Yajnaseni: The Story of Draupadi

by Pratibha Ray

  Everyone bowed his head before the King-emperor Yudhishthir. Everyone vowed that in the task of establishing dharma they would, according to the ability of each, provide assistance.

  26

  There was a specific interval between the day of the full moon and that of the new moon. But no one knew when sorrow would come after joy.

  I, too, on that day was standing on the final step of happiness, prosperity, wealth and good fortune and thinking that in Aryavart there was no woman like me. What other happiness was beyond my grasp on this earth after this was beyond me.

  It seemed that if there was any other happiness in this world even that could not be difficult for my husbands to get. Should I so desire, they would even bring the sun, the moon and stars to lay at my feet. She whose husband was the emperor, what was impossible for her to get?

  Fate was laughing at my pride. The future is not visible and that is why there is so much pride in man.

  Krishna Dvaipayan came to take leave of us. Yudhishthir, having touched his feet, was still recumbent. Emperor Yudhishthir promised with humility, "I will not pain anyone by uttering bitter words. I will not look upon my own children as different from those of others. I will not desire war and bloodshed. I will dedicate my life to making everyone happy by following the path of truth and dharma."

  Blessing Yudhishthir, Krishna Dvaipayan said, "Many inauspicious events might occur in the coming thirteen years. No one can withstand the current of time. Innumerable kshatriyas might be destroyed. But without getting disturbed, keep on the path of dharma. For, it is in this that the welfare of the world lies."

  Hearing the prophecy of Krishna Dvaipayan, Yudhishthir's face fell. His soul trembled. He said, "Is there no peace in this life? What is the inauspicious event whose turn it is now?"

  Now Krishna Vasudev would leave. He had arrived from Dvaraka many days before. Now he ought to get back. But thinking about sakha's departure I felt miserable. Why was the heart of the empress so weak? What was it that she lacked? I myself could not understand why I had grown so weak. It seemed as though the moment sakha left, the sky would fall on my head. Krishna Dvaipayan's prophecy set my anxiety and worry smouldering.

  Pranaming Yudhishthir, Krishna asked permission to leave. Yudhishthir, too, was disturbed. He said, "Govind! It is you who are worthy to be emperor. This achievement is not mine, I know. Therefore when my praise is sung in the world, instead of being delighted I am pained; I feel ashamed. Burdening my heart with sorrow and shame you are taking leave of as. The moment I think of this I feel extremely helpless."

  Affectionately Govind caught hold of both his hands, "Brother Yudhishthir! It is good to be humble, but it is not right to consider oneself petty. It is you who have acted. I have but assisted. It is only dharma that can protect this earth. Therefore, it is in your hands that the responsibility of protecting dharma has been given through the rajasuya yajna. Man protects dharma and it is dharma that protects man. Do not forget this."

  Govind took leave of everyone by turn. My sons surrounded Krishna, "Uncle, do not go!" Abhimanyu insisted, "I will go to Uncle's home." Krishna was caressing everyone, making much of them. He was advising them to concentrate on their studies.

  Abhimanyu was the eldest. After him my sons were born at intervals of a year. Abhimanyu was absolutely like Arjun. It was difficult to say which son of mine was like whom. In each of them there was some semblance or other of the five Pandavs. The most surprising thing was that all of them seemed to have the eyes, lips and feet of Krishna. How did this happen? Perhaps it was because of my being engrossed in Krishna. My attention was ever on the lotus feet of Krishna. His eyes used to show me the path. His lips provided me the strength and inspiration to taste the nectar of life. Sometimes Krishna would jest, "Sakhi, your sons resemble me more than their fathers. Doesn't Bhim tease you about this?" I would blush with embarrassment. With lowered eyes I would reply, "This is only natural. Krishna has merged into my husbands in such fashion that they have become oblivious of their own entities. Therefore, if the children have become like Krishna it is only natural. Particularly, notice Arjun's son Shrutakirti. He is an absolute copy of sakha. How can I help this?"

  Caressing Shrutakirti sakha said, "Where is the difference between my sons and Arjun's? We two sakhas are one soul. If you separate me from him, he becomes empty. If he is removed, I remain incomplete. Therefore, only you can say whose son Shrutakirti is."

  Arjun laughed at sakha's mischief and seeing him laugh, laughter overwhelmed me too. If he wanted to enjoy such jests, why should I get teased?

  The children were consoled and sent away. Pranam-ing Krishna, I got up. By then my eyes had filled with tears. Sakha's feet stopped. With a sad face he said, "Sakhi! Shall I be able to go to Dvaraka having seen your tears? Why do you give pain again? I vow that whenever you remember me I shall be present. But after your husband has become emperor, what help can this cowherd friend of yours provide that you will remember him?"

  Again sakha hurt my pride! He knew that without him the emperor-husband was helpless like a leaf tossed on the river current. But knowing the state of my mind he was teasing me in jest. I folded my palms, "Sakha, I am offering you everything. Therefore, my pride too is yours. If you are not returning it, then why hurt me? Hurt me if you will, but come back, come back soon...."

  "I will return. I shall come at the right time", with this assurance sakha left.

  27

  The pages of a book have to be turned, but the leaves of fate turn by themselves.

  I had married five mendicant brahmin brothers. They turned out to be princes of Hastinapur! Then they got back the lost kingdom and for staying far from jealousy and unrest among cousins over the kingdom they had to establish their capital in barren, forested Varunavant. With what sacrifice, endeavour, pain and difficulty had they developed Varunavant into Indraprasth! The history of all the sadhana and labour was inscribed on my heart. The entire burden of the five had to be borne by me alone.

  My husband was emperor. Indraprasth was the most prosperous city of Aryavart. From the viewpoint of wealth, prosperity, natural beauty, possessions, art, music, dance, literature and weapon-craft Indraprasth was the ideal of every kingdom.

  I was the mother of five sons, but Subhadra's son was my first. My domestic life was replete with happiness, peace and possessions. I did not want anything more. The Pandavs stood by their own right. Krishna was their helper. Now to walk on the path of dharma and become one with the subjects in their joys and sorrows was my wish. Subhadra would look after the household. I would keep track of the world outside. The welfare of the suffering subjects had to be seen to. Food, clothing, housing, education — all these are the birthrights of man. If every citizen of Indraprasth did not have access to the minimum needs then Yudhishthir's being called emperor was meaningless, my name Yajnaseni was of no value.

  I was thinking of immersing myself in the pursuit of public welfare as a mission when suddenly the dream was shattered.

  Vidur, the discriminating, intelligent, most respected uncle-in-law, arrived from Hastinapur. In his hand was an invitation. The king of Hastina, Duryodhan, had sent an invitation to the king of Indraprasth, Yudhishthir. There would be dice-games with bets between my husband, Yudhishthir, and king Duryodhan.

  My heart shuddered with some foreboding of evil. I urged my husband to refuse. Pleading with him I said, "Do not accept this invitation. For kshatriyas, playing dice is not desirable. It seems to me that behind the invitation for a dice-game there is some other plot of Duryodhan's."

  Yudhishthir too was worried. In a grave voice he said, "Yajnaseni! Hunting, drinking, dicing and womanising, these four habits are the enemies of a king. I know this. Yet, if Duryodhan has sent this invitation with the permission of grandfather and the elders, then I will not be able to refuse."

  "But you are not good at dicing — this too everyone knows. Defeat is certain, this too I can see clearly."

  "Despite knowing for sure that he will
be defeated, the kshatriya does not turn back."

  "War and dicing are not the same."

  "But I am not good at dicing and therefore, Duryodhan has challenged me. Despite knowing this, I cannot reject the invitation for fear of defeat."

  "At least ask uncle Vidur once what is the intention behind this invitation," I pleaded.

  Hesitantly and sorrowfully uncle Vidur revealed the truth. Duryodhan could not tolerate the glory and wealth of Indraprasth. The wealth and prosperity of the Pandavs had whetted his greed. He knew that even in seven lives he would not be able to equal the Pandavs. Therefore, on the advice of their wicked uncle, Shakuni, Dhritarashtra was persuaded to agree and the invitation to the dice-game had been sent. If not by force then at least by stratagem, to the extent of adopting the path of adharma, to loot the entire wealth and possessions of the Pandavs was the intention behind this dice-game. Shakuni will throw the dice for Duryodhan. There is none in the three worlds who can better Shakuni in the cunning throw of the dice so as to win.

  Having listened to everything patiently, Yudhishthir gave directions to prepare for going to Hastina. I paled with sorrow and annoyance. I asked, "Even after knowing the intention of uncle Shakuni and Duryodhan, you want to accept the invitation?"

  "Despite the deception of Gandhar king Shakuni being clear, the invitation has to be accepted. Every step in life is determined by fate alone. Therefore, instead of thinking otherwise, it is proper to take part in the game."

  I was silent hearing the firm decision of Yudhishthir. What was the value of my refusal or consent or my apprehensions?

  Without knowing how to swim, should one say "I must jump into the river; the call of fate cannot be rejected"? Then what would one call it other than suicide? Was Yudhishthir, unwilling to fight, accepting this invitation in order to avoid battle? Perhaps he was apprehensive that at any time the Kauravs might declare war out of greed for wealth. There was no sorrow in losing wealth and possessions on placing a bet so long as life was saved and remained peaceful. It was this that was the aim of Yudhishthir. Or perhaps arrogance had made him trust in fate blindly. Despite fate being powerful, man does enjoy the fruits of his efforts. How was it that wise Yudhishthir could not comprehend this truth?

  If he had listened to my plea that day! The greatest disaster of my life could have been averted!

  28

  A menstruating woman was impure. So I was staying in a private mansion in Hastina. Accepting the invitation to the dice-game, ma Kunti and I had come with the five Pandavs. Of welcome, hospitality, affection, respect there was no lack in Hastina, no flaw. It was quite some time since the brothers had left, noting auspicious omens. I did not meet them. During menstrual periods, seeing the husband's face was prohibited. To see even the shadow of another man was sinful. Absolutely alone, I was seated in a comer of the room. Physically as well as mentally I was not alert. Though I was virtually a prisoner, my mind had flown to the assembly-hall, wondering what was the ultimate result. Silently I waited for news of the dice-game. Good or bad?

  It was these thick, curly, long tresses of mine that were a major attraction of my beauty. While combing my hair Maya would say, "Sakhi! If the princes had seen your flowing tresses in the svayamvar hall then they would have considered themselves fortunate to commit suicide hanging themselves with your long hair. It is well that your hair was coiled up and covered with flowers that day and with a veil on top."

  Now my hair was left loose. In my present condition, dressing the hair or decking up was prohibited. Except for a single cloth, even wearing undergarments was prohibited. In the separate apartments for female guests in Hastina's royal palace, with my wet hair drying on my back, I was idly passing the afternoon. Maya was seated next to me. As ever, she was praising my hair. Laughing, she said, 'Those unfortunate men who are deprived of the chance of seeing the beauty of your hair, for them my mind fills with infinite pity!"

  Irritated I retorted, "Chheeh, Maya! What nonsense you talk! For the lustful glance of another man to touch even the tip of a married woman's hair is an insult. That is why the need of a veil and tying up the hair. Displaying one's beauty is the dharma of a courtesan, not of a wife. How do such peculiar ideas come into your head?"

  Smiling Maya responded, "The attraction a man feels for a woman is natural, spontaneous. The attraction in a man's heart for a beautiful, talented, learned woman cannot be expressed in words. Therefore, all the princes of Aryavart going mad for you there, would have been no fault of theirs, rather..." Stopping midway, Maya smiled meaningfully, wickedly.

  Annoyed I said, "Rather, the fault is mine. This is what you want to say?"

  "The fault is his who has filled woman with beauty and men's eyes with the thirst for beauty," answered Maya.

  In a dry voice I said, "Then go to him. Argue with him regarding the faults and good points. Why indulge in such talk here? And what is happening in the assembly-hall? Regarding that, there is not the slightest anxiety in your mind?"

  Indifferently, Maya said, "What is the use of worrying? Can we do anything? What will be, will be. It is His wish. We have to dance accordingly!"...

  Worried, I asked, "Maya, why don't you go and take a look at what is happening? What are the bets? Who is winning and losing? In front of so many learned, valiant noblemen of Aryavart, it does not seem proper for two kings to be engrossed in dicing — but no one would listen to a word of mine."

  Maya laughed and said, ''Sakhi! It is the princes who went for the svayamvar who are present as spectators in the dicing hall. They would be wishing that somehow Yudhishthir should lose..."

  I burst out, "You know their secret desires so well. Tell me, what else do they desire?"

  "They had seen virgin Krishnaa only once and were left with a life-long regret. The desire to console the heart by seeing the royal queen Krishnaa once is bound to be there." Maya spoke these words most naturally. But I was left stunned. Was Maya getting mentally unbalanced? Chheeh, chheeh! What sort of thoughts did she think! To remove the regret of people of the whole world I would display myself before them? Improper, unjust hopes and desires are the roots of regret. What did this matter to me?

  I did not wish to argue any more with Maya. I did not like listening to such things. My anxiety was increasing. My body and mind — both were restless, disturbed.

  There was a sound in the doorway. Was Yudhishthir returning victorious? I moved out of sight. How could I look upon my husband's face while menstruating?

  Maya asked, "What is the news, Pratikami?"

  Coldly the messenger said, "King Duryodhan's command is: queen Yajnaseni should appear in the assembly-hall."

  Teasingly Maya said, "I was right — they are bound to want to see you."

  My face flamed. Sharply I retorted, "Who is king Duryodhan to issue commands? I am not his subject. Has he forgotten so quickly that my husband Yudhishthir is emperor..."

  Before I could finish, Pratikami said in a grim voice which crashed like a thunderbolt on my head, "King Yudhishthir, staked his entire immovable and movable property, male and female slaves, brothers and himself, and lost all. He ultimately staked his wife, queen Krishnaa, too, and lost. Therefore, queen Krishnaa is now the slave of the Kauravs. King Duryodhan's command..."

  I was inside because I would not look upon Pratikami's face. Still, I was angrily wishing that I could glance at him once and bum him to ashes. How did he dare...? But, then, what was his fault? He was only an obedient servant.

  In a steady voice I said, "Go, Pratikami! Go and ask my husband whether first he staked himself and lost or me? Till I get a reply to this I will not move from here." Nervous, Pratikami went back. I kept standing stunned, inert. I was thinking, "What is this behaviour of Yudhishthir? Does even the most immoral uncivilized gambler ever stake his wife? Has anyone ever done such a detestable act in the history of the world?"

  Doubling my anguish, Maya said, "Alas! What will brave Karna and the other princes be thinking? Of what sort is Yudhishthir's husband
ly love? How grossly has he demeaned the daughter of Panchal before enemies!" I would have wept but my whole body was trembling with anger and excitement, which dried up all tears.

  Just then Pratikami returned. In a polite tone he said, "King Duryodhan's command is that you shall have to come to the assembly-hall and question your husband in public. Along with the Kauravs, the other kings are waiting to hear your question and his answer."

  I hardened my heart. In a steady but firm voice I said, "Go, Pratikami, ask my father-in-law and the elders what there opinion is. I shall accept their command. Listen, Duryodhan is not my lord. I cannot appear in the assembly-hall at his command. Have my husbands granted permission for this?"

  With bowed head Pratikami went back sorrowfully. I was unable to think. Only the scene of the svayamvar hall was before my eyes. Those princes before whom with great pride I had rejected Karna, had garlanded the noblest warrior Arjun, today, before those very persons I, the empress of emperor Yudhishthir, the darling Draupadi of the five Pandavs, the queen of Indraprasth, the sister of Dhrishtadyumna — dearer to him than life itself — the bride of the Bharat dynasty and the sakhi of the perfect man, Krishna Vasudev, clad in a single garment, menstruating, like a helpless, unfortunate woman would appear in public in the assembly-hall? Will my husbands, specially Arjun and Bhim, stand this? And above all, having borne this insult, would I be able to go on living?

  Full of anguish and anger I was thinking: was woman merely man's movable or immovable property? Was I part of Yudhishthir's movable or immovable property, male and female slaves, horses and elephants? Being a woman did I not have right even over myself, my own soul? If they had rights over this body of mine, did it mean they could do as they wished with me?

  I saw nothing but gloom all around. That was when Nitambini entered and silently stood before me. With bowed head and voice heavy with sorrow she began saying, "Sakhi! From your husband, king Yudhishthir, directions have come. Even in your single garment you should appear before your elder in-laws. Knowing that you are menstruating, they will surely take care to protect your honour."