Side Effects: Book Two: Visions of Despair

  “They took a vote today, and the majority ruled that the best course of action for our current situation is a nuclear bomb. They think that it will stop this from spreading to their countries, they think that they are doing what’s best for their people, but they’re wrong. They’re wrong!” I finish, shaking with a deep cold fury.

  “We have to stop this,” Travis said, while at the same time, Mike said, “They can’t do this.” Both men began to pace.

  “We will,” Anna interjects, not even a quiver in her voice.

  “This is fucking nuts,” Henry says in disbelief.

  I’m still not sure if I like Henry, I definitely don’t trust him, I think he would do whatever it takes to stay alive, even if that meant hurting someone. I would be worried about it, but I can tell that Mitch is watching him.

  “Keep your doubt to yourself,” Anna chided.

  “How long do we have?” Emily asks, gripping Drew’s hand tightly. Drew doesn’t say a word, but terror has taken over his usually calm face. Hayden is on the other side of Emily and she is repeatedly slamming her fist into her hand, she’s red; angry, aggressive, ready to fight.

  “Two weeks. They haven’t told our guys yet, they’re still letting them think they can find a way out of this.” When I say it, I look over at Anna again, hoping to see the same flash from before. Nothing, not even a glitch. Maybe I imagined it.

  “So, what’s the plan? How do we get out of this mess? They can’t honestly think this is the best idea, I mean there must be millions of uninfected people here,” Mitch says.

  “I don’t know, I was hoping you guys would have some ideas,” I answer, suddenly feeling very tired. I just want to close my eyes and picture my dad. I’ve been watching him, I know he’s safe for now. I bet he’d know just what to do. As soon as I have the thought, that flash is back, only this time Anna’s not alone, my dad is standing beside her. I spring up off Nana Kate’s lap. That must be it, Anna must find him in D.C. I didn’t even know he was there.

  “Woa, what is it Jimmy?” Kate asks.

  “I’m not sure, I think that Anna still needs to go to D.C.” I tell them, they’re all staring at me like my pants are on fire.

  “Of course, Jimmy, I wasn’t going to let this change my plan, if anything it just gave me more reason to go. If I can get an audience with these people, then surely I can convince them that this idea of theirs is ludicrous, barbaric even.”

  I love how sure she is, it makes me almost believe it. But I saw all of my friends--every last one of them--explode into light, and then...nothing. Everything just went black. It’s crazy to think about something being so bright that you can’t see beyond it, and then in an instant, black; infinite blackness. I wonder if that is how death will be, nothing except for the absence of everything.

  “I’m going too,” Hayden says, stepping forward.

  “The hell you are!” Mitch roars.

  “Hayden, that’s ridiculous, you’re not going out there,” Juliette laughs, like someone just told a joke. She looks like she’s trying not to freak out. They’ve all been through so much already, I hate making it worse.

  “I’m going, I told you before, my parents are still out there, and D.C. is a whole lot closer to Virginia than Washington state is!” Hayden yells back at him. She’s just like me, a world away from her parents. She had come out here to stay with her grandma. Her family was getting ready to move here, and they had sent her and her brother to stay with her while they finished selling their house. “If we’re all just dying anyway, I’m going to die finding my parents!” she finishes, storming out of the room.

  Juliette laughs again, only louder this time, “This is crazy!” she says, hopping up to follow Hayden.

  Mitch gets up and follows after them. I can tell he thinks of Hayden like a daughter. He’s always making comments about how much she reminds him of Emily. I hope he lets her go, she deserves a chance to find her parents and she’s super tough. If they don’t drop their bomb, maybe she can make it home.

  Mike begins speaking to Anna, “I secured us a ride out of here on a chopper, it’s heading for the base in D.C., and it leaves in four days. I’ll have to see if they have room for one more.”

  “What?! That’s amazing! Are you serious, just four days?” Anna says, her composure gone as she begins jumping up and down while clapping her hands.

  “Calm down princess, it’s just a ride,” Mike says, a light smile on his face.

  “I warned you about that princess business,” she tells him, halting her excitement to send a scowl his way. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go pack.”

  Mike shakes his head and chuckles lightly as Anna walks out. The room is clearing, and we still haven’t found a solution to the problem. My eyes lock on Mike’s, and I see the nightmare that’s been plaguing my sleep. It must happen before the bomb, because it’s still the same. It’s still painful to watch and impossible to get away from.

  Kate reaches forward and grabs my hand. I feel all of my energy drain away, and all I want to do is sleep. I sit back down with her, and let myself be enveloped by her warmth. Leaning back into her, I close my eyes. Sometimes I really hate the future and all of its horrible choices.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Juliette

  Juliette quickly followed Hayden down the stairs, trying to contain the emotion that kept slipping out as laughter at the most inappropriate times. She needed to get ahold of herself. She knew the girl was heading down here the moment she took off. Once Hayden’s leg healed, the majority of her free time was spent in the gym, pounding out her frustrations on the punching bag, or working to build strength another way. Juliette thought she did it as a way to have control over something when so much control had been lost.

  When she reached the door, she stood for a moment with her head resting against the wood. They were going to drop a nuclear bomb. She was going to die. Everyone who might have had a chance against the dead, would be killed by the politicians of another country. The government Juliette shook her head. It would be the government to bring them all down, even if it wasn’t their own.

  She walked into the cool room and was surprised to see Hayden, sitting with her head in her hands, shoulders shaking as she silently cried. “Oh hon,” Juliette consoled her, quickly sitting on the floor beside her. “Let’s talk about this ok? Something has to happen. I mean, they can’t possibly want to drop bombs on that many innocent people. Someone will take a stand against them and make them see how wrong it is.”

  “I lost my grandma and my brother. I’m not going to miss the chance to find my mom and dad. I would rather die trying than not even try at all. Don’t you understand that? Where I come from, you don’t give up on the people you love. I won’t give up on them, I can’t, and if we’re all just going to die anyway, I want to at least try to see them before it happens.”

  Juliette felt Mitch’s comforting presence as he entered the room. Before she could respond, he said, “As a parent, I can say that they would want you to stay here where you’re safe. I bet they’re already trying to find their way to you, Hayden. You go looking for them, they might never find you. If you stay here, you might have a chance.”

  Juliette looked up at him, her heart weary. he had such a hard time releasing control because he was such a stubborn man. She knew that he wasn’t doing it to be selfish, that it was an almost primal need to want to protect those you cared about, and over the last several weeks, Hayden had become family to him. If she stayed he could protect her. Once she was out those doors, her fate was hers alone to protect, and that was the problem.

  “You saw how it was out there with those monsters, and that was just a few of them. You freeze up out there, and that’s it, end of the story, no more Hayden.” Mitch said honestly, his eyes silently pleading with her to help him convince the girl to stay, to help her make the safe choice.

  Juliette thought for a few moments before she said anything. It was tough because she could see it from both an
gles. Mitch was right that Hayden was safe here; her odds of survival were much higher...as long as no bombs were dropped. But if they were all going to die in a few weeks anyway, what did it matter? maybe they should just let the girl try. “I don’t know what to say here.”

  “You tell her she needs to stay,” Mitch said, fuming.

  “When you were here and Emily wasn’t, you said that she knew what to do and would find her way to this place. You have given those same skills to Hayden. I think that if this is really what she wants to do, we shouldn’t stand in her way because this is the best shot she has of making it home,” Juliette told him, deciding in that moment that she would no longer try to stand in the girl’s way.

  “Hayden has only had weeks to train, and just got back on her feet a few days ago. She may be mentally prepared, but you can’t compare her combat training to Emily’s--who has been training most of her life.”

  “Look at the bigger picture, Mitch. If something doesn’t change, we’re all dead in two weeks anyway!” Juliette yelled, jumping to her feet. She didn’t want to continue this conversation sitting beneath him.

  Hayden stood too, and took a shaky breath as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I don’t want you guys to fight over me. I’m going no matter what you say,” she said, her voice absolute as she walked out of the room.

  Mitch stood with his hands on his hips, shaking his head, his anger palpable. “You could have helped me convince her of the right choice. What she’s doing is suicide, Juliette. She’s going to die out there!”

  “Didn’t you hear what Jimmy said?” Juliette asked, her anger rising to meet his.

  “Of course I did, but that doesn’t mean anything. He’s told me before that things can change. I don’t believe that it’s going to happen because they can’t be that ignorant. Not only would they be slaying millions of innocent people, but I have read countless studies showing that a massive nuclear explosion could potentially poison the air for the entire planet. That it could very well be the beginning of the extinction of the entire human race,” Mitch said.

  “Ignorance is often ruled by fear, and what’s scarier than the zombies outside? I’m sure that most people are not thinking clearly anymore,” Juliette replied.

  Mitch scrubbed his hands over his face, then raked them through his hair. He looked vulnerable and defeated. He let out a deep breath and Juliette could see his anger begin to dissipate. “You really think she has a chance out there?”

  “I think she has a better chance of finding her parents out there than she ever would holed up inside this cabin for the rest of her life. I know she’s young, but she’s fierce. Don’t count her out just because you’re not going to be there to protect her,” Juliette told him, stepping closer. She wanted to reach out to him, to offer comfort, but she wasn’t sure after the way he had acted last time.

  He surprised her as he pulled her closer. His hand lightly gripped the back of her neck as he placed a vulnerable kiss on her lips. Juliette felt the tingles all the way up her body as his thumb gently brushed across her bottom lip when he pulled his face back.

  “I’m sorry they’re leaving, it’s hard for me too. I don’t want to let them go, but I don’t think it’s up to us,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around him. “The best thing we can do is show them support before they go.”

  He stood unmoving, his body tense with all the day had thrown at them, but after a moment he relented and began to relax into her embrace, “I’m sorry I was such an asshole earlier, this has me feeling like I’m going mad, and I don’t know what to do to stop it. I can see Jimmy’s vision being true. Of course they would want to contain this, and if it’s just here--on our continent--a nuke would probably be the most rational plan of action.”

  “There is nothing rational about nuclear weapons,” Juliette responded, the fear cold and heavy in her stomach. The thought leaving nothing but despair in her mind. It washed in like a wave taking out every other thought in its place. She felt the tears bubbling to the surface, but was helpless to stop them. They slipped down her face, unbidden. The sobs were so big, they lodged in her throat--emitted no sound at all-- and made it hard to breathe. She felt as if reality were slipping away from her, and she was going to be lost in this tumbling chaotic sea of despair.

  Mitch was there, rubbing her arms, trying to get her to focus on his face. “Juliette!” he kept saying, as he lowered her to the ground. “You need to breathe! Take a big deep breath!” She could hear him saying these things, but she couldn’t pull it in. She couldn’t get past the lump of emotion that was lodged like a gag in her throat. She couldn’t swallow past it, couldn’t breathe past it. The last thing she heard before her vision went black was Mitch calling for help.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Mitch

  Mitch lowered Juliette to the ground. It seemed like everything was slipping away from him, and he had no control over anything anymore. “I need some help down here!” he called for the third time. He didn’t want to leave her alone there on the ground, but he couldn’t carry her up the stairs on his own. Just Jimmy’s small body had been hard on his ribs. He couldn’t do it again--not without risking a setback.

  Now that Juliette was unconscious, her breathing was leveling out. He should have been paying closer attention to her, not yelling at her when she was already juggling with such strong emotions. Mitch thought about what Jimmy had said, the words like ice in the pit of his stomach. Would this really be the end of everything?

  He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of someone descending the stairs. Good, he wanted to get her someplace comfortable before she woke up.

  “Hey Dad, what happened?” Emily asked, as she stepped into the room with Drew right behind her.

  The look on his daughter’s face was bleak, the color stripped from her, making her appear fragile and broken. “She’s just having a hard time processing what Jimmy said--I think we all are,” Mitch told her.

  Drew squatted in front of Juliette. “I’ll take her upstairs,” he said, scooping up her small body and leaving the room.

  Emily reached out a hand, pulling him up from the ground. “It’s not over yet, Dad, we’ll figure out something.”

  “I hope so, Em,” Mitch replied, squeezing her hand gently before he let it go.

  “Jimmy has been saying since the beginning that Anna needs to go to D.C., and I’m so glad she doesn’t have to go alone. You know Uncle Mike will keep her safe. They’ll think of something--be somewhere that changes things--I’m not sure how it will work, but this is what I choose to see. We can’t lose hope, Dad,” Emily said, flooding his heart with pride and love for his baby girl.

  Drew placed Juliette in the recliner. She had regained consciousness, and was sitting silently as the tears continued to stream down her face. Kate perched on the arm of the chair and was trying to comfort her. Mitch wasn’t sure what to do or say. How do you offer comfort when the future looks so bleak?

  “Mitchel, go make some tea, something rich and dark, I think this situation calls for a lot of body and flavor. Oh, and be a dear and make some toast too. Maybe Micah can help,” Kate finished.

  Mitch was glad to get away for a moment, but he was worried about taking his son with him. His own emotions were so askew, he didn’t want to burden Micah with that. When he glanced over to the sofa where Micah was sitting, it was clear why Kate wanted them out of the room. He should have been paying more attention to his son. The poor kid was dealing with so much. Mitch needed to put his own fears aside and focus on helping him.

  Micah sat hunched in the middle of the sofa, rocking himself. The utter anguish he was feeling must’ve been devastating. Mitch couldn’t even begin to imagine the feelings of every person in the room slamming into you all at once. Mitch could feel the weight of it, and he didn’t have this ability that his son had.

  “Come on, Mic, let’s go,” he said, offering his hand.

  He held his breath as he watched his son try desperately to clim
b out of the pit of darkness that was surrounding him. Mitch could hear him counting quietly. “One...Two...Three..” all the way to ten before he raised his head. He looked so much like he did as a little boy. He had never liked being around other people. It wasn’t that he’d been an unhappy kid, he’d just preferred time alone, or with Joe. But he’d never enjoyed meeting new people, and would always have a look of fear on his face whenever they were going to do something new.

  There was so much distress and anguish on Micah’s face, it had effectively rewound the clock, transporting him back in time to the first days of elementary school. He was very much a scared little boy in this moment.

  Mitch took a seat on the sofa beside him, and just wrapped him in his arms. “We’re going to be okay, we’ll move down into the bomb shelter if it comes to that, but we’re not going to give up, you can’t lose hope.”

  Micah shook his head, resolve slowly slipping in--replacing the fear. Good, if he could pull himself together and stay strong, they could get through this. Everyone just needed to stay calm.

  Mitch stood and reached out for Micah again. This time, the boy gripped his hand firmly and pulled himself up. Drew was watching them intently, “Do you need some more help? I’ll come with you guys,” he said, ready to break free of the room.

  “Why don’t you go with Micah? I’ll be right behind you guys,” Mitch said, stopping beside Juliette’s chair.

  “On it,” Drew replied, taking Mitch’s place at Micah’s side. Mitch watched in wonder as Micah’s shoulders loosened and his shaking subsided. Drew was always like a blanket of comfort for his son, a big brother to look up to. Mitch was grateful for them both.

  He turned his attention to Juliette. She was breathing more regularly now, but her exhales still held a quiver. Mitch got down on his knees so that he could be close to her. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and make her feel safe. He ran his hand softly down her cheek, bent down and placed a tender kiss to her mouth. “We’ll be ok, don’t give up hope,” he whispered before he stood to go to the kitchen.