by M. Sembera
Once the meeting was over, I left before anyone else. Pulling reports to file, I wanted to get the necessity of being in Jackson's office over with. Thinking I could be in and out before he made it back, I hurried in and straight to the file cabinets.
My entire body tensed the moment I heard the office door close and Jackson say, "Ren."
I froze for a moment before shaking it off and continuing to do my job.
"Would you like to take a personal day?" he offered.
Instantly furious, I slammed the file cabinet and shouted, "You don't want me here."
Taken aback, he fussed, "Please lower your voice. The entire office doesn't need to know our business."
"Then maybe you shouldn't have announced it before we got married, hypocrite," I snapped at him.
Leaning against the front of his desk, he replied, "Ren, please."
My irritation quickly dissolved into sadness as I stated, "I just want to do my job."
Nodding at me, he asked, "Where were you?" before adding, "I came back and you weren't home."
Drawing in a deep breath, I answered, "I saw you got your stuff. I think you still have some things in the laundry, I can bring them here or take them to your mom's if you want."
Scowling at me before pushing away from his desk and stepping closer, Jackson shared, "I came back to talk to you and you were not there."
Confused, I asked, "What?"
"I wasn't gone but for about thirty minutes when I came back. I needed a minute. You really hurt me but I got to thinking, how could I leave you there without anyone after what happened with Sophia. I sat there all night waiting for you. When I woke up in the morning and you still hadn't come home, I packed my bags and left."
Not knowing what to think or how to react, I just stood there staring at him.
Who leaves someone and comes right back? Saturday was such catastrophe I was having trouble remembering exactly what was said before he walked out.
Still finding it hard to believe, I asked, "You really came back?"
As Jackson nodded, his expression changed.
"So was Ignacio sympathetic?" he questioned.
"What?" I asked, shaking my head.
With a serious expression, Jackson replied, "He's your go to guy when there's a problem, right."
"How could you think that?" I questioned, now wounded by his accusation.
Shaking his head at me, he replied, "I don't know what to think."
Nodding at him, I spouted, "Well I do," before sharing, "I think it's good you held onto your apartment and I am taking a personal day."
Storming out of Jackson's office, I grabbed my purse from under my desk and walked out of the building and straight to my car.
In lieu of going home to an empty house, I was glad Amila said I could come over early. As it turned out, she was going to call me at work anyway. Charlotte was in a fight at school and Emerson went to pick her up.
~
Sitting in Amila's kitchen, I felt at ease. I appreciated being able to just sit with a friend and enjoy a cup of coffee.
Her eyes were curious as she asked, "You didn't go to work today?"
With a heavy sigh, I replied, "I went but I didn't stay very long."
"Are you going to quit?" she asked.
Shrugging, I replied, "I don't want to. I mean, I love it there. What else am I gonna do if I don't work at JPT."
Her eyes where sympathetic as she offered, "I think it would be hard to work there since Jackson walked out on you."
Slouching in the chair, I shared, "It turns out, he didn't leave me. Not at first anyway. He left because he was upset but then he came back. I was here and when I didn't come home, he left the next morning."
Sitting up tall, she said, "Oh, then y'all are okay."
Shaking my head, I admitted, "No. He thought I was with another man when I left."
Confused she asked, "Why didn't you tell him you were here?"
Thinking that would have made sense, I answered, "That wasn't the point. It was that he thought I would do that the second he walked out and I don't know it's complicated."
Appearing unsure of herself for a moment, Amila rested her hands on top of the kitchen table before giving me a light smile.
"Ren, you and everyone else have so much history together, I feel like I'm out of the loop."
Smiling at her, I said, "Amila, you and I have been friends for years now."
Nodding, she replied, "I know and I'm not trying to be nosey, I swear, its just I don't understand a lot of what's going on with you or why you do the things you do."
Thinking 'join the club', I shared, "Alright. You know about my father because Emerson has told you but there is a lot more to it. Do you remember when I told you I was in a bad relationship before Hert?"
"The 'even when it was good it was bad' one?" she asked.
As I nodded in confirmation, I continued, "I didn't leave him because of what was happening. I left because I found out I was pregnant."
"Oh my gosh, Ren," she sympathized.
Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I explained, "When I left him, I ended up back here. I told Emerson first then he told Jackson and then I told Hert. Only the four of us were supposed to know and we came up with this plan. It seemed simple enough. Then I fell in love with Hert because I thought he had always loved me and it turned out that wasn't the case." Pausing to reflect on how naïve I was, I continued, sharing, "My father was one of the founding members of M.R. Industries so Hert needed my shares to take over and he had to be married to me for that to happen. When I finally figured everything out, it just so happened that we weren't the only four that knew about Sophia. It was scary for me and I was way out of my league so I hired The Brothers to help me. They did and... Ignacio, who is vice president of M.R. now, really... I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him." When I noticed the expression on Amila's face, I cleared my throat and explained, "I just wanted Sophia to have a better life than I did growing up with parents that loved her. And I wanted my friends to be okay and happy too. Then not that long ago, her natural father Henley, figured it out. I thought Ignacio might be able to help me because there is a history with Fiore and Henley also. It didn't do any good though because Henley told Sophia and now she hates me. Jackson found out I went to someone else instead of talking to him and got hurt and now here we are."
With a hint of understanding, Amila said, "Ren, I remember how bad it was. I didn't know all that but I remember feeling so bad for you because you always looked so...broken. Sophia doesn't appreciate what you went through for her?"
"She doesn't know any of it either," I replied.
Amila quickly blurted, "So tell her!"
Shaking my head, I shared, "With all that, comes things I don't want her to know about me. All she knows is that my parents are dead and there is nothing left from them because the house burned down. And that her dad owns M.R. Industries. I don't want her to know what I was like then."
"I guess I understand," she replied.
Giving her a half-hearted smile, I said, "I know you don't really but I would rather her think I made one huge mistake than for her to find out about the multitude of things I've done wrong in my life. I went through things that I don't ever want to think about and I don't want to explain them to my daughter either."
Amila stood up from her chair, stepped over and hugged me.
~
Charlotte stomped up the stairs with Amila right behind her, the moment she and Emerson returned to the house. Shaking his head, he sat down on the couch with a frustrated expression.
"I honestly have no clue as to what to do with her," he shared.
Sitting down next to him, I asked, "What happened?"
With a heavy sigh he replied, "I grounded her for two weeks because she got into a fight and she is acting like I am the one who did something wrong."
"She should have already been grounded for what she pulled Saturday. So why did she get into a fight?"
Emerson took a deep breath and informed, "I assume what happened Saturday has a lot to do with it. A few girls were calling her names and one of them shoved her. Charlotte hauled off and punched her in the eye."
Trying not to smile, I replied, "Oh," nodding my head.
Glaring at me, Emerson fussed, "It's not funny Ren, she is supposed to be a young lady."
Giving him a dose of reality, I asked, "Do you consider me a lady?"
"Of course I do but..." he started before I said, "I would have done the same thing."
Shaking his head, he admitted, "I don't know how to parent her."
Nudging him, I consoled, "I thought that's why you called in an expert," with a wide smile.
Emerson started to laugh, stopping the moment Charlotte stepped in front of us.
Amila leaned down and kissed Emerson before hugging me again and leaving to pick their other kids up from school. An unhappy expression covered Charlotte's face as she stared at Emerson.
With a slight huff she stated, "Sorry."
I watched as Emerson stood up in front of her, replying, "Thank you for apologizing," before he turned away and walked upstairs.
Looking up at her, I suggested, "You should be nicer to Emerson. He loves you."
"Please, he just doesn't want his family to look bad," she argued.
"Charlotte that's not true, he just kicked down someone's door for you," I reminded before saying, "I promise, he really does love you."
Appearing uncomfortable, she questioned, "Does he love you?"
Nodding, I replied, "Yes, very much and he's never once kicked down a door for me. I hope that gives you an idea how he feels about you."
Glancing around the room for a moment, she asked, "Can you give this to William?" pulling an envelope out of her back pocket.
Scowling at her, I said, "That depends, what is it?"
"An apology letter," she replied.
Taking the letter from her, I realized I left my purse in the car as I stood up and said, "I'm going to go home and think of some things for you to work on. But step two, definitely no fighting."
Charlotte stopped me after I shouted goodbye to Emerson, saying, "Wait, you didn't tell me anything about yourself today."
"I said I would tell you one thing about myself not something every time we meet," I assured.
Making a face at me, she griped, "Whatever."
Rolling my eyes at her, I caved, "Alright then, when I was seven, I gave my best friend a bloody nose then taunted him relentlessly for several months because he cried."
Charlotte instantly started to laugh. Finding some joy in the memory, myself, I smiled, walking out of the door.
In my car, I grabbed my purse to stick Charlotte's letter to William inside. Noticing a flashing, I grabbed my cellphone and saw I had five missed calls from Mrs. Thomas. Convinced I couldn't ignore her, I called her back.
A cheery hello, made me feel terrible as I greeted, "Hey."
There was a noticeable change in her voice as she replied, "Honey, would you like to come over for dinner tonight," even though I could tell she trying to sound up-beat.
"I can come Wednesday, if that's okay," I replied, trying to buy myself time before I had to face her.
"Sounds good, see you then," she agreed before hanging up.
Slowly exhaling, I pulled away from the Roberts' house and headed home.
20
Purpose in Routine
Starting my new routine, I decided calling Sophia would be a nice way to begin my mornings. I would call her every morning for the rest of my life if I needed to. When Ailin answered, he said he was on his way to work and again he was sorry but Sophia had nothing to say to me. I asked him to tell her I loved her and he said he would.
Dressing in my Tuesday attire, a thought of how at ease my self-imposed routines made me, gave me a great idea for Charlotte. As I made a mental note to set her up with her own routine, I folded the last of Jackson's clothes before placing them into a bag and setting them beside my bed. I was glad his clothes smelled like laundry detergent now. The previous night while placing clothes in the washer, the scent of my clothes mixed with his brought tears to my eyes.
Before I knew it, it was time for me to head to work. I made it to JPT a few minutes before I actually wanted to. Instead of heading straight into work, I took my time getting out of my car, relieved to see Jackson's already parked in the parking lot.
When I finally decided it was time to head inside, I heard a snotty voice say, "Feeling better today?"
Turning towards Marabeth, I replied, "Yes I am. Thank you. I really appreciate you asking because I know you truly have my best interests at heart," and then I just stared at her.
She gave me a blank stare as if she could not figure out how to respond before turning and walking into the building. In a far better mood now than I thought I would be, I walked into JPT with a smile on my face.
Shuffling through papers on my desk, I scooped the extra files into my arms and headed into Jackson's office. Tapping on his door first, I stepped in.
Without looking directly at him, I greeted, "Mornin'," as I continued to the file cabinets.
Jackson's voice was raspy as he replied, "Morning," causing me to quickly turn around.
Sitting at his desk with his arms folded in front of him as he rested his head on them, he looked awful.
Out of instinct, I asked, "Are you okay?"
Nodding into his arms, Jackson answered, "I think I'm getting sick."
Without thinking, I set the files down and walked over to him. Reaching out to touch his forehead, I hesitated. The helpless look in his eyes caused my heart to tighten as I placed my hand across his forehead.
"You're a little warm but I don't think you have a fever," I shared with a longing to press my lips against him to make sure.
Closing his eyes, Jackson sounded both hoarse and stuffy as he said, "I feel like crap."
"Why don't you go home then? There's nothing on the calendar for today," I replied.
"I can't. I have to go to the bar at lunch, William hasn't been coming in," he mumbled into his arms.
Wondering if Charlotte was the reason William was flaking out on work, I assured, "Well, just rest then and I'll make sure no one bothers you."
Nodding into his arms, he gave a slight smile.
A strange feeling started to overwhelm me. It wasn't that I couldn't keep my hands off of Jackson or that I had an irrational need to be with him. He was sick and all I could think about was how nice it would be to make him some honey and lemon tea and curl up in bed with him until he felt better. It didn't matter to me that we weren't together. My husband was sick and I was just as in love with him as I was the night he proposed. I wanted to take care of him.
~
I stopped by Auggie's on my lunch break to give William Charlotte's apology letter but no one was home. After finding their spare key under a rock on the porch, I left the letter on William's bed. On the way back to work, I picked up a few things for Jackson at the grocery store. He wasn't back yet so I decided to leave the feel better items I bought him on his desk with a note.
Placing everything in the shape of a heart on his desk, I set a note in the center that read Feel Better ♥ Ren. Pleased with my thoughtfulness, I started to head out of his office when a yellow post-it on his computer screen caught my eye. Glaring at it, I was outraged. Written on the post-it was a phone number and If you ever need to talk- Marabeth. At that moment, I actually weighed my options of it might be worth some jail time for what I was considering doing to her. Better judgment prevailed, but not before I snatched the post it off of his screen and walked out of his office.
Watching everyone trickle back into the office from lunch, I could feel my whole person fume the moment I saw Marabeth. Pushing every instinct that was engrained in my very being to the side, I smiled and walked over to her desk.
"Did you have a nice lunch?" I asked.
Giving me a dirty look, she sat behind he
r desk saying, "Yea."
Taking a controlled breath, I stated, "Since you were so concerned about my feelings this morning, I decided I am going to save you from yourself."
With an unappreciative grimace, she snapped, "What are you talking about?"
Lowering my voice so as not to be overheard, I slapped the post-it down on her desk and stressed, "You accidently left this in Jackson's office."
As I pulled my hand away, Marabeth looked at the post-it and froze.
Narrowing my eyes at her, I assured, "I say accidentally because you and I both know what a mistake it would be to have done that on purpose."
Nodding at her, Marabeth's eyes grew wide as she nodded back.
Ruining Marabeth's tacky attempt at getting closer to Jackson, I thought it might just be a good idea to go ahead and change my driver's license. Knowing it was long overdue and mentally acknowledging we were not even together anymore, how was I supposed to stake a legitimate claim on him if my last name was still Herterand? Making my way from Marabeth's desk to mine, I saw Jackson walk in. I quickly grabbed my purse from under my desk and headed towards him.
Jackson still looked terrible, but I felt okay asking for the rest of the day off since I left every item he would possibly need to feel better on his desk.
"Hey, I need the rest of the day off," I blurted trying to hurry.
Without a verbal response, he nodded before I rushed around him, out of the building and to my car.
~
Pulling into Amila's back driveway, I was thankful I left JPT when I did. I had to wait in line for two and a half house at DPS before I made it to the front of the line to change the name on my driver's license.
Before I made it to the back door, Charlotte stepped out and asked, "What did he say?"
Thinking 'dang she doesn't waste any time', I answered, "He wasn't home, I left your letter on his bed."