Yajnaseni: The Story of Draupadi

by Pratibha Ray

  I flared up like a tongue of flame. Bhimsen was unable to tolerate this insult. He roared out, "Death is calling you, Duhshasan! A mighty war shall be fought. Because of this insult and humiliation of Yajnaseni the Kauravs will be destroyed. Lakhs of kshatriyas of Aryavart will be slain. The prophecy at Yajnaseni's birth will soon come true."

  Yudhishthir stood up and restrained Bhim. With folded hands he pleaded with Dhritarashtra, "Permit us, sir! Your commands will be obeyed."

  Generously Dhritarashtra said, "Go, my son! Live in peace with chaste Yajnaseni. Forgive this blind old man, Yajnaseni! I was forced to grant permission for such an unjust game of dice. If the son does not listen to the father then who will understand the father's helplessness more than me? But this outrage on you has also multiplied your glory. My sons will now understand the extent of their strength and prowess. The result of the dice game has shown how noble the Pandavs are. Yudhishthir's devotion to dharma, Arjun's patience, Bhim's prowess and daring, and Nakul-Sahadev's knowledge of rules and peacefulness have been revealed to the world. O Yudhishthir, now assuage chaste Draupadi's hurt and return to Indraprasth. Rule your subjects in peace. Establish amity with your foolish Kaurav brothers. Conflict does not resolve a quarrel. Rather, it destroys the whole kingdom."

  Before leaving the assembly I pranam-ed everyone with folded hands. Humbly I said, "I beg forgiveness of all elders. While coming to the assembly-hall, on account of grief and excitement, I forgot the primary duty of pranam-ing the elders. I beg a thousand pardons. Pranam ... pranam to everyone and all."

  After pranam-ing ma Gandhari preparations were afoot for returning to Indraprasth. Just then Duryodhan sent the invitation for playing at dice once again.

  Sighing deeply Yudhishthir said, "It is this that is the trick of fate. I know that this time too I will lose. But it is not possible to reject the invitation." Yudhishthir left for the assembly-hall. I stood blocking his path. Seeing me furious, Yudhishthir gently said, "Step aside, Yajnaseni! Let me follow the path of dharma..."

  Furiously I asked, "Husband! Despite the intolerable outrage and insult I suffered, you are not at peace? Is this your dharma? There is no dharma in answering the call of injustice. This is but your pride. You know yourself to be incompetent, yet you are not prepared to acknowledge it. Wife, son, brother, kingdom — crushing the peace, happiness, honour, security of all you wish to display your humility and devotion to dharma. Is this the dharma of a king?"

  "If we reject today's challenge, will the Kauravs allow us to reign in peace even after our return to Indraprasth? Therefore, why hesitate in making a last effort and see what fate has in store?" said Yudhishthir and rejecting my advice went to the assembly-hall.

  If I could have burnt myself to ashes, it would have given me peace. But I was born of fire, therefore the fire of anger and agitation did not turn me into ashes, it merely kept consuming me. Frantic with the burning pain I was moving here and there. After such outrage I was waiting for what more the world had in store for me.

  Maya consoled me, "Do not worry. The attention of wicked Duryodhan is concentrated on the wealth of Indraprasth. He will calm down on obtaining that. He knows that the Pandavs will not rest without taking revenge for your insult. Therefore, he does not wish that you return to Indraprasth. By any means he wants to exile you all.

  "This is what will happen. Wherever the Pandavs go they will establish a capital like Indraprasth and live happily. Prosperity and happiness are like the dust of the road for the Pandavs. If you are with them then what is there that they cannot do? Do you not know that you are a portion of the goddess Lakshmi?"

  Even in the midst of so much trouble and sorrow I could not but laugh, "Maya! Do you think that I am worried about the wealth of the kingdom slipping out of my hands? When I had placed the garland of choice round Phalguni's neck, he was for me a mere forest-dwelling mendicant brahmin. When I married the five Pandavs, they were princes without a kingdom. Then I was not sorrowful. The happiness and joy that were mine then I never got even after becoming queen of Indraprasth. I am not made of the ingredients that find delight in wealth and prosperity. But Yudhishthir's repeated humble surrender in the name of dharma at the invitation of injustice — this I cannot bear. Since I was staked at dice, my entire peace of mind has been destroyed Instead of the agony of this insult and this anguish, to eke out an existence as the wife of a forest-dwelling humble gentleman will be preferred by any woman of character."

  Perhaps it was fate that was on my lips. I had but finished speaking when news came that in the last dice-game Yudhishthir had lost his kingdom and, according to the conditions of the bet, the five brothers along with their wife would go into exile in the forest for twelve years. After that they would also have to live for a year in disguise.

  For me the news was not grievous. I had lived in the forest with my husbands long before. But what would happen to the subjects who had left Hastinapur to take shelter under Yudhishthir in Indraprasth? The men and women of Indraprasth would have to undergo so much torment at the hands of Duryodhan who was unjust and vindictive. As targets of the perverted lust of the Kaurav brothers, the chaste, devoted women of Indraprasth would have to suffer untold agonies. Was this indifference of Yudhishthir towards the welfare of his subjects the dharma of a king? While betting during the dice-game did he not think even once of his subjects? If he was so indifferent to kingdom and wealth, then why did he win the confidence of the people by becoming emperor on the throne of Indraprasth?

  Ramchandra invited grief by running after the golden deer. But Yudhishthir ran blindly after dice — it was this that became the root of all my sorrows.

  In Yudhishthir's mind greed had no place. He was sthitaprajna, his wisdom was not affected by joy and sorrow. The other brothers were silent followers. I, too, did not tell him anything. What was the value of my words now?

  The news of the forest exile of the Pandavs spread like wildfire everywhere. Andhak, the Bhoj king, Krishnik, Dhrishtaketu the king of Chedi, the mighty warrior Kekaya, my brother, Dhrishtadyumna, and father, Drupad, came to us. Yudhishthir took leave of everyone. Father wanted to take me with him. I said, ''Father, do not deprive me of the opportunity of fulfilling my dharma as a wife. How much suffering did chaste Sita not undergo with her husband? A similar opportunity has now arisen in my life. I do not have the danger of a Ravan before me. For the greatest outrage in my life has already occurred. Now all the sorrow and want that will come will be minor ones. Do not worry. He who protected me at the time of the supreme insult will help me. After that, no sorrow or pain in life will be able to overcome me."

  Saying this I was pranaming Krishna in my heart when I found him in person before me. Eagerly I was going to touch his feet when he caught hold of both my hands. I said, "Vasudev, in what words shall I express my gratitude? Your deed shall be renowned for aeons as a reassurance for the tormented. I will remain your handmaid for all time to come."

  Krishna spoke in a sweet voice, "Sakhi, do not push me away with such words. I am your sakha After all, what is it that I have done? When Yudhishthir was dicing, I was engaged in fighting king Shalva of Shaubha. Otherwise I would have stopped him from playing. Women, dice, hunting, liquor destroy the goodness of man. I was not in Dvaraka. Therefore, this disaster struck the Pandavs. The moment I got the news, anxiously I have rushed here."

  Choked with emotion I said, "Lord, you can do as you will. Without you can anything occur anywhere? Who but you could tackle Draupadi's insult in the Kuru court? When Duhshasan dragged me by the hair into the hall, I was then menstruating, wearing a single piece of cloth. I, the wife of the Pandavs, Dhrishtadyumna's sister, your dear sakhi and the bride of the Bharat dynasty! Yet none prevented Duhshasan. My valiant husbands remained mute spectators. Duhshasan and Duryodhan's obscene words, gestures, karna's sarcastic speech are even now piercing my being. In the royal hall the elders, warriors, scholars, all were seated. When Duhshasan began stripping me, none was there to help! It seemed to me I had no
husband, no son, no brother, no friend, no father, no well-wisher! How terrifyingly helpless I felt! Who will understand that? I do not know where Bhim and Arjun's prowess and valour disappeared. Yudhishthir's humility and devotion to dharma-is this what it was? The destruction of the country where men do not rise to protect the honour of women is inevitable. The men of that country get a bad name and are abused. In such a situation it is on you that I depended, Krishna! When my faith in everyone was shattered, I surrendered myself to you. By your miraculous intervention not only was my honour saved but the honur of all womankind of this country. On the sacred soil of Bharata woman is not dishonoured — this you proved. Even though I was insulted, yet the glory of this soil was revealed before the world. It is this that remains a matter of consolation for me. O Krishna! I wish to spend my life as your handmaid. Only then, perhaps, may this debt grow somewhat lighter..."

  Opening up my heart before my compassionate and understanding friend, Krishna, I sobbed into my sari. After the outrage in the Kuru court I had not uttered a word to my husbands. What was the point of displaying hurt and reproach before my husbands, who were the cause of my anguish and who, despite being powerful, did not come to my assistance? What further sulking can I do before such husbands any more? Finding so understanding a friend as Krishna, how could I control myself? After all I was a woman!

  Folding his hands Krishna said, "Devi! My handmaid! You will turn me into an offender. I did not do anything at all out of the way for you. Whatever you had done, it was that debt that I repaid and am free now. In nursing me on the day of the ceremonial entrance to the new palace, you had torn the auspicious sari received from your husband to bandage my finger. In the shape of cloth it was that which I returned. By offering thread to get cloth in return — that is faith."

  My eyes were tearful. Wiping his perspiration with a perfumed cloth, Krishna said, "Look! I have turned the gift of your affection into a kerchief and carry it about. Sakhi, Krishna is ever hungry for affection. Regarding me as your sakha, keep showering affection on me — that is all I want. I will count myself blessed. Treat me like that always."

  I was amazed. Krishna was carrying around the strip of my sari as a kerchief! Every moment he was recalling that petty service!

  It seemed to me that all the grief and regret of my life had been washed away. In a voice throbbing with love I said, "Sakha, you alone have the right to all the pure unsullied love of this heart. Since birth this heart has been offered to you alone. Do not shame me by repeating what you said."

  Krishna laughed, "Krishnaa, you have been born of a portion of Lakshmi. Without your affection Krishna will be deprived of good fortune — remember this."

  Finding Krishna's support, I was sensing strength within. In a firm voice I said, "Sakha, if those who were responsible for the horrifying outrage that Draupadi suffered in the Kuru court, for wicked misbehaviour, do not receive exemplary punishment, then the history of Bharata will be filled with shameful accounts of atrocities against women. Kings and princes will abduct beautiful women from their husbands' homes for quenching their perverted lust, will strip them in public. To enjoy the beauty of naked women with lust-crazed eyes will become the normal pastime of debauched men. Sakha, to me you are everything. What worry do I have? But if the Duhshasans and Duryodhans do not receive the fruits of their sins, then in future the fate of women is shrouded in the darkest gloom. I am surprised that even after attempting to strip the daughter-in-law of noble Pandu, the wife of the Pandavs, the dear sakhi of Krishna Vasudev, in the Kuru court, they did not die. When that wicked man was stripping me, helpless like chaste Sita I could have disappeared into the depths of the earth to hide my shame. If I had prayed, would not the earth have opened? But I did not do so. If I had done so my modesty would have been protected but the wicked would not have been punished. In the future this problem would remain unresolved for women. Tolerance is the ornament of women. But to bear injustice with bowed head is not the dharma of women. If the husband adopts the wrong path and the wife remains quiet, then everyone will suffer. The portion of sin in the world will increase. Innocent people will suffer the consequences of that sin. Therefore, even after the terrible outrage and the insufferable insult I am alive. Happiness, prosperity, enjoyment of the kingdom are not the aims of my life. Krishnaa has been reborn. The remaining days of my life I will fight against injustice, adharma, sin. I have sworn that I shall tie up my hair only after washing it in Duhshasan's blood. Otherwise, these tresses will ever remain loose. Though the world may call me an ogress because of this, the world must know that woman who creates, is auspicious, is also the destroyer of the sinful and the wicked. It is after washing my hair in Duhshasan's blood that I shall tie it up — Duhshasan who, regarding woman as weak, dragged me by the hair and insulted me. Then will the world know that while a woman's heart is delicate, it is not weak. O Krishna, if you do not help in fulfilling my vow, then this lovely creation of yours shall be crushed under the weight of sin."

  Hearing my grim words Krishna was pleased. Reassuring me, he said, "Krishnaa, your anger and vow are just. Those who insulted you, those who looked upon you with lustful eyes in the assembly-hall, who encouraged sin — all of them will be laid low on the battlefield by the arrows of your husband, Phalguni. In the great war, Dhrishtadyumna will destroy Drona; Shikhandi will kill Bhishma; Bhim's mace will shatter Duryodhan's thigh; Dhananjay's arrow will slay Karna. Because of you, many kshatriyas will die. After your insult in the Kuru court, this earth cannot be saved from a great war. In age after age the breast of mother earth runs red with the blood of the wicked. The heavens may fall, the Himalayas may sink into Patala, the sun and the moon may collapse, the earth may split into a hundred pieces, but your vow shall be fulfiled. I shall leave no stone unturned in helping the Pandavs. Sakhi, do not grieve. What I say always comes true."

  29

  The hour of departure came. Ma Kunti broke down in grief. For the fatherless innocent children, what untold suffering had princess Kunti, wife of Pandu, not undergone! When her husband was king, even then, because of the jealousy and envy of Dhritarashtra, Kunti was deprived of royal comfort and had to bear the difficulties of forest-life. It was during that stay in the forest that her husband died. After the education of her sons, she had to take to the forest once again to save their lives. After the arrival of Yajnaseni as daughter-in-law, fate seemed to smile. Ma Kunti thought that now she would be able to pass the remaining days in peace watching over the prosperity of her sons. But sorrow was, as though, her shadow. Now the sons and daughter-in-law would suffer thirteen years of exile in the forest. If they were recognised in the year of their disguise then a second forest exile for another twelve years. Who knew whether, like king Dasharath, she might also have to give up her life without seeing her sons' faces! Ma Kunti was anguished over her sons and I was worried about my five sons.

  The youngest son was still a breast-fed baby. How would I live without them for thirteen years? There was no way at all of taking them along. They would have to be left with Subhadra. They would certainly live comfortably with her, for did Subhadra love them any less? As Abhimanyu was dear to me, my sons were similarly dear to Subhadra. Kunti and Madri were the mothers of the five Pandavs, but the five were one soul. They were equal in Kunti's eyes. Subhadra would go to Dvaraka with Krishna, taking the children with her. The children too were very happy to hear of going to their maternal uncle's. And there were no words to express sakha's joy at the prospect of the children living in Dvaraka. But how did my heart understand all these things? Who except me would understand how much the pain of the forest exile would be increased by the absence of the children? If anyone could understand, it was ma Kunti.

  Sorrowfully, ma Kunti said, "Daughter Krishnaa! You are chaste, faithful, learned. By the nobility of your nature you have brought renown to both families. What can I say to console you? Because of your grief and hurt do not neglect my sons. Keep note of Bhim's belly. Take special care of Nakul-Sahadev for they a
re younger and naturally hungry for affection. One more request: forgive Karna. The manner in which he has behaved with you is most regrettable. He has done so because of keeping bad company. Your terrible vow has shaken my heart. The vow is just. But Karna is blameless, he behaved like this because of the insults he has suffered since his childhood. Otherwise, he is extremely polite, humble — a gentleman. Do not entertain enmity for him. After all, he is my dharma-son."

  Mother's eyes brimmed over. I was trying to appreciate Mother's pain. As a consequence of Mother's generous feelings, a trace of generosity reverberated in me too. I remained silent.

  Mother remained in Vidur's home. Krishna and Subhadra left with the children. While leaving, Krishna said in a soft voice, "I am feeling jealous of the Pandavs. With a gem of a woman like you, what is there to worry about? It is a matter of great good fortune to be able to enjoy life in the forests, relieved of all responsibilities. My tender sister, Subhadra, will now bear the pangs of separation for thirteen years. Therefore, sakhi, you are fortunate. For taking part in your good fortune I shall definitely drop in at your forest cottage sometimes. Sakhi, without tasting food cooked by you, I shall not be able to pass these thirteen years. It is out of that greed that I repeatedly become the guest of the Pandavs."

  I was delighted: "Sakha, is my delight any less in serving you food cooked by myself? After all, it is you who say that on receiving the touch of my hand food becomes amrita. Truly, is this a matter of little pride for any woman! Woman is the nourisher. The power to provide amrita from her breasts is woman's alone. That is not in man. She is blessed because of this power of gifting amrita. The creator, too, is blessed. That is why a woman feels spontaneous joy in being able to feed a guest with food of his choice. O Krishna! I shall wait for you. If you are our guest from time to time, then by feeding you to your heart's content I shall also feel the joy of feeding my children to their fill. Children, guests, God, all are equally dear to me."