The Goddess Workshop

by Margaret K Johnson

  Tom had come in one time when they were in a clinch. When they pulled quickly apart, not realising at first that it was him, he laughed. ‘About bloody time!’ he told them, but when he tried to persuade them to go for a drink to celebrate, they turned him down. For the moment they wanted to use every spare minute of their time for research activities. They had a lot of catching up to do.

  By the time Friday’s workshop came around, Kate had had four orgasms; none as yet as the result of sexual intercourse, but hell, it was still four orgasms in less than four days, and both she and Geoff were overjoyed.

  ‘It’s hard to believe I was so scared about you and me,’ she told him, lying in his arms in her bed early on the Friday after yet more fieldwork. ‘I can’t wait to tell the girls. They are going to be so chuffed for me!’

  Kate had held back from saying anything to them before now because she wanted to see the look on their faces when she told them.

  Geoff gave her right breast a gentle squeeze. ‘All right for some, swanning off for a session with a sex guru,’ he said. ‘Some of us have got to give a theory lesson to twenty-five demotivated day releasers.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ she said, ‘I’ll make sure whatever I learn this morning will have a direct pay-off for you.’

  ‘See that you do.’

  Though actually, much to her relief, Geoff seemed to have no complaints so far with anything she had done for him. And if she had had four orgasms, then he’d probably had double that. Not that she was counting.

  They walked out together and kissed long and hard by the side of Geoff’s car.

  ‘Oh,’ he said when he finally broke away. ‘Almost forgot. I’ve got something for you.’ And he reached into the car for a carrier bag, which he handed to her with a big grin.

  Kate took it. ‘What is it?’ she asked.

  ‘Take a look,’ he said, still grinning. Then he gave her another kiss and got into his car. ‘See you later, honey,’ he said. ‘Enjoy!’

  ‘Later,’ she said, and stood and waved as he drove away. She didn’t mind him calling her honey. She, Kate hard-woman Mitchell wouldn’t even have minded if he had decided to call her his doughnut or his sugar dumpling.

  Still smiling, she opened the carrier bag. Inside was a very badly-knitted pink jumper. Kate held it up, smiling at every dropped stitch. She loved it.

  She wore the jumper to go to the workshop that morning, but when she took her jacket off, nobody mentioned it.

  ‘Reenie,’ Kate collared her friend, a big smirk on her face. ‘Something’s happened.’

  Reenie didn’t look at her properly, so she didn’t cotton onto the smirk. ‘Oh no,’ she just said irritably, ‘not something else! We’ve had enough happen this week already; me and Ted aren’t speaking, Estelle’s got to go to court, and she and Janet have fallen out about something – they won’t tell me what.’ She sniffed, arms folded, obviously very put out about this. ‘I thought we were supposed to be a group. I didn’t know we could take it or leave it as the mood takes us.’

  By this time, Kate’s smile had vanished. Things certainly did seem tense between Estelle and Janet; they were sitting about as far apart from each other as it was possible to get, and Janet had her arms folded with a sort of mutinous expression on her face. Estelle, on the other hand, kept on sneaking glances Janet’s way. Kate had never seen her like that; she looked kind of…hunched. Meek, even.

  ‘Anyway,’ Reenie said, ‘what has happened to you? Apart from you hitting that ex-husband of yours? Saw you on the news. You were lucky to get off, I reckon.’

  It was all so totally different to the way Kate had imagined it, that she just shrugged. ‘Oh, nothing special,’ she said. ‘I’ll tell you about it later.’

  ‘Ladies,’ said Jade in her usual extravagant style. ‘It’s lovely to see you all as usual, and very many thanks to Kate for organising this alternative accommodation. Now, without further ado, allow me to introduce the topic for today’s session. The G-Spot.’

  Normally they’d all have been looking at each other after an announcement like that, but when Kate cast a sideways glance, first at Reenie and Estelle, and then at Janet, she saw that they were all either staring straight ahead or looking with great interest at the swirly pattern on the carpet.

  ‘Now I know you’ve probably heard all kinds of tales about the G-Spot,’ Jade continued. ‘There is a great deal of debate about its exact location, and there are even rumours that it doesn’t exist at all. Well, let me assure you it most definitely does exist, and by the end of this morning’s session, you will have undisputable proof of that fact.’

  Beside Kate, Reenie shifted uncomfortably in her seat, but remained uncharacteristically silent. Kate felt obliged to make some kind of contribution to the session.

  ‘Why is it called the G-Spot?’ she asked, and Jade smiled at her.

  ‘It was named after a German gynaecologist called Ernst Grafenberg in the 1950s. He was the first person in modern times to research and write about it, although there is evidence that ancient cultures were fully aware of its existence. Unfortunately, in more recent times, that knowledge seems to have fallen by the wayside. Until Grafenberg.’

  ‘It’s not a very sexy name, is it?’ Kate said. ‘The G-Spot.’

  Once again, Jade smiled. ‘No, Kate, I agree with you. Which is why I’d encourage you to think of your own name for this special place once you’ve become familiar with it. Personally, I call mine my Source, simply because it’s the source of my deepest orgasms.’

  Kate smiled to herself, thinking about Geoff. They could name her G-Spot together; it would be fun.

  ‘The reason why all of these myths and uncertainties have developed is because, of course, the G-Spot is hidden inside the vagina.’ Jade smiled. ‘It’s always easier to believe in something you can actually see, particularly for members of the male sex.’

  Jade paused, but the banter this comment might normally have inspired was not forthcoming, so she pressed on.

  ‘The precise location of the G-Spot is different for each woman, as is each woman’s experience of an orgasm as a result of G-Spot stimulation. Some women have several G-Spots, some women have one; some say they have a short, sharp sensation of pleasure, while others speak lyrically of overlapping waves of rapture lasting for several minutes. Today we’ll be taking a first step in discovering what the case is for all of you.’

  Jade turned to point to her diagram of a woman’s anatomy. ‘Now, the most likely locations for your G-Spot are here, around the urethral opening, here, along the bladder tube, and here, around the vaginal canal. You have some very sensitive tissue around all these areas, and when you’re aroused, your G-Spot becomes engorged with blood, exactly as happens with your clitoris.’

  ‘Or the penis,’ Kate said, once again thinking of Geoff.

  ‘Yes, Kate,’ Jade said, ‘also like the penis. Although it’s worth remembering that a man’s penis has to serve a dual function, whereas a woman’s pleasure spots exist only to give her pleasure.’

  ‘And we’ve got two places, whereas men have only got the one!’ Kate said.

  ‘Yes, indeed.’

  Kate saw Jade’s gaze sweep quickly over Estelle, Reenie and Janet. Their lack of participation was becoming increasingly obvious as the session went on. Next door, somebody began to hoover the bar, getting it ready for opening time. Kate looked carefully at Jade’s face, wondering whether she was beginning to feel the strain, but Jade merely smiled and crossed to a portable CD player.

  ‘Let’s create a little ambience,’ she said, and the room was filled suddenly with some sensual music they had heard once before, when they’d had a go at belly dancing.

  Remembering the time she had gone round to Reenie’s house to speak to Marcia and had encountered Reenie in a belly dancing outfit, Kate smiled at her. Or at least, she tried to, but Reenie was still sitting there like a grumpy, unresponsive block of wood.

  In truth, Kate was beginning to feel irritated by
the lot of them. All right, by the sound of it they all had problems, but nobody had forced them to come today, had they? And it couldn’t be easy for Jade having to teach in here with that hoover going off. They could at least make an effort, miserable shower.

  Jade adjusted the volume of the music to a steady background level so that she would be heard over it, but unfortunately whoever was doing the hoovering next door started a shouted conversation with somebody at the same time.

  ‘Want me to tell her to keep it down?’ Kate offered, but Jade shook her head.

  ‘Thank you, Kate,’ she said, ‘but I’m sure they’ll be finished soon. Now, something you may not be aware of is the fact that it is common for women to ejaculate a liquid as a result of a G-Spot orgasm. This liquid does not come from the vagina, but from the urethra.’

  The old Kate might have made some sarcastic crack about them pissing themselves, but the new Kate was simply fascinated.

  ‘But it has been scientifically proven that this liquid is not urine. I am told that the taste of this liquid varies from woman to woman; some people describe it as being sweet, others as bitter or tangy.’ She smiled at them all. ‘You will have to ask your men to describe yours to you.’

  Reenie grunted cynically. ‘Fat chance,’ she said grumpily to herself, and Kate saw that Jade was debating whether to investigate this statement further or to pretend not to have heard it. Kate felt the latter was the safest course of action. It seemed Jade agreed with her.

  ‘Now,’ she said brightly, and the bright tone of voice told Kate better than anything else that their tutor was indeed starting to feel the strain, ‘if you could make sure the door is locked for me, Kate? I’ll see to the lighting.’

  Kate got up to check the Yale lock. It was closed, but she slipped the catch up to stop anybody being able to open it with a key. ‘Right,’ she said. ‘All secure.’

  ‘Thank you, Kate.’ Jade had swiftly drawn the curtains and was now lighting candles around the room. ‘If you could just hold on over there to switch the lights off for me when I’m ready?’

  The last candle was lit. ‘OK,’ Jade said. ‘They can go off now.’

  Kate flicked the switch and made her way back to her chair. The room had a totally different feel to it now, especially when the hoovering suddenly stopped next door.

  ‘All right, ladies,’ Jade told them, ‘the time has come for you to carry out your own investigation into your G-Spots. ‘She handed them all a wispy, chiffony piece of fabric. ‘If you’d like to remove your underwear if you’re wearing a skirt, or your bottom half if you’re wearing trousers, then if it makes you feel more comfortable, you can use the piece of material to cover your modesty while you explore.’

  Jade tactfully turned her back, finding another candle to light from somewhere and adjusting a curtain that didn’t really need adjusting. Behind her on the chairs, nobody moved. Kate had her hand on her trouser zip, but with everyone else just sat there like statues, she didn’t quite dare to pull it down.

  Jade finally noticed their lack of activity. ‘Come, come;’ she said. ‘There’s no need for any of you to feel embarrassed; we’re all friends here now. And besides, you’ll be doing a whole lot more than this in front of each other on Orgasm Night.’ Her gaze ranged across them all, finally settling on Reenie. ‘Reenie?’ she prompted.

  But Reenie just shook her head. ‘I can’t do it, Jade,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry, but there you are. I’m just not in the mood. And there’s no point anyway; Ted and I aren’t even speaking to each other at the moment, let alone making love.’

  ‘I’m very sorry to hear that, Reenie,’ Jade told her. ‘But don’t forget, your inner sex goddess wants to experience sensual pleasure for her own benefit, not simply for the sake of her man.’

  ‘Right now my inner sex goddess just wants to go home and have a nice cup of tea,’ Reenie said stubbornly. ‘Or, better still, a large gin. I’m just not in the mood, and that is that.’

  ‘Me neither, I’m afraid, Jade,’ Janet said. It was the first time she’d said anything all lesson.

  ‘Or me,’ Estelle added.

  Kate watched as Janet glared in a most un-Janet-like way at Estelle. ‘And even if I were in the mood,’ she said, ‘some of us have had our man appropriated by another woman.’

  For once Jade seemed at a loss for words. Kate got to her feet.

  ‘You lot are really pissing me off,’ she said. ‘Miserable shower! I felt really good today on my way here. I was bursting to tell you my good news; couldn’t wait. But you’re all so wrapped up in your own little glooms, you wouldn’t have got excited if I’d come in here to tell you I’d won the fucking Lottery!’

  ‘Have you won the Lottery, Kate?’ Jade asked her kindly.

  Most of Kate’s joy instantly came flooding back to her. ‘No,’ she said, grinning from ear to ear. ‘It’s way better than that.’

  They all looked at her.

  ‘I’ve had an orgasm!’

  * * * * *

  Janet was the first on her feet to give Kate a celebratory hug, though no doubt this was partly because Reenie was hampered slightly with her bad ankle and her crutches.

  Everybody hugged Kate, and then they demanded more information – full, uncensored information. But first of all, Jade insisted on going next door to buy a bottle of champagne. And as they all raised their glasses to toast Kate, Janet looked across the group at Estelle.

  Despite her remark about appropriating men, Janet couldn’t hate Estelle. In fact, it was hurting her to see her friend looking so chastened and defeated.

  ‘Just goes to show,’ Reenie said, looking distinctly brighter than she had done for the rest of the session, ‘there’s hope for us all! Cheers, Kate, mate! Congratulations on being the first!’

  ‘And may the rest of you quickly follow my example!’ said Kate.

  ‘Speaking of which,’ Jade said, ‘are any of you in the mood to discover your G-Spots now?’

  Thirty

  ‘Do you have to go straight back to work? Or have you got time to talk?’

  When the session was over, Janet approached Estelle.

  ‘No,’ Estelle said immediately. ‘That is, yes, I’d like to…talk. Shall we go for a coffee?’

  ‘What about a walk by the sea?’ Janet said, and Estelle nodded.

  ‘A walk by the sea’s fine.’

  And so they said their goodbyes to the others and walked off together along the High Street in the direction of the seafront.

  ‘Carol’s selling the shop,’ Janet said as they neared her place of work.

  Estelle looked at her. ‘Is she?’ she said. ‘I had heard from various people that she wasn’t doing so well, but… I’m sorry. You’ll miss your job. But perhaps whoever buys it might take you on…’ Her voice faltered, and once again Janet experienced a pang of sympathy for her friend. And love. Yes, love. She cared for Estelle more than she had ever cared for any female friend.

  ‘I offered to buy it,’ she said, and Estelle stopped walking.

  ‘Janet, that’s fantastic!’ she grinned.

  Janet shrugged. ‘She wouldn’t agree straight away of course; said she’d have to think about it.’

  ‘What did you offer?’

  ‘Ten thousand below the asking price. That’s the value of my mother’s house less inheritance tax.’

  ‘She might have to accept your offer, no matter how much it goes against the grain to be bought out by her assistant! If not, you can always get a business loan.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Janet. ‘I know.’

  They carried on walking.

  ‘You’ll make a much better job of it than she has,’ Estelle told her.

  ‘I know that too,’ Janet said, and realised suddenly that she did know it. Goodness, she had changed if she could be so sure about something like that.

  Estelle cleared her throat. ‘What does…Ray think about it?’ she asked in that new subdued voice she had acquired.

  Janet smiled at her friend.
‘I haven’t got round to mentioning it to him yet.’

  Tears filled Estelle’s eyes. ‘Janet,’ she started to say, but Janet took her arm and urged her on towards the promenade.

  ‘Shh,’ she said.

  * * * * *

  ‘So, d’you think you found yours?’ Janet asked Estelle later on the beach.

  ‘I think so,’ Estelle told her. ‘I found this little lump anyway, and if it isn’t my G-Spot, then I’m seriously worried!’

  Estelle didn’t feel as if she deserved Janet to forgive her, but she so hoped she would. It was great to be together chatting like this again.

  Janet smiled. ‘I think I’ve got two,’ she said. ‘One low down and another much higher up.’

  ‘Well,’ said Estelle, ‘if it’s that high up, your Ray’s penis will never find it!’ The instant she’d said it, she clamped her hand over her mouth, afraid she’d gone too far, but Janet burst out laughing.

  ‘You’re right there,’ she said. ‘Mind you, as he’s the only man I’ve ever made love to, I haven’t got anything to compare him with. Is he small then?’

  Estelle pulled a face. ‘No, not small; just average.’

  ‘Average,’ Janet said. ‘Yes, that sounds right.’ She looked at her friend. ‘Why did you stick with him?’

  Estelle picked a pebble up from the beach and examined it. ‘I don’t honestly know,’ she said. ‘Because there’s something lacking in me? Because I’m not brave enough to have a real relationship?’ She laughed humourlessly and chucked the pebble towards the sea. ‘Maybe I need to see a therapist.’ She paused, thinking about recent events. ‘Correction, I definitely need to see a therapist.’

  ‘Want to tell me about it?’ Janet asked.

  And so, for the second time that week Estelle told somebody her story. This time it was slightly easier; and perhaps it would get easier every time she did it. The gag about her needing a therapist had been a throwaway line, but maybe it made sense. She didn’t want the past to have such a claim on her. She wanted to be able to move on and begin to lead a normal life.