by Pratibha Ray
Hearing my arguments, Vyasdev would smile in amusement. I did not know that my fate was playing hide-and-seek with me!
When that predicament appeared in my life, I accepted it as a test of womanhood. It was a challenge for the entire female race. Without protest, I accepted the commands of Yudhishthir and mother Kunti.
But now! I was about to begin conjugal life in right earnest. Now I was feeling that calling man and woman equal for the sake of argument did not settle the issue completely. Like her body, a woman's mind, too, is different from that of a man. Therefore, from age to age society has made different rules for it. If a man takes several wives, then the wives keep trying to win his heart. He may, according to his desire, choose his favourite and be attracted more to her. But what if a woman takes many husbands? Then, taking note of the likes and dislikes of all the husbands, she has to win the hearts of all. Otherwise, life becomes difficult. Now that very situation was before me and I was thinking of everything and nothing! Sakhi Nitambini came and informed me, "Maharshi Narad has arrived. He is conversing with Yudhishthir and Govind. Arrangements for a dice game have been made. Yudhishthir has possibly called you." As I was about to leave, another summons came: Bhim was waiting in the bedroom. He had overeaten in the morning and was feeling uneasy. While he was relaxing, my company was necessary.
What was I to do? With whose commands should I comply? In the midst of this a sakhi arrived with Arjun's message. He was expecting me in the library. Some scholar had arrived to discuss the scriptures. Considering that at such a time my presence would be appropriate, he had called me.
I was thinking over all this when a sakhi brought Nakul's directive — he was in the stables, testing the horses received in dowry. Therefore, he had asked for my presence. Immediately after this I received Sahadev's message. He wished to discuss with me whether it was right to stay on in Panchal any longer, for Vyasdev had informed him that I possessed supernatural prescience.
It was from here that a life filled with dilemma began. Now the commands of five husbands had to be obeyed for displaying appropriate respect to all. The neglect of anyone would not be permissible. And I did not wish to ignore anyone either.
So, first the words of Yudhishthir. He was the eldest. He was the head of the family. I was proceeding towards his room when my new sakhi, Maya, blocked my way and said, "Sakhi! Bhim has been waiting for a long time. Will you be able to tackle his anger? And then, Arjun is touchy. How will his hurt be assuaged? He will not, of course, say anything. You can go to Yudhishthir later. It will be right to satisfy Bhimsen first." I was thrown into a dilemma. I knew everything. It was Yudhishthir's command which ought to be complied with first. Then Bhim and then Nakul —
"Intimacy, separation, love and hate in married life are not guided by laws and rules. Justice-injustice, dharma-adharma can be debated in temples, schools, assembly-halls. That has to be acknowledged. But in the intercourse of love all this is invalid. Sometimes, stepping aside from the straight path one has to move at a tangent. Married life is not a matter of partition among brothers that dividing one's own affection, solicitude, love and pride in proportion among the elder and younger brothers one can hand over to the five brothers their several shares." As she spoke, Maya suppressed a smile. I was getting restless. Filled with anxiety, I reached Yudhishthir's room.
I pranam-ed Maharshi Narad and Govind. Narad blessed me. Govind, looking at me affectionately, expressed his best wishes.
Having made all arrangements for the dice game, Yudhishthir was waiting. Smiling softly he said, "Sit, Panchali! Today in front of you, Govind and I will compete at dice. Govind says that this world seems like a game to him. Compared to that, dicing is nothing. So he thinks that he will win in this. Let the test be held today!"
Respectfully I said, "Grant me time. Your younger brothers have asked for me. I shall come after meeting them and then watch your dice game."
"What are the other brothers calling you for?" Govind wanted to know. I explained. Hearing it, he laughed out. Mockingly he said, "Yudhishthir! For binding the brothers in the string of unity Panchali was compelled to accept five husbands. Now it seems that over Draupadi competition, jealousy, hatred, enmity, dispute and finally division is going to take place among the five. Now by the time Draupadi arrives after meeting everyone, it will be evening. Then how will your dice game be held? This is but the beginning. Everyday Draupadi's service, company, intimacy and intercourse will be sought by all five brothers. What is unnatural in this after all? But it is by this that the unity of the five will be destroyed."
Firmly Yudhishthir said, "My brothers regard me like God. Therefore, no such dispute can arise among us. At my command the brothers will not hesitate even to go into exile renouncing kingdom, wealth, possessions — everything."
Laughing, Narad said, "Renouncing kingdom, wealth, possessions is easy. But renouncing the infatuation for the finest of women, Draupadi, will not be so easy. You are aware of the story of Sunda and Upsunda. Both brothers were enjoying the kingdom seated on the same throne. They ate from the same dish. Their bedroom was the same and their bed, one. Yet happiness, peace and unity did not persist. Ultimately over a woman, Tilot-tama, they killed each other."
Fear and anxiety brought me out in goose pimples. In a calm voice Govind said, "Narad's words are true."
Thoughtfully, Narad continued, "At the time of Krishnaa's birth it was prophesied that she would be the cause of the destruction of kshatriyas. Are the Pandavs those kshatriyas? I am now apprehensive. Leave aside the others, will not Bhim alone — were Draupadi not to obey him — smash Draupadi and the other Pandavs with his mace? Anger is no respecter of persons. And then, if it is Bhim's fury! It is better not to say anything about him!"
Distressed with fear I asked, "Devarshi! Your words are making me anxious. I, too, am feeling that many husbands will not be able to receive appropriate service all together. It is exceedingly difficult. As a supremely wise person like Govind is present here, some appropriate arrangement must be settled about this, so that in future no dispute may arise among the Pandavs because of me. Otherwise, splitting myself every instant among them I shall make our married life miserable and distressful."
Narad laughed and said, "Daughter, all this is your personal affair. It is best that between husband and wife no third person plays any role. Moreover, I am absolutely ignorant of domestic quarrels and women's problems. It is Govind who is experienced in these. One may even call him an expert in women's matters. It is he who may be able to find some solution for this."
I looked at Govind. Even the helplessness in my eyes amused Govind. He was laughing. I said, "Govind! I have described my problems before you. I have heard from Mother that whenever you do anything, it is only for our welfare. Please provide the solution. What shall I do?"
Govind joined his palms, "Forgive me, Krishnaa! All these are matters between husband and wife. What advice can I give? You yourself are learned. Do what you feel is proper. Moreover, I have attached Maya to you. What is the need for my advice now?"
Maya! Standing right by my side. She stayed constantly by my side like my shadow. At every step she was my helper. I noticed that Govind was saying something to Maya through gestures. I could not understand anything.
Maya looked at me and said, — "Sakhi, playing the role of the wife of many husbands at one time is extremely painful and shameful. Therefore, adopt the role of being the wife of each Pandav by turn for a year at a time. A woman is mother, wife and sister. Discharge the duties of a mother and a sister all the time with all the Pandavs. But as a wife, stay with each Pandav a year at a time. The five Pandav brothers are each of a different nature. In the course of a year you will get the opportunity for preparing yourself mentally and emotionally for moving in harmony with the nature of one."
Everyone supported what Maya said. Yudhishthir, too, agreed with it. Narad made one more stipulation. While I was living with one brother as his wife, if another brother should disturb our privacy,
then for twelve years he shall have to live a celibate life in exile. Such a condition would make the married life of each brother disciplined and enjoyable.
The decision was unanimously accepted. In a way, I was saved. At least for a definite period I would remain the wife of one man and will be able to be faithful to him. I expressed my gratitude to Maya. Taking Yudhishthir's permission I went to the other brothers. Now I was their mother or their sister. I would be able to provide easily responses to the obstinacy, love, anger, problems, complaints, sulking, indifference, petting and whims of one after another.
But only after two years would the union with Arjun be possible. In the morning, completing the purifying bath, when I stood before the mirror decked in bridal finery, my reflection was in the mirror but it was Arjun's calm beauty that was reflected in my heart. I was infatuated. I lost myself not in my beauty, but in thoughts of Arjun. I wished that day itself were the occasion for the honeyed union with Arjun!
In the morning Arjun had softly said, "I shall wait for the third part of the night. The desire to get you in the very first hour is strong. But so long as my fate desires to torment me, what alternative is there?"
I blushed furiously in embarrassment. Looking at me Bhim was trying to understand what words of Arjun were changing the colours of my face. So he promptly demanded some sweets. Getting up, I offered them to him. Perhaps Bhim was unable to tolerate my private conversation with Arjun.
Now Bhim, too, would have to wait for a year. Would Bhim observe the terms of our married life? But from where would he acquire patience? Still, he was not the one about whom I was worried. If he wished he could go away to his first wife, Hidimba. Nakul, Sahadev were meek and calm and revered Yudhishthir very much as their elder brother. They accepted everything as it came naturally. But Arjun! How would he accept the conditions? Anyway, nothing could be done about it any more. The conditions had been accepted in front of everyone. Yudhishthir had accepted them. Govind's mute sanction, too, was behind it. Therefore, it was useless to keep turning it over in my mind.
I was relieved.
Now I would be able to strike a balance among the five husbands.
13
That the sun of good fortune would rise in this fashion neither I nor even the Pandavs had imagined. A month had not passed since the wedding. From Hastinapur grandfather Bhisma and the elder brother of my father-in-law, Dhritarashtra, sent an honourable invitation. With chariots and horses, servants and maids Vidur, the prime minister of Hastinapur, arrived.
The Pandavs were alive and were married to me. For this, Dhritarashtra and mother Gandhari expressed great joy. Mother Satyavati had also sent her blessings. The citizens of Hastinapur, the hundred Kaurav brothers, gurudev Drona, Kripacharya, Karna, the friend of the Kauravs, were all waiting eagerly. Elaborate arrangements for welcoming us were being made. After the house of lac incident all the sympathy, support and love of the people were with the Pandavs. Now after their return, father Dhritarashtra would give half the kingdom to the Pandavs. However, the subjects desired that Dharmaraj Yudhishthir should sit on the throne of Hastinapur. That way the welfare of the kingdom would be secure. Leaving behind all the heroes of Aryavart by dint of their prowess and manhood, the Pandavs had won me. Therefore, the glory of the Pandavs had multiplied a hundred times in the hearts of the people of Hastinapur. In such circumstances, they decided to return to Hastinapur.
Overwhelmed by the good fortune of her sons, mother Kunti began congratulating me. My good fortune! And I was auspiciously marked, that was why the unfortunate Pandavs' luck had returned to them. All Panchal was buzzing only with this talk.
They, whose wicked plots had pushed the Pandavs to the doors of death, had voluntarily despatched chariots to return them half the kingdom! It was amazing. The miraculous power that lay behind this event — what could it be other than my good fortune? Maya, too, said this very thing to everyone. The husbands were getting a kingdom, yet so much praise for me! I was overwhelmed. I forgot myself. Because of me the Pandavs were getting back their kingdom. Their wealth, honour everything was coming back to them — thinking of this I was perhaps secretly feeling proud too. How did I know that as the flag of my good luck was flying triumphantly, unseen fate was silently laughing. Had I known, would I ever have let Yudhishthir get trapped in the delusion of Hastinapur? Had I not returned to Hastinapur, so grievous and shameful a drama would never have been enacted with my life. But would Yudhishthir have listened to me? Has Yudhishthir ever listened to any advice of mine? That day, too, he would not have listened to me. Alas, man is so naive! For the sake of present happiness, ignoring the ominous hints of the future, he himself invites utter calamity!
That day I, too, was eager to leave my father's place and proceed to my in-laws'. I had never even had a hope of seeing my in-laws' place. Therefore, the thought of taking refuge with my father was paining me. Govind and Balaram were about to return to Dvaraka. After participating in the marriage ceremonies they had stayed back in Panchal for a few days at Father's request.
Along with Govind and Balaram, Arjun too proposed to leave for Dvaraka. I could not understand what attraction lay for Arjun in Dvaraka that leaving his newly married wife behind he should accompany his sakha there!
In Govind's presence I asked Arjun about this, although in jest. But it seemed as if Arjun were himself hunting for a reply for some such query. Making a face he said, "In Dvaraka there is no attraction save sakha. But now I am thinking that somewhere there ought to be something attractive so that a man can go there — whether it is Dvaraka or hell. At least these two years would get by without suffering!"
After this, what could I say? The hurt in Arjun's mind was but natural. But I was helpless. I thought it best to remain silent. Govind kept smiling — "Friend Bhim, too, was talking of going to Hidimba. But his views have changed after receiving the invitation from Hastinapur. For, the Kauravs will be only too happy not to have to welcome all five Pandavs together. They will think that disputes have arisen among the Pandavs. Seizing upon this opportunity they will mislead the subjects too — 'See, they cannot even maintain unity among brothers. How will they, as rulers of the kingdom, ensure unity among the subjects? Without unity the kingdom cannot be protected from external enemies'. For the sake of general welfare Bhim changed his resolve, forgetting all his hurt and anger. Leaving the Pandavs, how will you go to Dvaraka to enjoy the hospitality of your friends' wives? People will say, 'What sort of effeminate character is Arjun that because he was deprived of his wife's company he went off to live in another's home leaving his own?' Moreover, what will Krishnaa think?"
Arjun, full of hurt, said, "While making such a tremendous promise did Krishnaa even consider how we would feel about this decision? Were our views asked for in this? The implication of this is that whatever decision she takes, whether we like it or not, we should silently accept it."
In a calm voice I said, "This decision is not mine. It is Govind's. Mother says that what Govind does is only for our welfare. Is anyone else's opinion necessary regarding Govind's decision? Therefore, I accepted his decision. If it was an offence, I beg forgiveness."
Feigning ignorance, Govind spoke in amazement, "Krishnaa! Arjun is my priya sakha. Having married him, it is through him that you have become my priya sakhi. Yet, not finding the means of relieving sakha's hurt, you are blaming my innocent friend? When did I stipulate this one-year condition regarding your marital life? Your favourite maid Maya put this forward on your behalf and along with others I also nodded assent. Now let sakha himself judge what was my role in this?"
In the same grave tone Arjun said, "Whoever's might be the role, for me the situation is like poison. Whatever people might think, what should I do in Hastinapur? Dvaraka will be suitable. Even if I do not go along, Krishnaa will receive the honours of a queen in Hastinapur. Had Krishnaa married me alone, she would not have ever received this tremendous homage and welcome as the future queen of Hastinapur. By honouring Mother's words, Krishnaa h
as proved her intelligence."
I understood. Full of hurt, Arjun was saying all this in order to hit back at me. Still my eyes were misting over with anguish. How would Arjun understand my helplessness!
So, Arjun would have to be persuaded in favour of Hastinapur? Otherwise on arrival rumours would spread that the Pandavs had split apart over Krishnaa! Moreover, what happiness would I get in Arjun-less Hastina's royal palace?
It was Krishna whose help would have to be taken for tackling this hurt of Arjun's. It seemed that without Krishna it would be difficult to take even one step forward in my life.
Maya clarified — "If Krishna accompanies us, then how will Arjun go to Dvaraka? He will surely follow Krishna to Hastina. He will never want to leave his sakha's company."
Govind agreed to my request. Laughing, he said, "Before the request of a friend's wife the influence of one's own wife has been admitted in age after age to be of no account. The attraction of Dvaraka is today left far behind by the attraction of Hastina. Hastina will have to be the destination." Secretly I was delighted. Yes, sakha was no mean wit! Now Arjun was helpless. Without Krishna, what would he do in Dvaraka?
In my mind I began praising Maya's intelligence. I was thinking — "Without Maya how can anyone run this domestic life? She has got totally integrated with our life."
I had not seen heaven — but I had seen the world of dreams. It was in that world that I had imagined the splendour of Hastina. But after getting Phalguni, Hastina had remained a thing of the dream-world. I had forgotten that someday I might even become the royal bride of Hastina. And suddenly, that dream was effortlessly sliding into my grasp.