“It was a terrible situation, Micah. I wish it could have happened differently. I’ve been over it so many times in my head, but the outcome’s always the same. I loved Joe, maybe not the same way that you did, but I loved him. He was like your conscience, always there to keep you in line,” Mitch remembered, a small smile gracing his tired face.
Joe was one of those kids that you just knew would always do the right thing, he didn’t give into the pressures that came with being a kid. Mitch couldn’t have asked for a better friend for his son, and every time he thought about him he felt this gaping wound deep in his soul. He knew that what he was feeling was pale in comparison to what his son must be feeling.
“I’m so so sorry, Son,” he said, pulling his son into him despite the searing pain that erupted across his side when he did. “I wish I could have gotten there soon enough, but I didn’t, and if I keep a hold of this guilt it’s going to eat me alive,” he whispered, a silent tear running down the side of his face.
Micah put his head in his hands. When he raised it again, tears were on the verge of spilling over. “I forgive you Dad, it’s not really you that I’m mad at,” he shook his head, the first tear making its trek down his cheek, “I’m angry at myself for how I acted, I wish I had said goodbye,” his voice broke as he continued, “I could have made it easier on him but I didn’t, I was too selfish. It was always like that with us. Always about me. Never about him,” Micah finished wiping angrily at the tears that stained his face.
“Don’t do that Micah. Don’t. Joe wouldn’t have wanted that,” Mitch told him, running his hand affectionately through his son’s hair. “You just showed him how much you loved him. You fought hard for him, and in the end, I’m sure that that meant more than a solemn goodbye would have.”
They sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity. Mitch, trying to summon the courage to give his son the letter that Joe had written for him. He hadn’t read the letter, didn’t know what it said, it wasn’t his to read. Now it was time to give it to Micah.
There was a sudden rap on the door before it sprang open. Juliette rushed in, her arms full of clothes. She stopped short when her eyes landed on them, “I just wanted to set your clothes down before I grab the other things you need,” she said in a rush. “Might take a bit,” she added as she quickly left the room.
Mitch looked back down at his son’s face and was surprised to see the open adoration in his expression. “Don’t be so surprised, Dad. Of course I like her, she’s really great. I’m glad you stopped to help her, even if I was an asshole about it,” Micah finished, his tone remorseful.
“Don’t beat yourself up son, we’ve all been a little off since the start of this thing. I’ve been in some pretty gruesome situations in life, seen some really terrifying things. But nothing as frightening as this. We’re all adapting, Micah, maybe one day it won’t feel so much like damnation,” Mitch said, his voice just barely above a whisper.
“Do you think we’ll make it?” Micah asked, the fear in his voice reminding Mitch that his son was still very much a child.
“I think we have a better shot than most. We have years’ worth of rations, and we’ll plant in the spring. Water’s not an issue. I think if we’re smart we have a really good chance, but no more going out by yourself. Ever,” Mitch finished, squeezing his son’s shoulder for emphasis.
“Trust me Dad, I will never do that again!” Micah exclaimed, his voice sincere.
“Good,” Mitch said, feeling a bit of relief. Both of his kids had that stubborn streak that blinded them to common sense sometimes.
“I have something that I need to talk to you about, Micah, and I need you to try and stay calm ok?” Mitch said, feeling his heart rate increase as he began to open the door on this conversation.
Micah looked up at him. Taking a deep breath, he nodded his head. The fright evident in his eyes. “What is it Dad?”
Mitch took a deep breath and dove in. There was no sense in beating around the bush. “After you left the school that day, before, before I took care of Joe,” Mitch paused, just saying his name caused his voice to hitch, “he wrote you a letter. He asked me to hold onto it until I thought you were ready. I think you’re ready,” he finished, hoping this wouldn’t set them back again.
He held his breath as he watched the emotions glint across his son’s face, first shock, then a snap of anger before finally settling with a look of awe. “He did that for me?” Micah asked.
“He did,” Mitch replied, reaching into the back pocket of his jeans to retrieve his wallet. He let out a hiss as he settled back on the sofa, that simple movement excruciating. He sat holding the wallet in his hands and just focused on his breathing for a moment. Nothing else, just that fluid motion; in, out, in, out, in. Until he felt the pain subside.
“Are you all right?” Micah questioned.
“Yeah, there’s a reason they say don’t get kicked by a horse,” Mitch said, trying to lighten the moment. Micah was afraid for him, he could see it in his son’s face, and in his reactions. Every time he shifted on the couch, Micah would make the motion to stand but catch himself before he raised from the sofa. “Just relax with me for a minute,” he finished, taking a deep breath.
When he felt the tension leave Micah, he opened his wallet and pulled out the letter he had been carrying around for the last week. His eyes locked on his son’s and he prayed that this was the right thing.
He tried to pass it to Micah but he shook his head no, “You read it, Dad.”
He unfolded the crinkled edges of the wide-ruled paper, and smiled at the nice neat hand writing that covered the page. That was Joe, nothing ever out of order, he thought, shaking his head.
Mic,
Well this sucks! Zombie apocalypse and I’m out in the first round. You better become some badass for me bro. I don’t want you moping around about this and get yourself eaten, you better live.
Don’t be pissed at your dad either, he’s doing what’s best for all of us, you saw it too, I know you did. I don’t want to be a flesh eater like Ms. Coleman. I don’t think I’d be cut out for this world, not if I had to see that every day. I hope you make it to the cabin I know you’ll be safe there.
Thanks for what you did for me last week, I was so fucking scared, there is no way I could have done it without you. I think it would have worked too. If all of this shit didn’t happen. Thanks for always being there for me, the only one who always had my back in this world. I love you Mic..
Joe
Mitch finished and reread the last paragraph silently before he looked up at his son. Micah had leaned forward on the couch, his arms across his stomach; trying to comfort the ache. His whole body bent forward, as a silent sob racked his body.
Mitch felt the tears flow freely at the sight of his son crippled by grief. He put his hand on Micah’s back, and the vibration from the soundless sobs created a ripple of goosebumps across his flesh. He began to rub small circles across his back, “shhhhh,” he whispered, much like he did when Micah was an infant.
The sudden knock on the door startled them both. Juliette stepped back into the room with a tub full of warm water and a few towels. “Oh Micah, what is it?” she asked, deep concern lining her face as she rushed to set down her load. She crouched to her knees in front of him. “What happened?” she asked, as she looked accusingly at Mitch.
He raised his hands in mock surrender, a small smile playing on his face. “I had a letter, we needed to read it,” he said simply, laying his hand on Micah’s shoulder in a show of support.
Micah leaned back into the cushions of the couch and took a deep breath, trying to steady his emotions. He reached over and picked the letter up off of Mitch’s lap. His hands shook as he folded it back into its original shape and passed it to Juliette.
“You want me to read it?” she asked, confused. “Micah, I can tell that this is deeply personal, you don’t need to share it with me,” she finished, trying unsuccessfully to pass the letter back.
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Chapter Twenty-Two
Juliette
Juliette took a deep breath, feeling selfish because the last thing she wanted to do was read the letter, but it was important to Micah, and she needed to do what she could for the kid. She opened the folds one by one, not knowing what to expect. The tears pooled in her eyes, causing the words to blur in front of her as she read the goodbye message from someone who must have really meant a lot to him.
Finishing the letter, she stood from her spot on the floor and took a seat on the couch beside him. She put her arm across his shoulders and pulled him over into a side embrace. She could feel the emotion thick and heavy in the air. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked unsure.
“It just doesn’t feel real. None of it does. I can’t believe he’s gone, it’s all gone,” he whispered.
“What was Joe talking about, what did you do last week?” Mitch asked, his deep voice a shock in the quiet room.
“It doesn’t matter,” Micah muttered under his breath.
“It did, it must’ve or he wouldn’t have mentioned it,” Mitch reasoned.
“Nothing matters anymore, Dad! Don’t you get that? It doesn’t matter that I had finally convinced him to stand up to that asshole, Neil, either. He’s right though, it was going to work. It was all set in motion, things were going to change,” Micah said, his voice full of contempt.
“Who’s Neil?” Juliette wondered out loud.
“A well-respected member of my fire squad, and Joe’s step dad,” Mitch answered, his words held a warning to his son.
“You’re blind, Dad, just like everyone else in that town,” Micah said, shaking his head in disgust. “We had proof though, and we took it to the chief last week. They were building a case against him. The police were going to take him in for questioning before all of this happened. Joe just wanted his mom to be free.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Mitch asked.
Juliette gave him a hard look. Whatever the kid was talking about had obviously distressed him, and if the boys were talking to the police then it must have been very serious. The way Mitch was reacting was going to cause Micah to clam up.
“What was Neil doing that you needed to talk to the police about?” Juliette questioned, her tone soft and caring. She glanced over Micah’s bent head, her eyes connecting with Mitch’s, she silently pleaded with him to keep his mouth shut. He was making this harder on Micah.
“He was mean, real mean. Especially once he had a few beers, and he had them every night. He’s been roughing up Joe since about a year after he married his mom, when Joe was just a kid. He always threatened his mom, though, ‘If you try and tell your mother, I’ll have to keep her quiet, is that what you want? You want to make me have to do something to your mother you little pansy ass?’ About a year ago, something changed. Cindy just sort of lost the spark in her eye, and Joe started noticing bruises on her. So, we set something up, so that we would have proof of who he really was. Neil almost always laid into Joe on Friday nights, so Joe snuck me in, I hid in the closet and recorded the whole thing,” he finished, his voice sounding broken at the memory.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you. What would you have done if Neil found you in there?” Mitch said, his voice a mixture of anger and sadness.
“Because Neil was a ‘well respected member of your fire squad.’ You wouldn’t have believed me,” Micah answered, his own anger evident.
“Wow, Micah, I’m sorry that you had to deal with something so terrible. Joe was lucky to have such a great friend,” Juliette told him, taking his hand in her own. This was the ugly truth about the world, you never really knew anyone. You may think you do, but everyone has their secrets, some darker and uglier than others.
“I’m sorry too, Micah. Sorry that Neil was like that, and sorry for the way I reacted when you began telling us. You’re right, I probably would have lost my shit, but I would have believed you. I do believe you,” Mitch said, shaking his head. “That prick’s lucky that things ended up this way. I would have laid him out.”
Juliette let out a short burst of laughter. “Oh yeah, lucky Neil, instead of dealing with the wrath of Mitch he gets to take on a herd of zombies. I’m sure he’s relieved,” she finished, taking some of the heaviness from the room with her words.
“Yeah, Dad, you’re way scarier than a bunch of flesh eaters,” Micah joked as he began to stand. “I’m going to go check on Nana Kate and then call it a day, it’s been real,” he smiled, bumping knuckles with his dad.
Juliette stood and embraced him for a moment. “Good night, Micah. You need anything at all, just knock on my door,” she told him, studying his face for traces of pain. He was healing remarkably well, but his injuries had been very serious, although she knew his heart was suffering the most.
Once the door closed behind him, she turned back to Mitch. He was leaning back into the sofa, his eyes fighting to stay open. “Let’s get you cleaned up, so you can get some rest,” she said slipping back into nurse mode for her weary patient.
The water she’d brought in had cooled, so she took it to the sink and dumped it. Turning the faucet on, she waited with one finger under the stream until the water was nice and warm, then refilled the tub and turned back to Mitch.
His breathing had leveled out as he succumbed to the sleep that was calling him. She could only imagine the day he’d had. Just the small exchange she had seen out the window must have been incredibly exhausting both mentally and physically. She wondered what had happened when they found Mike and what kind of terror they had faced there.
She shook herself from her thoughts and bent down in front of him. “This should be nice and warm,” she whispered, as she lightly touched the rag to his chest. He surprised her by grabbing her hand and slowly pulling it up in front of his face. She felt his breath on the sensitive skin on the inside of her wrist, causing a ripple of goosebumps up her arms as he placed the softest kiss there.
Juliette stumbled back as a soft moan escaped her and heat flooded her cheeks. She didn’t miss the satisfied smile that graced his face as he sank deeper into the sofa, his eyes still closed. She took a calming breath before she dipped the rag back into the warm water and started again.
“Thank you for comforting Micah, he needs that,” Mitch said quietly.
“He’s a really great kid, Mitch, they both are,” Juliette replied, thinking about the natural leader that Emily became whenever there was a need. “You’ve raised them well.”
“I think Kate’s responsible for all of the good parts. They do get their stubborn pigheadedness from me though, I can’t deny it,” he joked as she continued to rinse his skin.
“I can’t believe I never knew what was happening to Joe. I keep running things through my head. All of the signs were there, I can’t believe I missed it. I really let him down,” Mitch confessed, his grief compounding.
“You can’t blame yourself, Mitch, you should be proud of your son for being such a great friend. Did Joe spend a lot of time with you guys?” Juliette asked as she dried the water droplets from Mitch’s skin.
“He did. He would stay for whole weeks in the summer. Those boys were inseparable. He was an extra son to me, much like Drew is,” Mitch replied.
“You were his safe haven then, a reprieve from the terror of home. You did a lot for him, Mitch, even if you didn’t realize it at the time. Try to find comfort in that,” she told him, as she finished drying him off. “All right, time for you to get some fresh clothes on, I’ll go set you up a place to sleep.”
“Yes Ma’am,” he said with a tired sigh.
She let the smile take over her face as soon as she stepped out the door. This man was her silver lining against the horror that raged on outside of this place.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Mitch
“A roamer is coming at you, where are you going to aim?” He asked--the same question he had asked every morning for the last several weeks. He knew that th
ey all knew the answer; but he wanted it to be so ingrained in their mind, as well as their body, that it would become like an instinct, pure reflex, a single blow every time. That was the only way that they would survive a horde of the flesh eaters.
“Head, neck, decapitate,” they all replied in unison. Hayden rolled her eyes as she did.
“Hayden, this will save your life every time. Save the eyerolls for Nana Kate, when she makes you eat your vegetables. When you’re here, you’re focused,” he told her, trying to hide the amusement he felt. She was so much like Emily at that age.
He knew Emily saw it too. The girls had become really close in the last few weeks. They all had. Mitch had started this training class the day after they’d returned. Travis and Emily had volunteered right away to teach the combat training. His ribs wouldn’t allow him to do so. He was proud of his daughter, she was a natural leader and had a gift with teaching, and despite the occasional argument, she and Travis worked well together.
Every morning, Hayden, Jimmy, Henry, Anna, and Juliette all came down to his training room and prepared. They were becoming killers--that’s all there was room for in this world. What he was teaching them was the mental side--to react instantaneously--there was no room for any hesitation.
“Anna, you’re in the kitchen helping prepare dinner, where is your weapon?” he asked. He had been doing random checks when they weren’t in training, and when he had asked Anna yesterday she didn’t have it with her.
“On my person. Always on my person, unless I’m sleeping or bathing, and then it’s in arms reach. I must never be caught unprepared, it’s certain death if I am,” she replied. It was verbatim to the speech he had given her last night. Good, hopefully it would be the last time she left herself vulnerable.
Side Effects: Book Two: Visions of Despair Page 16