by Nicola May
Jess laughed. ‘Umm, I’ve heard that three times from you before, but you go, girl.’
‘Pretty in pink I’ve decided,’ Hope continued. ‘Seen a gorgeous little designer number in the boutique in Swift Street. I’m so excited, Jess.’
‘And where and when exactly are you consummating this one?’
‘Well obviously it has to be a registry office. Have pulled some strings and found a smart one in Mayfair who can take us. I’ve booked it for September 13th. We want to have the reception at The Soho Hotel, was hoping you may be able to pull some strings in getting me a good deal. I’m only inviting fifty people, so hope they’ll have the space.’
‘You’re cutting it fine, Hope Adams, and not sure if it’s the same management at the hotel, but let me make a call for you. You should be OK though, as it’s a Sunday and a small affair.’
‘Talking of affairs, have you told Charlie yet about you and Dan seeing each other?’
‘Well first, dear friend, I’ve actually got some big news for you too.’
‘Really?’
‘Dan proposed to me in Cornwall?’
‘No!’ Hope exclaimed. ‘And what did you say?’
‘I said yes.’
‘Well you don’t sound too happy about it?’
‘I am, I am,’ Jess said.
‘So was it a romantic proposal? He’s usually spot-on in that department.’
‘Well yes and no.’
Jess relayed the storm story and Hope listened in horror. ‘Jesus, I’d have asked you to marry me too after all that,’ Hope exclaimed. Jess laughed.
‘Congratulations to you though, Jess. I’m so happy you’re happy again. I love the ring too!’
‘I’m sure people will think it’s just too soon after Sam dying but to be honest I don’t care. My lack of respect for him since finding out about the affairs has really helped for me to get over grieving for him anymore.’
‘So tell me, what did Charlie say?’
‘I fronted it this morning when she came to pick up Freya. I told her the whole story from ten years ago actually.’
‘Wow, and how did she react to you sleeping with him the day of the funeral?’ Hope asked.
Jess grimaced. ‘Well, OK I wasn’t that honest. I said we were together ten years ago and we didn’t realise we still had feelings for each other until after she and Dan had split up.’
‘I think that’s fine, Jess. Sometimes it is more hurtful to tell the complete truth and she knows how it is now at least.’
Thoughts of Dan and Evie ran immediately through Jess’s head. She brushed them aside and continued. ‘She is an amazing girl. She’s coming to the wedding, so she must have been being genuine about being happy for us.’
‘So have you set a date yet?’
‘Not yet, there’s no hurry.’
‘Jess, are you sure you’re OK?’
‘Oh, Hope, I do love him and Freya adores him and Evie, but if I’m honest I am worried myself about the age gap now. I mean when I’m sixty, he will still only be forty-four. Looking back I was so young and vibrant at that age. I’m worried he may decide to swap me for a younger model.’
‘Jess, don’t be so ridiculous. You are still young and vibrant now, in fact you will be until you are one hundred and five! He loves you , Jessica Morley. The wonderful, kind, generous, sexy, loving person that you are.’
‘Bless you, Hope, you’re so sweet. I really hope so,’ Jess replied, not utterly convinced.
‘And anyway by the time you’re sixty, I’m sure they’ll be able to lift boobs and botox fannies on finance!’
Jess nearly choked on her wine. ‘Hope Adams, you are unbelievable!’
‘But oh-so gorgeous.’ Hope smirked. ‘Right now let’s finish this bottle and get another one open, we have reason to celebrate!’
Chapter Thirty-seven
‘ Get your sexy arse over here, Jessica Morley.’ Dan grabbed her around the waist and threw her on to the huge bed in their suite at The Soho Hotel.
‘I have something here for you.’ He smirked.
‘Oh my god, Dan, I am so not taking an ecstasy tablet again.’
Dan laughed out loud and remembered back to their erotic night in this same hotel all those years ago. ‘More like an ecstasy lollipop actually.’ He took her hand and placed it on the obvious swell in his boxer shorts.
‘No Dan. Come on. We’ve got to get ready for the wedding. We’ll be late and Hope will kill me.’
‘Jess, we’ve got loads of time.’
‘Later, Dan, later.’
A frustrated Dan sighed and walked into the bathroom to take a shower.
Hope looked amazing in her glamorous pink gown and long pink gloves. Jack-the-Lad was beaming throughout the short ceremony and gave his new wife such a long, lingering kiss at the end of it, that some of the elderly relatives had to look away with embarrassment.
Hope had arranged for a London bus to take the guests to the reception, and was horrified when she noticed that her husband had put a sun visor strip on the front of the bus with their pet names for each other: Honey Pie and Stallion.
The smart waiters, all dressed in black gaily served pink champagne and canapés as the first guests filtered into the trendy Swirl Room. Swing music filtered out over the speakers.
‘You look amazing,’ Jess exclaimed to her beaming friend.
‘You surely would expect nothing less!’ Hope exclaimed.
Jess hiccupped. She had already had two glasses on an empty stomach and was already feeling quite drunk.
‘Your turn soon,’ Hope added and flitted off to mingle with the rest of her guests.
Dan walked up behind Jess and kissed her on the lips. ‘Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are, Jessy Morley?’
‘I’ve lost count.’ They both laughed out loud.
‘I mean it, Jess, you are the most beautiful woman in this room.’ Jess smiled as Dan continued. ‘We really must set a date soon. I cannot wait for you to be, Mrs. Harris.’
‘Let’s get today out of the way first then we can talk about it,’ Jess replied and helped herself to another glass of champagne.
The evening progressed smoothly. Hope had decided that she didn’t want a formal affair, just copious amounts of champagne, an elaborate buffet, and her favourite swing tracks playing all evening. Just as Jess was reaching for her fourth glass of champagne, Phoebe approached. Jess hiccupped again and lost her footing.
‘Whoa there, sis, too many sherbets already?’ Phoebe rested her hand on her shoulder to level her.
‘Whoops,’ Jessica slurred. ‘I’m celebrating my friends nuptials, don’t you know.’
‘You quite obviously are,’ Phoebe exclaimed. ‘Now let’s talk about you, dear sis. I simply cannot wait for your big day. Have you set a date yet?’
Jess raised her eyebrows. ‘If anyone bloody asks me that again.’
Phoebe was taken aback by her sibling’s curt reply. ‘Hey, Jess, what sort of reply is that? Anyone would think you are not looking forward to it.’
Jess didn’t reply. Phoebe, detecting something was wrong, ushered Jess to seating in a dark corner of the room.
‘Are you OK?’
‘I’m drunk,’ Jess stated.
‘I mean, is everything OK with you and Dan?’
‘Yes.’
‘Jess?’
‘Oh, Phoebes, I’m really not sure if I’m making the right decision.’
As Phoebe was about to reply, Dan came bounding over to them. ‘Hello, wife and sister-in-law to be.’ Dan smirked and Phoebe smiled broadly back at him.
Jess was struggling. Struggling with the fact that she knew that Evie wasn’t Dan’s. She had begun to feel that every time he talked about how much he loved his beautiful daughter, that in fact she was betraying him. She also knew that she couldn’t discuss her concerns and angst with anyone else. It was breaking her heart and unconsciously she was beginning to push Dan away
‘Dan, can’t you see we’
re talking?’ Jess said grumpily.
‘What on earth’s the matter with you?’ Dan enquired realizing that Jess was acting completely out of character. Phoebe mouthed that she was drunk.
‘Give us a minute, Dan.’
Dan walked away disgruntled.
‘Jess, you were so mean to Dan then. He’s so lovely to you,’ Phoebe stated. ‘Now come on, tell me why the second thoughts?’
‘I just have some doubts, that’s all.’ She put her head in her hands. ‘Mac the Knife’ belted out of the speakers. Jess so wanted to tell Phoebe the truth about Evie, but even in her drunken state knew that she couldn’t.
‘I love him, Phoebe, but not with the intensity I think I should. I can’t see us growing old together.’
‘Oh, Jess. He is a good man. I know I said that about Sam and was proved oh-so wrong, but I do honestly think that Dan is completely head over heels in love with you and would never betray you.’
‘I don’t want to just settle, Phoebe. I don’t want to always be looking over my shoulder feeling insecure that he’s going to leave me for a younger model.’
Phoebe, in realising that Jess, in her current state of mind, would not be able to rationalise her feelings, clasped her hand and helped her up. ‘Come on let’s get some food in you and we’ll talk again tomorrow when you’re sober.’
Jess picked at the buffet then, realising she had been curt with Dan, looked for him to make her apologies. It wasn’t his fault she bore this secret. He was nowhere to be seen. She negotiated her way to the toilet and checked herself in the mirror. She was mortified to see how red her eyes were and how her lipstick had smudged on to the side of her face.
‘God I shouldn’t have drunk so much,’ she said out loud and reapplied her make-up. Just as she was rounding the corner to go back into the party she caught sight of Dan in the corridor, talking animatedly to a really pretty girl. Dance music filtered out from the main bar of the hotel. The girl must have been in her late twenties, with straight long blonde hair and a trendy designer blue mini dress. Jess backed herself behind a pillar and continued to watch. They ended their chat with Dan kissing her on both cheeks.
Jess began to shake. She tried to get a grip of herself but the alcohol didn’t allow her to see any sense. She had never ever really been a jealous person but since Sam’s revelations she felt she could trust nobody. She marched back into the reception room which was alive with chatter and music. She spotted Dan chatting to Hope and swung him around roughly to face her.
‘Who the fuck was that?’
‘Jess, what? Who are you on about?’
‘I saw you kissing that blonde bimbo!’
Before Dan could return her onslaught, Jess turned on her heels and fled out of the room. Dan ran after her to their suite and swung the door open with force.
‘Jess, what on earth is the matter with you?’ he demanded.
‘Who was she? I want to know now,’ Jess cried.
Dan wasn’t quite sure how to deal with Jess like this. She had always been so cool and had never ever shown any sign of jealousy before. Part of him was flattered, as it made him realise how much she must care, but the other half of him didn’t like to see this ugly side.
‘Jess, come here.’ Dan softened. He went to take her in his arms.
‘Get off me,’ she screamed.
‘Calm down, angel. That was just Louise. She is a work colleague, nothing more, nothing less. She happened to be having a drink in the bar here, so I had a chat with her, then kissed her on both cheeks goodbye, like you know I do with everyone.’
‘And do you fancy her?’ Jess continued her drunken rant.
‘Of course I don’t, Jess. I love you. I love you with my whole being. I would never ever do anything to hurt you.’ He continued with exasperation in his voice. ‘I’m actually upset that you think I even would.’
‘Oh you can say that now, Dan, but what about when I get older and you don’t fancy me anymore? Face it, Dan, when I’m sixty, you’ll still only be forty-four.’
‘And what has that got to do with anything, Jess. I love you.’ He put his hand to his forehead in exasperation and continued. ‘Jess, listen to me. We are meant to be together. Our outer bodies are just a shell for the person within, and the person within you, Jess, is the most beautiful being I’ve ever met in my whole life.’
Jess failed to take this in and continued. ‘What if I don’t want sex as much as you? What if you meet someone younger and prettier than me who does?’
Dan put his fingers to Jess’s lips. ‘Shush now, Jess.’
‘Don’t you bloody shush me. I’m just being realistic, Dan. I’ve just been shit on from a great height by somebody who used to say I was the most beautiful woman in the world, and we were similar ages. Sixteen years, Dan, not four, not six, but sixteeen. It’s a huge age gap by anyone’s standards.’
It was then that Jess dropped her bombshell. ‘Dan, I don’t think we should get married.’
Tears filled Dan’s eyes. ‘Don’t say that, Jess, you’re drunk, you’ve overacted. In the morning things will seem different.’
‘In the morning Dan, I will still be fifty and you will still be thirty-four,’ came out of Jess’s mouth, when what she really wanted to say was, ‘In the morning, Dan, I will still know that Evie is not your daughter, and I don’t think I can bear to keep something so huge from the man I really do love.
Chapter Thirty-eight
‘Jess, Jess, wake up.’ Dan shook Jess’s arm gently. ‘I have to go. It’s Evie, she’s been taken ill.’
Jess groaned. ‘What time is it?’ she said dozily, not registering what Dan had just said. In her half asleep, drunken state, she hadn’t even heard the hotel phone ring.
‘It’s 4 a.m. Look I’m gonna have to take your car.’ Jess half opened her eyes.
‘Jess, did you hear me!’ Dan said loudly, turning the light on and rushing to pull his clothes on.
‘Turn it off!’ Jess murmured moodily. Dan lost his patience and shouted. ‘Jess, my daughter is in hospital, I’m taking your car. I have to go now.’
Jess came to her senses. ‘Evie, oh my God, what’s wrong with her? Which hospital? Do you want me to come with you?’
Dan rushed towards the door, pulling a shoe on as he did so. ‘She just woke up with terrible stomach pains and has been violently sick. She’s at Wexham Park in Slough. Turn your mobile on. I’ll call you as soon as I’ve got some news.’
Within minutes of the bedroom door shutting behind an anxious Dan, Jess was up, washed and packed. She was ashamed of herself for not supporting Dan in his hour of need. She asked the concierge to get her a cab. Her hangover was so bad, that she embarrassingly had to ask the driver to pull in to Heston Services so that she could be sick. ‘Never again,’ she whimpered as she crawled back in to the waiting vehicle.
An hour later she walked up to the hospital reception. She had downed a litre of water in the taxi and was beginning to feel slightly better. ‘Good morning, I wonder if you can help me. I’m here to see how Evie Meadows is. She was brought in a few hours ago.’
‘Are you a relative?’ The bespectacled, grey-haired lady behind the counter enquired.
‘Er, yes,’ Jess replied hesitantly, and put her hand to her forehead. She was very pale. ‘Are you OK?’ the receptionist enquired. ‘Yes, yes, sorry,’ Jess added. ‘I just need to go the, the ladies, I’ll be right back.’
Jess headed for the toilet, her head was spinning. Yes, she was a relative. In fact on paper she was Evie’s step-mother and probably even had more of a claim to the beautiful Evie Alexandra Meadows than her beloved Daniel Harris. She felt sick again. All of this was too much to bear. If she really wanted to, then she could legally be entitled to look after the second child that she had always wished for. What a mess!
‘She’s in theatre.’
‘Theatre?’ Jess exclaimed.
‘It’s OK dear, nothing serious. She’s having her appendix out. There is a relative’s waiting roo
m, first floor. You’ll see the signs. Her parents are up there already.’ She pointed to some stairs.
‘Thanks, thanks very much,’ Jess uttered.
Jess hovered outside the waiting room. She could see Dan and Alex sitting next to each other through the glass. She suddenly felt really awkward. It seemed wrong somehow for her to see them together. There were a few seats in the corridor. She sat on one to gain her composure, before she faced them both.
She fleetingly thought back to the night of the Christmas party all of those years ago when Dan had spent the night with her. The fun, the passion. Everything was simple then. She had loved him, loved him with an intensity with which she doubted she’d ever love anyone else again. And here she was sitting here now, almost eleven years on, with the same man in the room next to her, but a million miles away from those heady first days of their relationship.
And here also was Alex Hargreaves, nee Meadows: the woman who had not only slept with Jess’s husband and lover, but had also brought on the death of Sam, plus nearly killed her and her precious Freya. Everything about the situation suddenly seemed very dark, and it was at this precise moment Jess knew her final decision had been made. She had to move on. There were too many secrets, too many betrayals, too much heartache. With a little girl’s lifelong happiness at stake, Jess had to remove herself from this whole situation. A situation that seemed almost dirty. A situation that she didn’t want to be part of anymore. Yes, she loved Dan but not with the blind intensity that she had felt before.
She was older and wiser now. Life was hard enough as it was, without having to live with betrayal. By holding on to this secret she couldn’t give one hundred per cent to Dan, and it would destroy her. By giving it away, she would destroy him and maybe Evie. It was time for Jessica Morley and Freya Beresford to start a new life and find the happiness they truly deserved, without any secrets and without Daniel Harris.