The Real You

by N. J. Nielsen

  Both men ignored Brie’s unsympathetic laugh at Daniel’s statement. Daniel’s current girlfriend in Viv’s eyes wasn’t much better than Grace.

  By the venom in his brother’s words, Viv knew without a doubt that Daniel was still as fucked now as he had been before at the hands of Grace and all her stupid mind games. Once she had been so sweet, then it seemed as though she’d changed overnight. What she’d done to Daniel had destroyed what she and Viv had shared. Viv always had the feeling Brie had somehow been involved in what had happened to Daniel, but he couldn’t prove it. Hence, the reason Brie was still in their lives.

  Daniel studied him, and Viv realized his brother saw all the emotions he couldn’t quite hide as he listened to Grace’s favorite song. Viv suspected his present girlfriend of being part of the group that had drugged Daniel and uploaded the video to the Internet for the world to see. Viv blinked away the unwanted tears of anger and humiliation at the memory of Grace and all the pain she had repeatedly inflicted. She was the reason he no longer dated seriously. There was no way in hell he was letting anybody get that close to him again.

  “Yeah,” Daniel mumbled more to himself. “He’s much too pretty.”

  “Daniel, sometimes the shit that comes out of your mouth amuses me and has me wondering what the fuck you’re on?” Viv chuckled as he tried to divert the attention away from his own unwanted show of emotion over the coincidence of a stupid song. Even though he had never meant for what he’d said to hurt, pain flashed in Daniel’s eyes.

  God give me strength.

  Silence fell between them for a moment and, as much as he tried, Viv couldn’t seem to take his eye off the young male singer. Viv thought he was very pretty—for a man. His short, dark and spiky hair stood up in odd angles all over his head, as though he had been frustrated and had only moments before scrubbed his hand across his scalp. He also had a pencil-thin mustache and beard stubble. Facial hair looked strange on him, yet in a weird way, Viv rather liked it. The guy’s build was lean, but not overly thin. Sweat glistened on his face under the stage lights, and by the way he was singing, he obviously enjoyed what he was doing—he looked happy. More than a few people in the crowd, both male and female, were turned toward the show ogling the singer, which amused Viv, as the guy seemed oblivious to them.

  “What did I say?” Daniel asked, his attention also riveted to the stage.

  Viv studied his brother and got the feeling that Daniel was reflecting over everything they had talked about and again, Viv had to agree with Daniel’s earlier comments. The singer really was pretty, and if Viv had to be honest, he was better looking than Grace. Daniel had been right about that. He was probably somewhere between Daniel’s twenty years and Viv’s own thirty-two years. He wondered whether the guy was straight. In his opinion, he didn’t think anyone so damn pretty could be straight, and he gave off the ‘I’m too sexy to be single’ vibe.

  Where the hell did that thought come from? I’m not gay. I’m not attracted to men, no matter how damn cute they are. More than likely some handsome young man is waiting on the sidelines for him to finish, so even if I was attracted, there is nothing I can do about it. So let’s close that door and move the hell on.

  Daniel sighed, and Viv had a feeling his brother was already infatuated with the man on stage. For some strange reason, Viv didn’t like how his brother watched the guy. Part of him wanted to remind Daniel that he had a girlfriend sitting at the table with them—a fucking pain in the arse girlfriend, but Dan’s girlfriend nonetheless—and to keep his eyes off someone he wasn’t dating.

  “Just forget it. I didn’t mean what I just said. I don’t want to talk about Grace.” He said his ex’s name with more than a touch of bitter hatred. “I’m sorry I took my frustration out on you.” Viv stared at the singer once more and aimed an intense amount of dislike at him. In his own mind, the stranger entertaining the crowd was the reason he and his brother were now at odds. Well, not odds exactly. More that he was the reason Viv was taking his hurt and self-hatred out on his brother over bringing Grace into their lives in the first place.

  Even as he funneled his misguided resentment toward the stage, he knew his reaction didn’t make sense. He didn’t know this guy from Adam. After tonight, he would probably never see him again. Was it fair to blame the entertainer for his own stupidity? Maybe this was a blessing in disguise. Still, he couldn’t seem to take his gaze away from the fellow. And crazier still, his imagination told him the guy was looking right back at him. Viv nearly laughed aloud. For a moment, it felt as though his heart was pounding in time to the thumping music.

  How crazy is that?

  Viv had never classed himself as homophobic, though many people still saw him that way. Why? He never really knew. For him the issue was simple—he preferred girls. Girls were soft in all the right places. Sure, once or twice—okay, maybe a few times in the past—he had thought some dude was good-looking, but that was as far as those thoughts had ever gone. Never once had he acted upon them. This guy was definitely handsome, but realizing this didn’t make Viv gay, did it? Viv was used to being around gay men and women and it never really bothered him in the least, especially living with Daniel, who didn’t seem to care who he loved, as long as he was loved in return. Maybe his brother felt that way since he was only twenty and not ready to settle down. Most of Daniel’s relationships had been based on lust with a tendency to burn out fast. No matter what, Viv loved his brother exactly the way he was, even if, at times, Daniel’s antics frustrated the hell out of him.

  He couldn’t say the same for some of the people his brother chose to be with. Daniel’s current and longest fling was starting to go sour, and Viv hoped Brie would soon leave the picture. He was sure that Daniel had only stayed with her for as long as he had because he knew how much she pissed Viv off. His brother had always enjoyed making Viv as uncomfortable as possible, and this girl certainly did the job well. He couldn’t stand the bitch. She was sly, and his gut told him she was bad news.

  Not only that, Brie was rude, crude and very uncouth. Viv glanced at her and rolled his eyes. She also seemed mesmerized by the singer on stage. The lust was written so plainly on her face. He wondered if she would hit on the poor guy like she had with other band members who played at Declan’s. Not that Daniel knew what his precious Brie had been doing. Viv wanted to tell her she was wasting her time. The guy wouldn’t be interested in her anyway. The only thing stopping him from speaking up was the fact that he didn’t have a clue what type of person the singer preferred sexually. And he couldn’t bring himself to speak to her, as it would only end in another argument. Maybe he should tell Daniel how often his girlfriend had hit on not only Viv, but also every other male in the near vicinity for the seventeen months Daniel had been with her. No, he couldn’t say anything. If he did, it would only end up hurting Daniel more.

  Why the hell did Tony hire this band anyway?

  And what was with the group’s name? Darkness Crawls?

  He shook his head at the other two occupants sitting at the table with him. Viv could see the handsome guy on stage was going to become Daniel’s new obsession.

  Oh, what joy.

  Not.

  Viv could only imagine his near future inundated with the presence of a man who was already confusing Viv’s body enough to make him want to run for the hills and never look back. He didn’t know whether he would be able to bear to witness Daniel being with this guy without giving himself away too.

  His thoughts came back to the here and now when Daniel kicked his foot under the table and growled, “Viv, you know what? You can kiss my arse.”

  A smile tugged at the edge of Viv’s mouth as he turned to his brother and saw Daniel gearing up for a fight without once taking his gaze off the stage.

  Tonight’s finally going to be the end of Brie. Halle-fucking-lujah! Well, I hope it’s the end of her, since there is no way Dan could be really mad at me. Dan’s never mad at me, no matter how much we fight. I almost feel sorry
for the poor, dumb bitch. Wait… Nope—not sorry at all. I’ll argue all Dan wants, especially if it gets me what I want.

  The song kept bringing his focus back to the stage, and the feelings he had no right having for a perfect stranger were doing some sort of happy dance right in the middle of his gut.

  Why does he have to sing this song? Why now? Is this some sort of a sign? And if so, what’s the message?

  Viv was a big believer in signs. It was something taught to him by his father who had always said, ‘Everything happens for a reason, so make sure you’re listening’.

  He sighed. Please don’t let Grace come back and ruin everything. Why do I always turn into a total fucktard the minute she smiles at me?

  Viv couldn’t chance his ex getting anywhere near Daniel. Not after what had happened last time. Viv closed his eyes. He prayed he was wrong. But the way his luck was running lately, she would be turning up shortly just to fuck with his head again. In the past, she’d come into his life at yearly intervals and here the year was nearly up since her last stint of hell-raising.

  As Viv slowly opened his eyes again, his gaze drifted back toward the stage. He froze when he realized the singer was still staring at him. There was no doubt in his mind that the man was looking at only him. His breath caught when he saw a crooked smile flash shyly in his direction. A strange warmth ran through him, one he didn’t want to understand. A vibration settled in the pit of his stomach as he fought to get his thoughts into some semblance of order.

  Stranger still, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling back.

  What the hell am I doing?

  I am so fucked.

  “Well, that’s a first,” Daniel blurted out in apparent shock. “If I didn’t know better, I would think the singer was coming on to…well…you. And if my eyes aren’t deceiving me, I would say you’re flirting back.” Daniel stared at Viv.

  Daniel bit his lip, and Viv wondered if his brother sensed the weird shit swirling inside him, messing everything up. Daniel’s eyes widened further and his jaw dropped open when Viv shrugged then turned back to the stage and grinned at the singer again.

  “When you got it, flaunt it.” Viv grinned, not sure why he was taking delight in Daniel’s inflammatory statement of the guy flirting with him. So, he did the only thing he could think of and blew it off as a joke before adding, “Honestly, he’s probably staring at you anyway.”

  “Viv,” Daniel asked quietly, worry written clearly across his face, “do I really piss you off?”

  Viv should have known his brother would come back to his stupid comment from earlier. “No, Dan. You don’t. I’m sorry I said what I did.” Sometimes Viv hated the way his mouth shot off and, nine times out of ten, his poor brother copped the brunt of one of his rants.

  “Sometimes I feel like you’re always disappointed in me,” Daniel admitted sadly.

  Viv fell silent as he watched Daniel’s apprehension. There were twelve years in age between them but they were close. They’d always stood up and fought for each other when needed. In the last seventeen years, he’d raised Daniel without any help whatsoever from his mother. She had dumped the then three-year-old Daniel in his lap and had taken off on a road trip with Daniel’s father.

  Apparently, having to raise a child hadn’t fitted in with their plans.

  “No, Dan. You could never disappoint me.” Viv stroked his brother’s arm. Daniel seemed to brighten with his next words. “You’re like a son to me. I’ll always be proud of you, no matter what I say otherwise.” He reached out again and patted his brother’s cheek in comfort and reassurance. “And I’ll always love you.”

  Sometimes Viv thought his brother had the attention span of a flea. Now that he’d been reassured he was still wanted and loved, Daniel had moved on to the next subject at hand, and truthfully, Viv welcomed the distraction from his own current and disturbing thoughts. For once, he would be willing to listen to whatever his brother wanted to ramble about, especially if this conversation kept his thoughts and hormones away from where they had no right going.

  “Did I tell you about the most intriguing—and also the strangest—girl I kind of met today?”

  Viv shook his head and waited for Daniel to go on.

  “I was heading across the street to buy Tony a burger, and this girl walked by me. She was laughing aloud to herself. I was fascinated, so I followed her.”

  Viv watched him curiously. “You stalked a stranger?”

  Daniel shrugged. “No, I didn’t stalk a stranger. Well, not stalked exactly. I kind of followed her into the music store and watched her while she was looking through all the CDs. I couldn’t help myself. I needed to watch. She was so fucking beautiful,” Daniel said, and his eyes lit up. “You know, she was one of those people who is beautiful without even trying to be and more than likely, doesn’t even know she is. I could have stared happily at her all day.”

  When his brother sighed dramatically, Viv tried not to laugh. “And how’s that not classed as stalking? The music store is four blocks from here.”

  Daniel rolled his eyes. “Anyway, what I’m getting at is that she saw me and put down the CDs she was holding, then she stood and stared right back at me for the longest time. She pushed her sunnies up on top of her head to reveal amazing, big blue eyes that were twinkling and happy. When I thought it was about time I got the hell out of there, she started rummaging through her bag and pulled out a packet of photos. She sorted through them, picked one out and said, ‘What’s your name?’ And after I told her, she scribbled my name across the bottom of the photo, put a heart with an S at the bottom and said, ‘Here’s a photo. It lasts longer’.”

  A slow smile crept across his brother’s face seconds before he spoke again.

  “Then before I could think of anything to say back, she grabbed me by my neck and pulled me toward her so she could kiss me. And I mean it was a full-on, no holds barred kiss. When we were finished, she asked for her mint back as it had ended up in my mouth. Then she winked at me as she popped the lolly back into her own mouth while paying for her stuff. Before my brain had time to think straight, she started laughing to herself again and walked out of the store. I really wanted to keep following her around town all afternoon—but then that would have been stalking.”

  Viv wondered if Daniel even realized he had sighed and was now wearing a big, goofy grin. Brie, on the other hand, snorted in what could only be disbelief, though an angry frown seemed to be quickly forming around her eyes. She folded her arms in front of her and listened as she glared daggers at Daniel. Daniel was purposely ignoring her, and the shit was about to hit the fan. Viv couldn’t wait.

  “So what did you do then?” Viv asked, knowing he was only furthering Brie’s anger. And didn’t that just make him happy?

  “I was too stunned to do anything but stand there, and by the time I’d got outside, she was gone. So, I walked back and got Tony’s burger, after I’d bought a frame so I could put the photo on my desk in the office. Remind me to show you before we go home tonight.” Daniel shook his head in awe at the memory of the girl, a smile settling on his face. “I might even get it blown up so it’s bigger. She’s dressed up like a hippie in shades of purple and her golden hair looks like a halo. If I find her again, I might ask her to marry me, before she has a chance to walk away.”

  “So what was the name of this beautiful girl you want to marry?” Viv asked curiously. He could almost see the anger pouring off Brie as she fumed over the turn the conversation had taken. The sour look on her face was an indication of an imminent explosion. Viv wanted to usher them into the office, so he stood and gestured for his brother to stand. “Come and show me the picture now. I want to have a look at the woman who stole your heart.”

  The band was just finishing their set as Viv stood up. Daniel nodded and led him toward the staff entrance to their office. He knew Brie was following but Viv didn’t care, as long as her hissy fit took place behind closed doors. The argument was going to be epic.


  An even angrier Brie slammed the door shut behind them as Daniel walked over, picked the frame up off his desk and handed it to Viv. Surprise filled Viv when he realized that the woman was every bit as beautiful as his brother had claimed.

  Daniel shrugged and pointed to the signature. “I don’t know her name, but it has to start with an S.”

  Their conversation abruptly ended when Brie began furiously yelling obscenities at Daniel. Maybe they should really have saved this particular conversation until the club was empty, because pounds to peanuts the patrons of the nightclub would still be able to hear her through the walls, despite the music. Viv listened to her colorful language about exactly what Daniel could do with the photo of this oh so fucking beautiful girl. Viv was impressed at how Daniel stood so calmly through her whole tirade with one eyebrow cocked as he looked at Brie.

  This was the end. Viv knew exactly what was going to come out of his brother’s mouth next. He had heard this speech a few times before and could practically say it word for word with Daniel. This time Viv happily waited for Daniel to speak. He had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.

  Daniel shook his head in mock dismay, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I love you… No, wait. On second thought, I don’t. Things were good while they lasted, but you and I both know we’re going nowhere. So don’t call me, and I definitely won’t call you—ever.”

  Without so much as a second glance, Daniel turned back to Viv and resumed the conversation about the strange and beautiful girl he’d met earlier that morning. Neither of them even looked up as Brie continued to curse profusely before she stormed out of the office.

  Was it wrong that Viv wanted to jump up and down and shout out his happiness to the world? Luckily, for everyone involved, he was too mature to act like a giddy schoolgirl. But he did give his brother a nudge on the shoulder accompanied by a manic grin before they walked back out onto the main floor of their nightclub.

  “Come on. Let’s go out and meet the band.” He felt safe to do this now, seeing as the singer had rushed out of the place as soon as they’d left the stage for a break. Wherever he was going, he was in one hell of a hurry.