Yajnaseni: The Story of Draupadi

by Pratibha Ray

  45

  That day seeing my face in the waters of the rivulet I was entranced. Some sort of foreboding arose in the mind. It seemed as if some virile man might rape me. After all, it was by rape and injustice that this world was now proceeding.

  Suddenly a shabar youth came running, "Ma, a handsome man has been found lying in the jungle, bleeding from his body and his ears. He has a crown on his head. Even while bleeding, he was engaged in hunting, and disregarding the loss of blood he hunted down a tiger with great skill. Suddenly bitten by a poisonous snake he has fainted. All our herbs and roots, incantations have proved fruitless. The poison is flowing through his veins. The sage Viprapad has declared that you have the power to control birds and animals. If you command, the poisonous snake will suck out the poison from the man's wound. His life will be saved. By killing the man-eater in Dvaita forest this man has done us a great favour. If his life is lost in this fashion then out of fear no one will enter Dvaita forest."

  Without wasting any time I sped to the unconscious body of the youth. Arre! Mighty gift-giver Karna! The wounds from gifting the body-armour and ear-rings have not yet healed. Looking at him I felt that he was a cruel donor. If he were not extremely cruel and stern then would he have earned the glory of being a donor by flaying himself? Sympathy for the cursed man awoke in my heart. The very next instant the memory of his vow to slay Arjun flashed in my mind. Now, after a few moments, there would not remain any reason to be afraid or anxious. The poison would remove the thorn from Arjun's life automatically. The very source of Duryodhan's strength and arrogance would dry up. He would come himself to beg sanctuary. Why just Indra-prasth, even the royal throne of Hastinapur would be ours. By killing Karna, Arjun would not have to be guilty of causing ma Kunti's heart grievous pain.

  I did not know why, my resolve weakened. The tender woman within me grew anguished visualising the grief, pain and death of a man. The compassion of Kunti within me also awoke. Unknowingly, the mother in me took over. Before me lay a man in the jaws of death. I could save his life. And he was no ordinary person. He was the supremely handsome and valiant hero, Karna! Moreover, he had also saved my life!

  I forgot that this man was my husbands' enemy. The cause of my insult was left far behind. The form of Karna sprinkling thorns on the path of my future vanished. Only a valiant hero, the dharma-son of sinless Kunti and my saviour, was lying unconscious, inert before me.

  I hummed the chant for summoning the serpent. It was as though it were waiting for my summons. At my command it sucked at the wound and slowly began removing the poison. Then in a trice it disappeared somewhere into the deep jungle. Some signs of movement appeared in Karna's body. At my gesture, Shabar youths applied herbal medicines to his body. The bleeding stopped. His wonderful strength came back. Regaining consciousness, he sat up. Before he could open his eyes and look around, I left the spot. The gratitude of an egotist like Karna will also not be free of egotism. Bearing that burden was beyond my power. He saved my life — I discharged my debt, that was enough. There was no need for gratitude.

  I heard Karna's attractive baritone. He was saying, "Who is the lady? Lady, whoever you might be, I pranam you. You have saved my life, you are like a mother. I have never seen my mother. Whatever I have sensed of my saviour has filled my life with blessings. Forgive this cursed offspring all mistakes and omissions, all offences. For you are a mother and you are forgiving. If not against you, I have been committing offences against another woman. My desire to torment her goes on increasing, for I am a man and my manhood cannot forget the insult it has suffered. Perhaps till death that will not be forgotten. Today I had brought Duryodhan along to torment her by displaying our prosperity. But I am returning a brazier burning with poison. Devi, embodiment of power, I salute you! I have always been a worshipper of strength and beauty. But without tormenting that woman I am not able to go back. Devi, forgive me..."

  Hurriedly I returned by the forest path. Spontaneously, like clouds heavy with rain, my tears flowed. The frank confession of the anguish of Karna's heart had touched the mother in me, had touched every string of my heart. Silently to myself I forgave all the crimes and injustice Karna had committed against me. Why? Only a mother could forgive all the offences of her child...

  Reaching the ashram, I conveyed the news of the arrival of Duryodhan and Karna and related the incident of gifting Karna his life. Hearing my account, Yudhishthir and Arjun exclaimed, "Excellent, excellent!" Yudhishthir said, "Wonderful! Yajnaseni has done yet another virtuous deed." Arjun said, "Because of Yajnaseni the opportunity of killing Karna remains. If Karna had passed into the jaws of death today, I would have been deprived of the joy of killing him. The world would have remained ignorant of my valour. Today Yajnaseni has acted as an extremely discriminating and wise woman."

  Bhim was irritated, "Draupadi is greedy for praise. Gifting our inveterate enemy life, under the pretext of nursing him, she is gathering applause. Although it is because of Draupadi that Karna is our inveterate enemy." Hearing Bhim's words throbbing with anger, I was certainly somewhat pained, but I remained silent. He was, after all, always like this.

  After some time news arrived that the gandharv king, Chitrasen, had imprisoned Duryodhan. The gandharv king was sporting with apsaras in the lake in Dvaita forest. Duryodhan kept staring at them improperly. Noticing his lust-filled gaze, the guards requested him to leave. He did not listen. A fight with the gandharvs broke out. Karna was absent from this fight. Duryodhan was defeated and imprisoned. Hearing this, the five Pandavs immediately rushed to Chitrasen. Seeing his friend, Arjun, Chitrasen was delighted. Requesting the release of Duryodhan, Arjun said, "We beg forgiveness for the improper conduct of Duryodhan. It is the wish of our elder brother, Yudhishthir, that you donate him his liberty. After all, the Kauravs are our brothers. In our presence if he remains a prisoner, that will adversely affect the reputation of our family. In the name of our mutual friendship, please release him."

  Chitrasen was surprised, ' Arre! It is for insulting you that he had arrived with his soldiers to display his wealth. When your father, Indra, heard of this, he sent me to teach him a lesson. And you are requesting me for his liberty!"

  "This is the fitting punishment for him. Having set out to display his wealth to us, to have his freedom restored to him by our kindness and help — will that be any less an insult to any man?" asked Arjun, smiling.

  Chitrasen let him go. "Touch the dust of the Pandav's kindness". The Pandavs asked Duryodhan to touch Chitrasen's feet. Having touched their feet, sunk in shame and insult, he returned to Hastina.

  Reaching the ashram, Bhim said, "Look at Karna's slyness! Leaving his friend in danger, he slipped away. Does this befit a man?"

  Gravely Sahadev said, "Karna is definitely an egotist, but he is not by nature a lustful or debauched person. A man of his unimpeachable character is rare in Aryavart. As he did not like Duryodhan's vulgar behaviour, he came away. Because he hates Draupadi, at times he has behaved unbecomingly with her, but he is far above lust."

  Karna was my inveterate enemy, but my head bowed with respect for him.

  46

  Anxiety about the year in disguise was disturbing everyone. Only Yudhishthir was unperturbed. We were all apprehensive that if the Kauravs were to pierce through our disguise, then we would have to suffer another twelve years of exile. It seemed that Yudhishthir desired this very thing. Immediately on returning to Hastina war was inevitable. He was aware of this eventuality. He was assuring us, "What has to be will be. Why worry about it from now?"

  That day we had got tired roaming in Dvaita forest. Yudhishthir felt thirsty. Sahadev went to bring water from the nearby lake. When Sahadev did not return, he asked Nakul. After Nakul when even Arjun did not come back then Bhim went. Yudhishthir and I kept waiting till noon for the four. My mind was filling with foreboding. Yudhishthir was next to me, still I felt that the world was empty. Finally, both of us left for the lake to find out what had happened.

  Reac
hing there we saw all four lying sound asleep. I thought how utterly irresponsible they were! The elder brother was waiting thirsty and here they were asleep even at noon! I sat beside the feet of the third Pandav, Phalguni. He appeared very tired and worn out. My mind was apprehensive, disturbed. The poor man spent his whole life in forests, celibacy, ascesis and worry. Now he had further vowed not to touch me. As though I was the greatest sinner on earth. I was thinking all sorts of things when Yudhishthir said, "Yajnaseni, you are learned. There is no alternative but to acknowledge defeat before the truth. Everyone dies at some time. But I am only grieved that all of them left us before their time."

  I could not comprehend anything. Who had left? Who was he referring to?

  For the first time Yudhishthir was shedding tears. Recalling the qualities of his brothers, he was cursing his thirst. Now I understood that my four husbands were dead. I broke into tears with my head on Arjun's feet. I forgot Arjun's vow and clutched his feet to my bosom. Then I fainted.

  To bring water for sprinkling on my face Yudhishthir stepped towards the lake. He had but put forward his cupped palms to scoop up water when a bird perched on a tree spoke, "Yudhishthir! First answer my questions correctly. Otherwise you, too, will die like your four brothers. I am a Yaksha, the guardian of this lake. All four tried to drink without answering my queries. The consequences are before you."

  Yudhishthir stopped. Patiently and with the greatest care and seriousness he gave the correct answers to the Yaksha's questions. I had regained consciousness. Hearing Yudhishthir's profound answers, even in the midst of so much sorrow, I was filled with respect for him. Before his unfathomable wisdom, my own intelligence and knowledge appeared insignificant.

  Satisfied with his replies the Yaksha said, "I am pleased with your answers. I will revive whichever brother you choose. Tell me: Which of the four?"

  I was seated holding Arjun's feet. I was thinking selfishly that the gift of Arjun's life would make me happy, but all four were my husbands. If only one was to be brought back to life, then I wanted that it should be Arjun.

  But just then Yudhishthir said, "Save Nakul."

  Although this gladdened me, yet I broke down at the thought of Arjun not living. Whose would be such a life of predicaments as mine?

  Surprised, the Yaksha too enquired, "Bhim and Arjun are your two arms. They are Kunti's sons. But leaving them aside, why have you asked for the life of Madri's son, Nakul?" I too was asking myself this.

  Giving the supreme example of fairness, Yudhishthir said, "Ma Kunti's eldest son, I, am alive. I want that in the same manner Madri's eldest son, Nakul, shoud remain alive."

  The Yaksha was extremely pleased with his impartiality. At once he restored all four to consciousness. As though from sleep they all awoke. I was still clutching Arjun's feet, wetting the shores of the lake with my tears.

  Arjun quickly removed his feet, "As a wife, all are your husbands. You ought to behave in the same manner with all. I had won you, therefore to show love and anguish for me alone is unjust. If we countenance injustice then the defeat of the Pandavs is inevitable. Krishnaa, remove this mountainous burden of unjust love from me. That is all."

  I thought that my grief would provide Arjun with some encouragement. But lecturing me regarding justice, law, rules he again turned me into an untouchable. My tears kept flowing, washing away the guilt and sin of loving my husband.

  47

  Peculiar scenes thronged this predicament-filled act of my life-drama. In the city of Virat, capital of Matysa kingdom, we had taken shelter in the palace in disguise. If a year passed without problems, then the curtain would be rung down on the sorrowful play. Before the final curtain, the climax of the play was being enacted. Thinking in this fashion, I tried to remain patient.

  Somehow four months of the incognito life went by. Yudhishthir was in the Virat royal court by the name of Kank. He had assumed the role of an expert in the dice-game. To play at dice night and day for entertaining the king was his task. From where the grief of our exile began, it was there indeed that our grief would end. Coming to know that the brahmin Kank was Yudhishthir's friend, King Virat honoured him greatly.

  My supremely powerful gastronomic husband, Bhimsen, had chosen a task to his liking. He was the cook of the royal palace: Vallabh. After coming to know that for some time he was cook in Yudhishthir's palace under the direct supervision of Draupadi and was also an expert wrestler, Virat had appointed him chief cook.

  Of the role of my husband, Arjun, handsome as the god of love himself, it would be best if I did not mention anything. Whatever pained me seemed to be inscribed in his fate! Now he was the teacher of dance and music, the eunuch Brihannala. He was now putting to use the music and dance lessons learnt from the gandharvs and Urvashi's curse. Hearing that at some time he had been companion of princess Draupadi, his status was considerably enhanced with Queen Sudeshna and princess Uttara. Devoid of virility, Phalguni now wore saris and hid the mark of bowstrings on his body and shoulders. Making a long plait of his hair he adorned it with flowers. He wore many ornaments in his ears, nose, and on his hands, arms, waist, feet. Coloured his lips, put vermilion marks on his forehead, collyrium in his eyes and dressed himself like a woman. Besides teaching princess Uttara dance, during feasts in the palace he entertained the queen and the city women by presenting performances of dance and music. I tolerated the disguise of everyone, but seeing handsome Arjun dressed as Brihannala I was overwhelmed with anguish. Wonder-struck at his dancing skill, everyone would applaud. I would go away from there and break down in grief. I was aware that this state of unmanliness, ridiculous gestures, womanly voice and facial expressions, swaying rhythmic gait — all were only for some days. Could any woman even in dreams bear such a condition of her husband? In the female apartments when women are engrossed in fun with Brihannala, I would strive to keep my patience intact despite my depression. Brihannala's feminine gestures and expressions would vastly amuse the women. I wished I could shriek out, "Who is Brihannala, do you know...?"

  But the next moment I would harden my heart like stone. Tears had to be restrained. I would go away from there. Instead of Arjun, if Nakul had assumed this role, it would have been a different thing. For he was fond of ornaments and dress, conscious of his looks. Such a transformation of Nakul would have pleased me too. But the husband whose sole pride, glory and confidence were his virility and valour — seeing him in this role I grew sad.

  Nakul had taken the name Granthik. Nakul having been Yudhishthir's stable-keeper in the past, Virat easily agreed to appoint him as guardian of the horses. Sahadev devoted himself to serving the cows with the name Tantripal. Virat handed over to him the well-being and security of his cattle. In their chosen roles, Nakul and Sahadev were probably the most content.

  These were the roles of the five Pandavs, sons of king Pandu, in their incognito exile! Now what about the predicament of the daughter of Drupad! Draupadi was Sairandhri, queen Sudeshna's maid for dressing her hair.

  Queen Sudeshna had been enchanted with my beauty. However, she was apprehensive that if she kept such a beautiful woman in the inner apartments even her aged husband might get infatuated. I had pleaded, "Maharani, I am married. My five gandharv husbands are in exile on account of their ill fortune. Therefore, for keeping body and soul together I have come to you. When they return, they will honourably take me back home. Therefore, do not be anxious regarding my beauty. I do not wish to attract anyone. And if anyone does get attracted, it will go ill for him. My gandharv husbands will not hesitate to punish him sternly. There is only one request: I shall not obey the commands of any male and shall not touch leftover food." Since then I had been queen Sudeshna's trusted companion. Covering my untied hair with the anchal, I used to devote myself to dressing the hair of queen Sudeshna and princess Uttara.

  Yudhishthir was enjoying himself thoroughly. Day and night he was engaged in playing dice with Virat. He even had his meals with the king.

  Arjun spent the time ente
rtaining princess Uttara and queen Sudeshna. He lived in a separate room in the female apartments. There the maidservants would joke and jest about Arjun. I would redden with anger and bid them go about their own work. Mocking me they would say, "Why are you so disturbed? Not content with five husbands you have left home and come here. Now divert your mind for some days with Brihannala. In the royal female apartments Brihannala is the only means of entertainment. The entry of men is prohibited here. Yes, there is a brave man, the queen's brother Keechak. He is attracted to you. Hastinapur's royal bride, Draupadi, despite being married to five people is termed chaste. By fulfilling Keechak's desires, your chastity will not be affected. Keechak does not even glance at us. Otherwise why would we jest with this eunuch?'"

  In anger and disgust I would flare up. Apprehending that in the flames of my anger the entire secret would be consumed, Arjun would take my hand and draw me aside in private. He would say, "Come, sakhi, let us talk in private. Ignore their words. I belong to everyone. If the king wishes, his; if the queen wants, hers; if you desire, yours...

  The maidservants dissolved in obscene laughter. I felt like weeping. I could not say anything.

  Softly Arjun would say, "Krishnaa, considering play-acting as the truth you are suffering. It is a matter of just a few days. This night of sorrow is about to end."

  Suppressing my anger I would say, "He whose valour and virility were my teenage dreams, how can I bear this role of his? I can tolerate nothing in this play-acting — your dress, gestures, expressions — nothing." Looking at him, my grief would increase. Wiping my eyes, I would walk away.