenie and Janet clustered close around her. Estelle stayed on the sidelines and lit a cigarette. Her hands were shaking a little, but she didn’t think anybody had noticed. That’s in the past, she told herself. You aren’t that Estelle Morgan anymore. You’re a successful businesswoman. You’re envied. Why, just think about Kate; she must be about the same age as you, and yet just look at the difference between the two of you!

  She didn’t realise Kate herself had come out to join them until Jade smiled at her over Estelle’s shoulder. Taking a look, Estelle saw that Kate still had her arms folded and was steadfastly avoiding eye contact with anyone. Everything about her body language was screaming ‘all rig
ht, I’m here, but don’t you think that means you’ve won me over! Don’t you think I’m going to take anything you tell me seriously!’

  For a moment, Estelle found herself half-smiling in sympathy. But she quickly stifled it.

  ‘Now,’ Jade said. ‘I’d like you to look up to the second floor of that apartment building – the nearest balcony to us. The one with the French windows.’

  As she spoke, the windows were opened by somebody from the inside and a man came out onto the balcony – a young, half-naked man, wearing only clingy boxer shorts.

  ‘Bloody hell!’ said Reenie.

  ‘Goodness!’ said Janet.

  ‘Mmm…’ thought Estelle, having a good look. The man was blond, and as refreshingly different to Rashid as anybody could be.

  The man, seemingly oblivious to them standing ogling him from the car park, proceeded to yawn and stretch luxuriously. Even from a slight distance it was possible to see the way his muscles moved beneath the surface of his tanned skin. He definitely looked as if he worked out regularly.

  Actually, he reminded her of someone else from her past; a guy she’d met on her trip to Australia a few years previously. A surfing type, with the ubiquitous blond hair, muscles and suntan. What the hell had his name been? She couldn’t remember now. But she did remember the effect he’d had on her when they’d first met in a hotel bar. It had been lust at first sight. Mutual lust at first sight. She’d really thought that he would be the one. If this Adonis couldn’t give her an orgasm, then nobody could. But then, when it had come down to it, his penis had been disappointingly small for someone so well endowed in other areas.

  Which definitely did not seem to be the case with this guy, to judge by the bulge in those clingy boxers.

  ‘Isn’t he a magnificent sight?’ Jade said, looking pleased with herself.

  There was a brief silence as they all drank him in.

  ‘How did you know he’d be there?’ Janet asked.