by Nicola May
‘Oh, Jess, I feel bad now, I don’t want to be unfair to you. What I said to you when we split up still stands. I still want my freedom. Mates eh?’
‘Dan, mates don’t make love for two hours like we did last night, that was special and you bloody know that too.’
She was shouting now.
‘Shh, Jess, don’t wake Evie.’
‘Fuck Evie and fuck you!’
Jess had totally lost it. Snot was now running down her face but she didn’t care. She had to get her true feelings out in the open. ‘How could you do this to me? You’ve been mailing me, rang me twice on holiday. You were the one who left me to get on with my life remember?’ She wiped her nose with the back of her hand. Last night’s mascara was now a black river down her cheeks. ‘What was I supposed to think? I really thought you’d realised you’d made a mistake. Stop denying your own feelings, Dan Harris. Stop making me feel like this!’
Dan was speechless. Jess didn’t recognise her own broken voice. ‘I am such a strong person but look at the state of me, just look at me!’ She pushed her face right into his and hissed. ‘You reduce me to this weak, pathetic, wreck.’
Evie started crying.
‘Daddy, Daddy!’ Jess mimicked.
‘Stop that this minute, Jess, how dare you!’
‘Oh, Dan. I will stop this, don’t you worry. Go back to your pathetic life, living on your smelly boat, with your poor insecure little daughter and lesbian ex-girlfriend – I don’t want to be part of it anymore.’
She grabbed her bag and ran down the wooden path, flanked by boats, towards her car. And as she vowed never to see Daniel Harris again, she felt the other half of her heart fall to the bottom of her stomach.
Chapter Twenty
Jess was just belting out the chorus of ‘Last Christmas’ in her car when her mobile rang.
‘Hey, Jess, it’s Sam.’
‘Oh, hiya, Sam,’ she replied breezily. She was conscious that since that final day on the boat with Dan, she had not gone into Lemon Events once. She had cleverly avoided it by arranging conference calls or dealing with any issues on email.
‘Just wondered how you are doing really?’ Sam enquired. ‘Long time no see and all that. Was surprised you didn’t make our Christmas party last night, not like you?’
‘Sam, I’m so sorry I did get the invite but have been so tied up with AG’s Christmas event that I forgot all about it.’ This was a total lie. She still couldn’t face the thought of bumping into Dan.
‘Anyway’ how about lunch instead? I’m around this Friday, say one at the George & Dragon.’
‘Sam, that would be lovely, thanks. See you there,’ Jess replied openly. After the second half of her heart was broken by Dan, it had taken Jess a long time to get over him. She still thought about him daily but then pushed all thoughts to the back of her mind and put on a brave face. She had to face it – he wasn’t coming back, and if he did he really was wrong for her anyway. They had accepted they were in different places. She wondered what he was doing now and if he was seeing someone else. The thought of that still made her want to cry. She also missed Evie greatly. She almost sent a present on her third birthday and then thought against it. They all had to move on.
Urged on by her friends and family Jessica had joined a Writers Bureau home workshop, and she was actually beginning to enjoy writing articles and getting feedback on them. She also had bravely signed up to an internet dating site but it was a complete waste of money; she was so choosy to avoid getting hurt again that either none of them matched up to Dan or there was something wrong with them. Jessy had nearly worn out her delete key getting rid of unsuitable suitors. She was sure that there would be no one in the world who she would love as much as Dan anyway. So she decided that she would leave it to fate or forever be the spinster of the parish. Hope had laughed, saying that now she was doing this writing course she should dress head to toe in pink and get a fluffy white dog like Barbara Cartland. ‘I’d rather be like Joan Collins, thanks,’ Jess had replied. ‘She seems to have much more fun, plus she nabbed a toy boy who stayed with her.’
Chapter Twenty-one
Jess arrived early at the George & Dragon. Despite the bad memory of her parting from Dan there, she still loved the welcoming feel of the beamed old pub on the water. She parked facing the river and watched the swans swimming gracefully by. Just as she was worrying about how cold they must be in the icy water, she heard a tap on her window. Sam was smiling in.
‘I love swans! Bless them in that cold water,’ she announced through the crack in her car window.
Sam laughed. He’d always loved Jess’s sense of humour. She got out of the car and he kissed her on both cheeks. ‘Hello, stranger. Kissed any unsuspecting 007s recently?’
‘Oh God, I’m never going to live that down, am I?’ She laughed, blushing.
‘Nope.’ Sam replied. ‘Not often a man gets accosted by Wonder Woman on a dark night.’
Sam went to the bar to buy drinks. She looked him up and down. He really was a very handsome man. He obviously looked after himself, she thought, noticing how pert his bum was. His smart hair cut complimented his designer clothes. She loved the fact that he also was a complete gentleman. Sam put their drinks on the table and sat down.
‘Guessing you’re really busy at the moment then, as we haven’t seen you at the barn?’
‘God yeah it’s been frantic, but the money will come in handy. Have been saving to go and see my brother in Australia in January,’ Jess replied.
‘Wow that’s fantastic, Jess.’
‘Yeah, I can’t wait, three whole weeks. I’m meeting him in Brisbane and he’s going to show me some of the East Coast.’ Jess took a sip of her wine. ‘How about Lemon – you busy at the moment?’
‘Well it’s quietened down a bit for Christmas, but got a big gig coming up for a telecoms company in April that I’m sure we’ll need your help on.’
‘That’s good news, I’ll get in touch when I’m back from Oz and you can brief me on it then.’ They tucked into their lunch.
‘So, have you sorted your man troubles then?’ Sam asked out of the blue.
Jess nearly choked on her pasta. Never would she tell anyone about her and Dan, their pact would still remain even now it was over. ‘Yes, I have thanks. Picked the wrong one as usual. It was just all a bit raw around my birthday and in the wise words of my father: when the demon drink is in, the wit is out.’
‘In your case, it was nearly the whip’s out!’ He still regretted not staying with Jess that night and was actually amazed that he had resisted. Jess laughed out loud. As she did, she looked closely at Sam’s mouth and crinkly eyes. His lips were full and soft. She actually didn’t think she’d mind kissing them again. Sam insisted they both have puddings and coffee. By the time they left got out to the car park, Jess could hardly walk for food.
‘Thanks so much Sam, I feel like a stuffed turkey.’
‘Pleasure, my dear,’ he replied. ‘Um, Jess, I was wondering if you maybe would like to go out for dinner one night before Christmas?’
‘Sam Beresford, I do believe you are inviting me on a date?’ It was Sam’s turn to blush. ‘No just dinner, Jessica Morley.’
‘I’d love to Sam but I’m only free this time next week though, loads of events on.’
‘Next Friday it is then, be ready for seven.’ Sam intercepted immediately. ‘I’ll send a car to pick you up from home.’
Chapter Twenty-two
‘He’s sending a car!’ Jess exclaimed to Emma over a curry on Sunday evening.
‘Well that’s more like it isn’t it? Certainly beats being spun around in a shaky old GTI.’
Jess made a face and ripped off a piece of naan bread.
Emma continued. ‘I’m sorry to be brutal, Jess, but we now need to find you a suitable man. And from what I’ve seen, you’re now saying Sam Beresford ticks all the right boxes.’
‘I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same electricity as I had with Dan
.’
‘Yes, but what you will feel is his generosity and kindness. You also said that you actually quite fancied kissing him again.’
‘Yeah – he is sexy.’
‘So, give it a chance – go for dinner, be casual, and just see what happens. It’s great you’re going on a date. I’m really pleased, Jess. It’s about time.’
‘I still miss, Dan, you know.’
‘No you don’t, Jess, you just miss the idea of being with somebody. Once somebody else sweeps you off your feet, it won’t be just Hope saying Dan who? It will be you as well.’ Emma refilled her plate with chicken dhansak. ‘At least he’ll know and hopefully like the same music as you. Adam Freefield, or whatever his name is, will soon be a distant memory. Will Young, Robbie, and U2 can be embraced back with open arms.’ Emma was on a roll now. ‘No screaming two-year-old waking you up at 6 a.m., no having to pay for weekends away. He’ll probably even know what a threepenny bit looks like.’
‘OK, Em, I’ve got the picture.
Chapter Twenty-three
A silver Mercedes pulled up outside. It had been a long time since she’d been out and it had felt good getting ready. She straightened down her black halter-neck dress, re-applied some lip-gloss, pulled on her long black velvet coat, swished a pink pashmina round her and shut the door behind her.
‘So where are you taking me then?’ Jess cheekily asked the Mercedes driver. ‘Bray, madam.’
‘Champagne?’ Sam enquired as she walked through the door of The Fat Duck.
‘Lovely.’ She replied smiling. ‘Thanks so much for sending the car by the way, I felt like royalty.’
‘Well I have to keep my best clients sweet. You know that. I just live round the corner from here anyway, so it made life easier than coming to pick you up.’
Jess had always wanted to eat at The Fat Duck, she’d heard so much about Heston Blumenthal’s remarkable menus. She had tried on numerous occasions to get a table for people requesting a restaurant with a difference, but had never once managed to get a reservation. Sam must be in the know to get a table so close to Christmas, she thought.
‘How exciting!’ Jess exclaimed as they sat down at their table. ‘I’ve always wanted to come here.’
‘Good, good, it’s difficult to know where to take a lady who’s been to most restaurants and hotels with her job.’ Sam took a swig of his champagne. ‘You look stunning by the way, Jess.’
He seemed nervous, Jess thought. It was strange to see Sam like this. He was always the confident managing director to her. She hadn’t actually thought of him as Sam Beresford, the person, with a life outside events. After they had finished their champagne and were well through a bottle of French red, Sam seemed to relax.
‘I’ve been wanting to take you out since your birthday night actually.’
‘I can’t believe it’s taken you nine months to get round to it.’ Jess laughed.
‘Well you always seemed to be busy when I asked you what you were up to and I didn’t want to pry, especially after you told me you had man troubles.’
‘Well it was certainly worth waiting for, Sam, the food here is amazing, oh and the company’s not so bad I guess.’ Sam laughed. ‘So tell me about Sam Beresford then,’ Jess urged.
‘Well I’m a managing director of an event company,’ Sam replied. Jess usually considerate, now fuelled by alcohol, wouldn’t let him get away with just this.
‘Sam! I meant tell me about your personal life, I want all the gore, previous girlfriends, wives, mistresses.’
‘Jessica Morley, you’re a nosey one aren’t you? I shall give you one bit of information and that’s it. Yes I have been married, just the once, at twenty-one, we were far too young.’ In this context, twenty-one did seem really young to Jess. She suddenly thought about Dan. He was coming up to twenty-five, and it made her realise then, just how young he really was. The man opposite her was twenty years older than him. In fact they could both be his parents.
Sam started to tell his tale. ‘We split up amicably after ten years. There was no one else involved. The love just seemed to fade. It was really sad to part, but we didn’t want to live a lie. I never regretted a single day of my marriage. Grace is a good woman and our daughter has taken on her spirit and love for life.’
‘Daughter!’ Jess exclaimed. ‘You’re a dark horse, I had no idea.’
‘Yes, she’s twenty now, all grown up. She’s a club promoter in London.’
They tucked into their smoked bacon and egg ice-cream.
‘God that’s delicious! You just wouldn’t expect it to be would you?’ Jess exclaimed.
‘Life would be dull if everything you expected happened wouldn’t it, don’t you think?’ Sam uttered.
‘You are so right, Sam Beresford. I can’t think of anything worse than knowing what would happen in the future.’
‘So where does Jessica Morley see her future lying then?’
‘Oh Sam, do you know what?– I really don’t know. I always thought that by forty, I’d be settled with kids, doing the school run, making their costumes for the Christmas plays and running in the parents’ race at sports days. I wouldn’t have to work and would be content with a loving husband, a medium size house, and maybe a cat.’ Sam listened intently as Jess continued. ‘And look at me, yes I’m a successful businesswoman, got good friends and family, a cool house, smart car, but there is something missing in my life. I miss being in a partnership and I do want a family.’ Jess took a sip of dessert wine. She couldn’t believe she was opening up to Sam in this way, but somehow it was refreshing being so honest. Once she started she couldn’t stop. ‘I’m doing this writing course now, I’m quite into it actually, and that is fulfilling me to some level – but it isn’t enough. I sometimes do ponder on my purpose if I don’t have a family of my own.’
Sam nodded. ‘I guess I’m lucky there because I have Charlotte. We’ve done our best to give her as stable an upbringing as possible despite her living in two homes. But she’s flown the nest now. I guess I feel like you. I want a partner, but then part of me is so set in my ways now that I don’t think I could bear to share my house with anyone.’ Sam was also shocked out how candid he was being. ‘You are a very special lady, Jess, and good things happen to good people. Everything will work out for you I’m sure.’
They drank their coffee and Sam settled the bill. He helped her with her coat and walked her out to the waiting Mercedes. It had started to snow. Jess screeched. ‘Oh look, Sam! I hope it covers tonight. I just love the crunchy sound and feeling as you take that first step into fresh snow.’ Sam smiled at her child-like exuberance.
‘Well ciao, bella, thanks for a lovely evening, I’ll guess I’ll see you when you’re back from Oz now?’ He kissed her on both cheeks. Jess noticed how gorgeous he smelt. ‘Thank you so much, it’s been a real treat to be brought here.’
‘Oh one more thing, Jess, I nearly forgot. Happy Christmas.’ Sam handed her a neatly wrapped present.
‘Oh, Sam, thank you. Thank you so much. You really shouldn’t have though. Dinner was enough.’ She could sense his embarrassment.
‘Right, I’m off. You take care. Have a fantastic break, Jess.’ She waved and smiled from the car window. When Sam was out of sight, she sunk back into the comfortable leather seat of the Mercedes. She really had enjoyed the evening. There had been no heart palpitations. In fact she didn’t think that Sam wanted any more than friendship anyway. He had said before it was just dinner and not a date. Sam was good company. It had been a good starter for ten, on her new journey without Daniel Harris. She opened her present, the outer wrapper revealed a small box, beautifully wrapped in red tissue paper. She opened it carefully. Inside was a beautiful crystal brooch in the shape of a swan. Jess said, ‘Bless him.’ It really was such a lovely present. He had obviously picked up on her swan comment in the George & Dragon car park. Thoughtful went straight to the top of the Sam Beresford tick list.
Chapter Twenty-four
Having waved J
ess off, Sam then reached for his mobile. ‘Hey, Gina, how’s my favourite secretary on this snowy evening?’
Gina giggled at the other end of the phone. ‘Fine thanks, Boss. What you up to?’
‘Oh just finished off at the office actually, and was just wondering if you needed keeping warm on this cold and snowy night?’
‘Ooh, Mr Beresford, that’s an offer a girl can’t refuse.’
‘Are you ready for me now?’ Sam leered.
‘Always ready for you, lover. I shall slip into something a little more comfortable.’
Chapter Twenty-five
Jess’s head lolling forward from her airline seat woke her up with a start. She wiped the dribble from the side of her mouth and was more than relieved when the captain announced that they were about to begin their descent into Brisbane airport. She found long flights in economy dire. Her boredom threshold was very low and once she’d watched four films, had eaten every morsel of unappetising food off the tray, and ordered the entire magazine of duty free in her mind, that was it, she wanted to get off, usually when there were at least five hours still to go.
‘Big sis!’ Karl shouted loudly through the chattering throng in arrivals. Jess smiled broadly at her tanned, handsome brother as she negotiated her trolley through the crowd. ‘How was your flight?’
‘Long!’ Jess exclaimed. She noticed a pretty blonde girl at this side.
‘Jess, Shelley, Shelley, Jess,’ Karl introduced. ‘We’ve arranged a little itinerary for you, hope you don’t mind.’ Shelley piped up.
‘Three weeks isn’t long and we don’t want you to miss anything,’ Karl intercepted.
‘Fine by me,’ Jess replied. ‘I’m so bloody tired though I could sleep for a week.’
‘Well I’m afraid, dear sis, you have to stay awake all day today. That’s the rules. Your sleeping pattern will be right as rain from tomorrow if you do that.’
She was thankful that day one of the itinerary involved checking into a hotel in the centre of Brisbane and relaxing by the pool. The next few sunny days were a whirlwind. Karl and Shelley were the perfect hosts. Jess experienced the delights of Hastings Street in Noosa, with its tempting boutiques, restaurants and funky pavement bistros. She was delighted to see her brother so happy and relaxed. At twenty-seven, Shelley was ten years Karl’s junior. They were completely compatible in every sense and it made Jess wonder why even now in the twenty-first century, it was still deemed more acceptable for a man to date a younger woman rather than vice versa.