by Nicola May
They go into Sam’s Mercedes, in silence. Jess had agreed that they would go back home, and she would pack a bag for her and Freya. The pair of them would then go and stay with Phoebe for a few days.
‘Mummy!’ Freya ran out to the drive to meet her. ‘I missed you. Did you have a luverley party?’
‘I did, angel. Are you OK?’
‘I’m fine thanks. I’ve been playing hospitals with Charlotte.’
Charlotte walked through to the kitchen to greet her. She gave Jess a kiss on the cheek and gripped her hand in a supportive, womanly way. ‘Happy belated birthday, Jess.’ The doorbell rang. ‘That’ll be my wayward boyfriend.’ Charlotte stated.
‘I’ll get it,’ Jess insisted, and on opening the front door, her legs suddenly turned to jelly. Because, there, standing right in front of her was none other than Mister Daniel Harris.
Chapter Seven
‘Oh my god, Jess, what did you do?’ Phoebe opened her eyes in amazement at Jess’s revelation, as they sat at the kitchen table.
‘Well I was so shocked to see him just standing there in front of me, after all those years, I blushed to the tips of my roots, and started to stammer like a teenager.’
‘Did anyone notice?’ Phoebe interrogated.
‘Luckily, I don’t think so, I pretended to drop the tea towel I was holding on the floor and managed to recover myself.’
‘Did he look the same?’
‘Well he’s put on a bit of a weight. His hair is cropped closer to his head as he’s receding a bit but apart from that it was the same old, or should I say young Daniel Harris.’ Jess hesitated and continued. ‘Of all the chances of him meeting Charlotte though, isn’t that the weirdest thing?’
‘So did you find out how they met and everything?’ Phoebe should have been a CIA agent!
‘God no, I was so shocked to see him, plus, I was still reeling from Sam’s confession that I was actually quite rude. Sam went into overdrive about Lemon, as he obviously knew Dan from old. So, I just sneaked upstairs, packed a bag for me and little miss, and here I am.’
‘What, you didn’t even say goodbye?’
‘I just said it was good to see them and I hoped we’d meet in better circumstances next time, and that was it. It was weird though, as Dan actually didn’t seem that shocked to see me.’
‘Well you know what he’s like – nothing fazed him before did it? He probably thought nothing of it.’ Phoebe chipped in and continued. ‘Oh, Jess. What a shocker of a weekend, poor you.’
‘I know, I could be front page in the tabloids today. Husband sex betrayal shocker with young office nymphet. Ex toy boy of wife now dating adulterer’s daughter.’
Phoebe laughed. ‘It actually really is quite unbelievable. Anyway how you feeling about Sam? I’m so sorry.’
‘Oh, Phoebes, I’m just so hurt that it’s been going on for so long. I feel so betrayed. It’s worse, because really, Sam isn’t like that. He’s never been a womaniser. Part of me realises it was my fault in a way. He’s so gentle, and the fact that he succumbed to that dirty bitch... well it makes my stomach churn.’ She took a slurp of tea and carried on. ‘And if he says he’s never going to do it again, I actually will believe him. You know what he’s like, Phoebes. He will keep his word I know he will. God, it’s so difficult!’
‘You really have to weigh up the pros and cons here, Jess. You’ve got a lovely home and Freya adores you both.’
‘I know, I know. But somehow if I stay with Sam I do think I’ll be settling. I know I’m fifty now, but I’m a young fifty. I’ll meet someone else I know I will. But, I want the passion back Phoebes. We’ve never had that, and do you know what, now this has happened, I think it gives me good reason to take the chance, and find complete happiness – without Sam.’
‘Jess, please don’t be rash. You’ll be in effect a single parent. Sam is a good man. I’m sure you can work it out. Look why don’t we get an early night, we’re all tired and emotional today. You can think again in the morning.’
Jess walked slowly up the stairs and peeped in at Freya, who was sleeping soundly on a camp bed next to Annabel. She got herself ready for bed, feeling completely torn. She lay awake for hours, worried not by her precarious future with Sam but instead by the intense feeling that she’d had at the sight of Daniel Harris.
Chapter Eight
Dan lay awake. He was sorry that he had upset Charlotte. It was the first time in their month as a couple that they had stayed together and he had not made love to her. She had been confused, as he hadn’t been able to give her a good enough reason as to why he didn’t want to. He remembered back to when they first met. He had spotted her on the dance floor at The Breakhaus, and was enthralled by her free-spirited exuberance as she threw back her head and danced, as if no one in the world was watching her. It was an added bonus that she was the marketing manager for a group of clubs in London, one of them being The Breakhaus, and he now could gain free entry to them all.
He’d been adamant that he wasn’t ready to meet her family yet. She had however been insistent that she couldn’t miss her step-mother’s birthday party and it was an ideal opportunity for him to ‘grow-up’ and ‘mingle with the fold’. It wasn’t until they had had a conversation on Friday night that he had even bothered to ask about her father.
‘What, Sam Beresford who used to run Lemon Events?’ he had exclaimed.
‘Yeah why, do you know him?’
‘I used to work for Lemon about ten years ago, how random is that?’
‘You may know his wife then, as she used to work a lot for Lemon too back in the day. Her name’s Jess, I think her maiden name was Morley.’
Dan had nearly choked on his Stella. ‘No, no, I don’t recognise the name,’ he had lied.
Since he had left Jess it had taken Dan a lot longer to get over her than he thought it would. He’s had a couple of long-term relationships and, during each one, he had always remembered Jess’s words that he would find it hard to match a passion like they had. She had been right. He had been happy, but had never felt completely fulfilled. He had kept her email address and mobile number for years but, when about four years ago he had decided to see how she was doing, both no longer existed.
‘So, now you know who you are going to visit, you have to come,’ Charlotte said smugly.
Dan had smiled. ‘Yes, Charlie, I do have to come.’
Chapter Nine
Sam paced the garden waiting for Jess and Freya to return from Phoebe’s. He heard the distinctive engine of the Golf and literally ran to the front door to greet them.
‘Daddy!’ Freya ran into his arms.
‘Hello, angel, did you have fun with Auntie Phoebe and the girls?’
‘It was great, we went swimming and to the park and to feed the ducks.’
‘Well that’s lovely. There’s a little surprise for you in your bedroom if you want to go up and look.’
Freya dropped her coat on the floor and ran upstairs. Sam had bought her a painting set, and had laid it all out on a plastic sheet in her bedroom. He knew it would occupy her for a while so that he and Jess could talk in private.
‘Wow, thanks, Daddy,’ She shouted down to him.
Jess attempted a smile at Sam.
‘I’ve made some tea,’ he announced. ‘And got you some carrot cake.’ He knew that was Jess’s favourite. Sam flitted around Jess, not quite sure where to put himself.
Jess broke the silence. ‘Look, Sam, this is all lovely thanks, but come on let’s sit down and face the issue shall we?’
They took their tea through to the living room and sat looking out over the garden. Jess took in the surroundings of their lovely home and took a deep breath. ‘Look, I’ve been thinking long and hard and,’ her voice faltered, ‘I need more time to think Sam. I’m going to go away for a while, just to clear my head. I do love you without question. But what’s happened has rocked me to the core. I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust you again.’
Sam�
��s eyes filled with tears. ‘Jess, I will do anything, and I mean literally anything to make you stay. I promise faithfully that I will never, ever betray you again.’
Jess looked at the kind and thoughtful man opposite her. She could actually even forgive him for what he had done. He had obviously also felt the lack of passion in the relationship that she had done, the only difference was he had acted on it. She knew that he meant what he said, but there was something in her that knew she wasn’t prepared to settle right here, right now, for what she had already.
‘Oh, Sam, I’m not saying this is goodbye forever. Let me just get my thoughts together. Everything is just so raw and I don’t think I could bear for you to even kiss me at the moment, let alone touch me.’ The physical reality of what Sam had done suddenly hit her and she felt repulsed.
‘Where are you going to go?’ Sam enquired nervously.
‘Well, I think it makes complete sense for me to go down to the Cornwall cottage. I’ll be alone, it won’t cost us anything, and I can’t think of a better place for me to sort my head out.’
‘So far away,’ Sam stated.
‘We couldn’t be much further away than we already are,’ Jess said sadly.
‘And what about Freya and school?’
This was the hardest part for Jess. ‘Well...’ She faltered and then spat out the rest of her words at a hundred miles an hour. ‘I hope you don’t mind but I thought that you could look after her for a couple of weeks, so that she doesn’t miss any school, and then it will be the Easter Holidays. If I’m not ready to come back then, she can come and stay with me at the cottage.’
Sam actually seemed relieved. With Freya staying with him, he didn’t feel that all was lost. Jess would have to come back. ‘I know I won’t be able to stop you, Jess, so OK. I’m more than happy to care for Freya. I will make sure I always take her and pick her up from school, so she doesn’t feel that her life is too disrupted. Now shall you tell her or shall I?’
‘Let me pack first, and then we can sit down with her together.’
‘So you’re going today?’ Sam said surprised.
‘Yes,’ Jess replied strongly.
Freya walked down the stairs, covered in paint.
‘Just look at you,’ Jess said and laughed. ‘Now go back up there and wash your hands, and then come back down. Daddy and I need to talk to you about something.’
Freya sat fidgeting. She was a wise little girl and Jess knew that they would have to tell her the truth.
‘Now, Freya. Mummy and Daddy need to spend a little bit of time apart.’
‘Why?’ Freya twiddled with her hair.
‘Because we aren’t friends at the moment and if we spend some time apart then we will be again.’
‘What like Lucy at school’s mummy and daddy you mean? She told me they weren’t friends because her daddy kissed her mummy’s sister.’
‘Well not quite like that,’ Jess half smiled at Sam.
‘Her mummy told him to go away and never come back again and he did as he was told.’
Jess raised her eyebrows at Sam and continued. ‘So I’m going to Cornwall for a couple of weeks and we will see each other in the Easter Holidays.’
‘Cool. Does that mean I miss school then, Mummy?’
‘No darling,’ Sam interjected.
‘Mummy’s going to Cornwall and Daddy is going to look after you here until Mummy comes home.’
A look of defiance struck Freya’s face. ‘But I want to go to Cornwall.’
‘You can’t, darling. Mummy needs time away and you need to go to school.’
The little girl started to cry and Sam pulled her towards him to hug her. ‘Now kiss Mummy goodbye, Freya.’
‘I hate you!’ Freya screamed at Jess as she struggled from Sam’s arms, ran upstairs, and slammed her bedroom door. Jess went to run after her.
‘Leave her, Jess, I’ll calm her down,’ Sam said softly.
Jess picked up her case, tears now streaming down her face. ‘Goodbye, Sam.’
‘Call me when you get there.’ He managed a smile, even though he was dying inside.
Chapter Ten
It was raining and dark when Jess arrived in Looe. She pulled up alongside the harbour wall, wound her car window down slightly, and felt soothed by the sound of the waves crashing on the beach in the distance. The cottage smelt musty as she pushed open the heavy door and she shivered with cold. She wished she’d called ahead to Mrs Treboric to get things ready for her arrival. But she’d left in such a hurry that it would have been too late. She switched on the hall light and immediately turned the heating up high.
The drive down had seemed to take forever. She felt distressed at leaving Freya in such a state but knew she had to do this. All of their futures depended on the outcome of her decision. She called Sam to let him know she’d arrived. Freya had settled and gone to bed. The little girl had told Sam that she’d been sorry for what she’d said and would talk to Jess in the morning. Relieved at this news, Jess ran herself a deep bath and lay back and relaxed. She loved it here. She immersed herself in the soothing, warm bubbles and suddenly felt sad. She vividly remembered the day that she and Sam had viewed the cottage, to buy it. They’d been so excited, just a month into their marriage to find such a perfect, romantic retreat for the weekends. Once it was theirs, during the summer, they would leave work on a Friday night and meander their way down to the south west. Heady days would be spent whiling away hours at various beautiful beaches. They would then stock up with all their favourite food and drink and spend the evenings on their terrace overlooking the sea, chatting about everything and nothing. Jess thought back fondly to these times. They were good times. In fact, she thought, there had never actually been any bad times with Sam, until now. Life was always constant. Not a rollercoaster of regret, like she had so often experienced in her twenties and thirties. She ran in some more hot water and lay back, comforted by the silence. Here she was though, at fifty-years-old, actually craving to get back on that rollercoaster, or was she?
‘Oh I don’t know,’ Jess said out loud. ‘What is it that I want?’
After a good sleep, the next day she awoke to the sound of gulls and the sun streaming through her bedroom window. It was really quite lovely not to have to worry about anyone but herself for a change. She drifted back to sleep for an hour, got up, dressed, and walked down the steep hill to the shops to get some supplies.
She felt refreshed as she sat back on the terrace, eating her scrambled eggs on toast and supping her tea. Freya had called to say sorry and that she was looking forward to the Easter Holidays. She knew that her mummy would never leave her and that was enough for her now. Just as she was washing up, Jess’s mobile rang.
‘Hey, Jess, it’s Charlotte’
‘Hiya, Charlie. Look, I’m so sorry about Sunday.’
‘Don’t be silly, Jess. I totally understand. Of course my loyalties lie with Dad, but really I don’t know what on earth he was thinking.’
‘Well, yes.’ Jess wasn’t quite sure what to say.
‘Anyway, I’m calling because I want you to know I’m thinking about you.’
Jess was desperate to mention Dan and then thought against it.
Charlotte continued. ‘I will help Dad out with Freya when I can, although I’m going out to LA for a few days with work tomorrow.’
‘Ooh get you, international jet-setter and all that,’ Jess joked.. ‘He’s not a bad man, Jess, and he does love you dearly.’
‘I know that and I’m sure we’ll be fine but I just need this time out.’
‘I totally understand. You take care now.’
‘I will, thanks for your kind words. Oh, and have fun in LA.’
Chapter Eleven
‘Matt mate, it’s Dan, how’s it going?’
‘OK, mate, all good. Just putting the twins to bed, they’ve been driving us mad, hang on.’ Matt shouted up the stairs. ‘Sara, be back up in a sec, just going to have a quick word with Dan.’
‘Jess, remind me?’ Matt scratched his head. ‘Oh God yeah, the older bird from years ago. How come?’
‘Spookily, she’s now married to Charlie’s old man!’
‘Bloody hell, how random is that, what’s she like now?’ Matt asked with interest.
‘Still fit actually.’
‘And would you still?’
‘Actually mate I can’t believe how I felt about her when I saw her. It was weird. Like it was only ten minutes ago, not ten years.’
‘But surely you wouldn’t go there again? I mean from how you talk about Charlotte, I thought she was your perfect match.’
‘She is a great girl, but there’s just something about Jess, it’s hard to explain. Charlie’s old man had just been caught with his pants down, so it all kicked off at the weekend.’
‘You do pick ‘em, mate. Shit, Sara’s shouting for me, I’d better go and help her. How’s Evie by the way?’
‘Thirteen going on twenty-three, you know what she’s like. Anyway, you get on. I’m over your way in a couple of weeks. I’ll drop by.’
‘Be good to see you, mate. Laters.’
Chapter Twelve
Jess finished watching the lunchtime news, wrapped herself up warm and put on her walking boots. She loved the walk across the cliffs from Looe to Polperro. In fact she knew the path like the back of her hand as she and Sam had followed this route hundreds of times. She stopped periodically to sit on benches along the route, taking in the magnificent views of the ocean as she did so. Gulls winged overhead and she noticed a myriad of colours in the hedgerows, as flowers started greeting the spring sunshine.
For the first time in a few days she felt calm. It had been the best thing she could have done, to remove herself from the situation at home totally. She admitted to herself that she and Sam had fallen into a comfortable rut. She realised that the lack of passion in their relationship wasn’t just down to him. Since Freya had been born, no longer did she seduce him. More often than not she was so tired, that she would just pull on her old pyjamas, grab her book from the bedside table, read, and go to sleep. However, this still didn’t excuse the fact that he had betrayed her. She wished that they had talked, before he had decided to stray. She didn’t even realise he was feeling frustrated, but that was Sam all over. He would go with the flow. If she had asked him to make love to her he would have done, but damn maybe he should have tried to instigate it for once, rather than go elsewhere. She cringed at the thought of him sleeping with Cherry. But on the other hand was quite relieved. From first impressions, Cherry didn’t seem a particularly nice person. At least she could be comforted that he had gone with her just for sex and nothing more. It almost seemed more acceptable somehow.