Losing It

by Zaria Garrison

  Seated on the couch watching television was a visibly pregnant teenager. She looked to be at least seven months along. She looked up and smiled as they walked in.

  “This is my sister, Nichole,” Danté said. “Nichole, this is my girl, Camille. The little ones are her brother and sister.” He closed the door behind them.

  “Hey, y’all,” Nichole answered. She leaned over and moved a pillow and some newspapers from the couch. “Have a seat.”

  Rodney and Jeanna cautiously sat down next to her.

  “You like Tyler Perry?” she asked.

  They both nodded their heads.

  “I was just about to watch his latest movie on DVD. Y’all can watch with me if you want.” She pressed the play button to start the movie on the old nineteen-inch television.

  Danté took Camille by the hand and led her down the short hallway into the back of the apartment to his bedroom. Inside he had a twin bed, and a chest of drawers with the top drawer missing. He closed the door then he pulled her close and kissed her. The two of them stood by the door necking for several minutes, until Camille broke the kiss.

  “I gotta hurry up and go. My mom is waiting on us. You got what I asked for?”

  “A’ight, baby, I’ll get it.” Danté kissed her once more then walked to his chest and opened the second drawer. He reached inside and pulled out a large Ziploc bag of weed. He handed it to Camille.

  “I sneaked a hundred dollars out of my dad’s wallet.” She reached into her pocket to get the money.

  Danté frowned. “You stole from your dad?”

  “He wouldn’t give me any money after the last time.” She held the bills out to him.

  Danté sat down on the bed and looked at her. “Camille, I don’t want you stealing, especially not from your parents. Maybe I shouldn’t give you this.”

  “What’s the big deal? My dad is rich. He won’t miss it.”

  Danté sighed. Although he had not told Camille, he had quit smoking weed. He no longer found pleasure in it, and his new job at a plastics factory required random drug tests. He was not taking any chances on getting fired by doing something stupid.

  Hearing her brag about stealing, he feared Camille was smoking way too much. He was surprised when she told him she’d smoked the whole bag he’d given her before so quickly. A bag that large would have lasted him several months if he still indulged. The fact that she had smoked it in two weeks really bothered him. Now he was worried that she was getting in too deep. He felt guilty, and regretted getting her started.

  “Look, stealing is wrong. It doesn’t matter if your dad can afford it or not. When you get home, put that money back in your dad’s wallet. I’ll give you this, my treat. Just promise me you won’t steal anymore.”

  Camille grinned. “I promise, baby.”

  They heard a knock at Danté’s door. Camille quickly stuffed the bag into her pocket while Danté walked over and opened it. Jeanna stood there holding out her cell phone.

  “Camille, it’s Ms. Keisha,” she said.

  Nervously, Camille took the phone. “Um ... hello,” she said.

  “Are you guys still stuck on Eighty-five?” Keisha asked.

  “Yeah, we’ve only inched up a little bit.”

  “Take the next exit you get to, then turn around and head back home. I saw the accident on the news. The highway is going to be tied up for a while.”

  Camille was shocked. “Um, the accident is on the news?”

  “Yes, it looks like an overturned tanker. It will probably not be cleared for several hours.” Keisha paused. “Your mom wants to speak to you for a moment.”

  Camille tensed up. She had not spoken to her mother at all since she’d moved out. Planning to sneak away and see Danté had occupied her thoughts so much that she’d completely forgotten how she’d react when she actually had to see her face to face. She definitely was not prepared to talk to her. She quickly handed the phone to Jeanna as soon as she heard her voice. “It’s Mom,” she said.

  Camille sat down on the bed next to Danté and laid her head on his shoulder.

  When she was done speaking to Sharmaine, Jeanna closed her cell phone and explained the conversation to them. “Mom says for us to ask Dad if we can meet her for dinner next Friday. She said she’d make it easier and meet us at the restaurant.”

  Camille nodded. “I guess we’d better head home then before she calls Dad.”

  “I told her not to bother because I’d tell him what happened and get his permission for next week. Can we stay and finish the movie?” Jeanna asked.

  “Are you trying to get me grounded again?”Camille looked at her as if she had antennas growing from her head.

  “No, I just really want to see this movie. As long as we’re home by eleven, Dad doesn’t have to know where we were.”

  Camille laid her head back on Danté s shoulder “Okay by me,”she answered.

  Jeanna closed the door and went back to the living room.

  “Your little sister is mad cool,” Dante said.

  “Yeah, who knew?” Camille laughed. “Hey, you never told me you had a sister.”

  Danté chuckled. “You never asked.”

  He lay back on the bed, pulling Camille down next to him. He kissed her forehead and snuggled up closer to her.

  “How come she wasn’t with you at the pool party?” Camille asked.

  “She was still at the foster home last year. As soon as I turned eighteen and found a job, I rented this place for the two of us. It’s not much, but it’s clean and it’s ours. Nobody can make us leave.”

  “How old is she?”

  “She just turned fifteen.”

  “Wow, that’s awfully young. I mean, I don’t know what I’d do if I’d gotten pregnant that young.”

  Danté suddenly sat up on the bed. “Don’t judge her. It’s not her fault. It’s mine.”

  Surprised, Camille sat up beside him. “What do you mean it’s your fault?”

  Danté looked over at her. “I never should’ve left her alone there. I knew our foster dad was a jerk. His wife was cool, but he seemed to be jealous that she took an interest in us. Miss Donna took me and Nichole to church on Sundays. She helped us with our homework. That lady even baked homemade cookies. For a while it was a decent place to live.”

  Camille scooted closer to Danté. “So what happened? Why’d you leave?”

  “Neville, that was his name, he had a poker game while Miss Donna was at choir rehearsal, and he lost a lot of money. That fool was always gambling and losing money. Anyway, when Miss Donna asked him about it, he lied and said that I stole the money. As if it wasn’t bad enough that he lied on me, he told Miss Donna I had to be punished.” Danté stopped talking and raised his shirt, then turned around so Camille could see his back. “He tied me to the bed and beat me with a thick strap until I was bloody. You can still see the scars.”

  Camille stared at the lines on his back. Gently, she touched them with her fingers. “Wow,” she whispered.

  Danté lowered his shirt and turned around. “That’s why I didn’t get in the pool at your party. My back wasn’t completely healed. After he went to sleep that night, I climbed out of the window and I left. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. But I should’ve taken Nichole with me, or I should have stayed, but I never should’ve left her there alone with that monster.” His voice cracked with emotion. “She was just a kid. She trusted him and he took advantage. He raped her. He waited until his wife was gone to work, and he raped my little sister. The baby is his.”

  Camille put her arm around him. “I’m so sorry,” she said.

  Danté struggled to keep from falling apart in front of Camille while he continued telling her the story. “She ran away, too, after that, and we stayed at the shelter for a few months. But when she discovered she was pregnant, they said she had to leave. They didn’t even let her tell them the situation. They just said pregnancy was unacceptable for any teen at that shelter. They offered to transfer her to a home for
unwed mothers, but it was in South Carolina. I wasn’t about to let them split us up again. I’m just glad that we found this place.”

  Camille could not find any words to say after his story. She just held him as close as she could. They sat in silence for several minutes.

  “Hey, you wanna help me smoke this?” Camille said. She reached into her pocket.

  “Um ... I don’t smoke in the apartment. It’s not good for my sister.”

  “Then let’s go outside,” she suggested.

  Danté looked at her oddly. “I don’t wanna smoke any weed. Can’t we just sit here and chill for a while?”

  “We can chill while we get high.” She stood up and grabbed his arm, trying to pull him off the bed.

  “Camille, I said no.” He pulled his arm away from her.

  Camille suddenly blew up. “What is wrong with you?” she screamed. “I spent all week planning to come over here, and now you’re acting all stupid.”

  Danté stared at Camille, wondering not what was wrong with him, but what was wrong with her. “I don’t wanna get high, and I don’t think you should either. I made a mistake. Gimme the weed back.” He held out his hand.

  “No! It’s mine,” she screamed.

  He stood up. “Come on, Camille. Give it to me.”

  She stuffed the bag into her pocket. “No. You said I could have it. We don’t have to smoke it now. I can wait until I get home.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “Don’t take it away from me,” she pleaded.

  His heart crumbled as she started to cry. He reached out to hug her and she backed away. “I’m not gonna take it from you.” He held his arms open for her and she slowly walked in. He held her tightly. “Don’t cry, baby.”

  Danté held her closely, feeling guilt and shame. He realized he’d made a huge mistake giving her weed, and now she was hooked. He knew it was only a matter of time before she’d need a bigger high and turn to stronger drugs. “Come on, let’s just chill and listen to some music,” he said.

  She nodded her head and they lay back on the bed in each other’s arms.

  When the movie they had been watching was over, Jeanna came back to Danté’s room and knocked on the door. He got up off the bed and opened it.

  “I think we’d better go. It’s almost ten,” Jeanna said.

  They all said good-bye to Nichole, then Danté walked them outside to Camille’s car. He opened Camille’s door and closed it for her after she was inside. He leaned down into the window. “See ya later, shorties” he said to Rodney and Jeanna. They smiled and waved at him. He leaned in and kissed Camille lightly on the lips.

  Danté stood outside and watched them drive away. He made a mental note that he would not give Camille weed again. He knew she’d be upset, but he had to help her quit since he felt responsible for getting her started. After the car lights disappeared, he trotted back up the stairs to his apartment.

  Camille pulled into the gate of their home at 10:45. “We’re on time with a few minutes to spare,” she said. “Now, do we all have our stories straight for Dad?”

  “Yeah,” Rodney answered. “We were delayed by the accident on the highway, so we got to Mom’s late and decided not to go out to dinner. She made us sandwiches and we talked.”

  “Okay, that’s good. That way if Dad saw the accident on the news too, our story makes sense. Are you guys hungry? I forgot we didn’t eat.”

  “Nichole gave us spaghetti. She’s a great cook,” Jeanna answered.

  “Well, I guess I’m the only one who didn’t eat. I’ll grab a snack before I go to bed.” Camille pulled her car into the garage and parked it.

  The three of them walked into the house through the back door into the kitchen. They were surprised to see Leon sitting at the table waiting for them.

  “Hey, Dad,” Camille said. She walked over and hung her car keys on the hook by the stove.

  “Where have you been?” he asked.

  “We were at Mom’s. We got there late because of the accident on the highway,” Rodney answered.

  “We had a good time”, Jeanna chimed in.

  Leon slowly stood up from the table. “Keisha called me hours ago. She said that she told you to turn around and come home because of the accident.” He turned to Camille. “Now you’ve got your brother and sister lying for you too?”

  Camille’s eyes grew big and she stared at him in disbelief. “Dad ... we, um ...” she stammered.

  “Please don’t tell me another lie, Camille.”

  “Dad, I’m sorry. Please don’t punish Rodney and Jeanna. It was my fault. I wanted to see Danté, so I asked them to cover for me. We were going to go see Mom too, but Ms. Keisha told us not to come. I know we should have come straight back. I’m sorry, Dad.”

  “Who is Danté?” he asked.

  Camille stared at the floor. “He’s the boy I met at the pool party last summer.”

  Leon searched his memory banks until it registered on the bald-headed kid Camille had spent most of the party with. He realized that must also be who Jackson had seen her with the night she disappeared. “Is that who you spent the night with? Are you having sex with this boy?”

  “No, Dad. I swear it. Rodney and Jeanna were there the whole time. Nothing happened.” She looked over at her siblings for help.

  “He’s a nice guy, and his sister cooked us dinner,” Rodney said.

  “Yeah, Nichole is really sweet. We watched a movie together. She said if I wanted, I could babysit for her,” Jeanna said.

  Leon stared at his three children with a bewildered look. Then he turned to Camille. “You took your brother and sister to the shelter to visit a boy, and he had a sister with a child?”

  “No, Dad, he doesn’t live at the shelter anymore. They have their own apartment out in Bankhead. Nichole doesn’t have a child, but she’s pregnant.”

  “I’ve heard enough. I can’t believe you three were hanging out in the ghetto with some thug and his pregnant sister. I want you all upstairs in your rooms. I can’t stand to hear any more of this. Camille, I don’t want you sneaking out to see Danté anymore. Now, all of you need to go to bed.”

  “But, Dad, you don’t understand,” Camille whined.

  “Go upstairs now!” he yelled.

  Rodney and Jeanna quickly obeyed, but Camille stood defiantly staring at her father. “You don’t know anything about them, and you stand here and pass judgments. How dare you?”

  Leon pointed his finger. “Camille, I’m warning you,” he said.

  “I don’t care, Dad! You can ground me forever. It won’t matter. You can’t lock me in my room. You have no right to stand here all high and mighty calling them names. Your wife is an adulterer and an attempted murderer. If you want to keep me away from somebody, why don’t you start with her?”

  Camille ran from the kitchen and up to her room.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Leon lay awake in the darkness for hours, unable to sleep. He finally grew weary of tossing and turning, so he got up and sat on the edge of his bed. Turning on the light by his bedside, he noticed his Bible was lying on the nightstand and he picked it up. Flipping through the pages, he searched for answers.

  Although he’d repeatedly told himself that it was important, he still had not set up a drug counseling session for Camille. He’d allowed himself to be lulled into a false sense of accomplishment since there had been no new problems. He also was reluctant because he’d realized that being focused on Camille’s issue allowed him the freedom to hide from his own feelings. Leon knew that if he took Camille to counseling to discuss her feelings for Sharmaine, then inevitably he’d be asked to discuss his own. He wasn’t ready to do that.

  In the past months, he’d averted his feelings by first focusing on his health. It wasn’t easy to recover from four bullet wounds, he’d told himself. That’s the excuse he’d given his board of directors to justify the leave of absence he had taken from his company. While they thought he spent his days growing healthier and stronger, the truth was h
e spent most days daydreaming of Sharmaine and better times.

  When the problems began with Camille, he threw himself head first into the role of Super Dad. He loved her and was genuinely worried, but he was also using it as a way to hide. Leon felt he had to hide in order to cope. Although he’d begun to believe the woman in the video was Sharmaine, he still could not wrap his mind around the thought that she’d actually shot him. He was sure there was some other explanation; that is, until Jackson told him she’d gotten drunk while visiting with the kids. That revelation caused him to question everything he’d ever believed to be true about the woman he’d married.

  Just when Leon began to believe he was dealing with his emotions and beginning to put his relationship with Sharmaine out of his mind, he’d seen the news report of her attempted suicide. Without thinking, he’d gotten in his car and driven to the hospital. He had to see her. He couldn’t let her die without him by her side. When he arrived, he found that he didn’t have the nerve to get out of the car. Instead, he’d called Bishop Snow and asked him to check on Sharmaine for him. When he found out she’d be okay, he sat in the hospital parking lot and wept with relief.

  Leon stopped flipping through his Bible and checked the bedside clock. It was almost four A.M. and he had not had a wink of sleep. Kneeling beside the bed, he began to pray. As he prayed, he heard a clear, still, small voice speaking. The Spirit let him know that he could not help Camille until he took the necessary steps to help himself.

  Leon put on his robe and slippers and left his bedroom. Without bothering to turn on any lights, he went downstairs to Sharmaine’s office. He had not entered the room even once since he returned home after being shot. In Leon’s mind, that room was Sharmaine. It contained her awards, her accomplishments, her photographs, and her essence. Everything anyone would ever want to know about Sharmaine Cleveland was contained in that room. Somehow, Leon felt there had to be something that would lead him to some answers to the questions dancing around in his head. There had to be a reasonable explanation for the video, the shooting, and the drinking. He just had to find it; and he reasoned that her office was the best place to start.