Corrupt

by Chase Potter

  Taking my time getting out of bed, I try to make sense of what I’m feeling. I’m not ashamed about spending the weekend with Alex like this. Although I sure as hell regret that Carson walked in on us like he did. I tug on my jeans, feeling the embarrassment from just a few minutes ago begin to ebb. In a messed up sort of way, it’s almost a relief that he saw us. Now I won’t have to awkwardly explain to Carson what’s going on between us. He knows, and there’s no need for questions or discussion.

  “You ready?” I finally ask Alex.

  He pulls his shirt over his head and adjusts how it sits around his waist. “You think I should head back to my place?”

  “Might be for the best.”

  Alex nods, and when I’ve gathered up enough courage to venture into the hallway, he follows me.

  In contrast to the stuffiness of my bedroom, the rest of the apartment smells amazing. The scent of roasted garlic and butter fills the air, and the sound of swift chopping drifts from the kitchen.

  Cautious footsteps carry us from the hallway toward where Carson is slicing his way through an onion. A sneaking fear taps against the inside of my chest as I watch him work. Carson loves to cook, but it’s a passion that seems to wax and wane with his emotions. He’s not frantic, but there’s a certain deliberateness to his work, and I wonder if he’s upset.

  “Hey,” I say. “You’re working fast.”

  Carson glances up, almost startled. His expression is halfway between pleasure and awe. “It’s because of this.”

  It takes me an extra moment to realize that he’s using the chef’s knife from the set I bought him. “Sharp?”

  He nods vigorously. “Very.”

  Alex takes a place beside me to examine Carson’s progress. “Smells great. What are you making?”

  “Garlic salmon with lemon basil pasta.”

  “Wow,” Alex says.

  “I know it’s late but the bus driver just drove right through dinner. There’s easily enough for three, you should stay,” Carson says to Alex, trying to keep the hopefulness out of his voice. Then he smirks. Unless you guys have already had enough to eat.”

  I groan. “That wasn’t necessary.”

  Alex is still staring as Carson dices up another onion with medical precision. He raises his eyebrows at me, and asks, “Where did you find this kid?”

  Still annoyed by Carson’s comment a moment ago, I answer honestly. “A trailer park.”

  Carson scowls. “Watch it, or I might poison your food.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Seven years earlier

  My fingers hold the letter sent by registered mail, tightening now as I skim through it. I glance up to the kitchen clock, the faux-antique red one that Carson picked out at Target. In ten minutes, he’ll be home, and my heart trembles against my ribs.

  Slower this time, I read the letter thoroughly. But nothing has changed in it. Every word slams against me, and somewhere inside, the place I’ve bottled up all the fear is rupturing. It’s spilling out, flooding every part of me with its sour touch.

  I set the letter on the table, resting my hand over it as if that will help. It’s from a lawyer. A lawyer representing Carson’s mother. I’ve had him for two years, fed him and clothed him and loved him. For two amazing years. And now this.

  Neither of his parents tried to stop me from taking him in, but my lawyer hasn’t been able to convince his mom to give up her parental rights. My eyes close and I take a deep breath. I wouldn’t want to give him up either, but I actually have a place to live. I can take care of him, she can’t.

  My eyes slide to the clock again. Four minutes.

  The first time around, I paid nearly ten thousand in attorney fees. And that wasn’t even a fight. This is going to be different. I force another breath. Business hasn’t been so great this year, and I can’t afford to get dragged through court for weeks or months.

  The door opens, and Carson marches in. His thumbs are looped in the straps of his Iron Man backpack, and he’s watching me carefully. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  He takes the last few steps to the table and jumps up onto the chair across from me. He wiggles his nose like he’s going to sneeze, and at last moment he stuffs his face into the elbow of his sweatshirt and lets loose. He sniffs and wipes his nose on his sleeve. “Seems like something is wrong,” he observes.

  I force a smile. “Don’t worry about it, buddy.”

  Carson frowns and hops down from his chair. Then he comes around the table and gives me a hug. He’s not big enough to get his arms all the way around me, and it makes it that much more adorable. When he lets go, I lift him and set him on my lap.

  He stares at me with bright eyes and an earnest smile. “Did that help?”

  I smile back, and this time it’s genuine. “Yeah, it did.”

  “Good. I knew it would.”

  He’s a confident kid, and I wonder if he got that from me. “Oh, you did, huh?”

  “I did!”

  He wears a grin until I reach out and ruffle up his hair. In turn, he extends a hand and does the same to me. I make a face at him, but I don’t stop him from messing up my hair. When he’s had his fill, I set him back down on the floor. “All right, buddy. I’ve got to work for a bit.”

  Carson nods and scampers off to his bedroom.

  What if my time with him is almost up? The thought sweeps into me, and an icy shiver sinks into my shoulders.

  Taking out my phone, I dial a number I’ve been avoiding.

  “Matt, what’s up?”

  “That idea you had for the bid on the city’s new plaza… I think we should do it.”

  James is silent, but only for a moment. “I thought you said —”

  “I changed my mind.”

  Another pause, and I wait as he sighs into the receiver. “You’re sure about this, right? It’s not something you can go back on.”

  “Yeah,” I say quietly. “I’m sure.”

  James lets out a low whistle. “I know it’s a bit… unscrupulous, but I think this is really going to get you into the big leagues,” James says, and his words buzz with excitement. “Seriously. You’re talented, and once you get your name on a project like this, business is going to pour in. Just wait.”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  “So I can go ahead and make the deal?”

  My mouth is dry, and my fingers are slick with sweat. “Do it.”

  Then I hang up, and I’m left wondering if I’ve made a terrible mistake. My feet carry me away from the kitchen and down the hall. The door to Carson’s room hangs open, but he doesn’t notice me as I watch him. He’s unloading his backpack from the day at school. First his notebooks emerge from the bag, followed by a pair of picture books we picked out at the library earlier this week, and lastly he gently pulls his bear out of the bag. The teddy bear he insisted on bringing with on that first day I saw him.

  An emotion stirs in my chest, and it takes all my effort to keep it from reaching my eyes. In a moment of quiet understanding, I realize that doing whatever it takes to hold onto Carson will never be a mistake.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Tuesday. A day I’m looking forward to. Because at the end of it, I get to see Alex. It’s been a whole day and a half since we spent the weekend together and Carson cooked for us. It was kind of amazing, being able to sit down to a dinner with both of them and not having to pretend for anyone.

  After the last few months, it’s like my whole life has changed. Maybe I was changing all along, but especially after two days with Alex… it made me see what it could be like to just… be with him. To take a chance on him. Or on myself, I suppose.

  And it seems premature, but… I really do want to take that chance. I’ve never felt like this before. Like I can take on the world with someone at my side. It makes me think that I could really do this. I could be with him, out and openly. Maybe not right now, but eventually.

  I glance up from my desk to see Edith waving Alex into my o
ffice suite, and a smile spreads itself across my face before he even gets through the glass door. He stops just inside my office, waiting for the door to thud shut behind him, and I can’t help but admire how damn good he looks in a suit. And that thought leads me to think about how good he looks out of a suit.

  Before he’s even opened his mouth, I raise a suggestive eyebrow at him.

  But the expression staring back at me is hard, his eyes unreachable. Something’s wrong. The words fall like stones from his mouth, tumbling into darkness before echoing back to me. “Tell me it’s not true.” His voice is cold, but it’s just a façade. Beneath is a white-hot hurt that he can’t hide. “Tell me you didn’t do it.”

  Alex's eyes blaze with accusation, and my heart is falling through space with nothing to catch me. Somehow I convinced myself that this wouldn’t happen, that if what we felt for each other was real, this would somehow get pushed away and forgotten.

  I can barely scrape my next words together. “Do what?”

  His gaze drops to the floor but for a moment only. When he looks back at me, he puts on a smile that’s amused but not, and pretending not to be hurt but is. “You’re going to make me say it?” His expression is breaking beneath the weight of his own question.

  Blood thuds in my ears, deafening, and I wait the length of a single breath. Then he answers because I’m not strong enough to.

  “I started investigating city contracts and variances months ago. I interviewed everyone I could think of. I persuaded and I threatened and I promised, but no one ever said a word.”

  “Alex,” I say softly. I want to draw him back to me, away from the ledge he has strayed toward.

  “No one said a fucking word.” He shakes his head, and for a moment, that smile comes back. The one that’s a trick and a lie. “I had given up, did you know that? I figured that I had just imagined a convoluted web of conspiratorial bullshit. And you know what? I was happy to let it go, because I’d just met an amazing guy that made me want to never spend one extra minute at work. I let the whole thing slide because I was more interested in spending time with you than trying to figure out why the city archives are missing hundreds of records.”

  Something tugs at the back of my throat, but I don’t have the luxury of enjoying the vague compliment he just sent my way. I try to swallow the feeling away, and my lips press into a line because I know where this is going.

  “And then guess what happens today? Someone I never thought to ask walks into my office and tells me that there was misconduct. He says that it made someone rich. He says there was a bribe. A big fucking bribe. And he says it was you.”

  I release my pent up breath, and my whole body seems to shrink with the loss.

  Alex steps forward until he’s standing just on the other side of my desk looking down at me. “So tell me that it’s not true.”

  I gaze up at him, and I want so badly to tell him it wasn’t me. He might even believe me, if his eyes are being honest. They’re balanced on the edge of hope, as if they don’t want any of this to be true any more than his heart does.

  He swallows, takes a breath, and his resolve is weakening. When he speaks, his words are soft and the anger almost distant. “I don’t actually have any evidence, or even any details about when, why… anything,” he admits, and his voice carries the calm reasoning that I’ve grown used to. Still, something is off. “Tell me that this is just someone’s screwed up way at getting back at you.” A moment passes, consuming us, and he whispers a single word. “Please.”

  But I can’t lie to Alex, not anymore.

  “I did it.” The words can’t be mine, but they are.

  Alex looks like I’ve just balled my hand into a fist and hammered him in the face. He’s still standing, and tears are threatening the edges of his eyes. “If it was anyone, anyone but you, I’d have the cops down here and put you in handcuffs right now. For Christ’s sake, Matt. I’m a district attorney, and you…” the sound of his voice changes from drowning in his own hurt to coming to an even worse realization. Somehow he finds his voice again, and for a fleeting instant I wish I had lied to him like he wanted. “This was on purpose, wasn’t it? You wanted me to fall for you, just in case you got caught.”

  I can feel tears pressing against my eyes too. “It’s not like that.” But I can’t bear to watch what I’m doing to him, and I look away.

  When I dare to bring my eyes to him again, his broken gaze cuts into me. “All that bullshit about you being straight… it was true. You fucking are.”

  “I love you, Alex,” I confess, and my voice breaks.

  He watches me for a long moment, and a spark of hope flares inside me. Then he spits a string of words that shatter my fantasy. “You know what? Fuck you, Matt.”

  Crossing the room and yanking open the glass door, he walks out of my office.

  My heartbeats are loud, a series of solitary sounds. One by one they add up, counting toward an end I can’t fathom. What happens now?

  I should be wondering whether Alex is drawing up the paperwork to arrest me right now, and if I should be calling criminal defense lawyers. But… I can’t. The only thing I can think about is how I can fix what I’ve done.

  * * * * *

  Hours later, when my neck is sore from staring out the window so long, a soft knock on the glass sends ripples through my thoughts. Edith pokes her head past the door. “Are you okay, Mr. Archer?”

  Reluctantly I look up at her. I can’t deal with this right now. “No.”

  She sighs and then steps into the glass cube of my office. Taking one of the seats in front of my desk, she neatly crosses one leg over the other and watches me for nearly a minute.

  “We’re going under, aren’t we?” Her tone is unusually steady, almost relaxed.

  “How did you know?”

  “It’s been apparent for quite some time.” Her gaze ventures out the window, absorbing the city beyond before coming back to me. “And I would risk a guess that you’re in some legal trouble too.”

  My eyes are wide, and I open my mouth, then close it again. Finally I manage to make a couple sounds. “I’m not…” My words fail me completely, and I have no idea how she could have put it all together.

  She sighs, and when she speaks again, her voice is different. Softer, kinder. “I’m… sorry that this is happening.”

  “Um… thanks.”

  Edith reaches a hand across my desk, resting it on mine, and I realize in a single second of clarity that I’ve never touched her before. Her skin is leathery and wrinkled, but still somehow soft in the way only a mother’s hands can be. She squeezes my fingers in hers, and she gives me a look that makes me want to cry.

  I draw a breath of today’s traitorous air and pull my hand away. I regard her, trying to put together what I’m really seeing. Maybe it’s just because of everything going on, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m missing something.

  “Edith, don’t take this the wrong way, but… what happened to my secretary? The ornery, callous woman who worked the front desk for years?

  She chuckles softly. “I wasn’t always awful, you know. Do you have any idea what it was like to work in an office in the 1970’s? The 80’s? Absolutely terrible. Men didn’t trust a woman who was smarter than them. Most still don’t. I suppose I hardened up a little.”

  My eyes narrow, but I’m more curious than anything. “So why work for some young prick like me?”

  “You were cute,” she states. Then she shrugs and adds, “But I suppose that’s coming to bite me in the ass now, since obviously I’m losing my job at sixty years old.” A long sigh marks the end of her explanation.

  I wish I could take her with me, wherever I’m going to end up. But that’s not really possible, and a melancholy nostalgia steals into me, whispering that this is the right time to… to say goodbye, I suppose.

  “I’m going to have to fire you, Edith.”

  Meeting her eyes and finding them staring back, I realize I’m glad to have a newfo
und respect for her.

  She rolls her eyes. “Don’t be silly. Your company is going out of business. By letting me go now, you’re going to save, what? A few thousand dollars? After the dust settles you won’t see any of that anyway. Besides, you have me under contract if you remember.”

  My company might be dead, and I may have lost Alex and be on the verge of losing my freedom too, but at least I can do this still. Withdrawing a paper that has been in my desk for weeks, I sign the bottom and hand it to her.

  She grabs it from me and her eyes flick back and forth. Her expression darkens as she reads, and finally she sets the paper back on the desk. “So you really are firing me.” Edith shakes her head, and for the first time today I can hear the age in her voice. “I know you’re a bit of a hotshot, but I always thought you were a decent guy despite that.”

  Reaching over the desk, I tap the bottom of the paper. “You’re not being terminated for any misconduct or any other specific reason related to your performance.”

  “Yes, I see that. That’s very nice of you,” she says with a slick sarcasm.

  Despite the awfulness of today, I allow myself a small smile. I’m really going to miss her. “You mentioned your contract,” I say. “Under the terms of your employment, if you’re fired without just cause, you are eligible for severance equal to twenty-four months of your salary.”

  She stares at me.

  “To be paid out immediately,” I add.

  Her demeanor softens, and her lips press together. After several seconds, she says, “That will cover me until my retirement kicks in.”

  “Yes, it will.”

  “You updated the contract?” she asks, still not quite convinced.

  I nod. “A couple months ago.”

  Edith gives me a small smile, and I get the feeling she might hug me if she were the sentimental type. But she’s not, and she says, “I’ll miss working with you.”

  “Likewise.”

  * * * * *

  By the time I get home, I’ve all but lost the calm I scraped together for Edith. My condo is smothered in the oppressive dark of winter, and only the small light over my stainless steel stove watches me as I drop my briefcase onto the counter.