Shaherazade's Daughters

by Sameena K Mughal

  Karim never worried about Fatima during their travels because his brother, Ali and the other merchants all helped to take care of her. Whenever Karim had to conduct business, someone was always around to watch over her. She had many adventures and learned many things with her father and uncles on these travels. When she was home, she had many friends to play with so she never felt alone.

  Although she loved her uncles very much, her father was the world to her. Whenever Fatima spent time with him, it was as if no one else existed. He had a gift for knowing the right thing for her at the right moment. If she needed indulging, he indulged her. Conversely, when she needed disciplining, he disciplined her. Karim could be quite strict with her, but she loved him.

  In this way, the first thirteen years of her life passed. At that time, she couldn’t imagine heaven being much different. She had no conception of how drastically her life would change.

  At this time in Cairo, a group of bandits was attacking traveling caravans. They were a very dangerous lot, killing all in their path. Of course, Fatima paid little attention. Karim, however did pay attention and sat Fatima down to talk over the matter.

  “Fatima, have you heard the talk in town?”

  “Of what, Father?”

  “Have you heard the talk of the bandits?”

  “Yes,” she said.

  “What are your thoughts on that?”

  “They’re not very good men.”

  “You’re right about that. Are you afraid of them?”

  She thought a moment, “I would be if I were around them, but I have nothing to fear.” “Why is that?”

  “Because I have you and all my uncles,” Fatima answered.

  “Ahh…I see. Yes, we’ve always taken good care of you, haven’t we?”

  “Yes.” She would have said more, but she was confused as to why they were having this conversation.

  “Well you know, we would be a target of theirs, I and your uncles because we are merchants who carry a lot of goods.”

  “Are you afraid of them, Father?”

  “We are always at risk, and we are always cautious. So I am aware of them, but I do not fear them. I would like you to be aware of them, too. You are at an age where you should be aware of certain things.”

  “Like what?”

  “That the world is wide and is filled with so many different kinds of things and people. Not all people all good. Not all things that happen are good, and sometimes, bad things can happen to the best of people.”

  “Do you think something bad will happen to us, Father?”

  “At this moment, no, but we’ve shared some tough times in the past, like when your mother died. You were too young to remember, but the loss for me was tremendous. I loved your mother. I still love your mother, but I had to move forward. I had a reason to move forward.”

  He paused for a moment. Much time had past since he last spoke of the loss of his wife.

  “What was your reason, Father?”

  “I’m looking at my reason, my dear one. I had you to care for, and I wasn’t going to leave you with someone else to make it easier on me. Your place is with me and my place is with you. But I won’t always be with you.”

  “Stop it, Father.”

  “You have to listen to this. One day, you will have to live in this world without me. You have to. I always want you be strong and hold your own in this world. I’ll be very disappointed if you don’t.”

  “But what would I ever do without you?”

  “You will continue to live a long and happy life until the day Allah has chosen for you to leave this world. And you will never truly be without me. I will be in your heart, your memories, and your dreams.”

  She just gazed at him. She had never thought about him not being with her. Fatima was used to not having her mother, but she always had him. She couldn’t bear the thought of it.

  Karim could see that she was disheartened. He had expected it, but he had to have this conversation with her.

  “My dear child, I’m not going anywhere right now, and I don’t plan to. As a matter of fact, I plan to be around for so long that you will say, `Will this old, grumpy man never leave me?’

  “Father, I would never say that about you.”

  With that she jumped up, hugged him, and ran off without a care in the world. Karim had that affect on people. He could always make them forget their troubles in an instant.

  Months later, Fatima’s troubles really began. Often, tumultuous times happen upon us unexpectedly. Such was the case with Fatima. In fact, she was quite ecstatic because the caravan was headed to Baghdad. It would be her first trip there. Her father mentioned that he had been there once before and that it was a lively place.

  When all the arrangements had been made, they set off. The journey started off as any other. They traveled during the day and rested at night. A few days into their journey, they noticed what appeared to be another caravan behind them. Karim and the other merchants decided to approach them after they made camp for the night.

  Later that evening, the merchants got together in Karim’s tent. They decided that Karim and two others would go and meet the other caravan. As they were leaving, they grabbed their swords and placed them in their belts. Fatima watched them do this. It was nothing unusual. She had seen them do that whenever they were to meet with strangers while traveling. Yet while she was watching them, she felt a sharp pain in her stomach and started to feel dizzy. “Father,” she called out, “I don’t feel very well.”

  Karim stopped and went to see to his daughter. “Don’t wait for me,” he told the other two merchants, “I’ll be along shortly.”

  He gave her some water. “It’s probably the heat. Go to sleep. I’m sure you’ll feel better in the morning.” Karim stroked her hair, and she drifted off to sleep very quickly.

  She wasn’t asleep for long. She was awakened suddenly by the yelling of the other merchants.

  “Karim! That is no caravan! It’s the bandits!”

  “Fatima! Hurry! Remember where I told you to go if there was any danger?”

  “The empty oil barrels?”

  “Yes! Go now!”

  As she went into the barrel, Karim told her, “No matter what you hear, no matter what you see, do not come out until you hear nothing or one of us calls you. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Father.”

  With that, he covered the barrel with the lid and went to fight the bandits.

  Fatima could see nothing, but she heard the clamor of swords and the yelling of men. All of a sudden, the oil barrels were knocked over, including hers. At that moment, Karim shot her a furtive, terrified, look. At the same time, Karim was stabbed with one of the bandit’s swords.

  Her mouth opened to scream, but she met her father’s pleading eyes and spied the slight wave of his hand stopping any sound from coming out. The next thing she saw was the bandit picking her father up and throwing him down the hill.

  After that, he kicked the rest of the empty oil barrels down the hill. Luckily, one of the barrels collided with hers so he didn’t have to go near hers. As she rolled down the hill, she felt herself getting dizzy again and blacked out.

  When she awoke, she heard one of the bandit’s voices.

  “What’s down there, Captain?”

  “Just empty oil barrels and bodies.”

  “Then, we have everything, Captain.”

  “Good. Let’s go.”

  She managed to get one glance at the Captain. She immediately recognized the man who stabbed her father. She would remember his face every day for the rest of her life.

  When she knew that the bandits had gone, Fatima slowly crawled out of the barrel. She looked over at her father’s body. She thought that there may be a chance that he was still alive. She ran to him. She shook his shoulders trying desperately to wake him up. After a few minutes, she stopped and stared at her father’s lifeless face.

  “What will I do without you?” she screamed. Then, she heard a voice
in her head that said, “Live.” “I’ll come back for you, Father.”

  She looked inside the bottom of her barrel and saw a water bag, a map, a small amount of food, and clean clothes. Her father had thought of everything. She had always known about her father’s emergency plan for her, but she never thought she would have to use it.

  The sun was rising. She quickly changed and headed east to the next town. When she got there, she sent word to Karim’s brother, Ali who had stayed behind to be with his wife, Gulnare who had just recovered from an illness.

  When Ali arrived, he rushed toward Fatima.

  “Fatima! Are you hurt?”

  “No,” was all she could reply.

  “Fatima, I have to go with the Caliph’s guards to where you all set up camp. Can you take us there?”

  “Yes.”

  When they got to the ruined campsite, Ali told her not to come out of the carriage. She understood why her uncle did not want her to see it all again, but she had to come out.

  “Fatima, please get back into the carriage. You’ve seen enough,” Ali admonished her choking back his tears.

  “Uncle, for how much longer will I see him?” she asked, staring at her father’s body.

  “Fatima, Karim’s gone. It’s just his body you’re looking at.”

  He couldn’t look at her, but he continued, “I promise you that you can look at him at the funeral. Now, please go back… I can’t do what I need to do in front of you.”

  She did as Ali asked. As soon as Ali and the Caliph’s guards finished gathering the bodies of his brother and friends, they returned to Cairo. Upon their arrival, the imam performed the last rites and the burial.

  Right before the funeral, Ali fulfilled his promise to Fatima. Before she approached him, Ali told her, “We’ve done the ghusl. You may look at him, but you can’t touch him. And don’t let any tears fall on him, either. Go to him now, before the rest of the mourners come.”

  She stared at Karim a long time. Finally, she said, “You said you planned to stay around a long time. Yet, you didn’t stay long enough. How am I supposed to live happily without you? You didn’t stay long enough to tell me that. Now I have to figure that out on my own.”

  She couldn’t say anymore. Just then, Ali led her away before her tears could fall on Karim.

  Before Ali took Karim and the others for burial, Fatima felt a sudden sense of panic. She couldn’t bear the thought of her father being put into the ground. It was as if putting him into

  the ground would put him through more unjust pain. She cried out, “Uncle! Don’t take him. Leave him! It’ll be too hot in the ground! Please, Uncle!”

  Ali, in sympathy for his niece, calmly spoke to her.

  “Child, we must take him. You understand this. Please allow me to do my duty towards my brother.” He looked at her with the same eyes as her father. She couldn’t refuse him, and she just fell into his arms and wailed. Ali couldn’t bear to look at his niece in her grief. He had to turn away and let his wife console her.

  Later that day, Fatima, Ali, Gulnare, and their three children returned to Ali’s house. After Gulnare had prepared some food, they all sat together on the veranda. No one said anything. They all still couldn’t believe that Karim and the others would never return. Their manner of death was even harder to believe.

  Not only did Ali’s heart break over losing his younger brother, but it broke over the fact that his brother’s child had watched him die. Karim eased Fatima’s burden of not having a mother, but how would Ali ease the pain of losing Karim? All these thoughts crossed his mind as he watched his inconsolable niece in her almost trance-like state.

  Suddenly, Fatima broke the silence. “Uncle, when will you take me home?”

  Ali, absorbed in the maze of his own thoughts and feelings, almost jumped at the sound of her voice.

  “Fatima, if you don’t mind, this will be your new home,” he said gently.

  “What of my home and my things?”

  “We will get your things soon, and we will sell your house. Whatever amount is paid for the house, I will keep in trust and will give to you when you come of age.”

  “Why can’t I stay there?”

  “You can’t stay there alone. You’re still a child.”

  “Uncle, I stopped being a child when my father was murdered before my eyes,” she said dispassionately.

  “I agree that you’ve experienced something that no one should be subjected to, let alone a child. But Fatima, don’t you want to be around people who love you? You and your cousins love being together. Now you will live in the same house. Isn’t that reason enough to come live with us?”

  “Alright, Uncle, if you wish it.”

  “Of course, I wish it. Now, go with Saleha and Perizaad. Go rest. Haroun, you go and rest as well, son.”

  Gulnare watched them all leave. “That poor girl,” she said with a sigh, “She is so lost.”

  “You’ll find her won’t you, Gulnare?”

  She smiled and took his hand.

  “And me too?” he asked as he quietly cried in her lap.

  After the funeral, Ali lost his heart for traveling. There were a number of caravans who offered to take him on, but he refused them all. Instead he opened up a shop, and lived a much quieter, simpler life.

  Time passed, as time is inclined to do. With time, Fatima fell out of her melancholic haze. She understood that Karim was gone, and she needed her uncle to take care of her. The whole family had always treated her as one of their own, and that remained the same.

  Fatima, however, had not remained the same. She acted as a full-fledged member of the family, enjoyed the company of her cousins, and seemed to return to her old self. Although never quite seeming sad, she had this aura of thoughtfulness. Sometimes, she would become lost in her own private reveries. No one knew the burden she continued to carry. Ali, who knew her better than the rest, recognized this slight change in his niece, although he couldn’t exactly pinpoint what was so different about her.

  One evening after they all had eaten, he approached her so that he could discover why she was still so troubled.

  “Fatima,” he said, “Why don’t you come and sit with me on the veranda?”

  “Yes, but where are Auntie and my cousins?”

  “They’ll be along soon enough. Come sit.”

  Fatima knew something was coming, but she wasn’t quite sure what.

  “How have you been feeling lately, child?”

  “Fine.”

  “How are your studies coming? Anything that you like?”

  “Well, yes. I enjoy History a great deal. Right now we’ve been studying military history and tactics. I’ve enjoyed that a great deal.”

  “Really? Usually women don’t enjoy those things. That’s quite interesting.”

  “Uncle, is there something in particular you would like to discuss with me?” she asked in her direct, yet unaffected way.

  “You have a way of getting right to the point,” he said with a smile.

  “So, I will follow your lead and get to the point myself. Fatima, I noticed that you still have this air of sadness about you. I know it’s only been a year since your father was taken from us, but there are times where you seem so irretrievably lost. I worry for you. I know that you’ll always miss him, but you can still find joy in your life without him. I do. As much as I miss him, I do.”

  “It’s not the same.”

  “I know. I know it isn’t. But what will you get by losing yourself in sadness? He’ll never come back.”

  “It’s not sadness that I’m lost in, although that is part of it…” she hesitated.

  “Then what is it?”

  “Guilt,” she said, as her eyes focused on the ground, and not her uncle.

  “Guilt? Why would you ever feel guilt? You didn’t send the bandits there. You didn’t kill him. What could you possibly feel guilty about?” he asked, with unrestrained emotion.

  “I distracted him. When the barrel I was h
iding in was knocked over, he looked over at me. It was at that moment that bandit stabbed him, when he wasn’t looking.”

  Ali let out a long sigh and put his niece’s face in both his hands. He pressed his forehead to hers. She still couldn’t look him in the eye.

  “Oh child! Why didn’t you talk to me about this sooner?”

  He lifted her chin up so that they were looking eye to eye.

  “Remember this: there was nothing you could do. Nothing. Your father’s first priority was making sure you were safe. Your life was more important to him than his own. That was not your fault. That was his duty as a father. What do you think would have happened if he hadn’t looked at you? The same thing might have happened. For that matter, you could blame me because I wasn’t there to protect him…”

  His voice trailed away as he said this. This was the first time he had said what lingered ever so slightly in is heart.

  “Uncle! No! You mustn’t…” she cried.

  He composed himself for her sake. “It was his time. If you want to blame anyone, blame the devils who took him from us. In the end, it is all Allah’s will.”

  “I do not understand Allah’s will.”

  “It is not for you to understand. Sometimes circumstances befall us that are not for us to comprehend, but to live with.”

  “How?”

  “First, get rid of your guilt. You cannot live with anything if you have that on your shoulders. Accept what has happened and move on. That is the only way.”

  For some time after this conversation, Fatima mulled her uncle’s words over. Although she didn’t say much, she always listened to what her uncle had to say. She respected him a great deal.

  More time passed. Fatima did manage to assuage her guilt. She began to accept that she did not put them in that situation. She knew everything Karim did in life centered on her. It was no great surprise then that his death would also be centered on her. She also realized had her father survived and she died, he could never live with it. Of course, it would have been better if they both survived, but that was not Allah’s will, whatever that may be.