by G E Griffin
That was why Caleb had touched an excruciatingly raw nerve. I'd not let myself even contemplate the possibility of having a baby with anyone else after Drew died, so I was totally unprepared for Caleb to just carelessly lob it into the conversation like that. Was he being serious? It was incredibly cruel and callous of him if he wasn’t, and I really didn't think he was capable of that. So, the question was, could I resist the temptation of opening up that dream again? Was it possible that one day I could actually hold a baby of my own in my arms? Could my future really include being someone’s mummy?
Caleb followed me in, and sat next to me on the bed, where I was still crying.
“Faith, I’m sorry you’re finding this so hard, but I’m not going to apologize for getting you to face up to some painful truths that you’d rather keep buried. Might seem the easier way now, but it’s not healthy in the long run, because at some point they will resurface. I get that you don't want your heart broken, because you think I'm only interested in a short term fling. That’s why I've flown half way round the world, to convince you that I’m serious about offering you a chance at the whole package. So, as I see it, the first step would be for you to take the job in San Francisco. Just agreeing to an initial six month contract wouldn’t mean burning all your bridges here, if you still wanted to keep your options open. But what it would do is give us a real chance to be together, to see how things go between us. And you know, long term I could even see us getting married one day, but for now, I’d just be happy to take whatever you’re prepared to give. Another thing you should know is that I always wanted a big family, but I gave up on those dreams when I got divorced. Now I'm seeing new possibilities. With you. So that’s why I’m talking about all this really serious shit. You and Drew planned on having kids, right?”
“Yeah, we did,” I sighed. “And losing that option when Drew died was one of the hardest things I had to accept. But I have. Now it’s not fair to dangle that dream in front of me…not unless you are really absolutely totally serious and being one hundred percent honest with me.”
“I assure you I am, because one thing you should know about me is that I am not a liar, and I am not a cheat, especially after what I went through with Cassie. Because of her actions, I’ve avoided putting myself in a position of having to trust anyone since the divorce, and I admit I've been left with a few issues. So before we go any further, you should know that in any relationship between us, I would need total honesty and absolute transparency. No lies of any sort, not even little ‘white’ lies. No lies of omission either. No pretending, no silly games, nothing going on behind my back that you don't think I need to know about. I had enough of that from Cassie to last me several lifetimes. So we would have to promise to tell each other everything. What we’re doing, how we’re feeling, everything, at all times.”
“I see,” I mumbled.
“What I'm trying to explain here, not very well, is that I’m trying my best to be as open and honest as I can about my hopes and plans for the potential future that I see for us. So if I say I could see us having kids together one day, then that’s the truth. And because I totally get how having kids is a huge deal for you, I should also clarify how that’s in the future, that I'm not actually ready for kids right at this moment. So can you see how that’s being as honest as I can be with you?” he tried to explain.
“It’s okay, I’m not going to jump you and force you to impregnate me right now this second,” I managed to joke. “And anyway, I’m not sure I’d want any kids of mine to have a Yank for a father.”
“But you wouldn’t rule out the possibility?” He looked at me hopefully.
“I have no idea what I think any more, Caleb. I’m hung-over, tired, confused, and I have a raging headache. I need some time and space to think,” I said wearily, as I massaged my temples.
“Take all the time you want. All I'm asking is that you seriously think about what I've said, instead of shutting me out and hiding yourself away. I know I'm pushing hard and asking a lot of you, but the rewards could really be worth it, couldn’t they?” he wheedled.
“I don't know anything, Caleb. I've had enough, and you’re just confusing me now. No more talk about anything serious, not till I've had a chance to think and have more of my wits about me. Please, just go away and leave me alone.” I buried my face in the pillow. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t take the risk…could I?
“I just want us to talk, Faith…” he still continued.
“Enough! My brain is about to implode. Go book into your hotel, catch up on some sleep. I seriously doubt you got much rest on that sofa last night, plus you must be jet lagged as well.”
“I didn't book a hotel, and now that I'm finally here with you, I'm not risking going anywhere in case you shut me out again,” he insisted stubbornly. “But I get that you’re not at your best right now, that you're ornery thanks to your self-inflicted hangover, so how about we just lie here and cuddle up together for a while?”
He didn't wait for my reply as he lay down behind me on the bed, wrapped his solid, comforting arms around me, then tucked my head under his chin in our usual way.
When did that happen, having ‘our’ way of doing things?
But I couldn’t deny it felt really, really nice cuddling up with Caleb like this, and besides, I just didn't have the strength to argue with this dogged man any longer.
“You have to admit the way we fit together feels just about perfect, doesn’t it?” Caleb sighed contentedly as he relaxed against me, echoing my unspoken thoughts, which happened quite often, when I came to think about it.
“Oh, just shut up, and let my brain have some peace and quiet instead of listening to all your yawping.” I softened my words by pulling his arm more tightly around me. I didn't have to see his face to know he was smiling, as I felt his fingers interlocking with mine.
“Yaaawping?” he mocked my English accent. “See, that’s another thing I like about you. Your cute accent.”
“You’re the one with the accent. Bloody Yanks, telling us we have accents. May I remind you what language it is you’re speaking?” I pointed out. “English. And I’m English. So I don't have the accent, you do.”
I felt the laughter rumbling through his body.
“Guess I have to concede that point. But you know you’ll have to get used to everyone telling you what a cute accent you have, when you come over to the States to take the job.”
“If I take the job,” I murmured, worn out both mentally and physically. Then it occurred to me that despite my best intentions, it seemed Caleb had persuaded me to start reconsidering the possibility of going over there. I had to hand it to the man, he was sneakily worming his way in. “So, how long are you stopping over?”
“That all depends on you. First off, I have to know if I'm in with a chance of persuading you to give us a chance.” I felt him tensing up as he waited for my reply.
“You're a persistent sod, I’ll give you that, Caleb Mackenzie. However hard I try to get rid of you, you just won’t give up, will you?” I sighed. “Even when I vomit all over you.”
“Actually you missed me. It was the other guy’s shoes you ruined,” he chuckled. “Perfect aim. Nothing he didn't deserve.”
“So, not that I'm agreeing to anything yet, but if I did let you hang around for a while, what are your plans? What about work, when do you have to get back?”
“Never mind about work, that’s all taken care of for now. What I’d really like is to meet your family while I'm here. I think that would be an important first step, don't you?”
I turned to look at him.
“Seriously? You'd actually choose to put yourself through that ordeal?” I asked incredulously.
“Sure. And then I'd like for you to meet my family, when you come back to the States with me…”
“Whoa, hang on a minute here. I haven’t agreed to go to the States with you.”
“Not yet, but you have to, because I'm not giving up, and I'm not taking no
for an answer. Otherwise, I guess I’ll just have to look into relocating over here instead. And FYI, Harry agrees with me that you should come over and take the job.”
“Oh, does she now?”
“Yep.”
“What else did you two talk about?” I asked suspiciously.
“Oh, this and that,” he replied evasively, as he toyed with my hair.
I decided I'd definitely be having words with Harry later, to get to the bottom of things.
“Anyway, how are you feeling? Is your hangover lifting yet?” Caleb swiftly changed the subject.
“A bit. And er, I suppose I should thank you for taking care of me last night. Couldn’t have been much fun looking after a drunk who was hurling their guts out, especially when you’d just flown half way round the world to see them,” I apologised, realising rather shamefacedly that I’d been acting like an ungrateful brat.
“No worries, it was my pleasure, Faith, because looking after you and taking care of you is what I want to do from now on. And I can't really complain, because if you hadn't gotten yourself into such a drunken state, you might not have let me in,” he said, as we lay facing one another. “Then we wouldn’t be here now, talking like this. And you can't deny this feels good, just being together like this. Being with you feels right, because I know I can just be myself. That’s one of the reasons I know it’s more than just a physical attraction between us. Because we can just be together and it’s enough, more than enough. That’s what has me convinced we’re on the brink of something truly epic here Faith. All it needs is for you to take that leap with me.”
“I have a phobia, Caleb, which means I can't go leaping that way,” I whispered.
“Sure you can. We can take the leap together, with me holding you tight all the way, and making sure we have a soft landing.” His eyes seemed to be pleading and begging me to give him a chance.
“I wouldn’t go making any rash promises, not until you’ve run the gauntlet of my sisters and my parents. That is, if you're foolish enough to go ahead and insist on meeting them,” I warned.
Could I possibly contemplate introducing Caleb to everyone? What on earth would they make of all this?
“I don't scare that easy,” he laughed breezily.
“I’ll remind you of that if and when the time comes,” I murmured, as I felt myself getting drowsy.
Then sleep, the perfect escape, washed over me.
Chapter 14 - Caleb
I figured it had to be a positive sign when Faith didn't throw me out of her place, even after she’d sobered up the following morning.
Looking after Faith while she puked her guts up was not exactly what I'd been planning on doing, but at least it gave me the opportunity to get myself through the front door, when otherwise I suspected there’d have been a good chance she’d have refused to let me in.
I was angry with her for getting herself in such a state, but it just proved how confused she was, as I knew she never usually drank much alcohol.
And I hated, really hated, what she’d done to her appearance. Heavy makeup, slutty clothes - it just wasn’t her, just as getting drunk wasn’t her. It made me all the more determined to get her to face up to whatever skewed logic it was that had her acting like this.
The previous night, just as Faith had finished throwing up and I’d put her to bed to sleep it off, there’d been an insistent ringing and knocking at the door, which I’d hoped wasn’t lover boy returning to try his luck again.
Luckily it wasn’t. Instead, I’d opened the door to find an attractive, tall brunette standing there in a short orange halter neck dress, hands on hips, radiating hostility.
“Who the hell are you? And where’s Faith?” Her chocolate brown eyes glared at me.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m taking care of Faith and she’s fine - well, kind of, now that she’s about finished puking her drunken guts up. I figure you must be her friend Harriet, from the upstairs apartment?” She’d nodded her affirmation. “Well, I’m Caleb Mackenzie, also a friend of Faith’s. How about you come on in and see for yourself how she is?”
“Thanks, I will. It’s just when Will came back, he was babbling on about some big, pushy Yank turning up on Faith’s doorstep, but he wasn’t making a whole lot of sense,” she’d explained, still frowning. She followed me through to the bedroom, where she’d seen Faith peacefully sleeping, and then obviously feeling more reassured, she followed me through to the little kitchen area.
“I guess she seems okay, still in one piece, so thanks for taking care of her. I didn't know what to think when Will came back without Faith, and then started mouthing off about her - that was when I told him to sling his hook. I did try to warn Faith about him, but she wouldn’t listen,” she’d sighed.
“I see,” I’d murmured, still mightily pissed about the guy thinking he could take advantage of Faith that way.
“Caleb - you’re that American guy she worked with, aren’t you?” Harriet had warmed up enough to me to throw a small smile my way.
“Yeah, I am,” I’d smiled back briefly, but then frowned. “Now do you mind telling me what the hell’s going on for Faith to be acting so out of character?.”
“We’ll get to that in a minute, but first do you mind telling me what you're doing here?” she’d countered. “Is it about this job she was offered in San Francisco?”
“Yeah. That, along with a whole lot of other unfinished business… between us… about us.”
“As in… you and her… together? That kind of unfinished business?” Harriet quickly pieced things together.
“Yep, you got it. But she’s running scared, and I'm guessing that’s maybe what’s brought some of this about.”
“I knew it!” she’d exclaimed. “Faith’s been acting weird ever since she got back, but every time I’ve asked her, she’s totally denied there was anything wrong. All she would say was that the job over there didn't work out.”
“That figures,” I’d sighed. “Look, truth is, I could’ve handled things a whole lot better than I did, but in my defence, since my divorce, this is new territory for me too. So I'm here to try and make amends, get things sorted, to try and work something out with her.”
“Wow - I'm impressed. Did you really fly all this way just to try and convince our lovely, but seriously mixed up little Faith that you’re actually pretty keen on her?” Harriet had grinned at me.
“Yeah, I did, actually,” I’d admitted. “Although I'm not sure she’s going to allow herself to be convinced.”
“Well, Caleb, as long as you don't intend playing games with Faith, if you’re not going to mess her around, and if you are indeed serious about working things out with her, then I think you could very well turn out to be her saving grace, the very person she needs,” Harriet had declared, as she’d studied me shrewdly.
“I can assure you I have no intention of playing games or messing around with Faith, not after everything she’s been through. And you gotta admit, it’s a helluva long journey to make just to fool around on someone,” I’d pointed out.
“Fair enough, I suppose. Well then in that case, I suggest you don't give up until you get the silly, pig-headed, stubborn-as-a-mule girl to give you a chance,” Harry had advised with a cheeky wink.
“That’s my intention. And thanks for the vote of confidence, I appreciate it,” I’d smiled. “And you should know that I wouldn’t mess with Faith, because I totally get that she’s had a real shit couple of years. I get that her world began and ended with Drew, and how devastating it was for her to lose him the way she did.”
“Yeah, they were a really sweet couple. Drew was a great guy. Uncomplicated, down to earth, kind hearted. So unfair when he was killed out of the blue like that, made no sense whatsoever.” Harriet shook her head sadly as she sighed. “Faith’s really struggled to find a way to get her life back on track ever since.”
“Yeah, I kinda worked that out for myself. And maybe that’s why I made such a stupid mess of things with her befo
re, because I was scared of how to go about things, didn't want to make things worse for her, or me, come to that. I don't have that great of a track record either, thanks to a pretty ugly divorce.”
“You’re a right pair then, aren’t you? But at least it means you have some idea what’s going through her head. That whole self preservation by not taking risks thing - I think you’ll find Faith takes that to a whole new level.”
“Yeah well, I guess maybe it takes one to know one,” I’d murmured.
***
Thanks to my little brother kicking my sorry ass into gear, at least I'd arrived just in time to stop that fucker messing around with Faith. Any lingering doubts I'd had about whether or not I was doing the right thing in hot footing it over to London vanished the second I saw him mauling her. Clearly Faith hadn't been thinking straight to have gotten herself into such a vulnerable situation, and she was in urgent need of some plain talking, all of which vindicated my decision to come flying half way round the world to see her.
So I could care less if I'd ruffled a few feathers at the office by ordering my PA to cancel my entire schedule for the week. Once I’d made up my mind to go, all that mattered was getting over to London as soon possible, before it was too late. I’d let Faith slip through my fingers before, and I wasn’t about to make the same mistake again if I could help it, so all I could hope was that I hadn't left it too late by prevaricating too long.
Once we finally sat down together to thrash things out, I really had my work cut out to get her to face up to her feelings. I hated upsetting her with some harsh truths, but I figured it was the only way I was going to get through those thick defensive walls she’d thrown up around herself.
It wasn’t easy, but what kept me going was what my brother Seth had said, how it had to be the strength of Faith’s feelings that had gotten her so scared. Who knew he could be so fucking wise?