by G E Griffin
So the arrangement for attending my sister’s wedding kind of hung in the air between us.
“Well, I guess I just have to be patient, stand back and let you two work things out in your own good time. For what it’s worth though, Faith, I would love to have an English daughter-in-law,” Hannah winked.
Chapter 18 - Caleb
I was trying so hard to be patient with Faith, to give her space until she felt ready to take the next step with me, but I was finding it very frustrating, when I was so certain we were right for each other.
Since Faith had moved to San Francisco, our lives had meshed together so easily, but it still wasn’t enough for me. I loved seeing her every day, talking with her, laughing with her, making love with her…
But I wanted more. I had no doubts. I already knew what I wanted with Faith.
Marriage. Babies. The whole shebang.
As far as I was concerned, we were headed towards our Happy Ever After. No question, being with Faith had gotten me doing a complete about face on this whole true-love- for- the-rest-of-our-lives business, despite what Cassie had put me through, because there was no comparison between my feelings then and now.
But after everything Faith had been through, I had to give her as much time as she needed to come to terms with moving on after losing Drew. I was petrified of scaring her off if I moved too quickly, so I forced myself to hold back. I was asking so much from her, especially after she’d moved away from everything familiar to be with me, so I couldn’t rush things. I’d asked her for a six month trial, so that’s what I had to give her, without pressurising her for an earlier decision.
But as Faith’s return to England for her sister’s wedding loomed nearer, she still hadn't said a word about staying on, or anything about what her plans for the future were. So I became increasingly worried that she’d made up her mind she wouldn’t be coming back afterwards, but was putting off telling me.
My mood blackened as I contemplated what it would be like to let her go, which I'd promised I’d do if that was her decision. My life would be so empty and meaningless without Faith in it - I certainly couldn’t stomach the idea of going back to my previous shallow lifestyle, so where would that leave me? Lost, with only a lonely future to look forward to, that’s where it left me.
Things came to a head on a Sunday when we were out at my folks place for one of my mom’s family gatherings. It didn't help that my parents thought the world of Faith, and kept probing to find out what was happening between us, when I didn't have any real answers to give them.
“But her sister’s wedding is next month, Caleb! She’ll be going back to England, and maybe she won’t be coming back, if you don't get something sorted out, pronto, between you. So for heaven’s sake, just speak to the girl!”
Mom had pulled me to one side while Faith was happily occupied chatting with my dad. I think he saw himself as a kind of stand in father as her own dad was so far away. He’d really taken her under his wing, insisting on checking out her apartment to make sure it was up to standard, getting Seth to service her car to make sure it was dependable, that kind of thing.
There just seemed to be something about Faith that called to my family. Maybe it was her unconscious air of vulnerability, maybe it was because she didn't seem so aggressively female in the ultra glamorous way Cassie had been, but just as I’d thought from the outset, they’d soon worked out for themselves that Faith was a what-you-see -is -what -you -get kind of girl. Natural, sweet and very easy to like.
She and Seth got on like a house on fire right from the get-go, bantering and ribbing each other about the differences her being English brought up, something he suddenly developed more of an interest in after he’d met her friend Harriet when she’d stayed with Faith a couple of times on stopovers. Yep, there’s been definite sparks of interest between those two, so now it was a case of watching them to see if anything more would come of it. Well, nothing was likely to develop if Faith decided things weren’t working out between us and she headed on back to London.
Bottom line was, everyone had taken to Faith in a way they never had with Cassie, even though you’d think she’d have been a better fit being an all-American girl.
“It’s not that simple, Mom,” I sighed. “What happens next has to be up to Faith, what she feels comfortable with. It wouldn’t be fair to put any kind of pressure on her.”
“Caleb, I thought you and Faith were all about being open and upfront with each other, so why on earth are you so reluctant to broach such an important subject?” Mom continued.
“Look, I pretty much forced her hand to get her to come to the States in the first place, but now it has to be her decision whether she wants to stay or not. So I have to wait for her to let me know what she wants to do.”
As I watched Faith laughing with my dad, my heart literally ached with love for her. All my previous bitterness about love had dissipated, and now I was actually glad my marriage had broken down, otherwise I’d never have gotten together with Faith. She made me feel complete, whole, she balanced out my life.
“Yes, but have you actually let her know how you feel, what you want, to help her come to a decision? Does she know what you think?” Mom badgered me.
“Of course she knows, seeing as I was the one who went all the way over to London to persuade her to come over here,” I pointed out.
“Yes, but that was months ago. Maybe she needs to hear from you that you do actually want her to stay, that you haven’t gotten cold feet or changed your mind.”
“Look, Mom, I know you’ve gotten really close to Faith, so you think that makes you qualified to pass judgement, but you should really butt out here,” I snapped. “Please, just let it drop.”
Then I headed out to the back yard before I said something I'd really regret. I knew I was being shitty and irritable with everyone, but I couldn’t help myself. I was frustrated that what I wanted was tantalizingly almost within reach, but I could blow everything if I reached out to grab on to it.
“Hey, are you okay?” I felt Faith’s hand on my arm - it seemed she’d followed me out.
“No, not really,” I stated, as I turned to look at her.
“Why, what's wrong?” she frowned, as she rubbed my arm soothingly, obviously sensing how unsettled I was.
I closed my eyes and sighed. It was no good, I had to say something, even if she reacted badly, because I was done with being patient, and I just couldn’t stand the uncertainty any longer.
“You do realize the six months I asked you for is nearly up.”
I opened my eyes and looked directly into her lovely soft blue ones. “And that soon you’ll be heading back to England.”
“Yes, I’m aware of that.” She met my gaze, but said no more.
“So?” I prompted.
“So?” she countered.
“So what are you going to do?”
“You know what I'm going to do. I’m going to be a bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding,” she hedged. The silence hung between us uncomfortably, but I forced myself not to say anything more. I’d raised the subject, but now it was up to Faith to steer things from here.
“So… have you… umm… have you decided if you’re going to come to the wedding with me?” she eventually asked hesitantly, as she dropped her gaze.
Finally. The elephant in the room was going to be talked about.
“That depends, Faith. It’s down to you, it’s your decision, your call. Do you want me to come to your sister’s wedding with you?” I asked.
“What kind of a question is that? Of course I do,” she retorted, her eyes flashing. “But only if you want to come. If you’d rather not, if it would be awkward…” she started to look away again, but I caught hold of her chin to hold her gaze.
“Awkward? Why the hell would it be awkward?” I tried to gauge where her reluctance to answer me properly was coming from. Why were we pussy-footing around the real issue here? Was she about to tell me that we were through, that it wasn’t w
orking out? Because that sure as hell wasn’t how I was reading things between us, but had I got it all wrong, the way I had with Cassie?
“It would be awkward if… if you didn't want me to come back with you after the wedding,” she finally said quietly, still trying to avoid my eye.
“Why on earth wouldn’t I want you to come back with me?” I found myself yelling. “Of course I want you to!”
“Really?” Faith asked doubtfully.
“Yes, really. How can you possibly doubt that?” I asked incredulously.
“It’s just that you haven’t said anything about wanting me to stay…” she murmured.
“But you must know how I feel, after I practically dragged you over from London to be here with me,” I stated, throwing my hands in the air in exasperation.
“Yes, but that was back then. This was a trial to see how things went, and things change, people change, feelings change. It’s not as if you’ve mentioned any plans for us…you know, about the things we discussed in London.”
“You mean about us getting married and having babies? Those plans?”
Faith nodded.
“You think I’ve changed my mind, because I haven’t said anything?”
She nodded again, as tears brimmed in her eyes.
“For crying out loud! I’ve just been trying to give you space, not rush things, while all the time you were thinking I was avoiding the subject?”
I stared at her as I realized what this meant. “Well, we are going to fix this misunderstanding right here, right now.”
I grabbed her hand, then got down on one knee in front of her.
“What on earth are you doing, Caleb?” Faith squealed.
“Listening to my heart rather than my head, which is what I should have done weeks ago.”
I glanced up to see that my family had gathered on the deck and were all watching the proceedings with great interest. Mom had her hands clapped over her mouth, while my brothers and Dad had great big soppy grins on their faces.
“Faith Amelia Jackson, you are truly a very special person, and since you came into my life, you have shown me the true meaning of love. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together, have a family together, grow old together. So, would you please do me the very great honour of consenting to be my wife?”
“Oh, Caleb,” Faith gasped. “I…I don't know what to say…”
“Just say yes. Let’s get married as soon as possible, not waste any more time. Say yes, please?”
“Okay…Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you,” Faith laughed, as I got up, kissed her and then picked her up and swung her round, while my parents clapped, Seth whooped and Lucas whistled.
“Sorry I haven’t got a ring to give you. I didn't really plan this out very well, did I?” I suddenly realized. “But there was no way I was leaving you under the misapprehension that I didn't want to marry you.”
“Oh, I'm not worried about a ring, but are you really sure this is want you want? You're not going to regret acting so impulsively?” Faith frowned.
“The only thing I regret is not proposing sooner, if that was all it needed to convince you not to go back to England for good. I’ve been worried for weeks that you didn't want to stay, that you were just looking for a way to let me down gently,” I admitted, as I hugged her closely.
“And I've been worried that you regretted ever mentioning anything about marriage and babies, and it was freaking you out,” she confessed, as she hugged me back.
“Nope, definitely not freaking out here. I want dozens of kids. With you. Well, two or three at least. So I guess we’d better get busy finding ourselves a family home to raise these kids of ours in. That is, if you’re okay with your babies having this Yank as their daddy?” I teased.
“Well, I suppose I’m coming round to the idea,” she shrugged with a cheeky grin.
So that was it. We were headed for our very own Happily Ever After.
Epilogue - Faith
“Why have you got a picture on the shelf of your mom with a strange man who’s not your dad?”
I held my breath as I waited to see what my six year old son Thomas would say as I secretly watched him and Ryan, his observant new buddy, from my hidden vantage point in the kitchen.
“That’s who my mom was married to before my dad. They lived in England. He died,” my six year old son casually informed his inquisitive new friend with a shrug. “Mom was all sad and everything, then she met my dad, and he made her happy again, so she moved here and they got married.”
And there you had it, my eldest son’s summation of my life pre kids.
But I loved that he was blasé and relaxed about explaining who the man in the picture was, that Drew remained part of our lives, included as part of our family’s history. I still thought about Drew every single day, and would never stop loving him, but just as a mother discovers that it is possible to love more than one child, Caleb had shown me that I was capable of loving another man as much as I’d loved Drew, once he’d managed to persuade me to let him into my life.
“That’s pretty neat I guess,” Ryan nodded his approval of the explanation.
“Yeah. I’m named after him. He was called Drew, short for Andrew, so that’s why I got called Thomas Andrew.
“Cool. That’s way better than what I got stuck with, just ‘cos my mom wanted to name me after my grandpa.”
“What’d you get called then?”
“Ryan Herbert. Herbert really sucks, doesn’t it?”
Raucous laughter ensued.
“Herbert! Yeah, that definitely sucks,” my son sniggered.
“Yeah, well I only told you ‘cos we’re friends, so don't tell anyone else,” Ryan pleaded.
“Nah, your secret is safe with me,” Thomas grinned back. “Won’t even tell my brother.”
“Where is James anyhow?”
“Dunno. Guess he’s around somewhere.”
James was never usually far from his older brother as they were pretty much inseparable. My boys were double trouble, two peas from the same pod. Only seventeen months between them, both dark haired and amber eyed like their father. Funny thing was, having been named after Drew, my eldest son showed all the early signs of becoming a mechanic, just like his namesake. He loved taking things apart to figure out how they worked, and hero worshipped his car mechanic Uncle Seth, whereas James was more interested in being outdoors whenever possible, so he loved nothing better than trailing after his Grandpa and Uncle Lucas on the farm.
When we’d decided to go in for a third baby, everyone assumed we’d follow the Mackenzie tradition and produce another dark haired, amber-eyed son, so we’d been blown away when a gorgeous blue-eyed blonde haired little girl had arrived instead. As the first Mackenzie female to arrive in several generations, naturally our daughter was the apple of everyone’s eye and was generally spoiled rotten. I had little doubt that she would be able to wrap her daddy round her little finger when she grew up, as Caleb was totally besotted with his daughter, and far more protective of her than he was of his sons - he and the boys loved playing rough and tumble, as they wrestled around on the floor together, but somehow I couldn’t imagine him ever acting that way with his precious daughter.
Caleb was still very ambitious, and still worked very hard to progress even further up the corporate ladder at American Western, but these days he was much more mindful of trying to keep a reasonable work/life balance.
As for me, I was now a full time mommy - I had to concede that to my American boys I was not a mummy. I did still manage to do some specialist tax consultancy work from home, advising British expatriates on how to negotiate their way around the American tax system, which gave me a small income of my own, as well as helping to keep my brain ticking over and prevent it from becoming total mush.
Much as having a family was everything and more than I'd ever dreamed it would be, there was no denying that it was totally exhausting, and I did worry sometimes that I couldn’t give my wonderful husband the attention
he deserved. But Caleb always insisted that he couldn’t be happier, that having a family was the most wonderful thing in the world as far as he was concerned, and that he wanted me to concentrate on raising our kids.
At least his parents happily had the kids over to sleep a couple of times a month, so that we could have some precious time to ourselves.
“Now off you both go, get busy keeping the romance alive,” Hannah would insist with a wink when we dropped the kids off with them.
And trust me, we made sure we took full advantage of these date nights.
But right now I had to stop furtively listening to my sons’ conversation, because eighteen month old Rebecca Hannah Margaret Mackenzie was demanding my full attention. I’d only taken my eyes off my daughter for a few seconds, but that was long enough for the little madam to have tipped her bowl of fruit puree upside down, and she was now chortling with delight as she busily spread the contents around with her pudgy little fingers. A large part of the puree had already ended up in her blonde hair, so it was a good thing her daddy would be home any minute to give her a bath, a job he relished and always did his level best to be home in time for.
And then right on cue…
“Dad!” Thomas yelled, hurtling through the house to greet his father as Caleb stepped through the door and dropped his brief case on the floor, while James appeared from nowhere to leap on him too. And never one to miss out, Rebecca joined in by banging her spoon on her high chair tray as she screamed out ‘Dada!”
My husband appeared in the kitchen doorway with one son hanging on his leg, and the other hanging upside down in his arms, while their friend Ryan trailed behind, giggling at the sight.