The Middle Finger of Fate (A Trailer Park Princess Cozy Mystery Book 1)

by Kim Hunt Harris

  “Did you tell him why you wanted to know?”

  “Actually, yes. We told him we were conducting an investigation into Lucinda Cruz’s murder and were trying to get a clue as to where all the key players were. And you know what?”

  Bobby raised an eyebrow, trying to look bored, but in light of the fact that someone had resorted to physical violence to stop me, I didn’t think he could ignore the fact that I was a force to be reckoned with. Possibly.

  “He didn’t ask why we wanted to talk to him. It didn’t even occur to him to ask. Obviously, he was expecting someone to come talk to him.”

  “Maybe he figured he really was the logical conclusion to tracking Rey down.”

  “Oh.” I hadn’t thought about that. “But he acted really weird.”

  “Weird how?”

  “Really nice, like I said. Polite. Showed me pictures of his wife and kid. He had this very creepy laugh.”

  Bobby kept up the bored look.

  “I’m serious. You should have heard it. Viv and I were both completely freaked out over it.”

  Bobby nodded slowly. “Viv. Your friend with what I’m starting to suspect was a fake heart condition.”

  “Hey, the woman is eighty something. And you should hear some of her stories from her drinking days. She made me look like a Girl Scout. Do you really think she’s the picture of health?”

  Bobby fiddled with the stapler on his desk. “Look, the issue right now is who broke into your house and why.”

  “You know what’s weird to me? I got the feeling that we were actually working for the same thing.”

  “Who?”

  “Me and the guy who choked me. I mean, he said I wasn’t doing Tony any favors. And that Tony would be okay if I’d just leave things alone. What do you think that meant?”

  Bobby sighed a deep, tired-old-man sigh and scrubbed his hands hard over his face. “I don’t know, but I’d really appreciate it if you’d do what he said, at least for a couple of days. Go to work, go home. Leave this alone. You’re no detective, Salem. Leave all this to the professionals.”

  “But we were on to something.”

  “And if you keep following that something you’re going to get worse than a bruised neck!” He slammed his hand down so hard on his desk my ears rang. I jumped, and he looked a little shocked himself. “One girl is already dead, Salem. Have you forgotten about that? Do you want to end up like her?”

  I blinked. I remembered the instant last night when I was certain I wouldn’t see the light of day. “Of course not,” I whispered.

  He took a deep breath. “Good. Because I don’t want you to, either. I’ll check out Rick Barlow and see what I can come up with. If he has something to hide I’ll flush it out.”

  “You might want to consider going to his house and leaning on his wife.”

  Bobby lifted an eyebrow.

  “That’s what Viv and I were considering. But you do whatever you think is best.”

  He stared at me for a couple of beats, then went on. “In the meantime, go stay with one of your friends. It shouldn’t take more than a couple of days. I’ll let you know when you can go back home.” He sat back in his chair and swiveled back and forth a couple of times. “You ready to go get your dog?”

  I would have leapt out of my chair if I hadn’t been exhausted. “Please, yes.”

  He drove me to the vet’s office, and on the way I rehearsed what I was going to say about why I couldn’t pay my bill. I was pretty sure they’d let me pay it out, because they’d let me do it before when Stump ate a particularly evil-looking bug and I freaked out and thought she would die. Plus, I was a fairly steady customer with Stump’s shots and heartworm pills and stuff. Still, I would have preferred to just write out a check and know it wouldn’t bounce from here to kingdom come.

  Dr. Porter’s office is in a little Colonial-looking cottage just off of Slide Road. It’s completely out of place for West Texas but cute still. I was a little surprised when Bobby got out of the car with me.

  He shrugged at the questioning look I gave him. “I want to see how the dog is.”

  I looked through the diamond-paned window of the front door. An unfamiliar face was on the phone behind the counter.

  “Uh-oh. I don’t know that girl.”

  “Is that bad?”

  “Hopefully not, but don’t be surprised if I have to resort to a few tears to work out a payment plan on my bill.”

  As it turned out, no theatrics were necessary. Dr. Porter himself told me Stump had been taken home already, and was resting comfortably. She’d sustained – his words, not mine – a hairline fracture to her back leg. She would need to stay still for at least a week and then would need to wear the bandage on her leg for another two weeks. At that point she’d come in for another x-ray, but he expected her to make a full recovery and be good as new.

  “She’d benefit greatly from losing a little weight,” he said, looking sternly at me.

  “Wouldn’t we all,” I replied.

  “I’m going to keep saying it until you take it to heart, Salem. Clearly you love your dog. You could show it by keeping her on a healthier diet.”

  “You want to be the one to tell her she can’t have any more bugs? Believe me, I’ve tried.”

  “It’s not the bugs and we both know it.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “How does she like the special low calorie food I sent home with you last time?”

  Should I tell him about the hysterics Stump threw when I poured that dry stuff in her bowl? The moping, the whining, the pitiful, watery eyes she’d turned on me? The way she’d choked and fallen prostrate, letting the dry nugget roll out of her mouth and onto the floor, one eye on me to see if I was getting the picture?

  I took one look at Dr. Porter and knew he would not have the compassion for Stump and her drama that I did. That’s why God sent her to me. I understood Stump; I could relate to her. I was Stump, in human form. Well, my legs were longer, but we carried around similar baggage, both figurative and literal.

  “She loved it,” I bald-faced lied. “Unfortunately it costs more to buy her food than it does mine. So we’re back on the regular stuff from Wal-Mart.”

  “That’s not the best, but it would suffice if you limited her diet to strictly that. No table scraps, no human food of any kind.”

  “Listen, I can barely afford to feed myself, and if you haven’t caught on from my own girth, I don’t leave a lot of leftovers. Speaking of which, I’m going to need to work out a payment arrangement for my bill.” (Like a dollar a week for a few hundred weeks).

  But the bill had been paid. In full.

  I glanced at the new girl behind the counter. She nodded.

  I knew right away it was a mistake. Frank didn’t have any more money than I did, and even if he did he wouldn’t pay Stump’s vet bill. Not that he was stingy, it would simply never occur to him to do so. Maybe, I thought, this was God’s way of giving me a little break. I didn’t feel like standing there any longer with my middle-of-the-night hair and baggy sweats to argue with them. I made the follow-up appointment, thanked them both and left.

  “One of your boyfriends pay your bill for you?” Bobby asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

  See? There again he sounded jealous. Weird.

  “Sure, one of the legions of suitors I have lined up outside my door paid it for me. Else the new girl made a mistake, and I’ll be getting a bill in the mail in the next couple of days. Smart money’s on the second scenario.”

  My yard looked like a used car lot. Les’s ice cream truck and Viv’s Cadillac were in the drive, and a car I didn’t recognize was parked at the curb.

  “Popular girl,” Bobby muttered. His phone chirped and he mumbled something when he looked at the readout. “I’ve got to get this. Check in later this morning and let me know where you’ll be staying. I may have more questions.”

  I saluted smartly as I climbed out and thanked him for the ride. He barely acknowledged it, swinging the car aroun
d and roaring down the street. Obviously he had important cop things to do, but I couldn’t help but think that his mother would be appalled at his manners.

  Poor Stump was crashed in a cardboard box by the couch, a white bandage wrapped around her left front leg.

  “The doctor gave her some good drugs, and she’s out, man,” Frank said.

  I was so glad to see her I had to duck my head so nobody would see the tears in my eyes, my poor innocent, fierce baby. I rubbed her fat little tummy. She snored loudly, and her good leg stretched to its limit.

  “Dr. Porter said she had to keep quiet and still for a week. I don’t think Stump’s going to be okay with that prescription.”

  “Just keep her on the knockout drugs,” Frank said. “She’ll be a happy camper.”

  It wasn’t until then that I noticed Tony sitting on my couch, staring at me, his face hard.

  I drew my head back in surprise. “Tony.”

  “I heard what happened. I wanted to see if you were okay.”

  “Oh sure,” I said, waving a hand. “No big deal.”

  “Maybe not to you,” he said. He didn’t look like he had much of a sense of humor about the whole thing.

  “How did you all hear about it?”

  Les spoke up. “Viv heard your address on the police scanner.”

  “It was three in the morning. What were you doing listening to the scanner at three in the morning?”

  “I couldn’t sleep,” she said.

  “So she called me, and she and I met here just as Frank was getting back from the vet’s.”

  “And I knew it had something to do with his case, so I called him.”

  Frank leaned over and whispered loud enough for everyone to hear, “He called the vet and paid your bill for you. Just gave them a credit card number right over the phone. Like Donald Trumpet or somebody would do.”

  “It’s Trump.” Viv scowled at him. “And anybody can do that.”

  “Yes, but one guy actually did. Thank you, Tony. I’ll pay you back. I don’t know when, but it’ll be sometime during this lifetime.”

  Tony waved the topic away, rose and lifted my chin, checking out the bruise that ran from my chin to my neck. His face got darker.

  “Who was it?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “You’ve got me. Someone I’d prefer not to see again.”

  “What did he want? Did he rob you?”

  I gave a short laugh. “No, I’ve still got both my dollars.”

  He looked like he wanted to ask another question. I finally caught on to what it probably was. “He didn’t do anything, except give me this bruise and tell me to mind my own business. He said I wasn’t helping you any, and that you’d be okay if I just went to work and went home and kept my fat nosy ass out of things. A real charmer, that guy.”

  He got a weird look on his face.

  “What do you think that means, Tony?”

  He didn’t answer.

  “I mean, it sounds like someone who was here on your behalf.”

  “I didn’t send someone to rough you up!” he barked.

  “Of course you didn’t. I didn’t say that. But doesn’t it sound like someone who knows something important and helpful that I don’t? That’s the feeling I got. And seeing as how it was my house that got broken into and my fat ass being insulted, I think I should be privy to any hunch you might have that could shed some light on this.”

  “Salem, if I knew who it was, believe me, I’d be pounding him down right now.” He spoke softly, but his eyes blazed with a fire that had me thinking I didn’t want to argue with him. “You can’t stay here.” He straightened. “Why don’t you stay at my place for a few days until this gets worked out?”

  I blinked. “At your place?”

  “Yes, I’ve got an extra bedroom and I’d feel a lot better knowing you were safe.”

  “So would I,” Les said.

  “Well, so would I, but…don’t you think that will be a little…awkward?”

  Tony actually smiled. It was a distracted, somewhat sickly-looking smile, but a smile nonetheless. “Why would it be awkward? We are married.”

  “Yes, see, that’s exactly why it would be awkward. This whole we’re-still-married thing.” I looked to Les for help.

  He shrugged. “I’m sorry, but my son’s apartment is being fumigated and he’s asked to stay with us for a few days, or else I’d offer his room.”

  “Well, you can’t stay with me in the old folks home. Management frowns on overnight guests.”

  I looked at Frank, but he just stared back blankly, totally clueless.

  “You’ll have your own room and you can come and go as you want. Please, Salem. I’ve got too much on my mind right now to be worried about someone coming after you.”

  “You know I have a dog,” I warned.

  “She’ll get along great with my cat. Go ahead and pack up enough stuff for a couple of days. I’ll bring you back if you need anything else.”

  So, I was going to Tony’s. My husband’s house. Which, in a weird way, might make it my house? I decided I was too tired to think about that very long. I threw some clothes in my old gym bag while Viv sat on my bed and watched, and we discussed what we might have found out that we weren’t supposed to find out.

  “It was that Rick guy,” she insisted. “He was a strange one.”

  “I think so, too. I told Bobby about him, and he said he would follow up.” I tossed my toothbrush and toothpaste in the bag, along with my hair dryer and curling iron. I put a hand on my hip. “I feel like I’m going to be babysat.”

  “No kidding.” She leaned over and looked down the hallway. “He looks like a guard dog. Way too serious. But I’ll bet that’s because of the whole murder investigation thing.”

  I shook my head. “Nope, he was way too serious when he was seventeen and the world was his oyster.” I scratched my head and sighed. “I’m not altogether sure I want to do this.”

  “Do you want to stay here?”

  As if on cue I felt again my bed dipping under me as the guy knelt beside me. I didn’t think I was ever going to be able to sleep on that bed again, and for sure not for another dozen years or so. “No.”

  “Where else can you go?”

  I picked up my cell phone and called G-Ma’s motel. “Someone broke into my house last night and I’m kind of creeped out about staying here. Do you have a room I can use for a couple nights?”

  “Sure,” she said cheerfully. “I just got new bedspreads and I put up some pretty little shell soaps in the bathrooms. You’ll like it.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. “Great. Thank you.”

  “It’s only forty-seven fifty for the night, or you can have the entire week for two-fifty.”

  “You’re going to charge me?”

  “Of course I’m going to charge you. That’s what motels do. They charge rent for their rooms.”

  “You probably have at least half that are empty.”

  “Not for long. Mario is almost ready to open his restaurant, and once that happens this place is going to be at full capacity every night, I guarantee you. I have people coming by here two or three times a day asking when we’re going to be open.”

  “But still…” I started to launch into an impassioned plea for sympathy and family support, but I knew it was going to be a waste of breath. I might be able to talk her into giving me a break on the price, but even that would come at the much higher price of having to tolerate G-Ma’s company. “Never mind. I’ll stay with friends.”

  “Suit yourself, but you know you’re always welcome as long as there’s a vacancy, sweetie. ‘Bye.”

  I thumbed the phone off and tossed it back in my purse. “So I’m staying with Tony. No big deal. We’ve lived together before.”

  One look at Tony’s place had me wondering why I’d put up any fuss at all. He lived in a nice older neighborhood with big oak and elm trees everywhere, large ranch-style brick homes and basketball goals in every other driveway. It was
the kind of solid middle-class family neighborhood where I’d dreamed of living when Mom and I were moving from one rental shack to another.

  The grass was like a golf course, and plants in clay pots of various sizes lined the front walk. Inside was somewhat sparse but neat as an army barracks. I cast a glance down at Stump, asleep in the cardboard box that Tony carried. Maybe I would just keep her stoned on the happy pills the whole time we were there. She was housebroken, but I just knew this would be the place she regressed to puppyhood. An alarm would probably go off.

  Tony showed me to a small bedroom with its own bath. “Let me know if there’s anything you need,” he said, opening the blinds. “I can get whatever.”

  “Thanks,” I said, sliding my bag to the floor. “It looks fine.” I chewed my lip and wondered what I was supposed to do next.

  Tony hovered in the doorway for a minute.

  “You were right. This is not at all awkward,” I said.

  He smiled. A real smile this time, and I remembered those times when I was seventeen and I’d managed to make him smile. It was a thrill for me then. I was a little surprised to find that it was still a thrill.

  “Told you it wouldn’t be. It’s no big deal.”

  I nodded. “No big deal. It’s just for a few days, till things blow over and I can go back home.”

  “Exactly. And in the meantime, I have some work to do here at home. You can get some rest or read a book or something. There’s a whole library in the den. There’s food in the fridge and towels in the bathroom if you want to take a shower. Make yourself at home.”

  He darted a quick glance at my neck and that dark look came over him again. “You’re sure you’re feeling okay?”

  I nodded. “I’m okay Tony, really. Thanks a lot for…for everything. You really don’t owe me anything, and I appreciate your stepping up like this.”

  He took a step back. “Yes, well…I haven’t been able to take care of you the way a good husband should, so I’m glad I can do something.”

  He gave a little wave and headed off down the hallway.

  I stepped to the bedroom door. “Tony.”

  He turned, one eyebrow raised.

  “Why did you go up to the church that night? When Lucinda was killed?”