by Nicola May
She walked down into Polperro harbour, relishing the quietness and picture postcard beauty of this pretty village. She adored Cornwall out of season. In a week, she knew this would all change. The Easter throng would be among them and you would have to almost push your way through the streets, amass with ice cream wielding children and would-be surfers. She walked slowly around the tiny streets, marvelling at the pretty little cottages with their tiny front doors and different coloured window frames. She moseyed amongst the many gift shops with their meaningless trinkets and checked out fleeces in a surf shop. It had seemed like years since she could actually just be her. Jessy Morley, independent woman and not part of a family. Although she already missed Freya, she had to admit she liked the feeling.
She bought a freshly made pasty and a cup of tea and wandered to sit up on a high bench, overlooking the harbour and the ocean. She looked down and noticed a good-looking lad tending to a fishing boat. He must have been in his mid-twenties. He was weather beaten and very handsome. The same age as Dan when she had met him, she thought. She had tried to push recent thoughts of Dan to the back of her mind. When they had split up all those years ago, it had taken her a year to get over him properly. Sam’s attentiveness and love had obviously helped. Throughout that year, she would wish with all her might for him to come back into her life. In fact, she would have done literally anything to just spend one more night with him. She had been so completely head over heels in love with him then. The only time since she had really thought about him was when she fell pregnant with Freya. She realised then it was how it was supposed to be, with a supporting loving husband and secure environment for a child. She also did think with sadness that she would have had a brother or sister for Freya if she hadn’t gone ahead with the termination. But in fate’s path, Sam may not have even entertained seeing her if she had somebody else’s child. Who knows how her life would have panned out then? Yes, Dan had made her heart flip when she had seen him last week, but she had now put that down the shock of it. She probably wouldn’t even see him again now. Charlie was always so busy and, with the relationship being so new, anything could happen. If things developed, she would worry about it then. In her eyes, she had no unfinished business with Daniel Harris. He had been the love of her life but that was that. He was history. It was her life, here and now, that she needed to address.
She walked down through the gloaming, from her hilltop viewpoint, and decided to have a drink in The Blue Peter. A fire was roaring as she entered the cosy pub and it brought back memories of her and Sam snuggled together, drinking Scrumpy and finishing many a Sunday paper crossword in here. For old time’s sake she ordered a pint of the strong cloudy cider and found a comfy seat in the corner, in which to read her acquired newspaper. There were just a couple of ruddy-faced locals drinking at the bar, and a flea-bitten black Labrador lying down in front of the fire. She relished in the anonymity of it all. It was eight o’clock by the time she had finished her second pint of Scrumpy and she actually felt quite drunk. She shakily walked to the bar.
‘Another?’ The young Dutch barman enquired. Jess in her drunken haze thought that she recognised him, then realised he looked very much like Jurgen whom she had met all those years ago in Australia. ‘No’, she laughed. ‘I’d better not; you’ll be fishing me out of the harbour; that cider of yours has gone straight to my head.’
‘Oh go on, it’s nice to have some fresh female company this time of year,’ the Jurgen lookalike urged.
Jess could sense him flirting with her and it flattered her greatly. ‘Maybe another day.’
‘Do you live here then?’
Jess could feel herself looking the young man up and down.’ No, I’ve got a cottage in Looe, just having an extended break.’ She went to walk out of the door and suddenly turned back. ‘Look at me, I came up to the bar to ask if you had a taxi number and off I go wandering out the door.’ The charm of the young man had thrown her off kilter slightly. It was wonderful to feel fancied and fancy free.
‘I’m doing a split-shift tonight, I could give you a lift at nine if you like?’ the young man offered.
Jess hesitated. ‘That’s really kind of you but I really better be going.’
She got into the taxi. He could only have been late twenties she thought, and was oh-so very handsome. She smiled to herself, delighted that she still had what it took. If Sam wasn’t to be her future, she knew damn well that the next best thing would be just around the corner.
She lay back in the taxi, feeling slightly woozy. The full moon lit up the harbour. The tide was way out and boats precariously listed, awaiting their watery support. She thought fondly of her trip to Australia and Jurgen. He had been such a gentleman amidst her trauma, and she had never forgotten the romantic words he had said to her as she had walked away from him: You can’t stop a river flowing to the sea.
She got out of the car at the bottom of the hill to the cottage, thinking the walk in the fresh air would clear her fuzzy head. As she turned into her quiet lane, she noticed a car parked right behind hers with the lights on. She approached nervously as it didn’t seem right somehow. She had a torch in her handbag and held it at the ready. She bravely approached the car and as she did so she heard classical music drifting out from the half open window. In true Charlie’s Angels style, she shone her torch right into the would-be offender’s eyes.
‘Jess, Jess, it’s OK, it’s me.’ Her heart leapt into her mouth.
‘Dan? What the fuck are you doing here?’
Chapter Thirteen
Sam lay awake. He found it difficult to sleep without the reassuring warmth of his loving partner. He missed Jess to the core. It wasn’t until she had left, that he realised quite how much he loved her and was terrified that she wouldn’t be able to see past what he had done. Thank God this was the only affair she had found out about. Why-oh-why had he been so stupid? Jess had been right: sex was sex. It could never compensate for the long lasting love between two people who had grown together. Gaining affections from other women did give him a buzz, but now was the time to break this addiction. He knew he would never be found out about any of the others. He had to start afresh and make a life for just the three of them: Jess, himself, and their beautiful little girl.
He heard Freya stir and got up to check she was OK. He quietly walked into her bedroom and pulled the quilt snugly up to her angelic, sleeping face. She looked so like Jess and had acquired the same determination and feisty spirit of his attractive wife. Tears sprung to his eyes. What if Jess did decide to leave him? His life would be so empty without her. And as for even contemplating not being able to see his growing daughter every day, that was just too much to bear. It had been hard enough to be a part-time parent to Charlotte, without having to go through that pain again.
He went downstairs and poured himself a brandy to help him sleep. He replaced the decanter on top of the drinks cabinet and went to his study to recline in his comfy leather chair. Soothed by the brandy and reassuring thoughts that everything would be OK he dozed off.
A loud crash woke Sam with a start. ‘What the hell was that?’ he said aloud. He jumped up and was alerted to the sound of somebody running fast across the gravel drive. He ran to the front door to see what was going on and suddenly felt a searing pain in his foot. He switched on the light, blood was pouring from his heel and he was standing in a pile of shattered glass. The porch window was smashed to pieces and lying in the hallway was a brick.
‘Daddy, Daddy!’ Freya began to cry. He quickly wrapped a tea towel around his foot, soothed Freya with the pretence she had had a bad dream, and debated whether he should phone the police or not.
Chapter Fourteen
Jess opened a bottle of red wine, grabbed a couple of glasses, and walked into the sea-facing lounge. Dan was lying down on the couch. ‘Make yourself comfortable,’ she said sarcastically, but with smiling eyes. ‘Here.’ She handed him a glass of wine. ‘So, what brings you all the way down to the depths of Cornwall then
, Mr Harris?’
Dan sat up and took a slurp of wine. Without flinching he automatically replied. ‘You do.’
Jess looked directly at him. He was undoubtedly still a handsome man. She shifted in her armchair and as much as she didn’t want to, she had to admit that she still fancied him.
Dan looked his former lover up and down. ‘You look great, by the way, Jess. Not a day over forty. Thought you might have let yourself go a bit, what with being married for all these years.’
Jess lifted a cushion as if to throw it at him. ‘God, age hasn’t mellowed you has it, you’re still a cheeky bastard.’ She stood up and walked over to the window, the full moon lit a pathway right across the sea. With her back to him she blurted. ‘This is too weird, Dan, I’m not sure if I like it.’
He walked behind her and gently put his arms around her waist. The same electric current from all those years ago, went right through her. Frightened by the strength of her own feelings she snapped. ‘No, Dan, get off me.’ She pulled away from him and sat back down on an armchair. ‘How did you know I was here anyway?’
‘Charlie told me. She’s in LA at the moment. She’d mentioned the name of the cottage and that it was in Looe, so I figured all I had to do was get here and ask some local where the cottage was.’
‘Very clever of you,’ Jess uttered. She was secretly bowled over by the fact that he’d made such an effort to come and see her.
Dan continued. ‘I thought this was the perfect place for us to meet. I knew you didn’t have Freya, Charlie is away, and Alex has got Evie all this week.’
Jess softened at the mention of Evie. ‘Bless Evie, how is she?’
‘She’s great. A little madam but then she always was. She’s kept her lovely blonde hair and is a clever little thing, well not so little now. I can’t believe she’s at secondary school. Here, I have a photo of her on my phone.’
Jess looked at the smiling Evie and felt sad. ‘Do you know that I missed her more than you as time went by? I imagined her going through the different stages of her life, starting school, making friends – everything in fact.’ She took a slurp of wine and then said candidly, ‘You can’t imagine how much you hurt me, Dan. I actually thought I’d never get over you.’
Dan bit his lip. ‘I was so immature then. Now I am older I really can’t believe I was so insensitive. To keep coming back to you when I was never sure what I really wanted, I realise now how hurtful that must have been for you.’
‘So please tell me it was worth my pain. No disrespect to Charlie, but you obviously have yet to find what you were looking for?’ Dan lay back on the sofa.
‘I had a wild year after we split up. I hit the drugs hard, when I didn’t have Evie obviously. I found it hard to strike up a relationship for a while. Anybody my own age couldn’t hack having a toddler in tow at weekends and I didn’t want to find anyone who wanted to settle down, as that wasn’t what I wanted at all. He smiled at Jess and continued. ‘Do you know what as time went by, I also was aware that I never ever said I loved you? You were so right, after I’d had a couple of long-term relationships I realised that I actually did love you. I loved you very much, Jess.’
Jess pushed her hands through her hair and let him continue. ‘What we had was really special. I just didn’t see it at the time. And now here I am, ten years on and who’s the fool? It’s certainly not you. Just look at you, Jess, you are simply beautiful. You have a gorgeous daughter and a dream country cottage. You won’t ever have to work again. Your life is sorted.’
‘Let’s not forget the little matter that my loving husband has just had an affair with someone young enough to be his daughter though,’ Jess quipped.
‘I thought I wouldn’t mention that,’ Dan replied.
‘Well there’s no point in not, that is the reason why I’m here after all,’ Jess said indignantly. Dan continued. ‘And how are you feeling about it, it must have been quite a shock?’
‘Look, Dan, I don’t wish to be rude but I actually don’t want to discuss it with you. But no my life is not sorted. In fact I’m at a major crossroads in it.’ She stood up again, and then blurted out of the blue. ‘God, this is surreal. You’re sleeping with my husband’s daughter. You shouldn’t be here, Dan. It’s not fair on anyone.’ Dan was not perturbed by her outburst.
‘That’s all it is, Jess. I’m sleeping with her. I can’t see a future for me and Charlie. She is so ambitious and at last I feel I’m ready to settle down. I want to create a proper home for Evie. She’s been pushed from pillar to post for so many years. It may be too late, but I owe it to her to offer her stability throughout her teens at least.’
‘Well all I can say is you better tell Charlie how you feel sooner or later. She’s a great girl, and I won’t have you hurt her. There’s no point stringing her along and it’s certainly not fair on Evie. Time goes so fast, Dan, you’ll blink and suddenly you’ll be fifty!’
Dan didn’t reply, just lay back on the sofa again and flirtily asked, ‘So did you do any more drug taking, Mrs Robinson?’
Jess smirked and replied almost insolently, ‘No.’
‘Are you sure?’ Dan cocked his head to the side and smiled.
‘I didn’t actually. It was weird I always associated them with you and I never ever felt the urge to take them again. It was like it was our fun and I didn’t want to share those feelings with anyone else.’
‘That’s sweet,’ Dan replied.
‘Well don’t flatter yourself too much,’ Jess continued. ‘I wasn’t in a crowd who’d ever even consider taking Class As. So even if I’d wanted to I wouldn’t have had a clue where to get any anyway.’
‘There goes my feisty Mrs Robinson, glad you’re still you, Jessy Morley.’
‘I’m still the same bloody person, Dan. Nobody can change that much surely.’ She stood up to walk to the toilet and missed her step. ‘Whoa, I’m a bit tipsy.’
‘You’ve only had a couple of glasses,’ Dan said surprised.
‘Actually, I had two pints of Scrumpy in the pub earlier. By the way, do you still like Stella?’ She suddenly enquired.
‘Oh yes indeedy. Why have you got some?’
Jess shook her head and laughed, suddenly remembering their first encounter. ‘Did you notice my car by the way?’ she asked.
‘I can’t believe I didn’t mention it – it is class, Jess. I’d love to have a go in it tomorrow, if that’s OK?’
‘God, remember that first time you took me to the pub in that old GTI of yours. I thought I’d die of fright.’
Dan laughed. ‘I can’t believe you didn’t say anything.’
‘I didn’t want you to think I was acting my age now did I?’ Jess smiled.
‘My driving was appalling then. I actually had an accident soon after we split, nothing major, but Evie had been in the car and it did make me realise that I had to slow down.’
‘Thank goodness for that,’ Jess added.
‘Remember the Soho Hotel too?’ Dan continued reminiscing. ‘Jess, all I can say is that was a young boy’s dream. Bling hotel and a sexy older woman. Gave me years of masturbating material that did!’
‘Daniel Harris, what are you like?’
‘Shit sorry, Jess, that was rude.’
‘I like rude,’ she replied without hesitation. Then in realising just what she’d said, she darted off to the loo.
On her return, they finished the bottle of wine and pulled the sofa forward so they could both see the sea. ‘I take it you’ve booked a hotel?’ Jess questioned, knowing full well he hadn’t.
‘I was err, hoping I could crash here if that’s OK with you, I take it you have a spare room?’
They both laughed and Jess continued. ‘Yes I have a spare room and you are sleeping in it tonight, without question.’ His leg touched hers by accident and the same old electric current buzzed between them both.
‘Did you feel that, Jess?’
‘Feel what, Dan?’ She lied and moved down to the end of the sofa.
‘Oh nothing, it must have been a spider of something running over my hand.’ Dan lied.
Jess laughed to herself. He had been so honest up to now. She knew that she couldn’t let her heart rule her head. She had to be realistic. And, despite Sam’s betrayal, she was still a married woman, and Dan was seeing Charlie. There were so many people’s feelings at stake, people who she really cared for. They sat in silence for a while, taking in the moon-drenched vista, until Dan piped up.
‘Have you got any more wine?’
‘I have but I shouldn’t, I’m drunk already.’
‘Oh go on, Jess, have another glass.’ Dan urged.
Here we go again Jess thought and prayed again that there were no gas ovens around!
‘Let’s play scrabble,’ Dan suddenly suggested catching sight of the battered box on the bookshelf.
‘I never thought I’d see the day.’ Jess laughed. ‘Daniel Harris, playing scrabble! I’ve got dominos for after too if you want,’ she said and got up to get another bottle of wine from the kitchen.