Heart of Texas

by Mary Alfort

  “You did? That’s great. I’m proud of you. Tell me about this one.”

  “Are you sure? I doubt it’s the type of book you’d be interested in reading.”

  “Are you kidding? I’ve read all your stuff, including the one you were too embarrassed to show me. Tell me, Laney.”

  And so I did. Never once, in all the time Tom and I had been married, had he ever asked me about my writing.

  “This one’s totally different than anything I’ve ever written before. There’s so much of me in this book. So much of the pain I felt after the divorce, and...” The surprise I felt at falling in love for the first time.

  In love for the first time? Where had that come from?

  “And what? Earth to Laney...”

  I’d left Jake hanging. “Sorry. Nothing. It’s just totally different than anything I’ve ever written before. I’m very proud of it.”

  “You should be. Its sounds as if it’s become something akin to therapy for you.”

  That much was certainly true. “I guess you’re right.” I thought of the first version of Lois’s and Tim’s story and wondered what Jake would think about that one. “Where are you, anyway? You sound so close.” Since it was well after seven, I knew he would probably just be leaving the hospital. Jake worked long hours seeing patients at the center and then followed it up by doing rounds at the hospital.

  “Look out your office window.”

  I did and was surprised to find him standing next to his truck, waving at me.

  “You’re here.” I hung up the phone and went outside to meet him.

  When I stopped in front of him, I couldn’t stop smiling. I was so happy to see him. His hands cupped my face before he kissed me. I couldn’t remember a time when a simple kiss held so much potential before.

  “Hi there,” he said after a moment, then leaned back against the Black Beast and drew me against him.

  “Hi, there, yourself. What are you doing here?”

  “I stopped by to see if I could coax you into having dinner with me tonight. It is Christmas Eve, after all.”

  “Oh.”

  “Oh? That’s all you have to say?” He smiled down at me, the warmth in his eyes making my knees grow weak.

  “Um, dinner sounds nice. But I should warn you, I’ll probably fall asleep before the main course arrives. Here lately, I’m pretty much out of it by nine.”

  “I’m willing to take my chances. Besides, I know this place.” He glanced back at the Beast. “But I think we should take your car. I don’t think you’ll be able to climb up into my truck.”

  Jake waited while I told my aunts where I was going and rolled my eyes at the conspiratorial glances they threw at each other. As if I didn’t know they were tickled pink to see me and Jake spending time together.

  At first, when Jake turned onto our county road, I didn’t say a word. When he drove past my house, I started to laugh. “This place you’re taking me wouldn’t just happen to be your house?”

  He got out and opened my door. “Guilty as charged.” Jake unlocked the door and held it open for me. This was the first time I’d been here since the night he’d helped me track down Ramie.

  I stared around his living room, stunned.

  Jake had been remodeling the house. He’d even put up a Christmas tree in the living room.

  “As much as I’d like to take credit for it, I accept my limitations. Ben and Harold Youngblood have been diligently working to get the place livable before winter.”

  “It looks amazing, Jake. I love the tree.”

  “So, how do you feel about pizza?”

  “Pizza?” I followed him into the kitchen.

  “Yes, leftover pizza.”

  I glanced over his shoulder at the contents of the fridge. There were various containers of takeout. “You order out a lot.”

  “Yeah, if I were my own doctor, I’d be mad. My diet sucks. I can vouch for the pizza because I had it last night. The rest of the stuff is questionable, at best.”

  “Pizza, it is.” We took the cold pizza and a couple of glasses of soda out to the living room where Jake made a fire in the fireplace. He turned on the Christmas tree lights and dimmed the room’s chandelier. It was beautiful and peaceful, watching the crackling fire as the tree lights twinkled.

  “You look tired.” Jake took my empty plate and set it on the coffee table. “Come here.” He gathered me close, and I went into his arms only too willingly.

  I kicked off my shoes and stretched out against his long, tempting frame while stifling a yawn.

  “You’re pushing yourself too hard, Laney. I think you need to slow down.”

  “Look who’s talking.” I met his gaze only to be blown away by the concern that I saw there.

  “I’m not about to have a baby. Besides, I like helping people and it passes the time.” There was something in his tone. Was Jake telling me he was lonely? He always seemed so strong and in control. Still, this would be the first holiday season for both of us as single people.

  “It’s hard, isn’t it? Trying to get through the holidays without remembering.” I had a feeling Jake needed to talk. He’d listened without judging while I’d told him about some of my less than shining moments. It was his turn.

  “Yes, it is.” He didn’t elaborate.

  “You know, last year at this time, I thought I had the perfect life. Now I realize it was all an illusion. Tom and I weren’t happy. If I’m being truthful, our marriage ended a long time before his unfaithfulness. I guess we just got comfortable going through the motions. Sometimes it’s easier to just go along rather than make changes.”

  “Melissa and I were the same way. We got comfortable with the routine. I guess neither of us wanted to be the first to bring the issue to light. I never told anyone this,” he said quietly. “Most people just assumed we either didn’t want children or were unable to have them.”

  I waited, silently holding my breath.

  “But the truth was Melissa didn’t want to have children with me. Shortly before she was diagnosed with cancer, I learned she’d been on birth control for years, although we’d supposedly been trying to have children. I found the pills hidden in her purse. I was looking for something; I think it was cash to pay the pizza delivery guy. When I confronted her about it, she didn’t deny it. We had a terrible argument that night, and I ended up staying away for a couple of weeks.”

  My heart went out to him. I knew what it felt like to be deceived. “Oh, Jake. I’m so sorry.” I reached up to touch his cheek. The contact was electric.

  He sighed, squeezed his lids shut and pressed his cheek into my palm, his warm breath fanning my wrist. Flesh, bone, and heat. His heat. It roused feelings I’d thought long gone.

  “Nothing prepared me for the sense of betrayal I felt from Melissa. Why couldn’t she just have been honest with me? For a long time, I wasn’t sure I could forgive her.”

  I understood the depth of his pain. “Oh, Jake, I’m so sorry.”

  He focused on the fire. “No one in our family knew about our separation. Melissa and I didn’t discuss it with anyone. I came back and we worked through it, or so I thought, but I never got over the resentment I felt in my heart. I always hated myself for that. Especially after Melissa’s condition became terminal. Even after she died, and I learned about her affair, I couldn’t help but believe part of the reason she turned to someone else was because of the way I treated her after that.”

  We sat in silence for a long time.

  I glanced out the window.

  It had started to rain.

  And I couldn’t dispel the sadness I felt at learning Jake’s secret.

  ****

  I woke up hours later when the first sharp pain sliced across my lower abdomen. I was stretched out on Jake’s sofa, my head cradled by a pillow.

  “What is it, Laney? The baby?”

  “It can’t be.” I could barely speak for the next rolling wave that knifed through my middle. “I’m still two weeks awa
y from my due date.”

  Jake helped me to sit up. “Don’t worry, everything will be all right. It could be the pizza, or Ava could be wanting to arrive early. Just try to relax, OK? Have you been having any other pain before this?”

  I shook my head because I was too scared to speak.

  “That’s a good sign. It means we’re still a good ways away from the actual birth.”

  “Oh, geez...where are you going?” I asked.

  “I’m going to make you some tea, and then I’ll give Jennifer a call.”

  I didn’t want to be alone so I followed him to the kitchen. It was after 3:00 AM. The aunts would be worried to death.

  “I should call Selma and Thelma. They’re probably going out of their minds with worry by now.”

  “Sit down and stop worrying. Your aunts are fine. They know you’re with me.”

  I pulled out a chair and sat at the table. He was right. I was with him, and I was safe. Jake was making tea. I wasn’t accustomed to a man taking care of me. It was... nice.

  He set the tea in front of me. “I’ll call Jen.”

  “No, I’m fine, I can do it.” I barely had time to stand before my water broke. “Oh, no.” A completely new round of fear raced through me.

  Jake was at my side, easing me back into my chair. He knelt in front of me, brushing a stray strand of hair from my eyes. “It’s OK. There’s still plenty of time. We’ll call Jen from the road.” Jake still hadn’t made a move. He sat watching me with a strange look on his face that made me feel tingly all over.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I’ve always heard pregnant women have a certain radiance about them. Looking at you right now, I know what they mean.” He shook his head, as if in amazement. “Sitting the way you are, with your hands on your stomach, I can almost picture you holding Ava in your arms.”

  “Jake, why’d you have to say that now?” I buried my face in my hands and started to bawl. I wasn’t ready for this. The baby was coming, and I was nowhere near ready.

  “Please don’t cry.” Jake took my hands and pulled them away from my face before brushing away my tears. “I think we should leave now. If we don’t get you to the hospital, I’m afraid I might actually be forced to deliver the baby here.” He helped me to my feet and kept a comforting arm around me as we left the house.

  We drove in silence along rain-slick roads, Jake’s full concentration on the road ahead. When we reached the hospital, I was whisked straight up to the maternity ward.

  Jake followed us to the delivery room, where less than twenty minutes later the next contraction hit.

  “Laney, if you’re having an epidural we need to administer it now, before you’re further dilated.” Jennifer turned to give the order to the nurse as I nodded my need for drugs.

  Jake looked down at me. “Do you want me to leave?”

  I’d clamped onto his hand the moment we reached the room, and I’d been squeezing it, no doubt to the point of numbness, with each new contraction.

  “No. No, I want you to stay with me.”

  He was still holding my hand when three hours later Ava Elizabeth McClanahan came into the world at just under eight pounds.

  All my fears and uncertainties about facing the future alone as a single mom evaporated the second I held my daughter in my arms.

  “You did it,” Jake told me while looking at me with complete tenderness.

  “You’re doing it again. Staring at me.” I lifted my hand to my hair. “I must look horrible.”

  Jake shook his head, and then touched my cheek. “You have never looked more beautiful, Laney. Do you want to call the aunts?”

  “Not yet, it’s still early. Not even daylight. They’ll feel that they’d have to come right now and I don’t want them driving in the dark.”

  He sat on the edge of the bed. “You should try to get some sleep. They’ll keep Ava in the nursery for a while so you can rest before they come to show you how to breast-feed.”

  “Will you stay with me?” I didn’t want to let him go. We’d shared so much together before Ava’s birth. I couldn’t imagine another man ever going through what Jake had just gone through with me.

  “I’m not going anywhere.” He slipped his arm around me. “Try to get some sleep.”

  17

  Family isn’t always what you want, but it can be what you need.

  The aunts were disappointed that they missed the birth, but the moment Thelma and Selma saw Ava they forgave me for not calling them sooner.

  “Sorry I messed up your Christmas dinner plans, Aunt Thelma. I know how much you love this time of the year.”

  She patted my hand fondly. “Don’t be silly, Laney. This little girl is the best Christmas gift you could have given us. She reminds me of you. Don’t you think so, Selma? I still remember the day you were born.” Aunt Thelma’s watery smile deteriorated into all-out tears at the memory. I squeezed her hand and wondered if she were remembering her own pregnancy. I couldn’t imagine having to give up my child the way she’d been forced to give up Ramie.

  “When are they springing you from this joint?” Aunt Selma barked, and then commenced to coo at Ava.

  Through it all, Jake had never left my side. I felt guilty about keeping him with me when he must be missing work and who knew what else. “Soon. Tomorrow, if Jen gives the OK.”

  Jake smiled at me before taking Ava when Aunt Thelma handed her over.

  “Ramie and Louisa can’t wait to see the baby. I telephoned them as soon as you called, Jake. They wanted to come with us, but I figured it might be better to wait until Laney and Ava were home. I’m just so glad Jake was there with you when it happened.”

  I saw that content look in Aunt Thelma’s eyes and read her thoughts just as clearly as if she’d said them aloud. In her mind, Jake and I were a done deal.

  ****

  “I should warn you, she’ll have us married by the end of the year,” Jake whispered when Thelma insisted Jake drive Ava and I home later that day.

  “I know, and I’m sorry. Just humor her. She’s always been a romantic.”

  “Oh, I don’t mind in the least. In fact, I kind of like the idea.”

  Jake pulled away from the hospital before turning to me. “How are you feeling? I think Ramie and Louisa are at the house. Are you up for it?”

  My hand covered his. “Yes. I’m looking forward to seeing Ramie and Louisa. Can you stay for a while?”

  He looked exhausted. He’d been with me nonstop for hours. He probably needed a break.

  I’d been listening to Aunt Thelma too much. I was starting to believe her bull.

  “Absolutely, love.”

  Love. I liked the sound of that.

  ****

  It was funny watching a former crime boss cooing and making funny faces at Ava. Jake had taken the baby from the car seat and handed her to Ramie. Tears shone in my cousin’s eyes. He and Louisa hadn’t been able to have children of their own.

  After dinner, Ramie volunteered to do cleanup in the kitchen and I tagged along even though he argued with me the whole way.

  “Do sit down, Laney. I’ll handle the dishes. You look dead on your feet.”

  Reluctantly I agreed, mostly because he was right. The rigors of childbirth were beginning to take their toll. Exhaustion was slowly setting in.

  He stacked dishes in the dishwasher. Something was on his mind.

  “Are you OK, Ramie?”

  He glanced my way. “Of course.” A hint of a smile touched his lips.

  “Ramie...”

  He held up a hand. “You don’t need to hear about my troubles today.”

  “Ramie Deautreve, don’t make me come over there.”

  He chuckled at my fake bravado, then closed the dishwasher, and sat down next to me.

  “Mother and I have been talking.” Ramie had been struggling with something for a while.

  I squeezed his hand. “So, what did you come up with?”

  His smile turned a little sad. �
�I’ve made some bad decisions in my life, mostly out of necessity. Sometimes I was simply looking for the easy way out. When my parents died, I got caught up in the streets. I started hanging out with a bad crowd. Doing things that went against my Christian upbringing. I lived a very sinful life. Because of the things I became involved in and the crimes I committed, well, let’s just say I’ve hurt a lot of people, including Louisa.”

  His adopted parents had died when he was twelve. He’d run away from his foster home to live on the streets of Baton Rouge.

  He sighed. “Truth is, Laney, I’m embarrassed about my past. Especially now that Mother is back in my life. I know I’ve disappointed her, although she’d never say it.”

  “Ramie, she loves you. We all do. You’re family. Families support each other. None of us are perfect. We all have things in our past we’d like to change. We just love each other, warts and all.”

  He patted my hand affectionately. He didn’t seem at all surprised by my philosophy. “Mother has suggested Louisa and I stay here.” He looked at me as if wondering what my reaction would be.

  “Do it,” I said with enthusiasm. “It will be great having you guys close.”

  “Laney, there are many things to consider. It’s not that simple.”

  “Hogwash. Do it, Ramie. This is the perfect time.”

  18

  Losing your way is the first step in finding yourself.

  After a few days of pretty much mass chaos, Ava and I began to form a routine during the night, which amounted to me napping while Ava nursed. I was operating on less than four hours sleep a day and it was beginning to catch up with me. I looked as if I’d risen from the dead, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d showered, much less washed my hair.

  When I awoke one Sunday morning, my first inclination was to catch up on sleep. But I’d promised Thelma I’d go with her to the service, since Selma was feeling under the weather.

  I managed to take a quick shower while Aunt Thelma babysat. Then I grabbed a cup of coffee before we all headed off to church.

  Just before the service began, I spotted Jake surrounded by a covey of women. The moment he saw us, he excused himself and came to us, taking Ava from me.