Unforgiven

by Delilah Devlin

  Not once had they broached the subject of her affair with Justin. It loomed between them, growing larger and uglier the longer they ignored it.

  At least from her point of view. And she’d become a coward, unwilling to rock the boat because her time with Cutter was precious.

  As she walked along the sidewalk toward the grocery store, the sunshine which usually buoyed her spirits, beat down on her unprotected head. Perspiration broke on her forehead and upper lip and her stomach churned.

  When she reached the grocery, the air-conditioned air relieved her for moment, but then a strong wave of nausea hit her. She clamped her hand over her mouth and rushed toward the back of the store and the restrooms.

  She made it through the door, punched open the stall and bent. Breakfast and lunch landed in the toilet bowl. When the urge to retch eased, she sighed, hanging above the rim of the toilet with a hand braced against the stall and the other against her knee.

  A paper towel entered her line of vision and she grabbed for it, wiping her mouth before she glanced over her shoulder.

  The room tilted and an arm slipped around her waist. “Easy now. No quick moves,” came a feminine voice.

  Katie blinked and turned slowly. Dani Standifer stood beside her, and then reached past her to flush the toilet. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

  Katie let the younger woman lead her to the sink and stood docilely while Dani wet more paper towels and washed her face. “Rinse your mouth. You’ll feel like a new person.”

  Katie cupped her hands beneath the faucet and did just that, then swallowed a small, cool sip. When she glanced up in the mirror, Dani was smiling softly behind her.

  “My brother know?”

  “Know what?”

  Dani tilted her head. “You don’t have a clue, do you?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Dani shook her head, a rueful smile curving her mouth. She took Katie’s hand and pulled her out of the restroom, then purposefully dragged her down an aisle. She stopped in front of a shelf of pregnancy kits and Katie swallowed hard.

  “We’ll share,” Dani said. “There’re two in the box. Wait right here while I pay.”

  There was no way Katie was going to be spotted standing in front of the pregnancy tests. By dinnertime, the whole damn town would think that she’d been knocked up. And there was just no way that could be true.

  She closed her eyes. Stupid, stupid. Of course, she’d known she could get pregnant. Neither of them had mentioned using a condom, and she’d thought that maybe Cutter thought she’d been lying when she told him she wasn’t on the pill, because why else would he go uncloaked whenever they made love?

  It wasn’t because he hoped to trap her. But what was her motive? Katie didn’t want to examine it too closely because she thought she knew.

  Dani found her in the candy aisle, looking at chocolate, which was her comfort food. “Come on,” she said, grabbing her hand again and pulling her toward the restroom. “No time like now to find out for sure.” She sounded excited, even happy.

  Katie wanted to throw up again.

  In minutes, she found herself sitting in the stall next to Dani’s peeing onto a wand.

  The toilet in the next stall flushed, feet appeared beneath the bottom of her stall door. “No stalling. I’m dying to see.”

  Katie cleaned up and flushed her toilet, holding out her wand in front of her when she opened the door. Not the least shy, Dani grabbed it and laid it on the side of the sink beside hers and pulled out the instruction pamphlet inside the box. “It says wait three minutes.”

  “I’m not pregnant,” Katie said grumpily. And she promised herself if that were true, she’d buy a crate of Trojans, and to hell with the games she and Cutter played.

  “Okay, so that’s the purple control band. If we get a second band in the window we’re going to have babies!” Dani’s eyes glittered, her cheeks were a healthy, glowing pink. If anyone looked pregnant, it was her.

  Katie studied her own reflection. Dark circles beneath her eyes, green-toned skin. She looked like she had the flu.

  “Oh my God!” Dani squealed, then grabbed both of Katie’s hands and hopped up and down. “Oh my God!”

  Katie didn’t bother asking her why she was excited, her stomach roiled and she tugged her hands from Dani’s and rushed to the toilet again.

  When she’d emptied her stomach completely, she hung over the toilet with her eyes closed, feeling ready to cry.

  “You’re not happy,” Dani said softly behind her.

  Katie snorted and straightened. “If there was a second goddamn purple band, then the answer would be yes.”

  “Do you think Cutter won’t do right by you?”

  Katie turned and firmed her lips. “I don’t want Cutter to feel like he has to do anything. That’s not our agreement.”

  One of Dani’s pale brows lifted. “Agreement?”

  “Long story. Not pretty. Can we cease with the questions? I need to sit down and I prefer someplace that doesn’t smell like vomit.”

  Dani tucked her hand inside her arm and pulled her out of the restroom. “I suppose your restaurant is out of the question too?”

  “I’d rather the whole world didn’t know right this minute.”

  “Your house isn’t far. Shall we head that way?”

  Katie shook her head. “No, Cutter might show up early, and I don’t want to talk to him yet.”

  “That settles it. We’ll go out to my ranch. He’ll never think to look there. And he’s not likely to drop by. We aren’t talking these days.”

  Dani led her to her car. Katie didn’t really want company, would have preferred to go to her own place and crawl into bed. But Cutter had his own key now and the last thing she wanted was to fall beneath his discerning stare. The man knew everything about her body, read her moods—even if he didn’t care about her heart.

  “Tell me about this agreement,” Dani said as the car left the town’s city limit.

  “I don’t think Cutter would want me to.”

  “Who else are you going to talk to, Katie?” Dani asked, worry settling a crease between her pale brows. “I’m his sister. I know how hard-headed that man can be. And I know all about you and Justin. I’m assuming he figures somewhere in your problem with Cutter. So far as my brother is concerned, every problem boils down to my husband.”

  Katie turned to stare at Dani’s profile. Other than the stubborn, square chin there wasn’t much of family resemblance between Dani and her brother. “If you know about me and Justin, why are you talking to me?”

  Dani shot her a quick glance. “Oh, don’t think for a moment that I’m not jealous as hell of every woman who’s slept with him, but I know how persuasive he can be. How irresistible he is. I don’t blame you. And I know he regrets ever taking you to bed. He did it for all the wrong reasons.”

  “I did it because I thought your brother didn’t find me sexy,” Katie murmured.

  Dani’s lips twitched. “Gawd, you’re stupid.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Justin went after you out of frustration over me. He thought he didn’t have a chance in hell of ever getting close to me because Cutter would never approve of him as a beau. Not very smart, but when it comes to emotions, men don’t look too deep. It was all about revenge.”

  “Nice to know he cared so much about me.”

  “He likes you, but the fact you were seeing Cutter made you all the more attractive as a target.” Dani shrugged. “Never said my man was perfect. But he is changing. That’s what guys do when they fall in love. They try harder to figure us women out.”

  They turned off the main road onto caliche road, bumped over an iron cattle guard set over a culvert and through the gates of the Ayers ranch.

  Katie straightened in her seat. “Cutter didn’t seem too happy about your marriage.”

  “He was ready to spit nails. He was there when I proposed to Justin.”

  “You proposed?”

 
Dani gave her a mischievous smile. “It was a spur of the moment thing. Cutter walked into Rowe’s kitchen and found the three of us nearly naked and looking like we’d spent a night doing…well, exactly what we’d been doing…and he said he expected a ring. He thought for sure Rowe would step up, but I chose Justin. It didn’t really matter which man married me. We’re all committed. That bother you?”

  Katie shook her head about the woman’s openness over her unconventional relationship “No, I envy you having someone who loves you. Two someones seems…selfish.”

  Dani grinned and cut the motor. “Come on in. I’ll make a pot of tea and find some crackers. Then you’re going to tell me all your secrets since you know all of mine.”

  Katie followed Dani inside and settled at the kitchen table while Dani prepared a tray which she sat in the center of the table.

  “Now, tell me about this agreement,” Dani said, taking a seat, one leg bent beneath her and the other dangling.

  As Katie unloaded about everything that had transpired since Dani’s wedding, the blonde’s expressions changed.

  When Katie told her about how he’d gotten her up the stairs during the reception, Dani’s lips curved and her eyes danced.

  When she came to the part where they’d both agreed to become fuck buddies, her eyebrows drew closer and her gaze softened. “You’re in a bad place. You’ve given him everything he wanted without making him work for a thing. He has no motivation to change.”

  “I knew we didn’t have a future. I never got from Cutter what I wanted the first time around—satisfaction. I told myself that’s all I was in it for.”

  Dani snorted. “You might sell that to Cutter, but I’m a woman. And I know how far we’ll go for love. You are still in love with him, aren’t you?”

  Katie stared at her tea cup and let out a deep, dejected breath. “I never stopped. I knew as soon as Justin…finished…that I’d made a huge mistake.”

  “That’s a hard one to overcome,” Dani said softly. “Cutter’s a black and white kind of man. He won’t forgive infidelity easily. But you have a weapon now. One you can use if you really want him. But you can’t let him make this another agreement. You have to hold out, make it hard for him—force him to change his mind.”

  Katie lifted her gaze, knowing tears were welling, but too unhappy to care that Cutter’s sister could see. “What if I don’t think he’s wrong to distrust me? Even hate me a little.”

  Dani reached over and placed her hand atop Katie’s and gave it a squeeze. “Katie, you made a mistake. You regret it. Have you ever told him you’re sorry?”

  “He won’t talk about it. Neither will I.”

  “It’s got to happen. Eventually. You can’t carry it around or it’ll fester.”

  “We’re talking like Cutter would even need to have a relationship with me to be a part of this child’s life. He doesn’t. I’d share, with or without us being a couple.”

  Dani lifted her hand and tucked a lock of Katie’s hair behind her ear then settled back in her chair. Her steady gaze held Katie’s for a long moment. “If you don’t think you’re deserving of more, don’t you think your child is?”

  Katie swallowed the lump lodged at the back of her throat. “I don’t know if I could live with him and not be with him, you know what I mean? I can get pretty ugly too when I’m hurt.”

  “You have to tell him about the baby. Start there. But don’t you dare let him plan this whole thing out. Don’t let him take control, because he will, and then he’ll insulate himself from hurt, from any chance of growing to love you again. He did that to me after our parents died. Shut me out in the cold.”

  “What about you? You have this baby, his niece or nephew, don’t you think it’s time for y’all to put aside your resentments too?”

  Dani nodded and shoved back her chair. “Yeah, I do. And I think I’ll start right now.” She got up from the table and headed for the phone.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Cutter needs to know where you are,” Dani said over her shoulder. “It’s a great time for me to give him my news.”

  “Before the guys know?”

  Dani wrinkled her nose. “The guys know. They’re the ones who told me to go get the kit.”

  “How’d they figure it out?”

  “My boobs got tender right away, and when my period didn’t come… Rowe guessed and talked to Justin about it. They thought it was pretty damn funny I was the last to know.”

  “Do you mind my asking…do you know which one’s the father?”

  Dani’s lips twisted into a wry grin. “Well, unless there was a condom malfunction, this baby’s Rowe’s. Justin married me. I promised the first kid would be Rowe’s.”

  Katie raised her eyebrows, impressed by how nonchalantly the threesome treated the issue. “Sounds fair.”

  “Don’t get me wrong. Justin’s jealous, but we’ve figured out productive ways for him to channel it.” She waggled her eyebrows and smiled. “I promise you don’t want to know how.”

  Katie returned her smile then drew a deep breath when Dani pressed a speed dial number.

  “Cutter, it’s Dani. Katie’s over here at the ranch with me, without a car. Can you drop by to pick her up?” She hung up the phone. “I left him a message. Shouldn’t take him too long to check. He’s never without his cell.”

  “Then why didn’t he pick up?”

  “He doesn’t like talking to me. He’s still angry. But he’s about to get over it.”

  Katie felt her stomach tighten at the thought of facing Cutter so soon. “Don’t mention a thing about me. Please. I’d like a little time to think about it, and about what I want.”

  Dani nodded. After that, the women drank their tea in silence, which suited Katie just fine. She had plenty to mull over.

  In the distance a door slammed. “Gawd, this feels like déjà vu,” Dani muttered.

  Heavy footfalls trailed through the house. The kitchen door swung open and Cutter strode inside, his gaze landing on Katie and narrowing before he turned to his sister. “Dani, what’s this all about?”

  Dani’s eyes rounded innocently. “Why’s this thing gotta be about anything? Two girls can’t meet for a gossip?”

  A muscle flexed along the edge of his jaw. “Katie, you ready to go?”

  Katie swung her gaze toward Dani.

  “Not gonna ask what we were talking about?” Dani said slowly, folding her arms over her chest.

  “No.”

  Dani’s chin shot up. “I’m pregnant, Cutter.”

  Cutter’s breath caught and his expression turned darker. “Who’s the daddy? Do you even know?”

  “I’m pretty sure it’s Rowe.”

  His chest rose then he let his breath out. He raked a hand through his hair. Tension eased from his jaw. “You feelin’ all right? Do you need anything?”

  Dani gave him a soft smile. “I need a hug…from my big brother.”

  Cutter’s back stiffened, but Dani’s hopeful expression must have done a number on his stubborn stance. He strode forward and Dani unfolded her arms to slip them around his waist. She hugged Cutter close.

  Katie sighed with relief, glad the two of them were talking now.

  Cutter’s eyes closed for a moment. “I want you happy,” he said, his voice thick. “You know that, right?”

  “I am, Cutter. I swear it.” She eased back in his embrace and stared into his face “But I need you in this baby’s life. Can you do that for me?”

  His expression only slightly less dour, Cutter met her steady gaze. “I don’t know. To be honest, I’m still mad as hell.”

  “Will you try to get over it? We’re all family now.”

  Cutter issued a short, filthy curse, then shook his head. “Jesus, did you have to marry him?”

  “It was the right choice. I know you don’t understand, but you don’t really have to. All I want from you is for you to be there for me and my baby. You’ve got less than nine months to make peace with Justi
n and Rowe. Please try.”

  Cutter didn’t answer, but he kissed her forehead and set her away from him. “I can’t promise I’ll ever be their best buddies. But I won’t take a swing at them.”

  Dani wrinkled her nose at him. “That’s a start. I’d like you to come to dinner here. Bring Katie. I like her.”

  “Katie might be busy,” Cutter said, his tone dead even.

  Katie glanced away. He still meant to keep their relationship compartmentalized. She wasn’t good enough to bring around family.

  Dani gave her a wink. “Well, if you can free some time in your busy schedule, we’d love to have you.”

  Katie nodded, but gathered her purse and headed for the door, Cutter on her heels.

  Minutes later as they pulled out onto the ranch road, which was more of a graveled path, Cutter gave her a glare. “How’d you wind up at Dani’s without your car?”

  “We met in town and started talking,” she said, trying to keep her tone light because she hated lying to him. “She invited me out. I think she’s a little lonely for girl talk.”

  “She made her bed.”

  “Are you happy…about the baby?”

  Cutter’s chest expanded around a deep breath. “She isn’t thinking very far ahead. What happens when the kid goes to school? What happens when they have the next one? Whose name will the children bear?”

  “They have time to work it out.”

  “It’s not fair to the kid.”

  “Maybe people will be more accepting than you think.”

  “In this county? But it’s not my problem. And I’m not going to hold it against the child. He’ll have Standifer blood.”

  “Will you love him?”

  He gave her a quick questioning glance. “You think I’m such a hardass I can’t?”

  She shrugged and looked out the passenger side window. “Just making conversation.”

  “Dani ask you to feel me out?”

  “No, but she does hope you’ll cut her and the fellas some slack—for the sake of the baby and because she misses you.”

  “She say that?”

  Katie shrugged. “She didn’t have to.”

  “I’m through talking about her. You’re coming home with me.”