Yajnaseni: The Story of Draupadi

by Pratibha Ray

  "I will remove the used leaves of all," Arjun happily said.

  "After all, being sakha's disciple..." I murmured and smiled gently.

  Suddenly a roar was heard. It seemed a thunderbolt had crashed. Sahadev informed us, "It is not a thunderbolt. The Kirat Kirmir has thrown a challenge to fight. He is the leader of the Kirats here. He is young, fearless and very strong. He is thirsty for the blood of brahmins and kshatriyas. Today is his chance. We are all in danger. Kirmir can pluck out a hill and throw it into the sea. Now may God help us!"

  At once whirling his mace about Bhim ran towards the sound. We remained stunned. Sounds of fighting began. Depressed, Yudhishthir said, "On the very first day of forest life the earth will be red with blood. What can me more unfortunate than this?"

  "But what is the alternative?"

  "I know that Bhim will kill him. But by killing the enemy, enmity is not destroyed. Today after Kirmir dies, tomorrow some other Kirat will have to be faced. It might be that all the Kirats in the forest will band together and attack us. Even if Bhim and Arjun destroy the Kirat clan here, the Kirats will remain for ever enemies of brahmins and kshatriyas. Throughout the world this enmity will be established between the two races. As a result, not only we, but all humanity will be endangered. By saving Kirmir we might be able to build a bridge of amity between Kirats and Pandavs. But only Draupadi can save Kirmir from Bhim," said Yudhishthir.

  Taking courage I advanced. I saw that having thrown him down, Bhim was showering blows with the mace on him. Kirmir was begging for pardon with folded hands, but Bhim was not listening. As Bhim was about to strike the mortal blow, I rushed forward and shouted, "Save Kirmir, my lord!" Abruptly, Bhim's hand froze in mid-air. Stunned by his furious appearance, I lost consciousness.

  Later I got to know that the Kirat was alive. He could not understand which goddess had suddenly appeared and saved his life. The unconscious body of the goddess was lying on the ground. Kirmir ran and brought water in his cupped palms from the spring. He sprinkled this on my face and began rubbing my feet. I opened my eyes. Bhim was seated by my head; Kirmir was at my feet. The other Pandavs surrounded me. Finding me conscious, they were all relieved. Wiping his tears, Kirmir said, "Ma! Devi! Who are you? Parvati or Lakshmi? To save this ignoble person you put yourself in danger! Mother, how shall I repay this debt? Any command?"

  Kirmir's simple, transparent words made me forget all my sorrow. "Kirmir, after calling me mother what else do you wish to know? Irrespective of age, a woman is mother embodied. Can the wife of the five Pandavs, Draupadi, not be the mother of Kirat Kirmir?" Kirmir sobbed.

  "Mother, forgive me! Queen Draupadi is living in the forest-this I knew. But when did you reach Kamyak? Stay here as long as you wish. There will be no opposition, no danger, no difficulty here."

  At once I said, "If even now the Kirats consider my husbands enemies, we shall leave this forest. But see, the Pandavs have never considered the Shabars inferior. Every man is equal — this view they hold firmly. That is why Draupadi accepted them in marriage."

  "Ma, from today the Shabar clan is friend to the Pandavs, There will be no hatred for them in our hearts. It is because of the insult offered by the Kauravs that we were furious with the Aryans. To destroy the Kauravs is the supreme goal of our lives."

  Yudhishthir said, "that is our supreme vow too. This has been our vow since they insulted Draupadi in the Kuru court. Therefore, our goals are the same. Now we have become friends of each other."

  In a calm voice Yudhishthir continued, "When the earth was made, there was no difference between man and man. Man is the child of nature. Everyone has the same right to live on this earth. Sun, moon, rain, wind, the seasons, touch each man equally. It is man who has himself produced differences with other men. For the security of society, the development of civilization, responsibilities are divided among different members according to the abilities of a family. For the sake of society different castes have evolved. In a family no one is untouchable even though the woman cleans the used leaves of everyone, wipes the floor, washes the soiled linen. Then for doing the same work in society how can others become untouchable? Ram, the best of all men, had eaten fruit tasted by a Shabar woman. His status was not demeaned. Despite being the master, he made friends with tribesman Guha. He who distinguishes between men opposes the Creator. Dear Kirmir! Do not make us guilty. Gratify us by gifting friendship. You will see, sages will come to this forest. By their blessing, the inhabitants will benefit immensely. Civilization will develop by exchange of views."

  How glorious it was that the emperor should beg for friendship with such humility!

  Thrilled, Kirmir spoke in a choked voice, "Our fate is changing, that is why you have set foot here. I shall explain everything to my friends and relations. My two brothers Kirat and Virat are dedicated to kill kshatriyas. It is up to Ma Panchali to bring them under control. The others I will manage. I am the leader of the Shabar tribe here. My word will be obeyed. After befriending Sugriv, Ram conquered Lanka and killed Ravan. Similarly, befriending the tribal chief, Kirmir, king Yudhishthir will conquer Hastinapur and slay the Kauravs. If you command, tomorrow morning itself the Shabar army will march on Hastinapur."

  Folding his hands, humbly Yudhishthir said, "No, my friend, no! Do not misunderstand us. Conquering Hastinapur or killing the Kauravs is not the aim of our lives. After thirteen years of forest life if we get back what is ours justly, that will be enough. Even a day before thirteen years are complete we will not accept the kingdom of Indraprasth. To do so will be to violate the promise. We do not seek friendship out of any motive. We beg it for friendship's sake. However, it is true that it is in sorrow rather than in happiness, that a true friend is of help."

  Kirmir was overwhelmed by Yudhishthir's nobility. Like lightning the news of friendship spread through Kamyak forest. Kirmir, Kirat, Virat and other forest-dwellers all came to meet us. Even wild animals came to make friends.

  To celebrate the friendship I arranged for food. Cooking in the inexhaustible vessel myself, I had the Pandavs and the Shabars sit in the same row and fed them. That day the forest was amrita-full.

  I announced, "As long as the Pandavs live in Kamyak, none will go hungry. Everyday the Pandavs and the Shabars will eat together. The Pandavs shall eat what the Shabars serve. I shall serve the Shabars. This is the rule that will be followed throughout the seasons."

  Shouts of celebration hailing the Pandavs, dances, songs, resounded in the forest. Supremely content, I thought how noble man can be! By not recognising himself, how petty does he become!

  31

  The inexhaustible vessel was in my hands, but the whole day I had to keep hungry. For after I had eaten, food in that vessel would be finished for that day. Therefore, until everyone had eaten in the morning, at noon and at night I had to remain fasting faithfully, waiting for unexpected guests till midnight. I was not sorry at all for that. If by one person remaining hungry, hundreds get fed then it is better for that person to fast. Thinking thus, every day I used to feed the people in the forest, as also the birds and animals, insects and worms. Yes, in Kamyak forest even insects and worms did not go hungry. After everyone had eaten, I would forget my hunger and thirst.

  Woman is mother, full of amrita. The moment a child is born, the man becomes a father and the woman, a mother. But the one who makes a stream of amrita flow into the child's mouth is the woman. In man there is no such ability. Therefore, a woman is amirta-full, nourisher, Annapoorna. It is the natural urge of a woman to fill the empty bellies of others and to rejoice in that. As a woman, I was born as a portion of the goddess Annapoorna, and quenching the hunger and thirst of others was a matter of delight for me. That was why Lord Surya had given me the inexhaustible vessel. I was ever grateful to him.

  At times I recalled my own offspring, and Subhadra-Abhimanyu. All the men, women, children, young and old, of Kamyak forest would line up to eat. While serving food, a slight pain would rise in my heart — had my sons eaten? Wou
ld Subhadra be feeding them according to what they liked? Even today for my youngest son, Sahadev's son Shrutakarma, milk flowed from my breasts. Till the sad moments of my leaving for the forest, the milk of my breasts was his very life. There was no dearth of food in sakha Krishna's kingdom! But without mother's milk my darling would be weeping. He would be growing thin. And people would be recalling my cooking. Even Abhimanyu used to be delighted to eat what I made. Subhadra would take on the responsibility of all the children, but it was I who would feed them. By lavishing maternal care on the Shabar children I sought to forget the sorrow of separation from my sons.

  Our cottage was at some distance from the Shabar habitation in Kamyak forest. Everyday I would go to the Shabars. Intimacy with them was increasing. The day I did not go, all of them came up to our cottage and ask, "What offence have we committed? Today we did not see you!" I had got chained to the innocent love of their simple hearts.

  Kirmir's followers, Kirat and Virat, had both forgotten their vow of destroying kshatriyas. Now they were friends of the Pandavs, their followers. In Kamyak forest, there was no longer any hatred or violence. Sages and hermits could perform worship without any difficulty. Even the Shabars had begun taking interest in their rituals. Kamyak forest was becoming the place where the Aryans and non-Aryans united. The Pandavs dressed like the Shabars, putting on bark-garments. In dress and behaviour, too, they were growing to be like the tribal people. Bhim was virtually their leader. I dressed like Shabar women. We had become one in identity. We participated in their festivals, rituals, worship. We forgot that we were the descendants of some royal Aryan family. We even forgot that we had come from Indraprasth and that we would have to return one day.

  It was only the thought of the children that caused pain from time to time. Noticing children at play in the Shabar habitations, I recalled my own. Milk flowed from my breasts. I grew feverish with anguish. I thought, if separation from children was to be my fate then why did my breasts not dry up? When I saw any Shabar woman suckling her child, my breasts would grow heavy and tears would spring to my eyes. I would ask my husband, "How long will I suffer thus?"

  Yudhishthir understood my pain. Like a detached yogi he said, "Yajnaseni! Make your heart generous, vast. Consider all the children of this world yours. You will then find that the absence of five sons will no longer cause you pain. You are a mother, you have given birth, you are amrita-full. A mother's heart is as vast as the ocean. Let flow a flood of maternal love for the innumerable people of the world who are miserable, suffering, fallen. Gift love to all. You will see, thereafter none in the world will be as. happy as you are."

  Yudhishthir's words were like scripture. Every idea of his was eminently worthy. But how to accept them? To strengthen my mind, keeping Yudhishthir's words in my heart, I let flow a stream of maternal love into every corner of the Shabar villages.

  The twin sons of Virat were Kambu and Jambu. Both were like dry skeletons. I was filled with compassion for them. Why were those two so thin in this lovely forest, full of fruit? Lying on the floor, they kept staring at me, sucking their dry fingers. How would that quench their hunger? They would cry now and again. I asked Kirat's wife Shriya, "Has their mother gone into the forest? Why are they so thin? Does the mother not look after them?” Shriya replied full of pity, "Yes, she has. But she will not return. Many days ago, a tiger took her away. The two were then two months old. Now I am their mother. Despite all my heart's love, my breasts do not fill with milk. For till now, I have not become a mother. So how do I give them mother's milk? That is why they are growing thinner. I cannot see any solution." With tears in her eyes Shriya was looking at them.

  I did not think twice. Sitting down on the floor I took them into my lap. Milk flowed from my breasts. "Sister, do not take offence. I shall save them."

  Shriya was delighted, "What is there in this to mind? This is a matter of great good fortune! But..."

  "But...?" I asked anxiously.

  Humbly Shriya said, "You are an Aryan lady. By giving your milk to a non-Aryan child your dharma will not be affected, I trust! You do know of the Ekalavya incident!" Holding her hand, I told Shriya, "Sister, forget the past. Aryan and non-Aryan are distinctions made by men. The blood of all is the same. Mother's milk is the same for all. Give me the chance to earn merit."

  In a steady voice Shriya said, "You will have to eat here. The food of the mother who feeds her milk to the child is different. Other food is harmful for the child. So, will you eat with us? Being an Aryan woman, how will you accept food in a non-Aryan's home?"

  Compassionately I replied, "Shriya! Lord Ram had taken what a Shabari had tasted. His glory was not lessened by that. My husband, Bhim, has married the rakshasi, Hidimba. Arjun has married the Naga princess, Ulupi of Patala. We have friendship with people of the three worlds. Therefore, I accept your food as amrita and wish to let flow a stream of amrita into the mouths of both children."

  Quickly Shriya gave me food. Without considering anything I ate. Then I suckled both children. With great contentment and peace I returned, realising the truth of what Yudhishthir had said. After that day when everyone had eaten, I used to go to the Shabar village. There I would eat with Shriya, then pour out all my maternal love. The two children gradually became strong and big. They would call me "Ma! Ma!". I was called the world-mother, Annapoorna! To the mother all children were equal. There was no distinction of race, religion, ruler and ruled. I was now happy. To the mother the only identity of man was the child, the child of immortality!

  32

  Today was sakha's birthday, the eighth day of the dark fortnight of the month Bhadra. There would be celebrations in Dvaraka. Ma Kunti also observed Krishna's birthday with considerable fanfare. Preparing many types of sweets in the inexhaustible vessel, I distributed them among the inhabitants of Kamyak forest. In case any guest arrived, I kept waiting till the evening. Taking Kambu and Jambu in my lap, I fed them sweets. They were healthy now and had grown big. They had begun taking other food too. After they had finished, I suddenly thought of sakha. He would be looking so beautiful, ornamented with sandalwood paste and wearing garlands of wild flowers! Devaki and Vasudev would be distributing sweets enthusiastically. In the midst of these festivities would sakha think of me? The mighty ruler of Dvaraka, the best of all men, Shri Krishna on the one hand and, on the other, deprived of kingdom, the forest-dwelling Pandavs and their wife, Draupadi!

  At the time of the exile he had promised to come from time to time to ascertain our welfare. But when? Till now he had not come into sight even once. I thought: "Sakha, on your birthday why are memories of you making me so restless? That enchanting form repeatedly swims into the mirror of my heart. Much as you relish eating what I prepare, do I enjoy any less preparing food for you? Since we arrived in Kamyak forest, so many unbidden guests have come. By the grace of the inexhaustible vessel it has been possible to offer them proper food. Today, too, many came and left after being served. But my mind is not content; the heart is not satisfied. Somehow within me a voice is saying, 'The guest will come; he is coming; surely he will come..."

  It was late in the evening. I had not eaten. Phalguhi said, "Krishnaa, how much longer will you wait? What guest will come so late at night? You have laboured all day. Now eat. You have fed everyone in this forest equally, sages and ascetics, tribal children, the aged, women, insects, worms. Now for whom are you still waiting?"

  Firmly I said, "My heart says, sakha will be coming! "

  "At this unearthly hour?"

  "For sakha every hour is auspicious, do you not know that?" I said.

  Affectionately, Phalguni took my hand, "Do you love sakha even more than me?"

  "Shall I ask you the same question?"

  "The answer will be, 'Yes. Sakha is the dearest of all.'"

  "I, too, will say the same. But for the love of sakha I have no name, no limits, no earthly comparison."

  With great affection Phalguni said, "Krishnaa! I am not jealous of sakha because of you
r love for him. I am jealous of you. I am afraid that in the supreme test of love you might surpass even me. And to sakha you might become dearer than me."

  Laughing, I said, "Husband! I am within you and you in me. Whichever of us is dearer to sakha, what does it matter to us? Rather, if one of us is specially loved, that will benefit the other."

  Now leaving aside jest he pleaded, "Do eat." Still I was hesitant. If sakha should arrive, then? What shall I offer him?

  Phalguni reassured me. He said, "Even if he arrives, will he have remained hungry till now? Will the ruler of Dvaraka lack in victuals that so late at night he will come here in the forest to ask for food? If Krishna is wanting to be fed then serve the food once more. What I take I first offer to sakha. My life-breath is offered to him. Before accepting you I had offered you to sakha. What I eat, first sakha gets its taste. What I feel, first he experiences that. If you try to seek sakha within me then you will get him. Come, serve! I do not know whether I will feel hungry yet again or not."

  Truly, there was no sense in waiting for sakha till so late. I also knew that despite Krishna and Arjun being in different forms they were identical and united in heart and soul. With great care, with total respect, with the delicate touch of maternal affection and mingling the sweetness of pure love, I put the remaining food before Phalguni. After offering it to Krishna, he accepted it. Eating what he left, I achieved supreme peace. Cleaning up the inexhaustible vessel I kept it away. I lay down thinking of Krishna.