Yajnaseni: The Story of Draupadi

by Pratibha Ray

  Phalguni went on reciting my poems one after another. Listening to poetry in his voice I forgot all anger and hatred. He had not only memorised my poems, they were in his heart. In the words of the poems I, too, was in his heart! How ineffably profound and heavenly was his love for me! Otherwise, would he have been able to remember the poems? Both friends got engaged in discussing poetry. Quietly taking leave I went towards Yudhishthir's room thinking, "Between husband and wife, the meaning of anger and hurt is not lovelessness. This truth every wife ought to realise."

  I had thought he had been deliberately unwell for the sake of my company. Knowing this, Phalguni was secretly happy despite being unwell. "Phalguni wants me" — this was no small thing for me. Even the finest woman of Aryavart would take a life-long vow of virginity on the basis of this feeling.

  But when Phalguni rejected my service, my nursing, my company then I felt he was doing so in order to hurt me. What better occasion could there be for telling me that he was indifferent to me?

  After completing all my work I came to sit by Phalguni for nursing him. He was appearing drowsy. Gently I began pressing his feet. He was startled. Seeing me he shifted his feet. In a detached tone he said, "You here, so late at night?"

  "There is no need to count the hours of the night in nursing you", I said softly. Becoming grave he said, "But Yudhishthir will be waiting in the bed-chamber."

  "Permission has been granted for nursing till you have recovered."

  "But this is unjust of you."

  "Why? Service, company, nursing are, after all, the dharma of a wife, the duties of a housewife."

  "Above all it is satisfying the husband that is the wife's duty."

  "You too are my husand."

  "But for the next two years I cannot look upon you as my wife."

  "But you can consider me a nurse. A wife is a nurse too."

  "But by this, the condition of married life you have prescribed will be broken. It is prohibited to leave Yudhishthir's bedchamber and spend the night in someone else's. By this, not only you but I too will be guilty of breaking rules. Therefore, Krishnaa! Kindly return to Yudhishthir. It is in this that your welfare lies and mine too." Phalguni's tone sounded like an order. It was full of hurt pride and sarcasm with traces of mockery. My throat choked with grief, hurt and distress. I thought to myself, "why does Phalguni not notice that today discarding the dress of a lover I have come as a nurse? Does he not understand that I cannot pass the night without nursing him?"

  Tearfully I said, "A woman is not merely a wife. She is a mother and a sister too. Now I am not your wife, but your mother, your sister. Therefore, it will not be doing injustice to anyone. Nor will the conditions of marriage be violated. And this will make me happy."

  Phalguni laughed out loud in scorn. Full of mockery he said, "Your role as mother and sister is also not very slight. Bhim will fall ill every day. Nakul and Sahadev, too, will ask for some service. What will the poor eldest brother do? Other than cursing us, what is left for him? Moreover, with Kunti present, will you assume the role of mother? Duhshala is born in the Kaurav clan yet she is our only sister. The moment she hears of this tomorrow she will arrive. It will not be proper to take her place either. I am waiting for Mother. She will come any time. She will keep sitting by my head. You should not take a share in that joy. Now go, have pity. In your life there is no season of separation, for you are the heroine of five husbands. Lotus-scented Krishnaa, I fold my palms before you. Go away. Do not make me guilty before my brother. Let him not think that I am pretending illness to keep you by my side. At least, let not any shadow fall on the sweet relationship between the brothers because of you."

  In an attitude of prayer Phalguni had folded his palms together. It was impossible for me to bear this insult. I did not wish to have a share in anyone's joy, I did not wish to produce division among any. Only a life of peace and quiet, a world filled with husband and children was what I wanted — which is every woman's desire — not a jot more than that. But why was my life growing so very dramatic?

  I suppressed the grief and anguish. I hurried out of Phalguni's bed-chamber.

  But the doors of Yudhishthir's room were closed. It was very late in the night. Even the stars in Indraprasth's sky were dozing behind clouds.

  I was standing alone. On the corridor running along the closed bed-chambers of five husbands, with all the suppressed agony of her heart, stood Yajnaseni. In the dark sky the constellation of the seven sages was shining in the shape of a question mark.

  17

  Wealth, prosperity, power, fame, friends and relations, husband, son, daughter, wife — in the midst of all this a man does feel the need of at least one empathetic friend who adding joy to joy will enhance bliss a hundredfold, and sharing his grief will reduce the pain. Truly, Govind was precisely one such empathetic friend. On opening up one's heart to a friend, one's heart becomes free, generously open and radiant as the heavens. But Govind was such a mind-knower that it was not necessary to reveal one's mind to him. Simply on seeing him, as at the touch of the morning sun all the petals of a flower open, the mind revealed itself. Nothing remained secret in the heart. His gaze was like the radiance of the sun and the mind like a flower opening!

  Therefore, when mental anguish became unbearable, I made the wish for the appearance of Govind. All this silent agony of the mind could not be poured out before anyone else. All the affairs of conjugal life cannot be expressed before everyone. There are some hurts, many feelings, that remain unexpressed throughout life — even before one's own husband. But before Govind I did not know how all secrecy, all hesitation, all gaps vanished — it left me amazed when I thought of it.

  That day too Govind understood the moment he looked at me that in some corner of my mind the tears of an unexpressed pain were being shed. He proposed, "Sakhi, come, let us leave for the forest on the banks of the river Shatadru for some entertainment. We shall have a forest picnic. Sakha too is recovering and it will divert him as well. Confined at home, Phalguni is appearing somewhat irritable and depressed."

  I understood that this entire arrangement was for changing my state of mind. I did not refuse. I did want the open sky, free breeze blowing and greenery, to lose myself for some time in the vibrant beauty of nature.

  The chariots were made ready for the five Pandavs, sakha Krishna and myself. Some of my attendants came along on this journey to the Shatadru.

  Possibly the spring had got to know of our arrival. The season had already completed its toilet, with the Shatadru waters as its mirror. The forest was heavy with the fragrance of Ashok, Champa, honeysuckle and innumerable nameless flowers. On the forest pathways was spread a carpet of Vakul flowers. The restless breeze was ready to welcome us with the scent of perfume. It was broadcasting news of Krishna's coming. In the sunlight, the forest had prepared an offering of fresh blue lotuses in the gleaming tray of silvery waters. The mango groves there were waiting for us, spreading out their cool pandal of mango blossoms. We halted there.

  I forgot myself in the ineffable beauty of the forest. I did not remember that I was princess Draupadi, great queen Krishnaa of Indraprasth, Panchali of the five Pandavs. All my grief, anguish, depression and regrets were washed away by pure nature. Enchanted, I lost myself in the love of nature.

  Yudhishthir with some attendants left for ascertaining the condition of the forest-dwellers living on the banks of the pure waters of the Shatadru. Bhim went off into the jungle to seek ripe fruits for the afternoon repast. Nakul took the horses to frisk about in the forest. Sahadev sat down in solitude on the river-bank to calculate the auspicious time for sakha Krishna's departure for Dvaraka. Now that Yudhishthir had established himself in Indraprasth, Krishna ought to get back to Dvaraka. Kunti had desired that on an auspicious date and time Krishna should leave Indraprasth for Dvaraka. Therefore, Sahadev was calculating.

  In the mango grove were both friends, Krishna and Arjun. My attendants, like restless teenagers, left to gather flowers in the forest
, flitting about in the midst of bees and butterflies.

  Offering betel-leaf to sakha I said, "Sakha! What was the difficulty in staying on in Indraprasth for a few days longer? Of course, eight queens will be waiting in Dvaraka." Phalguni burst out laughing, "Not just eight queens. The thousands of wives in the inner apartments of Dvaraka will be wasting away in anguish at the separation from sakha. The number of days that we could keep sakha back in Indraprasth — is that slight? If we keep him here too long, will they not curse us?"

  Sakha glanced at me and laughed, "Hearing his remark haven't you decided I am Aryavart's greatest philanderer? Although there is truth underlying sakha's words. In the inner apartments of Dvaraka besides eight queens I do have many wives, but there was no way out other than this. Narakasur had raped a thousand virgins and imprisoned them. Narakasur's arrogance and tyranny crossed all limits. Then for establishing peace in his kingdom I killed him. Freeing those unfortunate princesses, I informed their parents. But their fathers, who never tired of complaining of the misfortune of their daughters, would not agree to take them back — not even one. Rather they sent messages, "Suicide is the only path open. After so many days in the custody of Narakasur, no prince — not even the humblest man will take their hand in marriage. If they return to their fathers' kingdoms it will only bring disrepute to their kingdoms. In such circumstances, there is no alternative to suicide."

  "Oh! Such injustice!" I exclaimed spontaneously.

  Sympathetically sakha said, "It is because of that very injustice that Devi Vaidehi had to face trial by fire repeatedly. Ultimately, she took refuge in the womb of Mother Earth."

  "Then?" asked Arjun. He used to enjoy very much listening to accounts of Krishna's heroism and nobility.

  Sakha continued, "They found that there was no alternative to suicide and approached me for refuge. In distressed tones they said, 'O Krishna, the delight of the gopis, you have thrown us into grave danger by slaying Narakasur. On this earth he was our only refuge. Now, after his death, we have nowhere to go. What shall we do now?" Then I invited all the princes of the world and asked them to marry these princesses. If only even one of them had stepped forward! But none did. Having lived under the control of another man, the women were all soiled. So everyone turned down my request. Distressed, the princesses told me, 'O Krishna, you are our life-giver, our saviour! If you do not save us, you shall be held guilty for our suicide.' I reassured them that they could find shelter in my kingdom. There would be no shortage of food and clothing. All amenities would be made available throughout life.

  Abruptly, I protested against sakha's words, "Sakha! Can anyone live just on getting food, clothing and a roof? For living, it is necessary to have social status, respect and everyone's sympathy, support. Even in Narakasur's prison food, clothes and accommodation were not lacking. Even then people were sympathetic towards them, respected them. In such circumstances, will food and clothing bring them back their social status? What remedy did you find for the injustice that society does to woman?"

  Sakha laughed at my accusation, "The last scene of the drama is the most romantic. A princess like you had asked me this very question. Offering herself at my feet she pleaded, 'O Krishna! By accepting us, save our honour.' Then I realised that it was my duty to accept them as my wives. By this the world's male society would realise that it is not the body of a woman that was the woman; that a woman has a soul too. Though imprisoned in the body, the soul does not become a prisoner. Even if the body is thrown into stinking hell, its sin does not rub off on the soul. Just because the body has been forcibly enjoyed the soul is not fallen. If the soul finds the means of salvation and follows the path of light, then it is without any mark, free, pure. I have respected the immaculate souls of those thousand princesses, married them, accepted them. Where souls unite, bodily relations become a minor matter. Therefore, if I stay back in Indraprasth my wives will not curse you. I have not married them out of lust to enjoy their bodies. I loved their souls and they are all lovers of my soul. Those who cannot understand the nature of my love call me a debauch."

  From long back I had been in love with the soul of the perfect lover, Krishna. Now I was regretting in secret why that Narakasur had not imprisoned me along with those thousand virgins!

  Phalguni voiced exactly the opposite of my feelings in jest. Smiling he said, "Sakha! The entire news of the world is with you. Will you kindly tell us which are the other demons who have kept lakhs of princesses imprisoned? This very moment I shall slay them and accepting the beautiful souls of those lovely women I shall accommodate them in my inner apartments. Then there will be no need to agonise over separation from Krishnaa."

  Sakha laughed at this jest. But there was a hidden barb for me in Arjun's words which, he too, made out. Looking calmly at Arjun he said, "Many lovely women will arrive in a hero's life and in your life, too, this will happen. I have faith that even if a thousand beautiful princesses are in your inner apartments, yet you will ever bum in the anguish of separation from Krishnaa. In your life none can fill the place of Krishnaa."

  Arjun asked, "The solution for this pain?"

  In a calm voice sakha said, "Try to contact the soul of Krishnaa. Sakha, there you will see separation has no place. The union of Ramchandra and Vaidehi was a union of souls. That is why, despite remaining separated throughout life from each other, Ram was not consumed by the anguish of separation. Otherwise, he could not have established Ramrajya in Ayodhya. Despite being separated from Janaki, he never discarded work, never neglected any duty towards the kingdom. Therefore, in all Aryavart he is respected as the Man of Honour."

  Who knows whether Arjun accepted sakha's advice or not, for he joked again, "Then I shall have to go along with you to Dvaraka. Living there I will have to learn the love of soul for soul. You will teach me. Returning, I shall begin a new conjugal life with Krishnaa. To this Krishnaa will have no objection. Krishnaa too..."

  Krishna laughed and interrupted, "Sakha! The love of soul for soul is not visible to the eyes. Only the soul can see that. It is only by experience and sensitivity that you can learn the technique of that love. Therefore, for this it is not necessary for you to go to Dvaraka in search of conjugal harmony. Do not imagine that by establishing a capital of the kingdom in Indraprasth your duties have been completed. This is but the beginning..."

  Arjun looked annoyed. Since childhood the Pandavs had been battling misfortune and injustice. At every step their life, wealth and honour had been endangered. The fatherless five brothers had grown up under the protection of a mother's sacrifice, dedication and ideals. Now the foundation stone of a peaceful life had been laid in Indraprasth. And Krishna was saying that this was only the beginning of the battle! Krishna was gifted with divine foresight. Was he hearing the footsteps of even more conflict and battle in the lives of the Pandavs?

  Like a humble child Arjun asked, "Sakha! Yudhishthir should have been the king of all Hastinapur. For avoiding conflict and bloodshed we have remained content with just half the kingdom. We transformed an infertile, undeveloped, jungle like Khandavprasth into a veritable heaven with your help. Yet there is no end to conflict and battle in our lives! Are you worried?"

  Krishna became grave. His face changed. It glowed with the splendour of wisdom and superhuman power. I could clearly see a radiant halo around his face. As though enchanted, Phalguni and I lost ourselves in Krishna's halo.

  Krishna said, "The day when on the pretext of avoiding conflict the blind king Dhritarashtra split a kingdom into two, made two capitals, Hastinapur and Indraprasth — the seeds of conflict were sown right from then. Dhritarashtra was not able to understand that even on infertile land dedication, application and concentration can create lovely gardens on the strength of righteous thoughts and virtuous acts. Therefore, he was satisfied that by granting infertile Varanavat to his nephews he had displayed magnanimity. But when the prosperity of Indraprasth becomes a matter of envy for the Kauravs, then their minds will be filled with enmity for all In
draprasth. And in this manner, lack of peace and contentment will ever prevail between both capitals. In such a situation, how can the Pandavs pass their days in contented happiness?"

  Phalguni was astonished and pained by Krishna's explanation. In a voice full of complaint he said, "Sakha, you are far-seeing. You know this will happen. Yet, why did you accept the proposal of Dhritarashtra?"

  Shri Krishna cast a sidelong glance at Phalguni. On his curved lips a mysterious smile was lending even greater beauty to his radiant face. Softly he said, "Sometimes, despite knowing everything, some decisions have to be taken. For the sake of some nobler cause losses have to be borne on the way, sacrifices have to be accepted. The division of Aryavart was the first oblation in accomplishing this nobler aim. If the kingdom of injustice does not remain, dharma will be established — this no one will understand. For the establishment of justice and dharma, some time is needed for the rule of the Kauravs in Hastinapur. Let the public experience and compare the social life and cultural development of Hastinapur and Indraprasth. It is only then that public opinion will take shape in favour of dharma. Dharma does not need advertisement and publicity. It needs the experience of life and introspection. That is why I accepted the proposal of Dhritarashtra."

  Overwhelmed, Phalguni and I went on listening to the amazing strategy of sakha Krishna for establishing dharma. In deep thought, Phalguni said, "Sakha, Hastinapur is a prosperous and developed area. Indraprasth has been able to equal it. As a consequence of the partition of the kingdom, an undeveloped area has swiftly become a developed and prosperous territory. Therefore, why two, if even four capitals are established what is the harm? Then different areas of the kingdom will be lit up with the light of progress. This, after all, is the aim of your establishment of dharma. That the entire people of the country enjoy happiness and prosperity, is the fundamental intention."