by Nicola May
It wasn’t the right time to talk to him now. She would speak to him when Evie was on the mend. Just as she stood up to leave, the door of the waiting room opened and Dan appeared.
‘Jess? You came. Poor little angel, she was in so much pain. She’s having her appendix out as we speak.’ He had tears in his eyes.
Jess couldn’t bear to see Dan looking so sad and held her arms out to him to hug him.
‘I love her so much, Jess.’ he said.
Jess stroked his hair to comfort him, as if he were a small boy. ‘I know you do Dan,’ she soothed, and realised that actually it didn’t matter who Evie’s real father was. Dan would love this little lady more than anyone in the world. And for him not to know the truth, was the right decision. It would most certainly break his heart in two if he knew.
‘I love you too, Jess, you know that don’t you?’ Dan continued.
‘I know, baby, I know,’ Jess replied with tears in her eyes.
‘I have to go now, Dan.’ Jess broke away from their embrace and continued. ‘Have you got my car keys please?’
‘Sure, sure, here they are, but where are you going? Don’t you want to wait and see Evie?’
‘Home, Dan, home. Give Evie all of my love and tell her to be brave and get better very soon.’
‘But you can tell her that yourself, Jess, can’t you? Later or tomorrow?’ Dan’s voice started to crack. Jess was hurting inside. She turned her back and walked towards the stairs. Dan followed her outside. ‘Jess, please don’t leave me like this. I love you so much and Evie does too.’ Jess was now crying. ‘Dan, I have to. Something just doesn’t feel right between us now and I’m not prepared to settle. You were the one who said I was an all or nothing kinda girl.’ She smiled weakly. ‘But, Jess, we can make it work, I know we can. Look at how Freya and Evie get on too. We’ve got our own little family now.’
Jess swallowed hard.
‘You said you loved me,’ Dan whispered.
‘I do, Dan. You are a very special person and don’t you ever forget that, but I’ve made my mind up and there’s no going back.’
‘If this is to do with your age, Jess, like you said last night, then please don’t do this to me, to us.’
Jess shook her head. ‘It’s not just that.’
Dan raised his voice. ‘It shouldn’t be not just that at all. I’ve told you a million times that I love you. God!’ He pulled at his hair with both hands. ‘If we didn’t have bloody passports or birth certificates then there wouldn’t even be an issue. What is it with this society and age!’ An old man in a dressing gown, who’d sneaked outside to have a cigarette, stared at the commotion.
‘Dan, stop! I know you love me, but I’ve got to go now and find my happiness elsewhere. I’m so, so sorry. Goodbye.’
Chapter Thirty-nine
Jess drove straight to Emma’s. She was in tears when she reached her. She was pleased to see Freya playing in the garden. Emma had kindly had her for the night, whilst she was at Hope’s wedding.
‘Jess, what on earth is wrong?’
‘I’ve left him, Em. For good. I had to finish it now.’
‘Oh Jess. Come here.’ She gave her friend a big hug.
‘I had to do it now, before it got too far down the line. I told him that age was an issue, that I wouldn’t ever feel secure.’ Jess whimpered.
‘And how did he take it?’
‘Really badly, he is completely in love with me. I feel so terrible doing it but I have to think of myself and Freya on this one.’
‘I’m proud of you, Jess, I actually was reading an article in one of the Sunday supplements yesterday that said to let go with love is one of the hardest things to do. But I think you’ve done the right thing.’
‘You do?’ Jess wanted reassurance.
‘Yes, you are always saying to me, “If in doubt don’t do it” and this is definitely the case here. And who knows further down the line what will happen.’
‘I’m not to’ing and fro’ing to Dan if that’s what you mean, Em. That is the worst thing he did to me, all those years ago. I love him enough to leave him alone and let him get over me. I can’t bear the thought of not having him in my life, but I think that is what has to happen to be fair to him.’
‘And what about Evie?’ Emma enquired gently.
Jess’s eyes filled with tears. Now was the time. She couldn’t keep it in any longer.
‘Em, I have the biggest secret to tell you. You are the only person who is going to know this, but if I don’t get it off my chest I am going to explode.’ She took a deep breath. ‘You have to promise me, Em, that this one will go to the grave with us both.’
Emma held Jess’s hand. She hated to see her friend this troubled. ‘Without question, Jess, and you know that.’
‘Not even Mark,’ Jess added.
‘Not even Mark,’ Em replied softly. ‘You know you can trust me mate.’
‘Evie is Sam’s.’
‘Oh my God, are you sure?’
‘Yes, positive. Alex told me the whole story and there is no reason whatsoever for her to lie.’
Emma made tea as Jess relayed her encounter with Alex after the will reading.
‘So you see why it has to be a secret? Dan and Evie must never know.’
‘I agree totally. Why make two lives unhappy for no reason and now with Sam dead anyway, it’s not like Evie can get to know her own father.’
This mention of Sam made Jess suddenly feel really sad. Tears filled her eyes again.
‘Look, Jess, you are so doing the right thing being on your own again. You have been through so much in such a short space of time. You do still need time to get over Sam. However much of a bastard he was, you spent a lot of years with him and you did love him.’
Jess nodded. ‘And being realistic, age is an issue with Dan. It is a big gap and I know you, you would start feeling insecure whatever he said to reassure you. And you would probably end up pushing him away and being on your own anyway.’
Jess nodded as Emma continued. ‘And as for keeping it from Dan about Evie, it would destroy you. Leaving him is the only way forward for you.’
‘Thanks, Em, you’ve helped me make sense of my own head. I can’t live a lie with Dan. And if I did tell him the truth it would make him so unhappy and I do love him enough to not want that. He was so upset when I left him though.’
‘Time is a healer,’ Em uttered.
‘God I remember that saying.’ Jess smiled weakly. ‘But, yes it is.’ She took a sip of tea and continued. ‘On a positive note, Dan is still young enough to meet someone else and start a new family. He will be fine.’
‘And you, my lovely ,Jessica Morley, are still young and gorgeous enough to meet somebody wonderful and be very happy for the rest of your life.’ Emma rested her hand on Jess’s shoulder. ‘So have you thought about what you are going to do now?’
‘I have actually. I’m going to move to Cornwall for a while. There is a really good school in Looe for Freya and it will give me the chance to write that novel. There’s a book in everyone so they say.’ She attempted a smile.
‘I’m going to miss you big time, Jess, but I think it’s a really good idea. A completely new start.’
‘That is the only downside not being near my friends,’ Jess continued. ‘But on the big upside, Seagull Cottage is such a party house, and with so much space, anyone can come and stay anytime. I was thinking of having everyone down for Christmas actually.’
‘That sounds like a lovely idea. I’m definitely up for that.’
‘So when are you going, Jess?’
‘As soon as I’ve got everything tied up this end, so in a few weeks probably. The school says they can take Freya anytime. I’m actually looking forward to having some me-time. Freya and I will be just fine.’
‘I know you will, Jess. You’re a brave lady and I love you very much.’
Chapter Forty
Dan had never before felt such sorrow. He had always thought broken h
earts were a myth but the pain he was actually feeling inside made him think that one half of his heart had actually fallen into his stomach. He felt that if he cried any more he would surely have no more tears left for anything else that may upset him. He asked Alex to look after Evie and he stayed in bed for two days, just venturing downstairs for Stella to try and numb his hurt.
Somehow he felt safe under the duvet. Like the real world was not happening, he could escape and feel safe. He could see no purpose in being here without Jess. Light turned into dark and dark into light. Never before had he loved anybody with such a passion and he felt she would never love anyone again. He prayed that one day they could be friends as the thought of never seeing Jess again was too much to bear.
Chapter Forty-one
Phoebe, Glen and the girls were the first to arrive at Seagull Cottage. Freya ran down the stairs screeching with excitement.
‘Mummy says its three more sleeps until Father Christmas comes, is that right, Auntie Phoebe?’
‘Yes it is, darling. Now I hope you’ve been a good girl or he might not come.’
‘He will come,’ replied Freya adamantly. ‘I wrote him a letter and asked him to.’
Jess smiled at her beautiful daughter’s exuberance.
‘How you doing, big sis?’ Phoebe enquired lovingly.
‘Really good actually. Freya is enjoying her new school, which is a relief and I’ve already made a couple of friends through a writing club I’ve joined.’
When everyone was settled in bed, Jess went downstairs to check she had locked the door. She looked out of the front window and noticed the full moon had created its twinkly pathway right across the sea. She thought of Dan and the night he had surprised her here at the cottage. Tears began to fall silently down her cheeks. She loved him. Loved him like she had never loved any other man in her life. She knew however that she had made the right decision this time. At least now, with him gone from their lives, she and Freya could move on, with no deceit hanging over them. Just pure honesty, trust and love.
Christmas Day arrived. ‘Do they know it’s Christmas Time’ blared out of Jess’s speakers.
Jess looked around the room at her friends and family and felt a surge of love for them all. Freya, Georgina, Annabel, and Emma’s three, excitedly opened their presents. Even though there were four teenagers present, they still had the same look of excitement on their faces as the youngsters. Karl tenderly looked at Shelley as she waddled out to the kitchen. Their baby was due any day now and they were both really excited. Hope and Jack-the-Lad sat holding hands on the sofa giving each other butterfly kisses as usual. Even Emma and Mark had managed not to bicker for the past hour. Phoebe and Glen discussed when the turkey should be ready. Jess’s Dad and Maria both sipped on their sherries.
‘Right has everybody got a drink?’ Karl enquired.
‘Yes,’ they all shouted in unison.
‘I’d like to make a toast to our wonderful host, my beautiful sister Jessica.’
‘To Jessica!’
‘Mummy?’ Freya suddenly piped up.
‘Yes, darling.’
‘I love you more than Father Christmas.’
Everybody laughed out loud.
‘And I love you more than mince pies.’
Epilogue
Jess sat back in her chair and re-read the first three chapters of the novel she was writing. She could hear the cry of gulls but could barely see them against the white, winter sky. Waves crashed on to the rugged Cornish coastline below.
‘Come on, Mum, we better go, I’m going to be late for school,’ Freya urged.
Jess pulled on her hat and scarf and opened the door. White flakes fell onto her face and she laughed out loud.
‘Fresh Snow, Freya! Fresh Snow!’
THE END
Nicola May
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Published by Accent Press Ltd 2015
ISBN 9781783758920
Copyright © Nicola May 2015
The right of Nicola May to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
The story contained within this book is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, electrostatic, magnetic tape, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the written permission of the publishers: Accent Press Ltd, Ty Cynon House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN