500 Days

by Jessica Miller

  I grabbed my keys and took off. My mom was already there to help set everything up and Declan said she would be by later with Colton. I was on my own.

  As soon as I arrived I headed straight for the keg and the Jell-O shots. “You okay?” Jaxson asked, eyeing me.

  “I’m fucking fine, god, I wish everyone would stop asking me that.”

  “I’m not just anyone Alex. I’m your brother, your twin. So don’t feed me that bullshit of being fine.”

  “What the hell do you want from me?”

  He stepped closer, getting in my face. “For you to be honest with yourself.”

  “Alex, hey, you’re looking good,” Trey, one of Jasper’s co-workers said.

  I stepped away from Jaxson. “Hey Trey, you’re not looking too bad yourself.”

  Trey was shoved into the fridge by a large tattooed arm. “No,” Jasper growled. Trey put his hands up and walked away. I rolled my eyes and left the boys in the kitchen, not wanting to let them ruin my night.

  I spent most of my time on the couch, avoiding Declan and my brothers. My mom was busy entertaining the boys’ friends. Just before nine, I made my way into Jack’s room. I wished Jasper had put a lock on the door. I didn’t want anyone to stumble in here. I walked around the room, trailing my fingers lightly over his things. Everything was still as it was. I sat down on the bed and lay back. I pulled the covers over me and up to my nose, inhaling what was left of Jack’s scent. I closed my eyes and Jack’s message flashed into my head. It was like I was reliving it all over again. There it was, everything he said in vivid color and surround sound.

  “Don’t make the same mistake I did Alex…Let your walls down…Don’t be afraid to give away your heart.”

  I sat up throwing the covers aside. “Damn you Jack. Why did you have to get in my head like this?” I shook my head, laughing. I was either drunker than I thought I was or truly losing it. A moment later the door swung open and in stepped the first man I ever gave myself to, to only have him stomp on it.

  “Alex, I’m sorry. I didn’t know anyone was in here. Jasper told me I could put my jacket in here, but I’ll leave if you want me to,” he shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

  I stood up and walked straight for him, pushing the door closed behind him and backing him up against the wall. I reached around his neck and pulled his lips to mine. I could feel his surprise when I slipped my tongue inside his mouth. It didn’t take him long before his hands were moving down my hips and around to my back side. He squeezed and pulled me closer and all I felt was nothing. I pulled back, smiling. “Happy New Year, Colby.”

  “It is now,” he said, giving me his movie star smile. He bent down ready for round two, but I pulled back.

  “No, Colby.” He scrunched his brow in confusion. I reached around him and turned the knob on the door and pulled it ajar. “Thank you, for showing me what I really want.” I walked around him and out the door. I didn’t know if it was the flashbacks, or Jack’s constant whispers in my ear, but something finally changed. The second I kissed Colby I knew deep down, where my heart always belonged. I didn’t know why I needed to kiss Colby to tell me that, but I’m glad I did. I ran down the hall, grabbing my keys and jacket.

  “Whoa, where are you going?” Jaxson said, stopping me.

  “Jaxson, I have somewhere I need to be.”

  “Alex, you’re not driving.” He swiped my keys from my hand.

  “Jaxson, I don’t have time for this.”

  “What’s going on?” Declan asked, coming up behind me.

  “I need to go but Jaxson won’t give me my keys,” I growled, reaching out for them.

  “You’re in no condition to drive,” he said, tossing my keys at Jasper who overheard our conversation.

  I threw my hands up in frustration and turned to Declan. “Can you take me to the train station?” I asked, desperate.

  “To the train station? Why do you…” her voice dropped off. “For real? You’re going to tell him?”

  I nodded. “Yes, but if we don’t get going I’m never going to make it in time.”

  Declan grabbed Colton. “Babe, we’re going to New York,” she said, dragging him out the door.

  “Declan, no,” I called after her. I caught up with them outside. “Declan, there is no sense in ruining your night. Just drop me off and I promise I’ll call you when I get there.”

  “First off, you’ll never make it there in time by train. And second, there is no way I’m going to let my best friend be alone in New York in that crazy-ass crowd all by herself. We’re driving you, end of story.”

  “Are you sure?” I looked over at poor Colton who was volunteered against his will to go along.

  “I’m always up for an adventure,” he smiled. “C’mon,” he tapped the hood. “Your prince charming is waiting.” I stifled an eye roll and jogged to the car with Declan. I barely got my seatbelt on before Colton stepped on the gas.

  Declan turned around in her seat, grinning from ear to ear. “What changed your mind?”

  I smiled softly, looking into her big blue eyes. “Jack,” I sighed. She reached out for my hand.

  My stomach was in knots the entire drive there. Several times I wanted to say ‘take me back, I changed my mind’, but the little voice in the back of my head kept telling me to keep going. Declan kept yelling at Colton to hurry up. “I’m going as fast as I can. Getting pulled over will not help us get there any faster.” The long ride there had my head twirling with all kinds of thoughts. What if he wasn’t there? What if he changed his mind? What if I couldn’t find him and I blew my chance? And the biggest question of all; is all this worth it?

  Yes. Casper was worth it. I felt it in every bone in my body. He was the one I wanted. The only one I wanted. I always knew it, but fought it with everything I had. I didn’t want to love. I didn’t want to give my heart to someone who would end up crushing my very essence and soul, but Casper already owned them. He took possession a long time ago and kept them locked up in a precious chest safely. Keeping them tucked away until I was ready to let him completely have me. I was ready. I had never been so ready in my life. I wanted him to consume me. To take every piece of me and make me his now and forever.

  I gripped the door handle as we crept closer to New York. We were inside the Lincoln Tunnel. The pressure was getting to me and I felt like the walls were closing in. I put my head between my legs trying to breathe. “Are you okay back there?” Declan asked.

  “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. Maybe we should go back,” I said, letting my nerves get the best of me.

  “Alex, look at me,” Declan demanded.

  I peered up at her from my slouched position in the backseat. “Do you love Casper?” I nodded. “No, I want to hear you say it.”

  “I love…Casper.” I sat up taller. Her eyes started to glow and her grin widened as she giggled. I looked at her funny.

  “That’s the first time you admitted it.”

  “I love Casper,” I said again, stronger.

  “Then we’re going to find him,” she said with determination.

  We were out of the tunnel now but slowing down. Traffic was horrific and at this point I might not ever make it. Over two hours spent in the car with these two and now we were stuck in traffic. I looked at my cell phone. It was eleven thirty. I had half an hour to find him and tell him I loved him before I lost him forever. Thirty minutes just didn’t seem like enough time. We were ten minutes away from Port Authority which was only a few blocks from Time Square which would also be crowded with millions of people.

  “Did you try calling him?” Declan asked, looking as panicked as I did.

  “It keeps going straight to voicemail.” The car was now moving at a slow creep and with bumper to bumper traffic there was no way we were going to make it in time. I made the decision to run. When the car came to a stop, I opened the door, and jumped out.

  “Whoa! Where the hell are you going?” Declan cried out the window.

  I slamm
ed the door and turned to her quickly. “The bus station is right there and it’s only a few blocks that way where I have to be. It’s the only way I’m going to make it. I have to run Declan.”

  “Okay,” she nodded. “As soon as we find a place to park we’ll come find you. Good luck.”

  “Thank you,” I said, kissing her cheek. “And not just for tonight for –”

  “Thank me later.”

  “Right.” And with that I was off, sprinting down the street and dodging cars and people. This place was a mess and I was scared I would never find him. I tried calling him again, but even if he did pick up I wouldn’t be able to hear him in this roaring crowd.

  I was only a few blocks away from my destination but the mass of people was slowing down my pace. I fought my way through, pissing people off left and right. The tower was now in view and the clock said I had fifteen minutes before midnight. I wasn’t going to make it. I was never going to find him. I refused to give up. I cupped my hands over my mouth and started shouting his name. “Casper!”

  People looked at me like I was nuts. I kept shouting his name as I tore through the crowd hoping that he somehow heard me. “Casper!” My voice was only a tiny echo of the noise around me. I looked at the clock. I had ten minutes until midnight. My pulse was pounding and my heart was thumping so loud in my chest I thought it would burst out any second. “Casper!”

  I thought I saw a familiar Mo-hawk. “Casper!” I cried again. The Mo-hawk tilted to the side and his body shifted enough that I could see a slight profile. It was him! I knew it was. “Please, I need to get through,” I begged as the people huddled closer together.

  I looked up to see Casper moving. Had he given up already? Was he leaving? I was getting desperate. “Please, move out of my way!” No one budged. I was ready to take down everyone in my way. “Look, I have less than five minutes to get to that man up there and tell him I love him before he walks out of my life and I never see him again.” An older women and her husband looked at me and smiled, leaving room for me to pass. “Thank you.”

  “Well you heard the lady. Move out of her way,” the woman shouted, ushering me on. Soon there was a small path that opened up.

  “Casper!” I yelled, hoping he somehow heard me. The woman and man followed me, making sure people cleared the way.

  “What does he look like, sweetheart?” the woman asked.

  “Him, right over there!” I pointed in the direction of Casper’s retreating back. “I’m never going to get to him.” The crowd no longer moved now the countdown was nearing. The woman’s husband turned over a trash can and jumped on top of it.

  “What’s his name?” he asked me.

  “Casper.”

  He cupped his mouth as I had and started shouting. “Casper! Casper!” Everyone turned around to see the spectacle. A cop noticed the man on the trash can and tried to get through the crowd to get him to get down. No one would let the cop through.

  “Casper!” I cried again and again. Waving my arms in the air, praying he could see me. The more I tried the further he got away. The cop managed to get through the crowd and pull the man down. I was getting desperate. I had barely five minutes left. The cop had a megaphone attached to his belt and was currently distracted by the man who was trying to help me. I slipped through and easily detached the megaphone, making a run for it.

  Trying to figure out how to work the megaphone, it let out a loud squeal causing everyone to flinch and cover their ears. “Sorry,” I cringed, staring at a hundred annoyed faces.

  “Here honey,” the kind woman who had been helping me said. She showed me the right button to push.

  “Uh, Casper?” My voice boomed on top of the crowd and suddenly I felt nervous. “Casper, where are you?” My amplified voice brought the attention of the officer who just now noticed his megaphone was missing. I shrieked and ducked down. Shit. Now what? I looked around at the people who circled me, feeling a thousand eyes judging me. A man in a military uniform reached out his hand to me.

  “You look like you need some help,” he offered. I hesitantly took it and he pulled me to my feet. He reminded me so much of Jack it took me a second to find my bearings. Forgetting I was wearing them, the marine lifted Jack’s tags.

  “My brother,” I said, my lips trembling. He nodded with respect and whistled with his fingers in his mouth. Four more marines moved through the crowd.

  “Men, this young woman needs our help. Form a circle around her.”

  “Yes sir,” they saluted and did what he said, no questions asked.

  He turned back to me. “I believe you need to tell someone you love them,” he gestured to the megaphone.

  “But how’d you?”

  “Seen enough movies, read enough books, you tend to pick up on a few things.” I looked at him quizzically. “Four sisters,” he smiled.

  I laughed. “Four brothers.”

  “I knew there was reason I needed to help you. My sisters would love to hear I was the hero for once.”

  I tugged on his uniform. “To them, you already are.”

  He smiled, blushing and gave me a slight nod. “Allow me.” he bent down, lifting me off the ground in one swift movement and hoisted me on to his shoulder.

  “Casper! Casper if you’re still here. I love you!” The knot in stomach began to slither, making its way up my throat threating to project out. I can’t believe I just confessed my love to a man in front of all these people. The second I uttered the words the crowd around me fell silent and the officer stopped trying to get through the marines to get his megaphone back.

  I closed my eyes and swallowed back the bile. “Casper, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never told you before, but I was scared. Scared if once I finally gave you my heart there was no way I could survive if something happened. You’re the only one I want, Casper, and if I’m not too late I officially give you me. All of me. My whole heart, body and soul. It’s all yours, it always had been. I love you and if you still love me, I’ll be right here, waiting for you.” I turned off the megaphone and handed it back to the cop and waited.

  All eyes were on me as the fate of my relationship hung in the balance. I was beginning to get sick again. Thinking I was too late. That maybe I missed him. I was about to ask the marine to put me down when I heard my name faintly in the distance. My head shot up and there it was again. “Alex!” I searched the crowd but I couldn’t pick out one person from the next in this mess.

  Then I saw a hand shoot up and a split in the masses. “There, he’s over there!” I cried, pointing. “Casper!”

  “Alex!” He was so close but still out of reach.

  “Down, I need to get down.” The marine put me down, but kept a protective arm around me and in front of me as he helped me clear a path. “Casper!” I shouted, jumping in the air. I could see him working his way through the crowd trying his hardest to get to me. When he finally broke free to the surface I took off, diving in to his arms. He lifted me off the ground slamming his lips into mine. The people around us cheered, making me blush.

  “I love you, Casper.”

  He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “I always loved you, Alex. From the very beginning, it was always you. I never wanted anyone else.”

  I ran my hand across his flushed cheek. “I just confessed my love for you in front of thousands of people, on loud speaker. You owe me,” I teased.

  He put me down steadily on my feet. “Actually,” he gestured behind him. “Millions.” I turned around to find our faces plastered on a big-screen TV in the middle of Times Square.

  “Oh God,” I groaned, burying my head on his chest. “This is like something out of those stupid cheesy romance novels Declan reads. She is going to eat all this up.”

  He pulled my chin up to look at him. “In these books, does the guy get the girl of his dreams?”

  “Always,” I smiled, reaching up on my tip toes, pulling him closer by the lapels on his jacket.

  He paused just inches from my lips. “You su
re you want to do this with all these people watching?” I sunk back down, to spy strangers watching us with goofy grins and twinkling eyes, the rest of the crowd was busy counting down the seconds until midnight.

  I turned back to Casper who never looked so happy in his life. “Let’s make’em wish they are half as lucky as us.” I gave him a sexy smile.

  He slipped his arms around my waist and dipped me back, surprising me. I swung my arms around his neck. “Might as well put on a show,” he smiled wickedly. I yanked his lips to mine just as the clock struck midnight. The crowd around us exploded. Fireworks filled the clear night sky, decorating it with a whirl of colors. My chest swelled with warmth despite the cold air. There was nothing but Casper and I. The world around me disappeared and the only thing I felt was the full force of his love.

  “Alex!” I heard a familiar voice shout.

  Casper pulled back, placing his forehead to mine. “It’s just you and me now.”

  “Always and forever,” I whispered. He kissed me sweetly before setting me straight.

  “Alex!” I heard again and turned to see Declan and Colton rushing up to us. I reached out an arm and tugged her closer to me. “Oh thank god you found him. I was so worried you weren’t going to make it in time or we would never find you in all this chaos.” I hugged her tight.

  “Thank you for being you,” I said.

  “Happy New Year,” Colton said, hugging us both before he gave Casper a fist pump. Casper pushed him playfully before pulling him in for a hug.

  “Okay, I hate to break up this beautiful reunion, but I’m freakin’ freezing,” Declan whined.