The Merry Spinster
Page 15
So the fisherman got out of his bed and his friend got in. The fisherman leaned against the wall for a minute, and his friend said, “Please get me a cup of tea. I got one for you. I shouldn’t have to ask.”
The fisherman said, “I’m sorry,” and he went to the kitchen and fixed his friend a cup of tea.
His friend said, “You never want to help me. Why is it that you want to live with me, when I know you hate me?”
The fisherman said, “I don’t hate you.”
His friend said, “Don’t sulk. You’re so unpleasant when you sulk. Everybody says so.”
The fisherman said, “Would you like me to tell you a story?”
“Yes,” said his friend, “if you know one.”
“Once upon a time,” said the fisherman, “there were two good friends, one of whom was a fisherman. Two very good friends.” He swayed a little, and then fell into a little heap on the hardwood floor.
“Please,” his friend said from the bed, “stop being so dramatic. My tea has gotten cold.”
“I don’t think I’m very much better after all,” the fisherman said.
His friend sighed. “Is it really that hard for you to care for me just a little, just once, when I’ve worn myself out caring for you? If it is, tell me and I’ll go.”
“I’m sorry,” said the fisherman.
“You are always sorry,” his friend said.
The fisherman got up and walked back to the kitchen, and accidentally banged his head against the doorway. “And don’t just heat up the old tea,” his friend said after him. “Bring me a fresh cup. My head aches from beating it against the wall for you.”
“How’s this, my darling?” the fisherman asked, carrying the steaming cup back into the room cupped between his hands.
But his friend did not answer.
His friend had fallen asleep.
Sources and Influences
1. The Daughter Cells
• “The Little Mermaid,” Hans Christian Andersen
2. The Thankless Child
• “Cinderella,” Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
• King Lear, William Shakespeare
• The Ladder of Divine Ascent, St. John Climacus
• Lorica of St. Patrick, Irish-Christian prayer
• The Divine Praises, Catholic prayer
• Psalm 139
3. Fear Not: An Incident Log
• The Book of Genesis
4. The Six Boy-Coffins
• “The Six Swans,” Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
• “The Twelve Brothers,” Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
5. The Rabbit
• The Velveteen Rabbit, Margery Williams
6. The Merry Spinster
• Beauty and the Beast, Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont
7. The Wedding Party
• “The Goose-Girl,” Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
• “The Earl of Mar’s Daughter,” Child ballad
• “The Daemon Lover,” Scottish ballad
8. Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Mr. Toad
• The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
• “Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Colby,” Donald Barthelme
9. Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters
• “Johnny Croy and His Mermaid Bride,” Orkney folktale
• Summa Theologica, Thomas Aquinas
10. The Frog’s Princess
• “The Frog Prince,” Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
11. Good Fences Make Good Neighbors
• “The Fisherman and His Wife,” Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
• Frog and Toad Are Friends, Arnold Lobel
ALSO BY MALLORY ORTBERG
Texts from Jane Eyre
About the Author
MALLORY ORTBERG is the co-creator of The Toast and the author of the New York Times bestseller Texts from Jane Eyre. You can sign up for email updates here.
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Contents
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Epigraph
1. The Daughter Cells
2. The Thankless Child
3. Fear Not: An Incident Log
4. The Six Boy-Coffins
5. The Rabbit
6. The Merry Spinster
7. The Wedding Party
8. Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Mr. Toad
9. Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters
10. The Frog’s Princess
11. Good Fences Make Good Neighbors
Sources and Influences
Also by Mallory Ortberg
About the Author
Copyright
THE MERRY SPINSTER. Copyright © 2018 by Mallory Ortberg. All rights reserved. For information, address Henry Holt and Co., 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
www.henryholt.com
Cover design and illustration by Sara Wood
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
ISBN: 9781250113429
e-ISBN 9781250113436
First Edition: March 2018
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This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.