“What are you doing here, Casper?”
“What do you mean what am I doing here? I was worried about you, Alex.”
“We broke up Casper. Worrying about me is no longer your problem.”
“Alex, we had a fight, but we didn’t break up.”
She crossed her arms, staring at me with her dark green eyes. “So I should add delusional along with stalker to the list of reasons.” I scrunched my brow in confusion. “Read my lips Casper. We. Broke. Up. It’s over.”
“No, I won’t accept that. You’re not going to break up with me over something stupid. Just because you couldn’t get your way.”
“Well accept it. I’m tired of you dragging me down. You’re the one who’s poison, Casper. Now get off my property before I call the cops.”
I grabbed her arms pulling her close to my chest before she could walk away. She struggled against me. I smashed my lips into hers hoping to convince her of the mistake she was making. For a second I thought I had her. I could feel it. The way her body molded with mine. The way her lips moved in connection with my own. But it wasn’t enough. She was stronger and broke away. She smacked me…again, but I barely flinched. Then, thrusting her hands out, she shoved, hard on my chest. “I hate you!” she cried. “Leave. Now. I mean it Casper. It’s. Over.”
“No.”
“You don’t get a choice here.”
“Like hell I don’t.” A car pulled up behind me, blinding me with its light. I made the mistake of turning to see who it was. Alex took off for the door. “Alex!” I started after her.
“Casper, don’t,” Colton yelled, getting out of the car. I ignored him and went after Alex. He caught me by the back of my jacket. I wrestled my way out of it. Alex was at the top of the stairs. She looked over her shoulder when she heard the door and took off.
“Alex, wait!” I pounded and kicked on the door. “Alex!” I cried.
“Casper,” Colton warned. I glared at him over my shoulder and returned to pleading with Alex to open the door. I felt a hand on my shoulder and flipped, knocking Colton back. Colton attacked, shoving me up against the wall. “Enough!” he yelled. “You need to calm down. Now go home.” I went to argue, but he slammed my back into the wall again. “Don’t piss me off. Cool your shit and go home. Don’t make me tell you again.” I shook him off and took a step away. Declan was standing in the hallway with my jacket. The look on her face was part fear and part sadness. I took the jacket and walked out.
The next few days were torture. I gave Alex her space. I allowed her time to realize what she was doing was a mistake. I ate lunch off campus so she wouldn’t feel trapped. I avoided the bar and made sure I arrived at the last minute for the class we shared, sitting in the back, but most of the time I spent the entire hour watching Alex. I knew she could feel me staring at her. Her head would tilt to the side and her eyes would glance over her shoulder. Every time she caught me she would narrow her eyes and turn back to the front, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.
Not being able to take it anymore. I decided I was not going to let her walk away from me again. I started packing up my things before class was even over. I made a mad dash in her direction, zigzagging through people, almost knocking a few over. I managed to catch up to her outside, jumping in front of her. “Jesus.” She clenched her fist over her chest. “You scared me.”
“Sorry. Can we talk?”
Her eyes instantly narrowed. “We have nothing to talk about.” I blocked her path. She let out an exasperated sigh. “Move Casper, I don’t have time for this. You’re going to make me late.”
“Late for lunch?” I asked, raising a brow.
“No,” she snapped, caught off guard. She knew I knew her schedule so she couldn’t lie her way out of this, but obviously she thought she’d try. “I’m…meeting someone,” she stuttered.
“You’re meeting someone? Who?”
“That’s none of your business.”
She tried to sidestep me, but I got in her way. “Like hell it isn’t,” I crossed my arms over my chest showing I meant business.
“No, it’s not. We’re not together anymore. So what I do from now on has nothing to do with you. You need to get that through your thick head, Casper.”
“I understand if you need more time.”
“You just don’t get it, do you? I don’t need time to cool down, or think it over. This is it. The end. I’m done. There is no more you and me.”
“Alex, please don’t say that.”
“Excuse me, I’m going to be late.” She just left. Left me standing there with my chest ripped open and my heart bleeding.
I didn’t panic. Not right away. When I got home I went straight to my room, but all it did was remind me of Alex. I stared at the bed where we spent countless nights and the pictures on the wall of our time together. I tore off the comforter and sheets then I went for the pictures, smashing every frame into a million pieces. I ripped my room apart top to bottom, smashing anything in my path. She told me she was meeting someone. She moved on already. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. How could she do this to me? Colton and Greyson rushed into the room to see what all the noise was about.
“Dude, what the fuck?” Greyson said, eyeing the destroyed room. “Did you lose something?” I tried to take a breath but it hurt so badly. I thought my chest was going to explode. I felt my knees buckle. My muscles could no longer hold me up and I fell, hard, to my knees. I buried my face in my heads and cried.
“Cas?” Colton said softly.
“It’s over. She wants nothing to do with me.” I never cried so much in my life. I never cried that it hurt the more I cried. I whaled like a baby. It was like an ocean of tears that wouldn’t stop.
I passed out sometime around one, whether it was exhaustion or just pure numbness, I didn’t know. Greyson suggested an all-night bender to get my mind off of everything, but I said no. I just wanted to be alone and I never felt so alone in my life.
When I woke up there was a pain in my chest that weighed heavily on my heart. I rubbed my hand over the heart tattoo, thinking it would ease the pain, but it just made it worse. My eyes roamed the disaster that was my room. The last thing I wanted to do was clean up this mess but I couldn’t leave it like this. There was glass everywhere, splintered wood from the closet door I broke, again, shredded pieces of Alex’s clothes that she left behind. All a constant reminder of what I no longer had. Colton knocked lightly on the door before poking his head. “Hey, you’re awake.”
“Yeah,” I said, scratching the back of my head.
He was holding a broom, dustpan, and some trash bags. “I thought I’d help you clean up this mess.”
“Thanks man.” He threw me the roll of trash bags. What clothes of Alex’s that survived the attack, I placed neatly on the bed. Then I started to collect all the broken glass. “Ugh, may I make a suggestion?” Colton asked, standing in front of the closet. I looked up. “Maybe you should just not have a closet door. Might save you from having to replace it all the time.” He placed the larger pieces against the wall and carried the small ones out to the dumpster while I picked up everything off the floor. It only took us about an hour to clean everything up. I looked at the pile of clothes on the bed.
“I can give them to Declan.”
“Yeah…I think, I think I need to get out of here for a while.”
“Where ever you want to go. Just let me know.”
“No, I mean away. And I need to go on my own.”
“Cas,” he said with a little concern in his voice.
“I’ll be fine. I promise.” I grabbed my jacket and keys and took off.
Chapter 24
Alexis
“Here, Colton dropped these off,” Declan said, laying a pile of clothes on my bed.
“What are those?” I asked a little confused.
She looked almost like she didn’t want to tell me. “Clothes you left at Casper’s.”
I sucked in a breath. On
top was also a pile of pictures. “He returned my stuff?” Declan said nothing. She just stood there looking nervously, like I might snap at any second. I picked up the pile of clothes and threw them in the hamper. Then I took the pictures and threw them in the trash can without even looking at them.
“Alex, maybe you should talk to him.”
“There’s nothing left to say, Declan.” She nodded and left my room. I crawled back into bed and pulled the covers up tight until I had to work.
For the next week I threw myself into work and school to keep my mind at ease. I hadn’t seen Casper at all and surprisingly that felt worse than seeing him. I lied when I told him I was meeting someone. I knew he wouldn’t leave me alone so I thought if I put it in his head the prospect of me seeing someone, he would get the hint and leave me alone. Unfortunately it worked a little too well. I never wanted him to disappear, but I also didn’t want to see him. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I wanted. It was inevitable. I knew from the start it would be only a matter of time before Casper and I broke up. I took a chance and got burned. I was just glad I never fully opened my heart to him or this might be a totally different story.
I busted my butt all week studying for finals. With my nose in a book I had no time to worry about where Casper was or what or should I say who he was doing. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that Jack was gonna call within the next week or so and we all as a family were going to visit mom. I wished I could tell her what I found out about the case, but I no longer had the files and without those I was afraid I was at a loss. I never bothered to replace my phone. I knew if anyone needed to get a hold of me they knew where to find me. I also didn’t want to risk any calls from Casper.
After our first final, Declan and I headed to one of the diners downtown to grab brunch. “How you think you did?” she asked, pouring about a pound of sugar into her coffee.
“Nailed it. You?”
She shrugged. “I wish I had the same confidence you did.”
“I’m sure you did fine.” I felt a strange flutter in my stomach. The door chimed as more people entered. I looked over my shoulder. My stomach dropped to the floor. His stormy eyes met mine with a half-hearted smile. I looked away and glared at Declan. “Did you know he was going to be here?”
She looked up from her coffee mug and her smile fell. “No, I didn’t.” Colton walked over to the table and gave Declan a kiss on the cheek while she slid over to give him room. Casper stood anxiously by the end of the table. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“Hey,” he said. I ignored him. “I’m gonna grab a table,” he said to Colton. His eyes shifted to mine one more time before he walked away. I let out the breath I didn’t even know I was holding.
“Sorry Alex. He told me he was going to be good,” Colton said, fidgeting in his seat.
“It’s fine. We’re gonna run into each from time to time, so…,” I shrugged, trying for nonchalant. But really all I wanted was for him to touch me. Caress my skin the way he did that made me feel loved. Or hold me in his arms and make me feel safe. My body always reacted instantly when he was around and I hated myself for that. Traitorous body.
After plans were made, Colton joined Casper at their table. I didn’t dare spare him a glance. I only finished half my food. Knowing Casper was so close was doing crazy things to my brain and body and I no longer felt comfortable in his presence. “Are you okay?” Declan asked concerned.
“Yeah, I just think I’m nervous about tomorrow’s test.” Declan knew I was lying, but didn’t push the issue. Instead she finished her coffee and paid the check. I risked a peek on the way out and instantly regretted it. He spotted me, giving me another slight smile. I chastised myself and stormed out of the diner.
I spent all night tossing and turning. I couldn’t stop thinking about Casper. His image was implanted in my brain and I cursed him for coming into my life. For pretending he could be someone different than who he was. It was better this way, I told myself. I knew it. I just wished my heart would catch up to my head.
I arrived at class a few minutes early. I took out my implements and prepared myself for the test. I dug through the bottom of my bag in search of a pencil but all I managed to find was the bottom of the bag. How could I not have any pencils? I had a whole pack yesterday. Jaxson, I grunted. “Shit.”
He stopped by yesterday to get some peace and quiet to study. Apparently Jasper had some friends over and they were being too loud. Jaxson asked if I had any extra pencils and I told him they were in my bag. I should have known he would take the whole thing. I was just about to take out my phone and bitch at him when I remembered, oh yeah, I never got a new one. I knew I would have to replace it eventually so I put it on my list of things to do today.
I looked around the room for someone who could offer me an extra when one appeared over my shoulder. I flinched when his hand brushed my skin. “Sorry,” he said. “I just had a feeling you would need this.”
“Thanks,” I said, facing the front.
“Alex?” I closed my eyes and took a breath. Now was not the time. I couldn’t deal with this right now. “I just wanted to let you know I won’t bother you anymore.” I glanced over my shoulder. “So you don’t have to worry about trying to avoid me. There’s no reason this has to be like this. We were friends once before. I’m sure over time we could be again.”
“Yeah, ‘cause that worked out so well last time.”
I saw the slightest twitch of his lips. He leaned in a little closer. “When you’re ready, let me know, but it’s up to you. And if you decide you don’t want to be friends then I’m okay with that too.”
I narrowed my eyes slightly. I didn’t quite buy this act. Something wasn’t adding up and I wondered what his real motives were. “What do you get out of this? This just seems like another one of your games.”
“It’s not,” he said sincerely. “I lose either way Alex. I just want you to be happy, that’s all.”
I turned back around not able to face him anymore. The professor arrived and distributed the test. My head was all a jumbled mess from what Casper had said. He wanted to be friends. Was that even possible? He said he lost either way. And what did that mean? I growled in frustration. I was going to fail if I couldn’t concentrate. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, refocusing my attention on the papers in front of me.
I got halfway through the test when I started to get a cramp in my side. I clutched my stomach. Something felt off. I ignored it and continued writing. The pain in my stomach started to grow, becoming almost unbearable. I wrapped my arm around my belly. The pain rolled in my stomach like waves. I only felt this way a few times before. Panic surged through me. I let out a small gasp, gripping my side. Casper jumped the seat and landed in front of me. “Alex, are you okay?”
A stabbing pain shot through my entire body. I let out a cry catching the attention of the professor and the rest of my classmates. “Alex, what’s wrong?” Casper asked as the professor walked over.
“Miss Radcliff, is everything okay?”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t…Jaxson. Something’s wrong.”
“Jaxson?” Casper asked, confused.
“Would you like me to call someone?” the professor asked. I shook my head and grabbed my stuff, running out of the classroom. Casper chased after me.
“Alex, what’s going on?”
“I don’t know, but something is wrong. I can feel it.”
“What do you mean?” he looked at me like I was nuts.
“I always know when something is wrong with Jaxson. When he’s hurt or in pain.” When he raised a brow all I said was, “It’s a twin thing.” He just nodded and followed me outside. I was about to ask Casper for his phone to call Jaxson when I spotted a familiar figure across the quad. “Jaxson!” I yelled, taking off in a mad dash to get to him.
He met me halfway. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. I have no idea. Jasper called me and told me to meet him
out here. I wanted to call you but couldn’t.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m getting a new phone today.” Jaxson nodded at Casper and then looked back at me. “Jaxson, I feel it. Something’s not right. At first I thought something was wrong with you, but then…” I trailed off, thinking the worst.
“I know. I feel it too,” he said, wrapping an arm around me to steady me. Not two minutes later I heard the rumble of Jasper’s truck. None of us moved as we watched Jasper climb out of the truck. It was like watching a scene in slow motion as he approached us. I froze. As Jasper got closer I could feel everything in me start to break down. My whole body was losing a fight to keep myself standing. I gripped Jaxson tighter and when I looked up to the approaching Jasper I could see that he was crying.
“No,” I shook my head. “No.” I pulled away from Jaxson.
“Alex?” He looked at me, a strange look plagued his face. “Alex?” He turned his attention to Jasper who was now in front of us. “Jasper, what’s going on?”
Jasper looked at me and I knew the next word out of his mouth would destroy my whole world. “Jack,” he swallowed.
“No,” I shook my head. My whole body started shaking uncontrollably.
“What?” Jaxson asked, tears already streaming down his face.
“Jack’s,” Jasper whispered, unable to get the words out. He broke down, crying hysterically.
“No, no, no.” I pounded Jasper’s chest, letting out a cry and before I knew it my knees buckled before me and I was on the ground. My face buried in my hands. I felt sick to my stomach. Jaxson collapsed next to me, squeezing me so tight I thought I would suffocate. My entire world just came to a crashing halt. Everything around ceased to exit. There was nothing but my tears and pain. I dreaded this every day since Jack told us he joined the marines. And now my worst nightmare had come true. I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know how to function. I just cried and cried while my brothers cradled me on the grass. The aching loss was like nothing I had ever felt. The next few hours were a blur. I heard mumbles and screams, but I didn’t know if they were mine or someone else’s. I was barely coherent when Declan came rushing out of the building and fell down to the ground next to us.
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