Among Monsters: A Red Hill Novella

by Jamie McGuire

  We hugged Dad again—this time, with no understanding and no peace. We were all sobbing.

  Dad sat down and leaned back against the tree. “I’m going to rest for five minutes.”

  “Halle, give him the water,” I said.

  The anger had gone away, leaving only an empty ache mixed with fear. I thought about how Tavia had leaned over her brother’s body and how that scene hadn’t been anything like what I was feeling. I thought about Connor and how he existed every day with emptiness in his eyes. I always believed he was just suffering unbearable sadness that he couldn’t describe with words, but sad was wrong. Sad was a common term, and this was very specific. It was unique only to those who had been unlucky enough to experience it, yet it was different for everyone. Dad would run into burning buildings for a living. He would bring people back to life. He was invincible. But there he sat, next to a tree, mentally preparing to die, to leave his young daughters alone. He didn’t say it, but I could see the torture within him, swirling in his eyes.

  “We’d better go,” he said. I reached to help him to his feet. “I don’t know how long I have.”

  “Back to Shallot?” I asked.

  “I’m sorry, Jenna. I really am,” he said, his voice breaking.

  “Whatever you want to do. Let’s just get you somewhere to rest,” I said.

  “C’mon, Pop Can,” Dad said, reaching out for Halle.

  My bottom lip quivered, and I supported his every step, slow but steady, all the way back to where we’d started. With each step, the guilt bore down on me. It was heavier than Dad. He’d had a bad feeling. It wasn’t because of a deadline or even that Mom wasn’t going to be there when we arrived. He’d felt his last day coming, and I’d pushed him into it.

  Once in a while, he would groan at the pain in his arm, and it spread to his wrist and shoulder. Then, the headache began. By the time we got back to the dark green two-story house that had been our home for the past month, Dad was pale and soaked in sweat.

  I helped him up the stairs of the back porch and into the living room where he collapsed onto the couch.

  I looked at Halle. “I’m going to check the house first. You stay here.”

  Checking each room, behind every door and inside every closet, I made certain the house was clear, and the windows were still secure. I couldn’t take care of Dad and worry about what might sneak up on us.

  I ran into the bathroom and ran cold water onto a washcloth. I tried not to cry, whispering to myself to be strong. He was going to die, but I could make it easier on everyone if I kept it together. I looked up at the dusty mirror. My hairline was wet with sweat, my face pink from the sun. My clothes were filthy, my eyes sunken and dim.

  This was not like the video games. We didn’t get to start over.

  I went into the living room. I knelt next to the couch and propped Dad’s head with a pillow. He sucked in air through his teeth, making a hissing noise.

  “Everything hurts?” I asked.

  “Like the worst flu in the history of ever,” he said with a weak smile.

  I wiped his face with the rag and then folded it before gently laying it across his forehead. “This is bad,” I whispered in a brittle small voice. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Yes, you do. Jenna, listen to me. We’ve planned for this. I had the flu shot. I’m going to go downhill fast.” His stomach and chest heaved once, and then he swallowed.

  “Go get a bowl,” I said to Halle.

  “But—” she began.

  “Now!”

  “Jenna,” Dad said, “keep the gun on you until I quit breathing.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t wanna do this. Please don’t make me.”

  “Don’t wait. Don’t even say good-bye. Have Halle go into the other room, and take care of it.”

  I pursed my lips, trying to hold in the sob. My vision blurred with tears. I was going to have to shoot my dad. What kind of world was this? Nothing could have prepared me for that conversation and definitely not for the act itself.

  “Daddy…”

  He furrowed his brow, and then pulled me against his chest. “I’m sorry you have to do this,” he said, his voice breaking. “I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too,” I said through faltering breath. “I love you, too.”

  He let me go. “Promise me, you’ll take care of your sister, no matter what.”

  “I promise,” I said, wiping his face again.

  Halle returned with a large bowl, her cheeks wet and red. When she saw my expression, her lip jutted out and trembled.

  He pulled his mouth to the side, regret in his eyes. “Jenna, you’re smart. You’re smarter than me, and it’s going to save you and your sister more than once. Trust your instincts. Use your head, not your heart.” He grabbed the bowl and heaved into it, expelling the contents of his stomach, which wasn’t much. He leaned back against the couch, his face a sallow color. The veins beneath his skin were beginning to darken.

  “I don’t want you to die, Daddy,” Halle said, sucking in breaths.

  He pulled her in. “It’s going to be okay, Pop Can. You’re going to be okay. You’re so strong. You’re both so strong. I trust your sister to take care of you. You have to trust her, too.”

  “Okay,” she said, sniffing and nodding against his chest. He let her go, and she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “I want you to be okay though. Please be okay.”

  Dad’s bottom lip pulled up. “I can’t. I wish I could. I’m sorry.” He swallowed and then vomited again.

  It was happening fast. I had the strangest sensation come over me. I didn’t want him to leave us, but I was desperate for his suffering to end.

  “Don’t get in a hurry to leave,” Dad said. “Don’t make emotional decisions. Think about things first—for several days, if you have to. When you think you have it all figured out, think on it some more. And get a good feel for the neighbor before you talk to him. Take a gun, but don’t let him know you have one. Teach Halle how to protect herself.” He looked up. “I’m forgetting something. I need to tell you everything. I should have taught you how to drive a car, how to—” His stomach lurched, and he groaned as he threw up into the bowl again.

  I leaned back and looked up at the ceiling.

  “I was so worried about protecting you that I forgot to teach you how to survive without me.”

  “You did good, Dad. We’re going to be okay.”

  I stood and took the bowl to the toilet. I emptied it and then rinsed it out in the sink before returning quickly to Dad’s side. He was so hot that I could feel the fever radiating off his skin. His eyes were bloodshot, and his veins kept getting darker as the virus took hold of his body.

  “You will because you’re tough like your mom. You can do this.”

  “Halle,” I said, “get another cold rag for his head.”

  She obeyed without question.

  After an hour, he seemed to stop fighting, and his body relaxed. He was exhausted. He could barely move. Halle was sitting in the recliner across the room, staring at him. I was trying my best to keep him comfortable—changing out the rags for his head, putting ice on his arm, and giving him water even though it would come right back up.

  I wanted to beg him not to do this, not to make me do this, but he had no choice, and neither did I. We both had to be strong for Halle until the end, and I had to be strong after. I tried not to let my mind wander to thoughts of what it would be like to survive alone with my sister. We had to survive his death first.

  “Jenna,” he drawled.

  A thick mucus had formed in the corners of his mouth. His veins had branched out under his graying skin, dark and frightening—like the monster he would become. I’d seen those things so many times, but none of them looked like someone I knew. None of them looked like anyone I loved.

  “Yes, Daddy?”

  “I love you. I love Halle. Get ready.”

  He sucked in a few more shallow breaths and then pau
sed for a moment. Then, he exhaled it all, never taking in another breath. His head fell to the side, and his eyes stared past me, vacant.

  I choked back a cry. “Dad?” I swallowed. “Daddy?”

  His words about not waiting repeated in my mind, and I nudged him.

  Nothing.

  I put my hand over his eyes to close them, and then I stood. “Halle, go into the other room and cover your ears.”

  I pulled the thick black strap from my shoulder and held the rifle in both hands, steadying my feet.

  “Daddy!” Halle cried, reaching for him.

  I stopped her with one hand, holding her away. “Go into the other room, so I can do this before he turns.”

  “Jenna, don’t!” she yelled.

  “I don’t want to! I have to!” I said, twin waterfalls spilling down my cheeks. I checked the rifle’s chamber and then took off the safety.

  Dad’s fingers twitched.

  “Jenna, look! He’s still alive!” Halle cried. “Don’t do it!”

  His lids opened to reveal two milky eyes, and then he blinked. He looked over at me, and his lips began to form a snarl.

  My chest lurched as I held back a sob. “Please look away, Halle.” I raised the rifle, and through the tears streaming from my eyes, I aimed and pulled the trigger.

  HALLE PLAYED WITH A PORCELAIN CAT and a coffee mug in the shape of a chicken next to the kitchen table as I tried to keep busy. We’d eaten the last of the rice for dinner the night before, and Halle had become nearly hysterical at the thought of me leaving her to find food.

  She played with her toys while her stomach growled.

  “We have to get food somehow,” I said.

  “Then let me go with you,” she said.

  I sighed.

  She stood up and walked the edge of the living room to get to the bathroom for a drink of water. She wouldn’t go all the way into the living room anymore. I didn’t really like to either. I couldn’t get the bloodstains off the couch, so I’d covered it with a bedsheet, which wasn’t much better.

  Halle stopped wanting to go outside, not that it was safe anyway. I wasn’t sure if it was because the neighbor had stopped drawing the infected to the other side of town with his gunshots, but there seemed to be more of them roaming the streets and yards. Though, many of them were wandering out of town toward the highway.

  I felt bad for Halle, not being able to play under the shade trees in the yard, especially since it was so hot inside. We’d open the windows upstairs in the evenings just to keep it comfortable enough to sleep. Every day that went by, the sadder she became, and the less she ate. She wouldn’t even look out the back door to the yard, not wanting to see the shallow grave where we had buried our dad.

  I’d hold her at night while she cried herself to sleep, wishing I had the luxury of doing that, too. I pretended to be the adult though because that was what my sister needed.

  I wondered if Halle and I should just stay or if we should chance the road to Red Hill ranch. Now that there were so many infected, it seemed impossible even if we wanted to.

  We had done the opposite of what Dad had always taught us to do—pay attention to our surroundings. We had been lulled into a false sense of safety in the shade of trees and off the road. That one mistake had led to Dad’s death. I was trying to decide if it was more important to keep Halle alive here in Shallot—at least until she was old enough to travel—or attempt the daylong walk to the ranch without making a single mistake, so we could be with our mom.

  Dad had been faced with that same choice, and I’d rushed him even though he asked me not to. Knowing the result of that hasty decision made it easier to ignore my emotions urging me to leave for Red Hill and to spend more time thinking about a strategy. There were only two of us now, and Halle wasn’t strong enough to fight off the infected. I couldn’t take on more than one, maybe two, and we had come across more groups than we had loners.

  Unless it rained soon, I wasn’t sure how much longer the water would last even if we stopped using it for anything but drinking. Leaving Halle alone to go scavenging was the most terrifying thing. If something happened to me, she would have no one. It wasn’t impossible, but the odds of her surviving alone were low, and I had promised Dad to take care of her. I couldn’t take care of her if I were dead.

  It had been at least a week since we lost Dad. The days were blurring together. My birthday was coming up, give or take a few days. It had been months since the first day of the outbreak. Mom probably thought we were dead, and I wanted so much to prove to her that she was wrong. But I couldn’t think about that anymore. I had to concentrate on Halle.

  “Halle, if the neighbor comes back, I’m going to go out and talk to him.”

  “What?” she said, frozen.

  “I want you to bring Dad’s knife. If he tries to grab me and I can’t get away, you’re going to have to help.”

  “You mean, stab him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay.”

  Her answer surprised me. I knew that Dad’s death had changed her, but she was no longer the whiny, needy little girl that she used to be. She listened to me the way that she used to listen to our parents—without argument. She trusted me.

  “Okay,” I said.

  I heard a moan outside, and instinctively, Halle blew out the candle and rushed over to me. We hunkered down together beneath the window, and I wrapped my arms tightly around her.

  “Whoa! Watch out!” a man yelled from the street.

  Halle looked up at me. “The neighbor?” she whispered.

  I held my finger over my mouth, listening to the exchange outside. It was dark, and we couldn’t be sure who was outside.

  “There are even more than last time! It’s too dark! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

  “Skeeter! Your eleven o’clock!” Two gunshots popped. “I’ll lead them away from the house and meet you there!”

  Skeeter? The guy from Fairview who saved Connor? My heart boomed in my chest. Skeeter could be trusted. Skeeter would help us.

  “Joey, come on!”

  “I’ll be there in a second! Go!”

  There was another moan, and this time, it was right outside the window. After a scuffle and a loud crack, I heard more moaning, and then the back door opened and closed.

  Halle stiffened.

  A man stood in the living room with a baseball bat in his hand. He was breathing hard, drenched in sweat, splattered in dark blood, and staring down at us in shock.

  “Hi,” he said.

  Halle looked up at me and then back to the man. He had been with the group before, the one who had taken our neighbor. He was the big, tall one, the one who looked like the beautiful serial killer.

  I leaned over to retrieve Dad’s rifle, and I pointed it at him.

  He held up his hands. “Whoa, whoa! I’m not going to hurt you. Just trying to get away from the teds out there.”

  “What are teds?” Halle asked.

  I shushed her.

  He took a step, his hands still in the air. “Are your parents here?”

  “Where’s Skeeter?” I asked.

  His eyebrows lifted. “You know Skeeter?”

  “Where is he?” I asked.

  “He’s with our group a few houses down.” He stared at Halle for a moment and then at me.

  I moved to my knees, slowly pushing Halle behind me. “Don’t come any closer.”

  “Okay. Would it make you feel better if I gave you my stuff and sat down?”

  “Your weapons?” I asked.

  He nodded once.

  “Slowly,” I said in a firm voice. “Slide them this way.”

  He rolled his bat over to us, and then he pulled a 9mm from behind him, holding it by the grip. He slid that over as well. “I have a knife in my boot. Do you want that?”

  “Just keep your hands away from your shoes,” I said.

  He lowered himself, moving slowly, until both knees were on the ground like mine. He placed his hands on his th
ighs, palms down. “Are you from Fairview, too?” he asked.

  I stood, still pointing the gun at his face. “No,” I said, refusing to let my guard down. “Who else is in your group? Where are you from?”

  “We’re staying in a farmhouse northeast of here. We have some kids there. One’s about her age,” he said, nodding to Halle.

  “Don’t look at her,” I said. “Look at me.”

  He blinked, surprised at my relentless suspicion.

  “I’m really not going to hurt you. I can leave if you want, but…if you’re alone, I can’t really leave you here.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Why do you keep trying to find out if we’re alone?”

  He held up his hands. “Listen, we got off on the wrong foot. My name is Joey. We’re not criminals or anything. We’ve been clearing the road between here and our place for our friend. She’s got two daughters coming and…” His eyes danced between us. “No way. Oh my God. You’re not…”

  I pulled my eyebrows together, watching him closely.

  “Are you Scarlet’s girls?” he said, his eyes wide.

  “Jenna!” Halle said.

  Joey laughed once and covered his mouth. “Holy shit, you’re Jenna and Halle! Your mom is right down the street!”

  “What?” I said, my eyes instantly tearing.

  “Mommy!” Halle said, standing.

  I gathered my composure and pushed Halle back behind me, repositioning my gun.

  Joey held his hands higher. “I swear. We’ve been coming this way almost every day, helping her clear the teds to make it safer for you girls to get to Red Hill. Where’s your dad? Andrew?”

  Once he said Dad’s name, I relaxed, and my gun pointed toward the floor. Halle threw her arms around my butt in excitement. I breathed out and began to sob uncontrollably.

  “It’s okay, Jenna. Mom is just down the street!”

  “It’s…it’s okay,” Joey said. “Can I…can I hug you?”

  I didn’t respond. All I could do was bawl. So much relief and happiness came over me, two emotions I hadn’t felt in a very long time. It was too overwhelming.