Caged In

by J. D. Lowrance

  “Then maybe you should be alone with him.”

  I was shocked. “What? Hell no.”

  “Why?”

  “Because!”

  “Not an answer.”

  “Because there were moments last night where I saw the old Cage, not the lead singer of Caged In, not the drug addict. No one but who I needed him to be and that scares me, because I know he is not that person. He wasn’t it then and he sure as hell isn’t it now. It’s just my hopes that I was placing in a look that he isn’t really giving; just one I was wishing was there.”

  “All that before a cup of coffee,” joked Nate.

  I snorted. “I didn’t sleep much.”

  “I can see that. Well I think . . .” A knock at the door stopped Nate from finishing his sentence. “One sec,” he added before walking out of the kitchen. A few seconds later I heard the front door open and a few murmured words. I turned towards the hallway as Nate reappeared with a perplexed look on his face. “It’s for you. A delivery.” Now I was the one giving him a puzzled look. Nate just shrugged his shoulders as I passed.

  The only sound in the hallway was my bare footsteps as I walked to the front door to find a very large and absolutely breathtaking bouquet of navy blue irises. My favorite! They always reminded me of another pair of navy blue irises. “They’re beautiful,” I said as the flowers slowly lowered and that exact pair of navy blue irises stared back at me.

  Cage

  That voice! I lowered the flowers as Charlie whispered my name. Shock, sharp and severe, rode me as I continued to stare. I asked Nate if Catwoman was still here when he answered the door and if he would send her out. “But it’s Charlie,” my mind screamed. The yellow eyes from the night before were replaced with the most breathtaking, deep fields of green I had ever seen. As if on auto-pilot, I woodenly handed her the flowers. My heart raced as my mouth went dry. I tried to speak, but ended up just opening and closing my mouth a few times as I continued to take all of her in.

  Her beauty was beyond compare as she stood before me in cut-offs making her mile high legs look endless. She still had a lean body with the just right amount of boob and ass, or at least for me. Scenes of worshiping that body for hours came flooding back as I imaged her throwing her head back in the throes of passion. Her long, dark brown hair whispering across my chest as she rode me reverse cowgirl.

  I opened my eyes at the onslaught of images my mind was throwing at me. “What are you doing here?” I croaked, trying to stay in the moment with her. Now she closed her eyes cutting me off from reading them as they had darkened to forest green with some untold emotion.

  “I could ask you the same thing,” countered Charlie.

  “Was that really you last night?” The question hung between us as her eyes continued to dart around, looking at everything but me. I took one step towards her; scared to move too quickly and frighten her away. Charlie was so skittish last night and seemed even more so now.

  “Yes,” she answered as she made eye contact again. Unshed tears made her emerald eyes sparkle. My hands itched to pull her to me and comfort her.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Another step.

  “I . . . I couldn’t. I thought I could just do what you do, but I couldn’t.” She fidgeted with the flowers, breaking eye contact again.

  “And what do I do?” Another step.

  She snorted in disgust. “Love them and leave them.” When Charlie looked at me again her eyes held the same shadows of pain they did when we were younger, but this time I knew I had put them there.

  “No.” I refused to let her believe that. I still loved her and I would never leave her again.

  “Yes,” she seethed, swiping at her eyes. The hostility was warranted, and an angry Charlie was better than a crying one any day of the week.

  “Just give me a chance to explain.” Another step.

  “No. You should go.” Charlie went to turn away from me, but I could not let that happen . . . EVER AGAIN. Without thinking, I grabbed Charlie by her shoulders and pulled her into me. Smashing my lips to hers, I wrapped my arms around her, holding her there. A soft sigh from Charlie allowed my tongue to slip into her warm, wet mouth. I moaned in response to her sweet taste, deepening the kiss. Her arms found their way around me eliminating any space between us.

  A throat clearing had Charlie pushing herself away from me, but I would not allow it. I loosened my hold, but kept her within my arms as we both looked at Nate.

  “Want me to take those for you?” he asked pointing to the now slightly smashed bouquet.

  “Yes, please.” Charlie’s pink cheeks turned red as she stole a quick glance at me. Her now red lips glistened from my earlier assault. I stood up straight, moving my arm to around her shoulders as I extended the other to Nate.

  “Good to see you again, man. Thanks for getting Charlie to come out and talk to me.”

  He took my hand in a firm shake, as he took the flowers from Charlie. “You ok?” The question solely directed to her. A slight nod had Nate turning back from where he came.

  “I really think you should go,” she said as Nate disappeared around the corner. My hand shot out, turning her back towards me. “We need to talk.” When I saw uncertainty float across those gorgeous green eyes, I begged, “please.”

  “Cage . . . I should just . . . I don’t know.”

  “Are you with him?” I prayed to God that she said no. That question pissed her off, telling me exactly what I needed to know - they were not together. I asked myself that same question last night of Catwoman, but now knowing it was Charlie I knew she never would have gone with me if she were. Her reaction only confirmed it.

  “That is really none of your business.” She attempted to side step me and the question.

  “I have been waiting to talk to you for ten years Charlie.” I said as I stepped back in front of her.

  “Whose fault is that Matthews?” Her body stiffened ready to fight or flee. Something she always did when confronted. Charlie hated confrontation of any sort, and apparently still did.

  “Charlie, please.”

  “It’s Charlotte now. Ever since you left it’s only Charlotte.” What was the saying - if looks could kill - then I would definitely be six-feet under right now. “You have everything you could possibly want. Please just leave . . .”

  “Not everything,” I interrupted. “Just give me five minutes. Please, Charlie.”

  “Is there a problem?” Nate Maxwell was definitely trying to get on my shit list. His perfect dirty blonde hair and light grey eyes and perfect fucking teeth that I was going to knock the fuck out even if he was twice my size.

  “There will be if you don’t give me a fucking second to talk to her.” I turned to him, but Charlie was too fast and got between us.

  “Cage was just leaving.” She started to turn from me, but I grabbed her wrist.

  “Then come with me,” I demanded. “Charlie, please.” I stepped into her space so only she could hear what I said next. “I need to explain. I need you to understand. Please, Charlie I am begging,” and then added the real kicker, “for old time sake.”

  I knew I hit the mark when she dropped her head heaving a big sigh. “Fine Cage. Let’s get this over with.” She turned to Nate. “I’ll be outside.”

  He nodded as I took Charlie’s hand and held on even when she tried to wrangle it free. I fell in step with Charlie as we walked outside and I knew in that moment that I was exactly where I was always meant to be - with my girl.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Charlie

  “Cage,” I whined as he pulled me out the front door and down the path. “I am really not comfortable with this.”

  He stopped so abruptly that I ran into the back of him. “Why?” He speared me with those beautiful navy blue eyes that I could get lost in and often did when we were younger.

  “I agreed to talk, not to leave with you.” The emotions in his eyes were too intense so I looked away.

  “We have a lot to talk a
bout and I don’t want anyone interrupting or distracting us.”

  “We haven’t seen each other in ten years and our parting was so unexpected. I just need time to process.”

  “Ok. Well you can process with me by your side.” Cage continued to walk away from the house, dragging me behind him.

  “Please Cage. I need time alone.” I was getting desperate for an excuse not to go with him.

  “Alone? You mean being with Nate is alone. No, if you are being alone with anyone it is with me.”

  “What are you talking about?” He spun to face me again.

  “I asked you earlier and you didn’t answer. Are you two together?”

  “I am crashing at his place until I figure out what I am going to do next.” I did not have to answer to him.

  His frustration was palatable. “Are you two together?” he repeated through clenched teeth.

  I side stepped him again and continued down the sidewalk, but came to an abrupt stop when the single most beautiful car I have ever seen came into view.

  “You have a Maserati GranCabrio in granite,” I breathed. My dream car!

  He shook his head knowing that I was not going to answer him. “Yep,” he replied as he opened the passenger door for me. “You want to drive it?”

  “Holy shit Cage,” I squealed as I covered my mouth. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks in reaction to my loud outburst. “You would let me?”

  “I would let you do anything you wanted to babe,” he said with a wink. “You still remember how to drive stick from when I taught you?” My answer was a nod of my head.

  “Then it’s all yours . . . tomorrow.” A mischievous glint entered his eye.

  “Tomorrow?”

  “It’s as good as any reason to see you again.”

  “Think whatever you have to say is that good?” I pushed back.

  “No, but I just can’t imagine going another day without seeing you.” The fight completely left me as he opened the passenger door. I did not fight the sigh of contentment as I slid across the softest leather I had ever felt as I got into the world’s most beautiful car. Cage ran around and jumped into the driver’s seat. He placed a quick peck on my cheek, “Let’s go babe.”

  The joy in his eyes and the smile on his face were contagious as he opened the top making the car a convertible. I brushed all fear and panic aside as I just enjoyed the ride. It was fantastic; the scenery, the warm wind through my hair, and the man next to me. I closed my eyes when he caught me for the third time staring at him. He laughed when I fought against him holding my hand. When I gave up he entwined our fingers and placed a soft kiss to the back of my hand. A few minutes later I heard the big beat of the drums and beginnings of my new favorite song on the radio. Turning it up, I looked over at Cage to find his smile was even bigger as he started singing Caged In’s latest hit.

  Where do I hide when I am in plain sight

  It was with you always in the light

  You ran to me from the darkness

  The window to my soul open all night

  I left and never came home

  Where you wait by the phone

  You have nowhere else to go

  How you pierce my mind like an arrow

  I gasped when the words started to sink in. Was he singing about me? I stared at him while he belted out the chorus.

  The green eyed monster is never far away

  It teases nonstop all throughout the day

  Its claws of regret rake my mind

  Because it’s you that I left behind

  Where do I hide when I am in plain sight

  It was with you always in the light

  You ran to me from the darkness

  The window to my soul open all night

  The heart always seems to be aching

  My beast tearing to get out

  His caged walls nearly breaking

  My soul dead I have no doubt

  The green eyed monster is never far away

  It teases nonstop all throughout the day

  Its claws of regret rake my mind

  Because it’s you that I left behind

  I had never really listened to the words, but with Cage singing them it was hard not to. Realization dawned. “Cage, did you write that song?” I turned the volume down and turned completely towards him.

  “Most of it,” he replied while still looking out the front window at the red light as if he could will it change to green.

  “What is it about?” I did not want to ask outright if it was about me.

  “The green eyed monster,” he answered robotically as if he was asked that question all the time.

  “Ok, what is the green eyed monster? A metaphor for jealousy?” I asked being more direct.

  “It could be seen that way.” His non-answers were starting to wear thin on my nerves. The light changed and we drove a little while longer until we pulled into a gated community. Cage scanned a key card that he stored in a little compartment on the dash.

  I never bothered to ask where we were going. “Where are we?”

  “My place,” he replied.

  What the hell was I thinking?

  Cage

  As I sang along with “Green-Eyed Monster” on the radio, I knew the full meaning of the song finally hit Charlie. I wrote that song in rehab, trying to exorcize the beast that drove the need to slay myself slowly with drugs and women. Ever since I hit rock bottom at the music awards show in front of Charlie I had been clawing my way back to myself. Charlie was my green-eyed monster, but only when she was not by my side. It was when I was away from her that the beast grew wings and took flight with my fears of what my leaving did to her, of what I was too afraid to admit to myself that happened to her all too frequently. Those memories mixed with my worries drove me to a point where forgetting was my only option or I would have driven myself insane or maybe even killed myself.

  My therapist asked me every day why I did not just reach out to Charlie and ask for forgiveness or another chance. But I never did. I was too afraid of the rejection after I could not find her on my one trip back to town. At least by not calling I lived with the hope that one day when I got my life together she would say yes.

  “Cage, did you write that song?” Charlie reached over and turned down the radio.

  “Most of it,” I answered, concentrating on the red light, too afraid she would see the lie and know I wrote all of it.

  “What is it about?” I hated this question. Only Locke really knew the answer.

  “The green-eyed monster.” The light turned green and I hit the gas needing out of this car.

  “Ok, what is the green-eyed monster? A metaphor for jealousy?” She had to know it was about her.

  “It could be seen that way.” I finally pulled up to the gate outside my neighborhood, scanned my keycard and drove through it.

  “Where are we?” Her question brought a smile to my face.

  “My place.” I could see apprehension grow in her eyes before she turned to face forward.

  “Cage, I don’t know. Maybe I should just go,” she whispered.

  Yeah fucking right! Just the thought of letting her walk away ever again had a shiver of panic slicing through me.

  “Not yet,” I said, opening my door. Charlie did not wait for me, getting out at the same time. I met her at the front of car where I reached over and took her hand in mine, leading her up and in the front door.

  It was now or never!

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Charlie

  Cage led me through the first floor of his house, which was pretty much a bachelor pad. Where a formal dining room would go was a pool table and a few high top tables with bar stools around them. The formal living room had two arm chairs in it and a piano that I knew he could play with his eyes closed and a wall of awards. We stopped in his family room which opened up to a kitchen dripping in granite and high-end appliances. The whole house was painted neutral colors and the family room, like the living room, had dark bro
wn, leather armchairs and couches. He had two mounted large screen TVs on one wall, and a wall of windows on the other. The house was simply breath-taking with its open floor plan, crown molding and silver light fixtures. I loved it!

  He directed me to sit on the large couch while he took the closest armchair. Cage’s energy was always off the charts, but right now he looked like he could run a marathon. He was restless as he sat perpendicular to me. His outside leg shook violently as he rubbed his hands together.

  “So . . .” he trailed off. “Want something to drink? I could use a water,” he stammered as he stood and walked to the kitchen.

  I shrugged, way too interested in looking around to try and get a glimpse into the man that Cage had become. Sliding to the middle of the couch, I started looking through the magazines he had on the table. I froze when I found myself looking back at me. I lifted that magazine up to find the one below it, and the next one, and the next one were all of me. I moved through the stack faster and faster until I got to the bottom. Then I looked under the table to the shelf that housed more magazines, which all contained pictures of me.

  “I can explain.” Cage’s voice shattered the bubble of panic I placed myself in.

  “WHY?” I yelled, not really meaning to but could not prevent.

  “It was the only way I got to see you.” Cage sat next to me on the couch. I went to move away, but he placed his hand on my knee and said, “Please don’t.”

  “Why?” I asked again. Locke’s broken English from the awards show came back. “Let me see your wallet.” He reluctantly fished it out of his back pocket and handed it to me. I opened it to find a picture of me where his license should have been. It was from our last day together as he drove me to the carnival. I remember everything about that night and from looking at that younger version of myself I knew it was the happiest I ever was. “Locke said you had pictures of me.”

  “There is another of the two of us by my bed,” he confessed.

  “Cage?” I said his name as a question. “What happened? Please tell me before I lose my mind. How could you feel this strongly and let it all go?”