Family Drama 3-in-1 Box Set: String Bridge, The Book, Bitter Like Orange Peel

by Jessica Bell

~Mummy

  … I gave you some chicken noodle soup. It made you sleepy right away and I’ve just put you to bed. I’m a little surprised at your fascination with this book. You’ve never showed interest in it before. Am I a bad mother for not noticing? If you keep seeing me with the book, I can’t even begin to imagine what other things you’ve seen. Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry!

  I could just tell you about it, but I know you. You’ll want me to read you the entries straight away. You’ll want details, you’ll ask questions I’m not ready to answer, and I’ll give you answers you won’t understand. So, sweet Bonnie, you’re going to have to wait. It’s going to have to remain between me and John for a few more years yet.

  I am really confused about why he’s asking for the book now, though. Just when I was ready to stop pushing him to write in it. I was all prepared, and now he’s thrown me for a sixer. I wish I could ask you if you’ve noticed anything different about him when you stay there. Has he met anyone else yet? Do you think he’s still in love with me? Do you think he’ll read all my entries before he starts writing his own?

  Do you think ... it might bring him back?

  I WAKE UP IN my own bed and it’s still dark. The moon has that face on it again. Mummy keeps telling me there is a man on it, but I think that’s silly. If there was a man on it, his head wouldn’t be as big as the whole planet! I think they are mountains and lakes and rivers and trees and big holes from fire balls in space. Daddy tolded that to me.

  I think he knows more than my mummy. Because my mummy doesn’t have a job. She stays in the house all day so I’m not alone when I comed home from school. My daddy goes out every day and comes back and talks about things I don’t understand. Daddy’s job is even better than my Ted’s. My Ted’s job is just full of fruit. Even I can remember the different colours of them all. As Mummy says, it’s not rocket science. I guess she’s smart with sumfings. She knows when bodies are smart and when bodies are just pretending to be smart. Daddy is smart. And I think Mummy knows that my Ted is just pretending to be smart. That’s why she always is doing doll’s eyes when he’s not looking and learning about money in his study room.

  I can hear my Ted’s voice in the kitchen. Plates and stuff are making sounds that Mummy says will wake me up. I know that, because sometimes, when she lets me fall asleep in her lap on the couch, my Ted goes into the kitchen and moves stuff around. It’s always late and she does a shooshing and tells him that he’ll wake me up. But I’m already awake. I just have my eyes closed. I like listening to stuff that no one knows I can hear. Because it’s when some of the grownup invisible words stop hiding.

  Mummy does a mumble-mumble.

  My Ted does a mumble a bit louder.

  Mummy does a longer mumble-mumble.

  “No, I’ve had enough of this.” That was my Ted. Yelling rool loud.

  Then my mummy goes “shoosh, you’ll wake up Bonnie.”

  Then my Ted goes, “It’s always about Bonnie and this ... this damn book! When are you going to stop farting about in that book and do some real paperwork? Help the business for God’s sake. Help us.” Then I hear a big boom! and I hear sumfings going clatter-bang. I don’t think my Ted understands my mummy sometimes. Because I’ve never seen her fart in the book. I think that was a silly thing to say, and if my daddy was here he would tell my Ted to get his facts straight before making a kyousations. I don’t know what a kyousations is, but I know that if Daddy said that to my Ted that he would stop making not nice music with the kitchen things.

  “And what if I don’t want to help us?” That was Mummy talking. She yelled rool loud and she doesn’t do that much. My heart goes bumpy in my chest a bit because Mummy doesn’t sound like Mummy when she uses her angry voice.

  Sumfing crashes and smashes and goes clangety-clang bang and Mummy does a squealing and starts to cry rool loud, almost as loud as her angry voice. My heart goes bumpy rool fast now and I jump rool fast out of bed and run to the kitchen. My mummy is kneeling on the floor crying with her arms over her head and my Ted kicks her side and she tumbles over and rolls up like a baby. Her body is shaking like mine felt like it was shaking in the loo when I pooed in my undies.

  My Ted looks up and wipes his hand over his mouth like he is getting rid of chocolate smudges from TimTams and says sumfing in a rool low voice and steps closer to me. He’s got the book in his hand. But my Ted is making me scared playing dress-ups like a monster and I run to my room and cry into my pillow and under my banket.

  There must be monsters in the book that make my Ted to be mean. I’m surely of it. Tomorrow morning I’m going to be burying the book in the backyard.

  The book has demons and has to go to the devil to get a smack.

  Tape #03

  Dr Wright: Ted brought you in today. Do you like it when Ted drives you here to see me?

  Bonnie: [nods]

  Dr Wright: Do you have as much fun with Ted as you do with Daddy?

  Bonnie: [nods]

  Dr Wright: Tell me about some fun stuff you do with Ted.

  Bonnie: Why?

  Dr Wright: Because I’m interested to know.

  Bonnie: Why?

  Dr Wright: I like it when you tell me stories. You’re a great storyteller. Did you know that?

  Bonnie: [smiles, nods]

  Dr Wright: Excellent. So can you tell me one of your brilliant stories?

  Bonnie: [nods, twists hands between knees and stretches arms] Once upon a time, there was a man named my Ted. [looks at Dr Wright for approval]

  Dr Wright: Good. Go on, Bonnie. I’m listening.

  Bonnie: Well ... he likes to be playing with a coloured box that moves bits and pieces to put all the colours on one side.

  Dr Wright: A Rubik’s cube?

  Bonnie: [nods]

  Dr Wright: Did he teach you how to use it?

  Bonnie: Stop trupting, I haven’t finished the story!

  Dr Wright: Sorry, go on.

  Bonnie: [shifts in seat, pushes hair from forehead] Well, my Ted isn’t very smart because I tolded him to fix it so all the greens could be on the same side and he sat with me on the flying carpet, and I made us go up in the air, so there could be magic around us, so he could fix it for all the greens to be on the same side.

  Dr Wright: Wow, Bonnie. So did Ted manage to get all the greens on the same side?

  Bonnie: [shakes her head]

  Dr Wright: Oh, that’s a shame. Did you ask your Mummy to have a go?

  Bonnie: [shakes her head] No, but I did it.

  Dr Wright: You did it?

  Bonnie: [nods head and smiles widely, squashes hands between her knees] Why do you ask tricky questions like all the grownups?

  Dr Wright: My question isn’t tricky, Bonnie. Why do you think it’s tricky?

  Bonnie: You ask a question but you already got my answer. My Ted asks tricky questions. I think they’re silly. I think grownups are more silly than silly girls.

  Dr Wright: [laughs] So, are you sure you got all the colours on one side?

  Bonnie: Yes! I’m smart! I know much much much much more than my Ted.

  Dr Wright: [smiles] Of course you’re smart, Bonnie, we all know how special you are, and how fast you are learning. You have been making great progress.

  Bonnie: [nods and looks out the window]

  Dr Wright: So when you showed Ted that you fixed it, what did he say? Was he surprised?

  Bonnie: [nods and giggles] He said, [deepens voice] you are the mostest intelligent girl on this planet, young lady. [giggles and falls backward into couch]

  Dr Wright: Wow, that’s fantastic. It must make you feel good when Ted says such nice things to you, huh?

  Bonnie: [nods] But it doesn’t make logic.

  Dr Wright: What doesn’t make sense, Bonnie?

  Bonnie: I’m not a young lady, I’m just a girl.

  IT’S ROOL EARLY IN the morning I think. And the moon is still up, but it’s a bit light blue outside. That’s another reason why I don’t think the man on the
moon makes logic. If he did make logic, he would be making himself go sleepy when the sun comed up. Because that would be the polite thing to do.

  Mummy comes into my room and sits on the edge of my bed. She does that shooshing again, but a bit quieter, like she’s taking orders from herself.

  “Sweetie, are you okay?”

  I nod.

  My banket makes a noise around my ears because I have it pulled right up to my nose.

  “I’m sorry about before. Ted loses his temper sometimes, but it’s because he’s working hard to support us. You understand that, don’t you?” I nod again, but she’s got it all wrong. I know Daddy is the smart one, but I always thoughted my mummy was smarter than me. How can she not see that it’s the book that’s doing the badly?

  “Have you got in-some-knee-ah?” That’s me asking mummy, not her asking me. Sometimes she gets this thing called in-some-knee-ah and it means she can’t sleep poperly. She makes me bring her TicTacs for that too, but I think they’re another kind of TicTac because they look a bit bigger.

  I think the body who invented English wasn’t very smart. I don’t understand how the poblem is in the knee. My Daddy said that when we go to sleep, that our brains are having a nap. So that means it has sumfing to do with the head. It should be called in-some-head-ah. I think the ah is like the ow. That makes logic because when you don’t get much sleep the brain hurts. I know that because Mummy rubs her head like she does when she cleans.

  Mummy shakes her head. That means no. In some other country it means yes. I learnted that in school.

  “Can you keep a secret?”

  I nod again. Sometimes I like secrets. Specially the ones when Daddy says he’s got a surprise and takes me to the zoo, or to the spinning pool, or to the Victoria Market for hot jam doughnuts. Grownups like secrets too. I think they like them more than kids sometimes.

  “I’m taking something to your dad. It’s a surprise. Ted doesn’t have to go to the farmer’s market this morning, so he’s sleeping in. Can you do me a favour, sweetie?”

  I nod and I hope I don’t have to be raking the leaves with the shaker stick again. The shaker stick is too heavy and the leaves run away from the mountains I make and I have to rake them with the shaker stick too many times.

  “Can you be really quiet this morning so you don’t wake up Ted?”

  “What about brekkie?”

  “You know how to fix yourself some cereal, sweetie. Ted really needs the rest. He works too hard and he’s exhausted.”

  I look out the window at the sunshine saying hello. It’s getting much lighter and some birds are going twit-twit-twit. I think it’s the sparrows. I wish I could hold a sparrow. They are cute. And sometimes I like to make up little stories about them. Like how they turn little kids into pretty songs and they live forever.

  “Honey? Can you do that for me?” That’s mummy. She is still all whisperly but more loud whisperly.

  Mummy rubs my knees through the banket. I nod again and she smiles as if she’s not worried anymore. Then she tip toes away and blows me a kiss at the door. It squeaks a bit when she closes it. But she doesn’t close it all the way. She leaves a gap for the monsters to find a way out in the middle of the night. But the night is over. It was pobably just an in-a-cent mistake. My Ted says Mummy makes those types of mistakes a lot. But I don't understand how a mistake can live inside a money coin.

  I think Mummy is silly for asking me not to wake up my Ted. Grownups always ask questions when they chooally really want to give you an order. Mummy says it’s polite to ask. But I think asking is like lying sometimes. It’s just like a trick. And I think tricks like that are a bit mean. My Ted plays tricks on Mummy all the time. They’re a bit more serious than the trick Mummy just played on me, though. My Ted asks her questions and then doesn’t even let Mummy answer. He answers them for her! Why does he even bovver asking if he is going to tell her how to answer him? That’s a mean trick. But now I’m thinking that it’s the books badly. It’s the book’s badly that makes Ted go violent and ask tricky questions. When my daddy asks me questions, they’re not tricky. They are real. And if I answer them in a way he doesn’t like, most of the time it’s okay, and we do sumfing that we both like to be doing. I love my daddy. I know I don’t really know what love looks like, but I think it’s my feelings.

  My daddy is nicer than my Ted. I think he’s smarter too. But my Ted is still nice, just not as nice as Daddy.

  Tape #04

  Dr Wright: Daddy tells me you’re fascinated with the stars. Do you think you’d like to become an astrophysicist like him one day?

  Bonnie: [frowns] Pardon?

  Dr Wright: An astrophysicist. That’s what your Daddy is. He tells me you enjoy looking at the sky at night. Is that true?

  Bonnie: [nods] I like to be looking at the moon.

  Dr Wright: Only the moon?

  Bonnie: [shakes head]

  Dr Wright: What else do you like to look at?

  Bonnie: The man.

  Dr Wright: Do you mean God?

  Bonnie: [frowns] Pardon?

  Dr Wright: Some people believe God made the earth and everything on it, including us. Is that who you mean by the man?

  Bonnie: [shakes head] I mean the man that Mummy likes to be looking at.

  Dr Wright: [frowns, swallows] Bonnie, can you tell me about the other man in Mummy’s life?

  Bonnie: Mummy says he looks down on us from the moon, and keeps the moon safe from purple monsters.

  Dr Wright: [sighs with relief, smiles] Ah, I see. You’re talking about the man on the moon! He’s an interesting fellow, isn’t he?

  Bonnie: [shakes head] He’s not real. Mummy thinks he’s real, but she’s wrong.

  Dr Wright: Oh? Why do you think that?

  Bonnie: She’s being silly.

  Dr Wright: Why?

  Bonnie: I said, because he’s not real!

  Dr Wright: Bonnie, there’s no need to shout. We’re just having a conversation.

  Bonnie: I don’t want to have a conversation. I want to go home! [crosses arms and frowns]

  Dr Wright: You can go home soon. We just need to finish up here first. Is that okay?

  Bonnie: No! [throws crayons at Dr Wright’s face]

  Dr Wright: Bonnie, you shouldn't throw things at people. It’s not nice. Would you like me to throw things at you?

  Bonnie: [huffs and shakes her head]

  Dr Wright: Okay ... let’s continue ...

  February 18th, 1984

  ~Daddy

  I just read the first two entries in this book. My entries. I haven’t lived up to anything I promised you, my love. I wish there was more I could do for you. But Penny doesn’t want to intrude on my life. I guess that’s my fault. I pushed you both away when I had to take custody of Mary and life got too hard.

  I’ve matured a lot in five years, I believe. If only I was half the man I am now then, maybe I wouldn’t have panicked about my new responsibilities, and we could have become one big family. One day I’ll explain it all to you in detail, but simply put, Penny and I fought, a lot, and silly me thought it meant our marriage was over, and when my ex-girlfriend had that horrible accident, and I had to take care of Mary, I used it as an excuse to get out of the marriage. I regret it. I do. I now realise that those fights just meant we cared deeply for each other. What a fool I was. I hope one day you and your mother can forgive me.

  But this book is meant to bring you joy, so enough writing about the hardships. Penny asked me not to read her entries. And she agreed not to read mine either. We will honour that. For you. The last thing we want is for our feelings to get in the way of this precious gift. This is for you, Bonnie. You only.

  I’m sure Penny thinks this book was my idea. But really, it was hers. When you were about 32 weeks in gestation, she said to me, one hand on her belly, the other on my cheek, “If only there was a way to merge our hearts.” I never told her that was the reason I bought you this book. I wish I had. I can’t tell her now. It won
’t have the same meaning. And I think it will just make her sad. It seems she has enough of that already. I can see it in the lines around her eyes. Oh, how often I hope she is doing well and doesn’t succumb to the tears. She is very sensitive, your mother. The smallest heartache triggers the waterworks. It used to make me angry. But now I understand that she can’t help it. She is who she is. No one can change that. And who would want to?

  Listen to me ramble on and on. It’s one quality that is great at my workplace when we get into exciting discussions about the temperamental universe, but I’m afraid rambling on about things that don’t make sense to you seems useless here.

  Has anyone ever told you that actions speak louder than words? It’s the best cliché in the book. And one that holds relevance in every possible life situation. Remarkable really that I believe such things, and then I write in a journal!

  But Penny is right. We should continue to write in it. At least during the early years. I think it will be a nice thing to remember us by. And I like to believe that it may just grant us immortality. Just like the stars I love and cherish as much as you, Bonnie.

  Penny and I have decided to drop this book off at each other’s houses every couple of days. It will be a nice excuse to see more of her. More of you. She caught me by surprise this morning when she came by. I didn’t think she was going to agree, but something must have happened at home last night for her to change her mind. She had a sparkle in her eye. One I haven’t seen in years. I would have liked it if that sparkle were for me, but I think it’s for you. It’s her pride for you. Without you, I fear she’d have no sense of purpose and do something she’d regret.

  But we can’t have everything in this life. This is another lesson you will one day become familiar with. And I dug my own grave it seems. I suppose I should stop explaining what all these phrases mean because when you read this book you will probably be as old as me!