No Direction Home (Sweet Home Colorado)

by Jude Willhoff

  “No, this is something I have to do by myself.” She squeezed his hand and let him stand to the side with Seth. She was the last one standing at the graveside. They stood a short distance away, waiting for her. Tossing a red rose into the loose dirt she said, “Dad, things weren’t always good between us, but I always loved you.” She sniffled. “Your last request was that we make things right with Seth. I swear it will be done.” In a daze, she turned and walked down the hill to her waiting family.

  Seth cringed at his mother's words. If making things right with him was trying to force him back to Texas, it would never work. They had to realize he was a grown man with his own agenda.

  “Come on, honey, let me get you away from here,” her husband spoke in a gentle voice as he helped her into the limo. Seth watched his father hold his mom protectively in his arms as they drove away. It was obvious the pain was more than she could bear. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she cried against his father’s chest.

  “It’s okay, honey, go ahead, let it out.” His father comforted her, kissing the top of her head.

  Seth glanced at them from his side of the limo. During his self-exile, he had missed his parents. They really did love each other. Dad was what Mom needed. She had turned her face against his chest and cried softly in his arms. Grandpa had always been overbearing when it came to the family, but he had loved them and did things he thought were right. Grief gripped Seth’s heart. He thought he’d never forgive his grandfather for disowning him, but now things were different. Funny, now that he was gone, Seth was beginning to understand the old man.

  Aunt Mary had left early to go to the Triple T Ranch and get things ready for the people who would be stopping by. At least he had kept in touch with her, but Jamie had a right to know her other relatives as well. Soon, he would bring Jamie to see her grandparents. Could they put the past behind them and start over? Would it be possible? Since his arrival, he had felt nothing but love coming from his parents. It was time to bury the past with his grandpa. Time to heal old wounds and get on with the future.

  A short time later at the reception, one of his grandfather’s old cronies walked up to Seth and pumped his hand in a death grip. “Why, boy, it’s been forever since I’ve seen you. How are you doing?” The older Texans attending the funeral had gripped his hand like a vise with each new face. Must be something in the water that made them so strong.

  “Hello, Mr. Simms.” Seth grinned at the old man. He remembered him as one of his grandpa’s best fishing buddies.

  “You know your grandpa talked about you all the time.” He looked Seth in the eye. “He really missed you, but was too proud to let you know.”

  Seth swallowed hard. “I missed him, too.”

  “Well, all that’s water under the bridge.” He sighed. “I like to think he’s in a better place now.” He set his drink on the fireplace mantle and pulled an envelope from his gray jacket pocket. “This is for you.”

  “What is it?” Seth asked and took the envelope.

  “It’s your grandfather’s way of trying to make up for the past. He loved you, but was too stubborn for his own good. I think it’s a generation thing. We hard-headed old coots are dinosaurs from a different era. Sometimes we make mistakes.” He glanced down at the floor like he was feeling guilty. “People get hurt and I’m sorry about that.”

  “I’ll look at it later.” Seth put it in his jacket pocket, not wanting to read it in front of everyone. His insides were too raw to digest it now.

  “Fine. I know he would've wanted you to read it by yourself.” He pulled out a handkerchief and blew his long nose. “Before he was confined to the hospital, he had those papers drawn up and asked me to personally make sure you received them. It was the least I could do for an old friend. God bless the old coot.”

  “Thanks for honoring his wishes. He always spoke highly of you.” Seth stared out the window as memories of fishing with Mr. Simms and Grandpa floated through his mind. They had lots of good times together.

  “He was a good man, a true power in his day. Houston will miss him.” Mr. Simms held his glass of bourbon and branch in the air. “Here’s to your grandpa.” Seth touched his glass. “A finer man never lived.”

  Mixed thoughts raced through Seth’s brain. He had loved and hated his grandpa at the same time, but now things were different. He wished he could go back and hold out an olive branch—change the past. Now it was too late. Why hadn’t he realized what was going on? They had really screwed up.

  Later, the house was finally quiet. All the people who had come to pay their last respects had done so and left. His parents had already gone up to bed. Seth sat on the side of the sofa, holding the unopened envelope in his hands. Now was the time. Different images of his grandfather tumbled in his mind like a roller coaster going downhill.

  He could forgive his grandpa for the pain, but he had to be responsible for what he had done to himself. He had to face facts. Grandpa had been right about Lilly. Seth had made mistakes, too. He couldn’t blame his grandfather for everything.

  With shaking hands, he loosened the flap and pulled out the legal documents. The cover letter was in his grandfather’s own handwriting, strong and bold, like he had lived his life. Tears dampened his eyes as he read the letter.

  Dear Seth,

  It’s a new millennium, a time to move forward. There are many things I’d like to say to you, but it’s hard to begin. First of all, I want you to know I’ve always loved you and your daughter. I’m sorry for the way things turned out between us. I wasted so much time because of pride. I was an old fool.

  You brought a lot of joy into my life. I should’ve helped you when you asked. That is my cross to bear and I’ve had to live with it all these years. I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

  I want you to think about coming home. When you do, I can rest in peace. Your mom and dad need to be able to see their grandchild and Jamie needs to know her heritage. She comes from good people. This is her home and yours. Please come home. Your parents love you. Don’t punish them for my mistakes.

  I want you to have my investments, half of the business and my home on Old Stage Coach Road. Your grandmother and I loved that place. We were happy there. It’s a fine old place in which to raise a family. You deserve it and so much more.

  I took the plans you had made for the irrigation system and made a fortune with them. Now, it’s all yours and deservedly so. You and yours should be able to live a comfortable life without lifting a finger if you choose to do so.

  I love you. I wish things could’ve been different, but we’re Taylors and we do tend to be somewhat stubborn. It’s in our genes.

  My advice for you is to find a good woman and live a happy life. That is my fondest wish for you. When it’s all said and done, your family is the only thing that matters. The love of a good woman and your children will carry you through the tough times in life.

  I’ve lived a good life. It’s time for me to go to your grandmother and I have to admit I’m ready to meet my Maker. Always remember you are loved by your family and don’t let them down. I’m sorry for all the pain and suffering I caused you by not helping in your time of need. I love you.

  Always,

  Michael Taylor

  Seth laid the letter down and sobbed into his hands. Why had they wasted so much precious time? He should’ve come home and had it out with his grandpa instead of throwing his letters in the trash. His heart was breaking when he lay back on the bed. It was as much his fault as Grandpa’s for carrying on like a sulking child. He’d have to live with that for the rest of his life. Like his grandpa, he had been a fool.

  Two days later, Seth glared at his father. “I don’t want the business. Jamie and I have a good life back in Cedar Falls.” Sitting in the den, listening to his father, he took a deep breath, trying not to get angry. The den hadn’t changed much. It had the same cherry wood paneling with the floor to ceiling bookshelves filled with his mother’s favorite classics a
nd the overstuffed brown leather chairs facing his father’s desk. Here he was, a grown man, and after all this time, this room still had the power to make him feel like a child.

  “This is your home. Half the business belongs to you.” His father looked tired and somewhat older when he wrinkled his brow. “It’s the way your grandfather wanted it.”

  Seth leaned against the desk, gaining his father’s complete attention. “Listen to yourself. It’s the way Grandpa wanted it. Not me. I haven’t worked in the irrigation business for over eight years. I don’t want to go back to it. I love what I’m doing. Ranching is what I know. What I want to do with my life.”

  His father looked shocked. “You can’t tell me you’d walk away from the family business.”

  “That’s exactly what I’m telling you. I walked away a long time ago. I don’t want any part of it. It’s yours. You’re the one who’s made a success of it. Not me.” In frustration, he hit the desk with the palm of his hand. “For God’s sake, Dad, listen to me. You’ve brought it to where it is today. I don’t want any part of it. Grandpa should’ve left it to you.” He'd be dammed if he’d move to Houston and take over the family business. Besides, he had a good life in Colorado...and there was Grace.

  His father ran a hand through his thinning, brown hair. “You can’t mean it.” He swallowed hard, his voice pleading. “This is your legacy from your grandfather.”

  “My legacy is the memories of Grandpa before he became so overbearing. The fishing trips, the football games and the camping trips we used to take. I’ll gladly take those things as my legacy. Once and for all, please understand. I want no part of your business.”

  His father sighed and leaned back in his chair. “You’re a man in your own right, but do you realize what you’re giving away?”

  “Yes. Nothing I want or need. Money isn’t everything. And with the investments Grandpa made for me, why, those alone would be enough for me and Jamie to live comfortably for the rest of our lives without doing a thing. I don’t need or want the business, and rightfully it should be yours.”

  “What’s going on in here?” His mother came into the den with a look of apprehension in her eyes, glancing from Seth to her husband. “I could hear you down the hall.”

  “It’s okay. Dad and I were discussing Grandpa’s will.” Seth took her hand and led her to a chair. “I’ve thought a lot about it and I don’t want half of the business. It belongs to you and Dad.”

  “But Grandpa wanted you to be part of the company.” She held his hand, looking deeply into his eyes trying to bore into his soul.

  “It isn’t what I want. Jamie and I have a good life. We’re doing fine. We have friends and people who care for us in Colorado. It’s our home. Don’t ask me to take that away from her. I love you and Dad, but I won’t rip my child away from the only home she's ever known.”

  His mother sat down on the overstuffed brown leather chair near Seth, still holding his hand. “If that’s the way you truly feel, we wouldn’t dream of asking you to disrupt her little world.” Her voice trembled as she squeezed his hand. “We made a mistake once before and lost you. I won’t let it happen again.”

  “Don’t worry. I plan on bringing Jamie to see you soon as I have things settled back at the ranch.” He smiled into her watery eyes. “Our family has been apart too long. We might stay here over the summers. She needs to know her grandparents.”

  Her face lit up like a ray of sunshine. “Really? You’re going to bring her to see us?”

  He glanced at his father, willing him to understand. “Yes, I promise.” Watching the twisting emotions of love bouncing between his parents, he believed he was finally at a place where they would let him be his own man. “Even if I’m not part of the business, we can still be a family.”

  His father sighed. “You’re right. That’s where the old man made a mistake, and I’ll be damned if I repeat it. I lost my son once and I won’t risk it again.” His father's eyes gleamed with excitement. “If you’re sure of this, then we’ll buy you out.” He sighed. “As Mom said, we only want to be a part of your life. We’d love to have you here full-time, but if it can’t be, then we’ll take what we can get.”

  Seth's heart leapt in his chest. They cared about his feelings and what he wanted out of life. “It’ll work out best for us this way.” Seth rubbed the back of his neck, easing his tense muscles. This time things will be different. I’ll make sure of it.

  “But are you still going to work on that ranch?” his father asked. “You can afford to buy your own spread now.”

  “Eventually, I’d like to have my own, but I’ll stay on at the Cactus Rose until Nana can replace me. It’s the least I can do for the lady who took me and Jamie into her home. She’s treated us like family.”

  His mother spoke up. “She sounds like a lovely person. I’d like to meet her sometime.”

  “I can arrange it. And after I get my own place, I’d like for you and Dad to come visit for a spell. I'd like to show you around. It’s a beautiful place. It has lots of tall aspen trees, sun-filled valleys and mountain streams.” A smile spread across his mother’s face. “You’d love it there in the springtime, with the blue Columbine and orange Paintbrush blooming in the high mountain meadows.”

  “Oh, you can count on it. Soon as you're settled, we’ll come for a visit.” Her eyes sparkled with true happiness.

  When they came to visit he’d have his own home, his whole family together—and with any luck, Grace would be part of it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Hospital smells assaulted Grace’s nose reminding her of many painful stays in them. She walked down the pale green corridor searching for Joey’s room and Nana. Joey had his surgery that morning and the doctors had told Nana he could have visitors this evening.

  The long interview process had been waived because of Nana’s past experience with foster children and the extreme need for Joey to be placed in a home. She and Nana would tell the boy together he’d be coming home to live with them. Grace gripped the present she was carrying close to her chest. She hoped he liked books. Nana stood outside the young man’s room.

  “Oh, I’m so glad you’re here,” Nana whispered to Grace. “He’s having a tough time. He had a reaction to the anesthesia and can’t keep anything down.”

  Grace could see pools of worry reflected in her eyes. She put her arm around her grandmother’s shoulder, wanting to offer comfort. “Can they give him something to take away the nausea? If you like, I can wait to meet him at another time.”

  “I already told him you were coming.” Nana pushed her glasses up on her nose and sighed. “They gave him a shot of something that’s supposed to help.”

  “I don’t mind waiting. Why don’t we go grab a coffee while he’s resting?”

  “Okay, let’s do that. The nurse said it would make him sleep. The poor boy needs his rest.”

  Grace stepped onto the elevator in silence, wrapped in thoughts about the child in the hospital bed and how they could help him.

  Sipping a diet Pepsi, she glanced around the hospital cafeteria. “This is a busy place.” A steady stream of doctors, nurses, and patients’ family members stood at the cafeteria style counter, loading up the gray metal trays with drinks and food. The noise of people talking mingled with the clatter of the trays and silverware.

  “Yes,” Nana replied. “We like to pride ourselves on our fine cafeteria being open twenty-four hours a day.” She smiled. “This is the only hospital for miles and we have an excellent trauma center. It’s the best this side of Denver.”

  She smiled. “I guess Cedar Falls has everything a person could need.”

  “Yes, we like to think so.” Nana shifted in her chair. “I talked with Seth, again last night. He should be home in the next few days. He’s willing to help us with Joey.”

  Grace’s ears perked up at the mention of Seth’s name. He had been gone two long weeks and he had been on her mind a great deal lately. As casually as she could manage, she a
sked. “Did he get everything taken care of in Texas?” She raised her eyes to find Nana watching her.

  “Yes, he said he can’t wait to get back to Jamie and the mountains.” She studied Grace. “He asked about you. I think he misses you, too.” A gleam of hope glistened in her eyes.

  “Why would he miss me?” Grace rubbed the moisture on the side of her glass with her finger tip. Biting her lip, she looked away. “He barely knows me.”

  “I may be old, but I’m not blind. I saw the way the two of you were looking at each other when you came home the other night.” She grinned. “There’s something special there.”

  “You’re imagining things.” Awkwardly, she cleared her throat. “We’re just friends.” Maybe more if she had the courage to pursue it. In work, writing her book, she found a mindless solitude that helped camouflage the deep despair of loneliness but when she wasn’t working thoughts of Seth invaded her every waking moment. She was mixed up. She kept telling herself she didn’t need anyone, but being alone with him in his arms had made her feel safe and cared for.

  “Maybe, maybe not.” Nana brought her hand up to cover her smile. “I like Seth. I’d like to see you two get together.”

  Grace nearly choked on her drink. She’d been thinking nearly the same thing, but she didn’t want Nana or anyone else to know how vulnerable she was when it came to Seth. What if she was fooling herself that she had imagined he had feelings for her? He could very well be using her, conning her instead of Nana. Nana patted her on the back. “Seth would be good for you. He’s a good man.”

  Grace tried to regain her composure. “There’s nothing between Seth and me. We’re becoming friends and that’s it.” She sighed. “And weren’t you listening to me the night I got home? I told you that I don’t need anyone.” She didn’t mean to be rude, but Nana should drop the subject.

  “I know you don’t think you do, but honey, everybody needs somebody.” Uncomfortable with the fact that Nana had spoke the truth, she only half listened as she struggled with her conscience.