Better Together

by Nicola May

  After spending a day in Noosa, they then travelled back down South along the Pacific Highway to the Gold Coast for a few days and then spent an amazing day at Byron Bay. Jess was enthralled as they watched dolphins playing in the surf from their lighthouse viewpoint and laughed heartily as they ate carrot cake in The Twisted Sister Café.

  She was having a marvellous time, but every time they visited a new place all she could think about was Dan. She wished he was there, to share all these new experiences with her. She was annoyed at herself that she couldn’t get him out of her head and kept trying to tell herself that it wouldn’t have worked. However, she had a constant niggling in the back of her mind that the love between them was so strong that it was just meant to be. She loved him and that was that.

  After two weeks Karl and Shelley had to go back to work, so Jess had bravely decided to go off for a couple of days on her own.

  The natural beauty of Fraser Island took Jess’s breath away as she walked through the impressive rain forest. She craned her neck to try and see the tops of the trees and thought how lucky all the noisy wildlife around her was, to be living in such a beautiful environment. She had never ever seen such a long expanse of bright white sand and clear blue water before. Her tour guide was fun and informed and, as she got back in the red 4x4 with her Dutch and American travel companions, she felt happier and more relaxed than she had done in a long time.

  There was to be a party on the beach tonight, all the other groups who were staying in the same hostel were invited. Jess slung on a pair of khaki shorts and a white vest and closed the door of her dorm. Her room mates, all in their twenties, had decided not to bother showering after the day’s adventures and headed straight to the bar. She followed the red glow of the campfire, and as she turned a corner could hear a Counting Crows track drifting across the sand dunes.

  ‘Hey Jess.’

  She strained to see who was greeting her and was pleased to see it was Jurgen, one of the Dutch guys from her group. ‘Come and join us.’ Jurgen was around six-feet-three. The fringe of his blonde hair flopped over one eye and he had a funny habit of flicking it back with his index finger. He had been making Jess laugh all day by mimicking the Americans. Jess had glanced at him on the tour earlier. She loved the way the hairs on his brown muscular legs had turned completely blond in the sun. She’d also for some reason been drawn to his crotch. What was it with her attraction for these younger men?

  The music was cranked up and the beer and wine were flowing. Jurgen passed her a joint. She took a big toke and then wandered to a quiet sand dune so that she could just lie and look at the stars. She was in mid-thought about how wonderful it would be if Dan appeared over the hill, when somebody flopped down next to her.

  ‘Mind if I join you?’ It was Jurgen.

  ‘Sure,’ Jess said dreamily, she was enjoying feeling so floaty and relaxed.

  ‘Having fun?’ he continued.

  ‘Yeah, I’ve had an amazing day.’

  He lay down next to her. ‘I love the stars.’ he announced suddenly. His English was perfect. ‘It makes me realise that we are such a small part of this huge universe.’

  Jess prayed that he wouldn’t start going on about Stephen Hawking or Einstein. She had to admit this was one thing about Dan she didn’t miss, his relativity fetish. They lay there in silence enjoying the night sky above.

  ‘Focus on a star, Jess, pick the brightest one,’ Jurgen suddenly announced.

  Jess looked hard at the sky. ‘I’ve got one.’

  ‘Now concentrate hard and make a wish,’ Jurgen continued. ‘Next time there is a full moon your wish will come true.’

  Jess laughed and wished with all her might that Dan would come back to her one day. ‘You should be Italian not Dutch coming out with romantic notions like that, young man.’

  Jurgen sat up on one arm and looked intently at her in the moonlight. The waves were crashing on the shore in the distance. ‘Jess, do you mind if I kiss you?’

  Jess, slightly stoned and drunk, giggled. Without waiting for a reply, he leant down and kissed her tenderly. His lips were soft and warm, and she enjoyed the thrill of his tongue gently exploring her mouth. He gently lifted her vest and began exploring her breasts. Jess squirmed at the pleasure of this physical contact, after not having any for so long. She could feel his excitement beneath his shorts. He gently undid her zip and slid his fingers inside her. They writhed around on the sand exploring each other’s bodies.

  ‘I want to fuck you.’ Jurgen suddenly said bluntly. He rolled on top of her and tried to push himself into her.

  ‘No, stop!’ Jess shouted, pushing him off and jumping up.

  Jurgen raised himself up on his elbow, shocked at Jess’s outburst. ‘Jess what, what is it?’

  ‘I can’t do this.’ She started to cry.

  ‘It’s OK. Don’t cry. I’m sorry. I just got caught up in the moment. I thought you wanted to as well.’

  ‘No, Jurgen, I’m the one who should be sorry. You’re great, it’s just I’m really raw from a recent break up that’s all.’ She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and whispered. ‘I still love him.’ She felt foolish that she had got herself in this position and was pleased that Jurgen had acted like a gentleman, or heaven knows what would have happened.

  He put his arm on hers gently. ‘Jessy, you can’t stop a river flowing to the sea. If it’s meant to be, he’ll come back to you.’

  ‘Thank you, Jurgen, that is so sweet of you.’

  He got up off of the sand, kissed her cheek softly, and slowly walked back to the group.

  Jess lay on her hard dormitory bed sobbing. How could she have so little self-respect and so readily give herself to another man, especially when she was so in love with Dan. She knew that it was madness, but she felt like she was betraying him. She didn’t want to sleep with anyone else in case it dulled the memory of the wonderful lovemaking she had experienced with him on the boat on their last night.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  It was snowing heavily when she landed at Heathrow. She pushed her trolley sleepily through the green channel and wished she’d pre-booked a taxi. Half asleep she suddenly noticed amongst the drivers rallying for position, a board with her name on it and approached the driver. ‘Jessica Morley, that’s me. Strange, I didn’t arrange a taxi.’

  ‘Lemon Events arranged the booking, madam.’

  Dan instantly came into her mind but he didn’t even know that she’d been going away, then she realised it must have been Sam. She hadn’t actually thought of Sam at all since she’d been away, but smiled to herself at the thoughtfulness of the man. Once in the warmth of the car, Jess switched on her mobile. Beep, beep, beep, the text messages came flooding in. Em, Hope, Phoebe, her dad, even Karl, checking she’d landed safely. She prayed that Dan might have tried to contact her but nothing.

  She was unpacking her case when the phone rang. ‘Jess, hi, it’s Sam, good time?’

  ‘Hey, Sam, it was great. Thanks so much for arranging the taxi by the way. It was such a pleasant surprise.’

  Sam continued. ‘No worries, I know what it’s like after a long haul. Anyway I won’t keep you now as you must be shattered, but I do need to talk quite quickly with you about the Telecoms project that’s come off. How about a breakfast meeting at my house tomorrow, say 8 a.m.?’

  ‘Yeah, that’s fine, can you mail me over your address. Let’s hope this snow lets up or I’ll be coming to you on a sleigh.’

  At 8 a.m., Sam greeted her at his front door with a kiss on both cheeks.

  ‘Jeez, I wish I’d said a lunchtime meeting now. I’ve been pacing the floor for hours in the night. Bloody jet lag!’ Jess exclaimed.

  Sam laughed. He’d always loved her honesty. She shook the snow off of her boots and made her way into Sam’s cottage. The décor was funky but homely at the same time. There were statues and pictures everywhere. A big open fire roared in the dining room. She also noticed an array of thank you cards on his bookshelf –
ever the generous, Jess thought.

  The delicious smell of fresh coffee filled the room. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a table in the kitchen, laden with all sorts of scrumptious-looking pastries.

  They ate their way through the pastries and chatted about Jess’s adventures in Australia. Sam nearly choked on his croissant when Jess relayed her tale of nearly wetting herself as she thought she was being chased by a dingo on Fraser Island, when in fact it was a cat from the hostel. They discussed the upcoming Telecoms project and Jess was relieved that Dan hadn’t been put on the project team for this one. Two hours flew by and Jess got up ready to go.

  ‘Oh I can’t believe I feel stressed, and I haven’t even been back a day yet,’ Jess sighed.

  ‘We can’t have that now, can we?’ Sam replied. He took her by the hand and led her towards the back door to the garden. The snow was falling heavily again. ‘Now shut your eyes and take a big step,’ he urged. Sam held her hand as Jess’s feet sunk into the fresh, crisp snow with a loud crunching noise.

  ‘Oh my God, fresh snow! I just love it!’ She screamed and ran down the garden, making snowballs and throwing them around as she went. She ran back up to the back door and gave Sam a big kiss on the lips. ‘Sam Beresford, you are going to make someone a very happy woman one day.’

  ‘If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be, yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.’

  Anon

  PART 3

  Ten Years Later…

  Chapter One

  ‘I’m sure he’s having an affair, Em.’ Jess took a big slurp of tea and ran her fingers through her sleek bob. She kicked off her trainers and relaxed back into the kitchen chair. She still looked far younger than her years and, despite giving birth at forty-five, had still managed to restore and maintain her trim figure. ‘It’s my bloody fiftieth birthday party on Saturday too. I really can’t be bothered with it, all that playing happy families shit.’

  Suddenly, there was a scream from the garden and Emma’s daughter Laura came running in. She was now twelve, going on twenty-two, and loved mothering five-year-old Freya whenever Jess came round to see her mum. ‘Freya just fell off the swing.’ Laura panted.

  Freya appeared at the back door with a tear-streaked face. Her nose was red from the cold March air. ‘Mummy, I hurt myself.’

  ‘Let’s have a look at you, darling girl,’ Jess said calmly.

  Freya was very pretty, with dark brown wavy hair and the biggest blue eyes. Jess and her husband had been the happiest people alive when they found out she was pregnant. And, when their little bundle of loveliness appeared, she suddenly felt she was now complete as a woman. Motherhood suited her.

  Plasters in position and an orange squash later, silence in the kitchen resumed.

  ‘Now where were we?’ Jess continued.

  ‘Ah, just the slight issue that you think your husband is having an affair,’ Em replied. ‘It amazes me that it’s even in your head. In my eyes, you and Sam have always seemed to have the perfect relationship.’

  ‘Perfect. I bet you never thought the words perfect, relationship, and Jessica Morley would ever go together, did you?’ Jess smiled.

  Emma laughed at her matter-of-fact friend. Jess had always had the wildest of relationships, so when Sam Beresford had proposed she was as happy for Jess as Jess was herself. Sam was a good man. He was thoughtful and kind and offered Jess the friendship and respect that she so rightly deserved. ‘So come on what’s changed? You both seemed fine when you came over for dinner last month,’ Emma enquired.

  ‘We haven’t had sex for two months. I mean, we usually only do it about once a month anyway, but well I had a few wines and started coming on to him the other night and he literally pushed me away. Said he was tired.’

  ‘Oh, Jess, if that’s it I really don’t think you need to get a private detective yet. If I was given a pound for the times Mark said he was tired, I’d be a millionaire by now.Aand we’re not getting any younger; he probably was tired.’

  ‘I think I was born horny.’ Jess laughed but then continued in a sombre tone. ‘Every Sunday morning now as well, he says he’s going off to get the papers and is gone for around two hours. I question him when he comes back and he says that he wanted to enjoy the morning air and had gone off for a long walk.’

  ‘Again, Jess, maybe he did go for a walk! Where on earth is he going to go for hot passion on a Sunday morning? Be realistic.’

  ‘Yes I suppose. He just seems to be acting a bit odd lately that’s all. He stays late a lot more with work than he used to, and he is away at least one weekend a month.’

  ‘Jess, he has always been like that. You know the nature of the events business, you worked in it yourself for long enough. You’re just noticing it more now as you’re feeling sensitive.’

  ‘I guess you’re right, Em. It has never been the conventional nine to five relationship in that respect. He hasn’t surprised me for a while either.’

  ‘You’ve just been spoilt, Jess, it’s not as easy to be whisked away for romantic weekends with a little one in tow, you know that.’

  ‘I know. Maybe I am being silly. I was going to talk to him but you’re right, it does seem ridiculous. Sam wouldn’t hurt me. I’ve never known anyone love me like he does.’

  It had taken Jess a long time to realise that Sam was the man she had wanted to spend the rest of her life with. He had wined and dined her and showered her with gifts. It had been a year-long courtship, before she had even slept with him. Mainly because she was so used to turmoil in a relationship, the balance with Sam actually threw her off kilter. Her age old commitment phobia came to the fore, but in the end it was a classic case of love being friendship that’s been set on fire, and Sam delightedly won her over. There had never been any real passion, just a slow-burning love that eventually Jess realised would offer her the contentment and family she so desperately had craved for. There had not been a day in their eight year marriage that Sam had not made her feel special or wanted.

  They shared a beautiful cottage in the Berkshire countryside and, since having Freya, she no longer had to work. In fact her childhood dream of living in a rose-covered cottage with a perfect family had been fulfilled, Aapart from having a cat as Sam was allergic to them.

  ‘It’s hard to swallow but, as time goes by, it’s not all passion and red roses.’ Em continued.

  ‘God, I wish it was though,’ Jess replied. ‘I love Sam and I love being a family with Freya, but sometimes I have to admit I do think is this it now? It’s like there is still something missing, like I’m looking for something else but I don’t know what it is.’

  Emma sighed. ‘Do you know what? I feel like that some days too. Mark goes off to work, I get up do the school run, go to my part-time job, do the school run again, cook dinner for the kids, wash up, cook dinner for us, clear up, and go to bed.’ Jess smiled knowingly. ‘But do you know what Jess. I wouldn’t change my life for the world. I adore our kids and even though he annoys the arse off me sometimes, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone but Mark. Anyway, let’s cheer up; we’ve got your party to look forward to.’

  Jess groaned. ‘You know what Sam’s like. Everything has to be perfect. We’ve got a huge marquee arriving today, which is to be attached to the conservatory, big heaters the lot. The hugest glitter ball you’ve ever seen and the cheesiest 80s band.’

  ‘Sounds great!’ Em interjected.

  ‘Yes I suppose it will be. He’s excited too as he says as well as being my birthday, it’s the anniversary of us. I couldn’t work out why, then suddenly remembered our drunken snog on the night of my fortieth.’

  ‘God, do you remember that?’ Em piped up. ‘Ken Dodd the DJ, he was hilarious.’

  Jess laughed. ‘I was so in love with that whippersnapper Dan then. Isn’t it funny how time changes everything? I never thought I’d ever get over him. Bloody hell I was crazy about that boy though. I do have to say that no
thing has ever matched the passion I had with him. It was electric.’

  ‘I can’t remember now if you ever saw him again after you split?’ Emma questioned.

  ‘No, never did. I was so relieved that the year Sam proposed Dan evidently moved to London to work with a firm of web designers there, so there was never any awkwardness at Lemon.’

  ‘That’s right. Have you ever mentioned it to Sam?’

  ‘God, no. I didn’t think there was any need. I mean can you imagine him knowing that I was fraternising with one of his junior staff? I don’t think he’d have dealt with it too well, you know what a proud man he is.’

  ‘Isn’t it funny when you think back?’ Emma laughed and continued. ‘And going back to your concern, I think it’s highly unlikely your lovely husband is having an affair. I mean look at the effort he’s making for your birthday. He loves you, mate, so stop worrying.’

  Freya came charging into the kitchen. ‘Guess what, Mummy?’

  ‘Tell me, Freya Beya?’ Jess scooped her precious daughter into her arms.

  ‘I love you a million thousand dollars.’

  Jess tickled her daughter’s tummy playfully. ‘And I love you more than pink milkshake.’

  Chapter Two

  ‘You have to tell her Sam. It’s me or her now. I’m sick of being the bloody mistress. A quick Sunday morning shag and the odd night is just not enough for me anymore.’