by Pratibha Ray
Filled with grain and wealth, like Indra's abode was this Hastina! It seemed as though I were entering heaven itself. What could this kingdom, which was filled with such splendour and beauty, lack? If anything was lacking it would be sorrow and poverty. I felt proud. Such elaborate paraphernalia to greet and welcome me with the honour and respect due to a royal bride and future queen! It seemed to me that there could be no limit to the happiness of this kingdom. Would it not become impossible at times to bear the burden of so much happiness and honour? I did not know that happiness was born only of the mist of enigma. And the instant the veil of this mist vanished, my sorrows and insults were waiting to scorch me — as plants and herbs shrivel up in the blazing sun.
Clad in white, garlands of white flowers in my hair, decked in eight types of ornaments, I was sitting with the pride and gravity of a royal queen. Slowly my chariot went ahead. With me were my dear sakhis, Maya and Nitambini. Before my chariot were the chariots of Govind and Balaram. Following me were my five husbands. Behind everyone mother Kunti's well decorated chariot was coming along the royal highway in the midst of innumerable cheering men and women and various bands of musicians. I was thinking: going ahead was Aryavart's finest man, sakha Krishna, and Balaram. Behind me were my great-souled, valorous five husbands and mother-in-law Kunti, full of discrimination, knowledge, merit and sympathy. What else was there for her to worry about? How fortunate was that woman Krishnaa! For a moment, absent-mindedly, I became jealous of myself! The next moment I thought, your own happiness and another person's envy were inextricably linked together. Your own good fortune scorched someone else.
Bedecked women of the town offered their ritual obeisance and greetings. Then we alighted from the chariots. Flowers were being showered from all sides. As though on the entire road a carpet of flowers had been spread so that when setting foot for the first time in Hastina I did not suffer in any way. In actual fact when so much pain and insults were stored in the treasury of Hastina for me, how much proof of their wisdom did the Kauravs display by being thrifty regarding it from the very beginning! I was waiting for the chance to congratulate the hundred Kauravs for these arrangements.
On alighting from the chariot, suddenly, as I looked in front, the Kaurav brothers were in sight. Perhaps the Kauravs were being hypocritical, for they appeared very cheerful though a shadow of gloom would flit across their faces. One among them was gazing at me unblinking. Who was it? In this hour resounding with gaiety who was it that appeared sad?
Maya whispered in my ear — Sakhi! It is Vasusen, Radheya Karna, son of charioteer Adhirath. He would have been victorious in the svayamvar. Dhrishtadyumna insulted him for not being of kshatriya lineage and royal descent. Poor fellow! Is a man responsible for his own birth? And it is his birth that cursed all his heroism, prowess, manhood."
Maya's words enchanted my mind. My heart melted with sympathy for this cursed hero. A shadow of sadness darkened his face.
Without knowing why somebody is laughing, another person cannot laugh. But seeing someone's tears and grief even without understanding the main cause of his pain, a man can feel pained, his eyes can brim over with tears and his heart can melt in compassion. In this way sadness affects others. When it rains the earth is drenched by the rain. If clouds cover the sun, dark shadows spread over the earth. In exactly the same manner, without knowing the cause of his sorrow, my mind was drenched with pain. The gloom on his lovely face cast a black shadow on my face. I thought — "Oh! Why was he not a kshatriya! Why was he not son of Kunti? If he was, then, whether he had won me or not, in any such svayamvar-hall he would surely not have been insulted." Insult is more painful for any man than failure. I determined — if I ever got the chance I would beg forgiveness from this noble youth for that day's insult. What was the sense of my being learned or scholarly if I did not honour the valiant appropriately?
Krishna-Balaram were ahead. Everyone's eyes were on them. The hundred Kaurav brothers and other people were bending at Krishna-Balaram's feet with offerings of flowers. Karna, too, was standing with a bouquet of flowers, but for greeting whom?
Karna was holding a bunch of roses, freshly blooming roses with leaves and delicate stems. My eyes greedily fixed on them. Maya whispered near my ear, "Sakhi! How did Karna get to know that blue roses are dear to you! Look! For giving them as a present, with what care he has selected them. Such rare roses!"
Softly I said, "Ari! Not for me but for greeting Krishna everyone is standing with offerings of flowers. Gallant Karna perhaps knows that it is blue roses that will suit dark-complexioned Krishna. Perhaps he will insert these flowers in Krishna's diadem. Wait and see."
I said so to Maya but my heart did not believe this. Surely this bunch of flowers were not for me? I was trying hard to suppress my rapidly throbbing heartbeats. If Maya got to know, she would mock and tease me so much!
White garments and white flowers, both were very dear to me. But blue roses! My very life was in them! How did Karna get to know it? Had he, then, inspected me in the svayamvar hall? I was then in white garments, decked in white flowers. But in my hair a garland of white mallika flowers was entwined in a spiral in which Nitambini had stuck blue rose buds. In the garland round my neck too she had strung a rose. And in my hands she had given a bouquet of blue roses. In the assembly, sitting with bowed head, I kept gazing only at the blue roses. Conversing with them secretly I was trying to hide my anguish. At times, touching the blue roses to my cheeks, thrilled, I saw blue-tinged dreams. Did Karna see all this? He understood that though I was dressed in pure white, it was blue roses which were most dear to me.
A woman desires a man full of heroism, prowess, wealth, beauty and other qualities. But among men, he who can apprehend the secret thoughts of a woman is not only desirable but worth meditating upon. How many men understand a woman's mind?
None of the five husbands knew that blue roses were so dear to me. So many days had passed with Yudhishthir and I as husband and wife. Yet he was unaware of many secrets of my mind. So many days had I passed among them; not once had anyone brought a blue rose to give me. Then was it for me that Karna had brought these roses?
Offering flowers at the feet of Krishna-Balaram, the Kauravs were pranaming them. But Karna was standing like a motinless statue with the bunch of flowers. With an unblinking stare he was gazing at my progress. Out of hesitation and shyness, my steps slowed down. Then were these blue roses for me? Flowers were raining from all sides. I tried to go forward. At that moment the bouquet of blue roses came and fell near my feet. For an instant I was bewildered. I was thinking — "let me gather them up." Just then I stepped right on the bunch of flowers. "Oh!" I exclaimed softly. Not from the pain of any rose-thorn piercing, but because all the tender petals of the blue roses got crushed! The next instant my foot quivered with pain! Exclaiming, "What happened?" Maya bent down at once. My foot was in her hands. Even now a rose-thom was stuck in my foot. Karna stood anxious and ashamed, thinking, "What is this mishap that has happened? What should be done now?" Gently Maya pulled the rose-thorn out of my foot. A drop of blood had congealed on my sole. My eyes were tearful with pain. Drawing a little near to Maya, Karna said, "Beg forgiveness from the royal bride. I did not pain her deliberately. I know what the pain of being deliberately tormented in public is like. My very token of regard has wounded the royal bride! However, physical pain is much lighter than the agony of the mind — considering this, may she pardon me."
In all the uproar of the cheering crowds no one got to know when all this happened. There was only one witness: Maya. No second person got to know. Karna, too, by a gesture indicated that the way in which he had been insulted in the svayamvar assembly had taken place only at my behest. Had I so desired, he could have been saved from such an insulting situation. Truly, was this not correct to some extent? In the svayamvar assembly valour and prowess were being tested. There why did I lend mute assent to that narrow condition of my father's?
Maya was saying, "Karna is a handsome man,
but is very arrogant. He has not been able to forget the agony of such a grave insult! In the first stage of revenge your feet have been bloodied. Who knows what the state of your heart will be in the last stage? Sakhi, that day had you, with a generous heart, honoured Kaa's valour then the impossible situation of accepting five husbands would never have arisen. Now, remain entangled all your life and pine away in this situation."
Though Maya's words were true, I was irritated in my heart of hearts. Why was Maya repeatedly making my mind weak, unstable and aimless? Why was she sullying my mind by discussing again and again what had not taken place at all? Removing my gaze from Karna, I turned it towards Krishna's feet. And moving a little ahead I began walking, following Krishna.
Hastinapur's royal bride! Krishnaa! It would not be proper to listen to everyone's chatter and think of this and that.
If Karna was an egotist was I any less? If he was Vasusen, then I was Yajnaseni. Would she who was born of fire be afraid of flames?
14
Half of the Hastinapur kingdom, Khandavprasth, was given by Dhritarashtra to the Pandavs. There was not even a livable hut in Khandav. I had never desired Hastina's luxury, splendour and palaces. I had desired acceptance as the royal bride of Hastina, and her rights. Contentment could be found even in the hut of Khandavprasth. I would find fulfilment.
But when Krishna was their friend, how long would it take to transform Khandavprasth to Indraprasth? In a few days the splendour and beauty of the newly constructed city of Indraprasth surpassed Hastina. The assembly-hall of Indraprasth was the most attractive of all.
During the burning of the Khandav forest the danav Maya had been saved because of Arjun's compassion. To express his gratitude, Maya, after consulting Shri Krishna and taking the permission of Yudhishthir, had built the assembly-hall. Nowhere in the world had such a hall been built. This hall, seventy cubits square, had been constructed on land measuring four thousand cubits in length and breadth. In the walls and ceiling precious stones, and in the floor crystals and pearls had been set. The gems had been so embedded in the ceiling that they seemed like stars and planets in the sky. The ceiling, too, had been coloured so cunningly that like the morning and evening sky its colour would keep changing in tune with the sunlight outside from moment to moment. Even though you were seated inside the hall, you would feel you were seated under the open sky. The floor of the hall, being made of crystal, appeared transparent like water. The stars and planets of the ceiling reflected in it created the illusion of water. Mirrors were so set in the walls that while the assembly was in session king Yudhishthir's reflection could be seen by the audience all around them. The king himself was before them. But the audience would see in the mirrors Yudhishthir's reflection even behind them. A person seated in the hall could not but be aware of the presence of Yudhishthir.
There were flowering shrubs in the garden in front of the hall. At intervals, on plants made of gold, flowers of gems were arranged. On seeing them from a distance it would seem as if in a garden of dreams, flowers of happiness and good fortune were being showered as gems. In the centre of the garden a lake had been dug, with a golden platform all around. Its steps were made of crystal. Golden lotuses had been placed in the lake. Artificial fish made of diamonds and sapphires floated in it. The golden walls had marble ledges set with gleaming pearls. The water of the lake was so clear that everything could be seen down to the bottom. For boating, boats studded with diamonds were tied at one end.
The cunning artistry and beauty of the throne that had been built in the centre of the assembly-hall for Yudhishthir to sit defied description. Even Indra would be allured by this throne to come down from svarg.
To keep the entire assembly hall cool many types of flower and fruit bearing trees had been planted. The fragrance of flowers filled the hall. Seeing this assembly-hall like Indra's palace in Khandavprasth, people began calling it Indraprasth. Yudhishthir was anointed king on the throne of Indraprasth. And I became the queen of Indraprasth.
All the five brothers had poured out their energies in constructing Indraprasth. After it was completed in a short while, the Pandavs exulted in joy. The Kauravs raged in jealousy. Many learned men and subjects of Hastina were drawn towards Indraprasth and left Hastina to take shelter in Yudhishthir's kingdom of righteousness. In Indraprasth, comfort, justice, celebrations and festivals turned them away from Hastina. The Kauravs were burning with envy and hatred. The day for inaugurating the new assembly-hall was announced.
Elaborate preparations were made for the inauguration. Seeing all this, for some reason, I do not know why, my mind became anxious. I had no objection to the feeding of ten thousand brahmins, giving new clothes and cows and making other gifts on this occasion. But on that pretext I was not in favour of inviting the Kauravs and their friend Karna, son-in-law Jayadrath and other relatives. The wise never display their wealth to the wicked and the jealousy-prone. This only encourages enmity. Festivities are organised for happiness, not for arousing jealousy or sorrow. There was no doubt that the inaugural celebrations of Indraprasth's assembly-hall would deeply grieve the Kauravs. Then what was the use of such an elaborate celebration, I asked Yudhishthir. But his reply was: "For the inaugural ceremony of the palace it is not possible to invite guests and leave out relatives. Besides, what will people say if the Kauravs are not invited? He who does not maintain relationship with his friends and relations what contact will he keep with his subjects? Just because someone is acutely envious, will joy and festivities disappear from the world? Those who are envious are ever sorrowful. Even if the Kauravs are not invited, they will get all the news sitting in Hastina and will be immersed in greater envy and be all the more pained. Therefore, maintaining friendship by inviting them will be proper."
Yudhishthir's argument was irrefutable. Then what of my opinion? What Yudhishthir once decided, whether it was right or wrong, he never changed it on female advice. I knew this, and remained silent But along with the Kauravs why would their intimate friend, Karna, ruler of Ang, come? And even if he came, why should I serve him food cooked with my own hands?
Of course, all the Kauravs were my brothers-in-law. They were related by blood to my husbands. They belonged to our family. I would welcome them accordingly. But Karna was an outsider. If he did arrive, let him stay in the guest house. Maidservants were there to attend to him. I did not know why, but my mind shied away from facing that man. Those lovely eyes seemed to be filled with all the world's scorn and revenge for me. My guilty mind was unable to face him.
I did not like the ostentation in Yudhishthir's hospitality to Karna. I had told Maya too about it. But Maya reminded me that Karna was no outsider. He was also one of the Pandav family. Yudhishthir had made this arrangement to please mother Kunti. Hearing Maya's words, I recalled an incident that had happened some days before.
Construction work was in progress in Khandavprasth. One day mother Kunti ordered me to visit her childhood friend, aunt Radha. I got ready immediately. But I could not consider it normal for Hastina's queen-mother to go to the house of Radha, wife of charioteer Adhirath. Had Kunti wanted, she could have summoned Adhirath's wife to the palace. But mother Kunti's going in person to sakhi Radha's house, forgetting her royal pride, with sweets and many gifts, and also taking me with her ... this was not just Kunti's magnanimity. Was there something more to it?
Aunt Radha was full of joy and blessed me. She talked to me a great deal. She sent for Karna to pranam Kunti.
When Radha went into another room after speaking to us, then Kunti whispered to me, "Do you know, I have one more son! He is older than Yudhishthir. He is as handsome as he is valiant. He is a fine man. But the sad thing is that having been brought up by Radha he is deprived of many of his lawful rights. That is why he could not get you too. Otherwise, he too could have pierced the target easily. I have no doubt on that score."
I stared at her, astonished. Who was this brave son of mother Kunti? Was it Karna? But how could Karna be Kunti's son?
To remove my doubts mother said, "Yes, Karna is my son according to dharma, my dharma-putra. I have accepted him as such. Morally, you should consider Karna in the same light as the five Pandav brothers. But it is his misfortune that he is the adopted son of a charioteer." Mother Kunti's voice got choked. I sat stunned and amazed.
Mother Kunti went on, "You may wonder how Karna became my son. He is my dharma-putra. The status of a dharma-putra is higher than the sons to whom one gives birth. Therefore, my love, affection and good wishes for him are no less than for the Pandavs."
Still I sat bewildered. Not a word would come to my lips. Having five sons, why did mother take a sixth son? Moreover, Karna was the intimate friend of the Kauravs! Mother Kunti understood my confusion. In a voice full of sympathy she said, "Poor Karna is perhaps the son of some unmarried girl. Out of fear of scandal and social stigma, that unfortunate girl, instead of bringing him up, placed him in a river. That infant was saved by Radha's husband, Adhirath, and named Vasusen. Radha was childless. She brought up Karna with a mother's love, but because of the distressful, cursed mystery of birth at every step Karna is insulted and scorned, and is deprived of his lawful rights. His manhood, heroism, ego are crushed at every step. The advantages, honour and respect that the five Pandavs have got on account of being Kunti's sons — Karna has remained deprived of them all till now despite being the equal of the Pandavs. Hearing from Radha of Karna's insults and calumny repeatedly, my mind fills with compassion and maternal love. At the very first sight of Karna, I do not know why, a fountain of maternal love gushed forth from my heart. My heart says that Karna is surely a royal prince. Or he is a cursed son of some god. He has come on this earth carrying the blessings of some god in his human body. It is this human body that is his curse. For, his godly father will never come on this earth to announce his paternity. Therefore, throughout his life Karna will be unable to give his father's name, and will go on suffering infamy. Thinking all this I feel like taking him into my lap. I have five sons. If Karna comes, there will be six. What is "too many"? A mother's heart is an ocean. However numerous may be the offspring who come into her arms, there is no diminution in the maternal love showered on any. but Karna is arrogant, proud, emotional. Why should he come into my arms? He wants to prove that man may have no control over his birth, but he has control over his action. He is firmly resolved to prove the glory of his manhood by means of action and duty. Even without some such introduction as son of Kunti, he wishes to establish himself."