Limelight (NSB Book 4)

by Alyson Santos

  To dance with fate

  Who lived afraid of himself

  That’s love in a city of demons

  A pity they never saw you coming”

  My gaze pulls away to rest on the box where my brother should be standing. I know he’s not in there because he’s so firmly lodged in my heart.

  “Rewind back to the day

  A superhero roared

  It’s okay

  To fly, to dream, to spread broken wings

  To scale a mountain in spite of it all”

  At this point I doubt anyone else can understand the lyrics. They blast in my head, though, so I know Parker hears them. He’s even singing along, smiling because for the first time, I controlled the music. Instead of running, I dug in to face the greatest pain of my life and transform the mother of all demons into beauty.

  “Brother, he said.

  I’ll catch you when you fall.”

  ∞∞∞

  Silence. No not silence. The whisper of sniffs and tissues spreads over the room as I stand immobile in front of the mic.

  I have nothing else to give, but I can’t bear the thought of ending my last conversation with Parker. My guitar hangs heavy on my shoulder. My pick—I don’t know what happened to that.

  This end, it’s unsatisfying. Is it an end? A beginning? Both? What the hell is my life without him?

  My father’s sudden request to say a few words startles me from my daze. Startles everyone as a murmur filters over the rows of guests.

  He approaches with somber, but sure strides. His hands grip my guitar and help lift it over my head. I watch as he places it on the stand with reverence before straightening in front of the mic.

  “Some of you know, I stand here today as an intruder.” His gaze flickers to me. “My name is Jonas Everett and I’m responsible for the conception of Parker and Jesse, but little else. Parker was the man he was despite me, not because of me.”

  Tears well in his tired eyes, bringing a burn to mine. He clears his throat. “I’ve thanked God every day since these boys let me back in their lives. I didn’t deserve another chance, but Parker was the kind of man who believed enough to support those who didn’t. Parker forgave when others forgot.”

  His eyes find me again, and I draw in a ragged breath. “My time with Parker got cut short. It crushes me to know I’ve only returned a fraction of what I owe him, but I promise you, Jesse, I will pour my heart and soul into being the father I should have been when you needed one.

  “You may not recognize it yet, but Parker lives on in you. He was so proud of you. He believed in you and the man he knew you were becoming. He loved you beyond words, just as I do, and I swear I will fight for you until it’s me in that casket.”

  My cheeks sting with tears as the man I no longer hate, the man I might need if any of his words are true, moves toward me. His arms reach out, and I fall into them freely. For the first time in my life, I believe him.

  I believe Jonas Everett’s promise.

  How can I lose a brother and gain a father on the same day? My heart explodes.

  “I love you,” he says for my ears only. “We’re going to make him proud.”

  ∞∞∞

  With reverent silence, the guests clear to a reception upstairs until only two remain.

  Two. The strange number that involves Jonas Everett. It’s become common lately.

  An obscene flower arrangement cascades over the coffin as we stare in silence. The arm that slips around my shoulders is heavier than normal, and the weight I’ve been fighting so hard to sustain today crashes down around me. Crushes me. Pushes me to my knees and forces my face against the box in an avalanche of grief.

  Dad drops beside me and wraps me in his arms.

  I don’t know how long we stay like that. Seconds, minutes, days? But with each release of painful tears, I feel lighter. Like maybe I’ll find the strength to stand again. To walk from this room and leave that box behind.

  I reach up and grip the smooth metal with two hands, my forehead resting between them. It feels wrong and so necessary at the same time. I clench my eyes shut and absorb my brother’s cold death into me.

  “I swear to you, too,” I whisper, voice as broken and strong as my heart. “I’ll kick life’s ass for both of us, brother.”

  29: STEPS AND LEAPS

  If ever there’s a time to have a tough, take-no-prisoners woman beside you, it’s when you lose your brother and need someone to keep your life running.

  While I grieve and stare at shit on my ceiling, Mila bustles around on her phone, maintaining and building a life we can go back to. She becomes the spokesperson for the band, the visionary, the advocate, the negotiator, and the planner. Even Parker would approve of her performance, especially the way she manages me by refusing to let me follow him into the darkness.

  “Grieve, don’t get lost,” she says when I hide in my head for too long.

  “I’m releasing the footage from Smother tonight.” She pushes me over so she can join me on the bed with her laptop. “All anyone wants to talk about is Parker, but it’s time for that to be a private conversation for you. We need everyone else focused on the future.”

  I nod and blink up at the blue swirls above us. “What is our future?”

  A sharp glance cuts over to me, but she softens at my sincerity. “You told me yourself, you’re kicking the world’s arse, right? So that’s what we do. The best way to honor Parker is to make Limelight the legacy he always wanted.”

  She taps industrious keys in the silence.

  Tap. Tap. Tap.

  The sound of my future.

  The sound of a woman who loves me for reasons I still don’t understand.

  Not so long ago I wanted to murder this woman. Now I’d murder for her. How have I come to need the two people I hated most in this world in order to survive the loss of the one I can’t live without?

  “I don’t know if I can do this, Mila. What if I can’t?”

  Her busy cadence stops, and I look up to meet gentle love.

  She closes the laptop, slides down to the sheets, and slips her arm over my stomach. I cover her hand and hold on.

  “I’m here for the long run, Jess,” she whispers. “You can because I’m not letting you go.”

  I blink away tears and secure her fingers to my lips.

  ∞∞∞

  A week later, I’m ready to brave the public again. Luke is my first call, and the selfless man drops everything to take me to lunch. He never mentions what he’s sacrificing to be here, and I don’t ask. I’m just grateful for his confident, calming presence.

  “It’s some rough shit, Jesse. How are you holding up?”

  I shrug and fidget with the straw in my glass. “Not sure I am. Mila’s holding my universe together.”

  “But it’s being held. That’s a big step for you.”

  Damn. Yeah.

  I still haven’t run.

  I’m still living, fighting.

  Look at Jesse Everett facing the greatest pain of his life stone-cold sober.

  The slightest of smiles flickers over my lips.

  I’m doing it, Park.

  “Yeah, I guess it is.”

  He smiles back. “It was a great service, man. That song for Parker was extraordinary. Holland was a mess afterwards. You should consider releasing it.”

  “Thanks.” I swallow the sudden surge of emotion. “How’s everything with you?”

  “Good. We’re working on a world tour.”

  “Yeah? When?”

  “Late fall.”

  “Wow.” I let out a laugh.

  “What’s so funny?”

  I shake my head and lean back. “Nothing. Just that a few months ago, I was convinced that was impossible for me. And honestly it probably was.”

  “And now?”

  I meet his thoughtful expression. “I want it, man. I really do. Parker believed we could get there, and I want that for myself as much as for him now.”

  �
��Of course, you can. You just gotta play the long game. Take the small steps, and before you know it, you’ll look back at the mountain you’ve climbed.”

  “You always make things sound easy.”

  “And you know they’re not.” He settles into a serious expression. “How’s your head?”

  I study my fingers as they tap an absent rhythm beside my plate.

  “I don’t know, man. I don’t know much of anything right now except that I have to keep trying. I want to because I have a life out there waiting for me when I get through this.”

  I take a deep breath. “I’m thinking of checking into a program for a few weeks. You know, to deal with the psychological crap and get a foundation. Set myself up for real, you know?”

  I dare a look up and breathe a sigh of relief.

  “I think that’s a great idea. I’ll give you the info on where I did my recovery. It was an incredible place. Life-changing.”

  “Thanks, that’d be great.” I pick at the straw again. “Mila has big plans for us. I need to fix my shit.”

  “You need to learn to manage it. Nothing ever gets fixed.”

  For some reason, I find comfort in that. Attainable goals, that’s what I need. Someone like Luke who’s lived through it, who fights and survives and is willing to drag my needy ass along with him. No wonder the world is in love with this guy.

  “Keep me in the loop,” he says. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Mila has big plans for all of us.”

  ∞∞∞

  Luke was right. With Mila at the helm of our public narrative, everyone wants us. Labels, promoters, every fangirl and her brother. Once the word is out that Limelight isn’t dead, but intent on shining bright for Parker, the requests go viral. Everyone wants in on our story, and Mila convenes almost hourly band meetings to discuss the latest options on the table.

  “First thing’s first,” she says, once it’s obvious we need more than updates; we need decisions. “What are you doing about a lead guitar player?”

  My stomach twists as all eyes rest on me.

  Of course, we have to…

  “We can never replace your brother, Jess,” Mila says gently. “But we can add a new member.”

  I swallow. “Yeah. What about Jay?”

  Reece’s eyes light up. “Oh my god. Of course! We used to play together all the time before he got into the tech side.”

  “He knows all our music. Probably better than we do,” I add.

  Derrick nods with excitement. “Plus he wears suspenders.”

  Also true.

  Satisfied, Mila types something out on her laptop. Click, click, tap, tap. Enter. Back to us. “Okay. I’ll have a word with Jay this afternoon and make an offer. Next discussion: label. At this point, you pretty much have your pick, so you tell me what you want.”

  We exchange long looks, and I warm at the silent agreement extending around the table. It’s been a while since I’ve been so sure about anything. “I say, none. I say we do this our own way.”

  Mila’s gaze jerks from the screen to mine. “What?”

  “No one will do a better job with our future than you. We trust you.”

  “Really? Are you sure?”

  “Positive.”

  “Thank you, that means so much, but I can still look after you as your manager while—”

  “Labels let us down. You haven’t.”

  Her smile is something I won’t forget. I tuck it away for later when we’re alone.

  “Well, okay then. Now we need a studio so we can get you fellas back in the game.”

  I grin and lean forward. “Not a problem. I’ve got that covered too.”

  ∞∞∞

  Dad’s house is nicer than I expected. It’s no castle, by any means, but with four bedrooms, three baths, and a finished basement, it’s obvious he bought it as more than a bachelor pad for a recovering addict.

  He shows us around with pride, explaining his plans for each room, including a lounge for visiting artists and guest rooms for overnight stays when sessions run late.

  The kitchen is fully stocked, and it seems like he’d be offended if we didn’t help ourselves to the snacks and beverages he’s provided. Derrick has no problem diving in. Reece and I grab a bottle of water for the trip downstairs to the studio.

  Even with the warning, I’m not prepared for it. The scene at the bottom of the steps is straight out of any small, modern studio I’ve visited. The space is bright and clean, with glass and hardwood everywhere. Recessed lighting makes it shine, and when he leads us through the glass door, I instantly fall in love with the acoustics. From Jay’s expression, he’s rabid to play on this side of the window again. A control room looks on from the other side, and even from this distance I suspect it’s a producer’s wet dream.

  “Wow,” I mutter.

  Mila smiles. Reece and Jay visually inspect every crevice in awe, and Derrick does his dolphin-seal dance. Yep, this is the place for our new beginning.

  “Your studio time is free, of course. I’ll deduct extras from what I owe you by submitting a weekly invoice for your review,” Dad says.

  Mila extends her hand. “Thank you. We agree to those terms.”

  Dad takes it, his expression brighter than I’ve ever seen it. “Excellent. Come, I’ll show you the control room.”

  Sure enough, the engineer and producer’s lair make the studio look mediocre. Two giant screens hang on a wall and display massive grids of tracks piled on top of each other in the recording software. It’s so impressive, I can’t wait to play with the production side of things.

  “Wow, this is sick,” Jay mumbles. His eyes are huge as he takes in the room like a starving cheetah at a steak buffet.

  Dad crosses his arms, beaming. “Thanks. I’m hoping we can work together on the mix and production.”

  Jay looks ready to wet his pants. “Seriously?”

  “Absolutely.” He clears his throat. “Well, this is it. You want to give it a shot?”

  “For sure,” I say, warm, driven, excited for the first time in a long time.

  “Great. What are we starting with?”

  Our eyes lock. Producer and artists. Hope and second chances.

  Father and son.

  “‘Philadelphia.’”

  ∞∞∞

  “Oh my god!” Mila rarely loses her cool, so when she bursts into the control room and interrupts our playback, we know it’s big.

  “What’s going on?” I ask.

  Her eyes shine with excitement. This is what dreams look like when they come true on someone’s face.

  “I just got off the phone with TJ Barringer!”

  “Night Shifts Black’s manager?” I ask, my heartrate climbing to unsustainable levels.

  She nods. “They’ve officially invited you to co-headline on their world tour this autumn!”

  Our heads shake in unison. “No way,” Reece says. “No. That can’t be right.”

  “You sure they didn’t mean we could open for them like last year?” I say.

  Her eyes narrow in mock irritation. “I know how to speak English, boys. I’m telling you, Luke and Casey want you at the top with them. This is… in all my experience…” She shakes her head and demonstrates what we’re all feeling.

  This is the type of shit you don’t even dare to fantasize about.

  “Well, what did you say?” Derrick gasps out.

  “I said we’d think about it,” she quips in a dry tone. “What do you think I said?”

  We all connect in one giant grin.

  “Abso-freakin-lutely!”

  I draw in a long breath, stare at the gap between my father and me. He’s there. I feel him warming the cavities of my heart. Grinning an I-told-you-so so obnoxious, I’d punch him if I could.

  We’re doing it, Parker. We’re about to kick the world’s ass.

  EPILOGUE

  I keep my word to myself and my newly-formed family. I check in at Reflections and work my ass off to make the most of my time there
. I have too much waiting for me outside to fuck this up.

  My program and progress allow for visitors, and Mila and Dad stop by often. The weeks fly with productive sessions of individual and group counseling, physical and emotional training, and a general focus on holistic wellbeing. Slowly, my mental dependence on escape begins to transform into a healthier reliance on community and music.

  I understand the truth right from the start. How what seems so logical now never would have worked before I was ready. I had to want this for myself. Like Chris warned, I had to be ready to work hard to make a lasting change I could trust. The thing is, it will never end. No, this fight is a marathon. Mila promises she’s all in for the long haul, and that’s becoming more significant the more I grasp the challenge I’m facing. Strange part though? I’m starting to believe them when they say I can do this. The demons still circle, but they’ve lost a lot of their power.

  It seems like just yesterday I lost my brother and started on this path toward the future he always wanted for me.

  I’d do anything to have him here, to see the fruits of his sacrifice that are helping me become the man he believed in. But the harder I fight, the more I understand how the best way to honor him is to keep him alive in my story. To include him in my success, my failure.

  I’m here, man. Clean, hopeful, and surrounded by a bigger family than we’ve ever known. The flicker of a candle has become a blaring sun I can see even in the dark moments.

  Mila meets me in front of the facility on my last day. We grip each other in a hug strong enough to finish one chapter and start the next.

  “I’m so proud of you, Jess.” Tears collect in her eyes as she leans against me in the cab. “I can’t wait for the world to meet the real you.”

  My heart swells.

  I’m armed, dangerous, and ready to kick some ass.

  “It’s all right in the candlelight,” I sing softly to her.

  Arctic eyes shine with affection as she wraps her arm around mine. Her lips turn up for a kiss, and I’m already there. “You’re my candlelight, Mila Taylor,” I breathe against them.