Yajnaseni: The Story of Draupadi

by Pratibha Ray

  All were in agreement with Krishna's view. I had been thinking of war from the very beginning. Otherwise how would the sinners receive their proper punishment? If the Kauravs were not punished, why would the coming generations fear sin? Every day, in broad daylight, they would go about stripping women and looting their chastity.

  Preparations for going to war were complete. Still, honouring Yudhishthir's request, sakha himself went to Hastinapur. He asked for merely five villages for the five Pandavs. Just with that they would engage in establishing peace in Aryavart on the strength of dharma. But wicked Duryodhan, despite being aware of the heroism of the Pandavs, rejected the offer of peace, depending on karna's prowess. He did not even scruple to insult Krishna.

  karna's advice was, "Once five villages are given over to them, by the means of cunning sakha Krishna's plots and stratagems it will not be long before the throne of Hastinapur also passes into the hands of the Pandavs. Therefore, do not give them even a needle's point of land in Hastinapur."

  Sakha Krishna returned. News of the great war spread everywhere. Aryavart was stunned. The victory of dharma was assured, but who was not aware of the terrifying consequences of war?

  Because of the selfishness and greed of the Kauravs entire Aryavart was in danger of being dragged into the horrors of war. Krishna repeatedly sought to convince Dhritarashtra and blamed him for this war. As the blind king was blind to the good and ill of others, similarly, he was blind in his love for his son. This was the cause of the grief of the Pandavs. It raised obstacles to their just inheritance. If Dhritarashtra desired, the war could be averted. The son's obstinacy and wicked nature were only pretexts for Dhritarashtra. Despite Krishna saying all this, his truce proposal was rejected. Declaring war, he returned from the Hastinapur court.

  karna came some distance to bid him farewell. Bhishma, Drona, Kripacharya and other great warriors were reluctantly supporting the Kaurav cause, out of compulsion. But it was actually karna who was their mental strength and the source of their power. Making a last attempt Krishna tried to persuade karna. Should he agree, Duryodhan might listen to him.

  Ma Kunti was in Vidur's home. After the exile she was in considerable mental anxiety over the uncertain future of her sons. I, too, hearing of her illness, went there. That war was inevitable, before giving this news to the Pandavs in Upaplavya town, it would be appropriate to inform Kunti of this. Krishna requested Karna to accompany him up to Vidur's home.

  Knowing war to be inevitable, both Krishna and Karna were grave. Krishna advised him to reconsider the peace proposal, but in a single word karna refused. In a voice throbbing with arrogance he said, "In the hero's horoscope turning back is never written. After having rejected it once, Duryodhan will never consider the proposal of truce. How can I give him this advice?" Then, in a mocking tone he said, "Arjun has gathered weapons after roaming this earth, the heavens and the nether regions. During the exile, the entire Shabar tribe has joined the Pandav camp through Krishnaa's efforts. The support of all non-aryan clans will be available to the Pandavs. The support of the miracle-working personality of this era, Krishna, is also on their side. Then why such fear of war? Why are they faint-hearted?"

  Seeing his efforts to restrain Karna going to waste, Krishna said, "Karna, you are Kunti's adopted son. Behind this is the silent lamentation of her helpless maternity. You have never bothered to listen to that. Is there any woman in Aryavart who has suffered as much as she? Vasusen! During Kunti's unmarried state you were bom of her womb. The source of infinite light, the tremendous deity Surya is your father. You are Kunti's first child. Out of fear of public scandal and society, she placed you in an earthen casket and let it float down the river. But in every throb of her heart your memory is present. After finding you in Radha's home and hearing how she had come by you, Kunti recognised you. By adopting you she sought to assuage the mute agony of her heart. Legally, you are the eldest son of Pandu, the eldest brother of the Pandavs. It is my duty to reveal this to you before the war begins. For, I am your maternal cousin, your well-wisher. Till now you have been fostering enmity against your own brother. You have repeatedly insulted and outraged the wife of your younger brothers. Even now you are firm in fighting against your own brothers! Mother Kunti is suffering mortal agony from this prospect. Now consider: taking whose side is your duty?"

  karna sat down in astonishment — "I am Kunti's son! The god Surya himself is my father! And all my life I was deprived of my just rights on account of being considered of low birth. At every step I found only insult and shame. Kunti gave birth to three sons from different gods. In the same manner karna came into Kunti's womb from Surya's seed. Truly, the first offering in worship of the sinless virgin maiden is karna! By the time she gave birth to Yudhishthir, Bhim, Arjun, she had been enjoyed by Pandu and other gods. From this point of view, karna is a sinless godly infant. It is from the blessing of a sage that he has been born. Yet, because of the false pride of parents, the attachment to social status and prestige, he has been walking with bowed head on the paths of society as an insulted man. Today in the final moments, all that sorrow and anger is rising. It cannot be controlled. Brother Krishna has unravelled the mystery so late that karna's path cannot be changed any more."

  Krishna was watching karna struggling with the dilemma and said, "Brave karna! There is still time. Come, join the Pandavs. Accept the blessings of mother Kunti. Your union with the Pandavs will bring the whole world to your feet. Forge all the sorrow of the past and fight for the Pandavs. Besides enjoying the whole world, obtain Draupadi, too, and establish the supremacy of your prowess."

  Right within his grasp the most beautiful woman in the world, the one desired by innumerable men, Krishnaa; and on the other side the arrogance of manhood, of his own vow, of the pricking of his conscience. Heavenly bliss on one side; death on the other. But the bliss would be the gift of Krishna. Would it be better to lay down his life fighting at the call of manhood, or for the sake of his life, to take advantage of Krishna's offer and in this penultimate moment to betray his foster parents and bosom friend, Duryodhan, breaking his vow to change sides? karna was not afraid of death, for at the very next instant after birth he was thrown into its clutches. What Karna feared were cowardice, infamy, fear itself. Therefore, it was death that Karna desired.

  In a grim voice Karna said, "I know that victory is where Krishna is. The meaning of taking the side of the Kauravs in war is death. Yet, I have enough confidence in my own prowess. I am still confident of defeating the five Pandavs, for the foundation of my heroism is my own valour. Instead of the blassings of Kunti who, for the sake of her honour, comfort and welfare, threw me into the jaws of death at birth, it is the blessings of my foster mother, Radha, that I crave. Friend Duryodhan, who at every step bolstered up my crushed manhood, helped me in misfortune — even knowing his defeat to be certain I cannot desert him. Karna cannot betray out of fear of death. Nor will he deny his foster mother out of greed for a kingdom. Therefore, O Krishna! Kindly do not make a public declaration of the mystery of my birth. Otherwise, a righteous and generous-hearted person such as Yudhishthir will surrender everything at my feet. You know that I get deeply disturbed over gifts, pity, kindness, compassion. Therefore, may Yudhishthir be victorious — this is my wish as his elder brother."

  The arrogant man's eyes were moist. His voice throbbed with affection for Yudhishthir. Yet he remained firm in his decision. A man who was so arrogant as to consider Krishna's blessings and good wishes as pity and compassion, his dearest friend could only be death.

  Instead of being delighted on seeing Karna after such a long time, mother Kunti broke down. Embracing him, she agitatedly asked, "My son, how cruelly have you ripped off the divine blessing of the body-armour and earrings for donating as gifts! Do you know how many inauspicious dreams I have dreamt about you since that day?"

  Calmly karna said, “Ma, for the protection of your dear son, Arjun, those have been taken away from me under the pretext of a donation. Why do y
ou worry over this?"

  "How will you understand my heart..." Controlling her tears, she was petting karna. I was anxiously waiting nearby to hear the results of the truce proposal. Oh, what a unique scene was being enacted before my eyes!

  For passing on the news, Krishna said, 'Then, karna, you are not agreeable to my proposal to support the Pandav camp. Now be prepared for war. Seven days from now is the new moon under the Margashirsha asterism. That day on the banks of the five lakes in the dried-up bed of the holy Sarasvati river in 'Kurukshetra' the Pandav-Kaurav war shall begin. The significance of 'Kurukshetra' is that it is the field of work. Righteous deeds alone are true work. Unrighteous acts are evil. Therefore the true meaning of 'Kurukshetra' is 'the field of righteous work'. To fight for establishing justice is true work. To fight for fulfilling unjust hopes is to do evil work. Therefore, in Kurukshetra it is righteous work and truth that will be victorious. Inform the Kauravs of the day for beginning the war."

  Hearing the certainty of the war, Kunti fainted. She had repeatedly encouraged Yudhishthir to fight, but knowing of its certainty her heart failed her. The moment ma Kunti regained consciousness she began to weep. So wise, patient, all-tolerating like earth itself, ma Kunti — what sufferings had she not borne? The word war did not terrify a kshatriya woman. Moreover, the victory of the Pandavs was assured. Yet ma Kunti was weeping! But surely she was not so faint-hearted? Why was she losing control? Why was she so distraught?

  Taking the dust of Mother's feet, karna returned, sad. Indistinctly, Mother said, "May you live long, son! Good fortune attend you!" Then tears burst forth.

  Sakha accompanied karna up to the chariot to bid him farewell. Placing a hand on karna's shoulder he said, "You saw Mother's condition! She is worried about Arjun, but far more than that about you. You are the son of her virgin life, therefore out of shame and embarrassment she is unable to speak out anything. But she is deeply worried for you."

  With a painful heart karna said, "This sorrow of Ma is the result of her own action. I am only sorry that not knowing that devi Draupadi was the wife of my younger brothers, I insulted her in many ways. As the wife of my younger brothers, she is like my daughter-in-law. And yet I led the onslaught on her modesty and honour! For that I beg forgiveness'from you." With a choking voice and moist eyes, Karna grasped Krishna's hands.

  Krishna said, "Yes. Krishnaa is waiting for the opportunity to avenge her insult. But even she will forgive you on getting to know of your true identity. Her heart is so tender and generous. When the time comes, she will get to know everything and accord you due respect. karna, I wanted to hand over the whole earth to you. Krishnaa too would have become yours. As the eldest brother of the Pandavs, in terms of the words of Kunti, justly Krishnaa ought to be your wife too. Even she could not tempt you to support the Pandav cause. Now what can I wish for you? You have no faith in divine power. Good wishes and blessings for welfare you reject as pity. Therefore, the final words that I shall speak are these, 'Manhood and pride are not the same thing. May your manhood be victorious. May your pride be destroyed.' This is my only wish."

  Embracing Krishna, Karna bade him farewell and left, saying sadly, "When I desired your friendship, I threw it away by harbouring enmity for the Pandavs. When friendship is being offered, I am not in a position to accept it. For, I have pledged myself to the Kauravs. Therefore, O Krishna! Should I be alive at the end of the great war, then will your friendship be mine. Otherwise, I shall wait for you on the other shore."

  Krishna kept looking compassionately at Karna. I was astonished with Kunti's son karna's devotion to friendship and kept contemplating admiringly the pride in his word and his manhood. But my eyes were moist. Why? With what feelings did the eyes of Krishna, beloved of the Pandavs, brim over with tears for Karna?

  Even I myself could not understand this.

  50

  Only a mother could understand a mother's heart. I could feel every bit of Kunti's sorrow. Noticing her condition I did not go with sakha to Upaplavya town. Before the war started I would have to go to the Pandavs. It was I who would have to apply the vermilion victory mark on their foreheads. Arranging the tray of arghya, it was I who must perform the arati and with a smile send them to the battlefield. But now for the next few days it was necessary to stay with mother. Ma had grown extremely restless. Whatever might happen in the war, knowing that sorrowing for sons was written into her future, she had broken down.

  It might be that along with the Kauravs, Karna might die, or the Pandavs might be killed. In both situations Ma would have to weep for her sons. Which stone-hearted mother's heart would not break into pieces!

  Kunti had ever suffered on account of the poverty and sorrows of the Pandavs. If the Pandavs were her expressed pain, Karna was her secret agony. It was like having a particle of dust in the eye that gave great pain. But that pain could not be expressed to anyone. The torment of a thorn lodged in the comer of the nail in a healthy body — how could that be explained to someone else! Karna was such an unbearable pain for Ma. People see the healthy body but it is the wound in the corner of the nail that wracks the whole body with pain. But I was able to feel Ma’s condition. I wished I could ask her to give me some of her pain so chat I could suffer some for her sake and reduce her burden to some extent. But Ma was even now embarrassed to speak the truth before me. Her love affair as a young virgin is the supreme shame and embarrassment of a woman's life, even though it is absolutely natural. If one has a mind then it possesses the capacity to feel. And if enthusiasm is added to that capacity to feel, then waves of love flow there. These waves, out of fear of society, dashing their heads on the shores turn back into the foaming current of conscience, but sometimes wet the feet of an unknown traveller. The traveller's feet become clean when the water dries, but the waves sweep away into themselves all the garbage, thorns, stones, keeping them all gathered in the depths of the sea of the heart. On the surface, all seems pure, blue, crystal-clear. Can anyone bare her inner condition to another? Ma's condition was also exactly like this.

  I was like Ma's shadow, ever accompanying her. I wish I could say, “Ma, I know everything. I too am a woman, wife of five husbands. I would mingle my grief with your sorrows. Who will know the pain of secret sorrow so well as I? I have accepted five husbands with a clear mind and heart. Regarding myself as a flower offered in adoration, I bloom afresh at every dawn and spontaneously shed myself at the feet of the deity. Yet, do I have no secrets or frustration? How can that be? Is it possible for me to speak out openly all that is there?"

  Laying my head on Ma's feet I washed them with my tears, saying, "Ma, what is your sorrow? Can I not share it? What shall I do for you? Say something! It is on your word that I wrote such a chapter in the history of this world as had never been written before by marrying five brothers. Now what impossible task can there still be that I will not be able to perform? Why are you wasting away? In the war, victory will be of the Pandavs, this my heart is convinced of. Have faith in my words. Where Krishna himself has consented to be Arjun's charioteer, how can any question of defeat remain there?"

  Ma's tears would flow, "War is inevitable. Heroes will be slain. The destruction of kshatriyas has become certain. This is my sorrow. I am afraid for valiant Karna. If he had fought in the Pandav camp, I would have had no grief."

  I became silent. To hope for that which is not possible is bound to invite grief. He who rejected the gift offered by Krishna, who could persuade him?

  Suddenly that day Mother went off to the banks of the Ganga. Her body was weak, wasting away in worry. She had pain and fever. What work did she have on the banks of the Ganga at this unearthly hour? Surely she was not going to give up her life in the Ganga in case she had to grieve for her sons?

  I followed her in another chariot. Later, I was annoyed with myself. But how could I leave her alone in that condition?

  Keeping my chariot behind a tree, I hid myself, waiting for mother. I could see her. I could hear her words too. I despatched t
he maids here and there to gather flowers. Gradually she advanced towards a solitary spot on the bank. There brilliantly handsome Karna was chanting the vedas, having completed the evening ablutions, his superbly formed body appeared remarkably attractive in the rays of the setting sun, as though pure radiance was scattering from his entire presence. I was enchanted seeing that pure appearance. Not for a single moment did I remember that he was our inveterate enemy, that I was a married woman!