American Buffalo

by David Mamet

  TEACH: And don’t worry about anything.

  DON: I won’t.

  TEACH: I don’t want to hear you’re worrying about a goddamned thing.

  DON: You won’t, Teach.

  TEACH: You’re sure you want Fletch coming with us?

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: All right, then, so long as you’re sure.

  DON: I’m sure, Teach.

  TEACH: Then I’m going to see you tonight.

  DON: Goddamn right you are.

  TEACH: I am seeing you later.

  DON: I know.

  TEACH: Good-bye.

  DON: Good-bye.

  TEACH: I want to make one thing plain before I go, Don. I am not mad at you.

  DON: I know.

  TEACH: All right, then.

  DON: You have a good nap.

  TEACH: I will.

  TEACH exits.

  DON: Fuckin‘ business . . .

  Lights dim to black.

  *Some portions of the dialogue appear in parentheses, which serve to mark a slight change of outlook on the part of the speaker—perhaps a momentary change to a more introspective regard.—D.M.

  ACT II

  Don’s Resale Shop. 11:15 that evening. The shop is darkened. DON is alone. He is holding the telephone to his ear.

  DON: Great. Great great great great great.

  Pause.

  (Cocksucking fuckhead . . .)

  Pause.

  This is greatness.

  DON hangs up phone. BOB appears in the door to the shop.

  What are you doing here?

  BOB: I came here.

  DON: For what?

  BOB: I got to talk to you.

  DON: Why?

  BOB: Business.

  DON: Yeah?

  BOB: I need some money.

  DON: What for?

  BOB: Nothing. I can pay for it.

  DON: For what?

  BOB: This guy. I found a coin.

  DON: A coin?

  BOB: A buffalo-head.

  DON: Nickel?

  BOB: Yeah. You want it?

  Pause.

  DON: What are you doing here, Bob?

  BOB: I need money.

  DON picks up phone and dials. He lets it ring as he talks to BOB.

  You want it?

  DON: What?

  BOB: My buffalo.

  DON: Lemme look at it.

  Pause.

  I got to look at it to know do I want it.

  BOB: You don’t know if you want it?

  DON: I probably want it . . . what I’m saying, if it’s worth anything.

  BOB: It’s a buffalo, it’s worth something.

  DON: The question is but what. It’s just like everything else, Bob. Like every other fucking thing. (Pause. He hangs up phone.) Were you at The Riv?

  BOB: Before.

  DON: Is Fletch over there?

  BOB: No.

  DON: Teach?

  BOB: NO. Ruth and Gracie was there for a minute.

  DON: What the fuck does that mean?

  Pause.

  BOB: Nothing.

  Pause.

  Only they were there.

  Pause.

  I didn’t mean anything . . . my nickel . . . I can tell you what it is.

  Pause.

  I can tell you what it is.

  DON: What? What date it is? That don’t mean shit.

  BOB: No?

  DON: Come on, Bobby? What’s important in a coin . . .

  BOB: . . . yeah?

  DON: What condition it’s in . . .

  BOB: (Great.)

  DON: . . . if you can (I don’t know . . .) count the hair on the Indian, something. You got to look it up.

  BOB: In the book?

  DON: Yes.

  BOB: Okay. And then you know.

  DON: Well, no. What I’m saying, the book is like you use it like an indicator (I mean, right off with silver prices . . . so on . . .) (He hangs up phone.) Shit.

  BOB: What?

  DON: What do you want for the coin?

  BOB: What it’s worth only.

  DON: Okay, we’ll look it up.

  BOB: But you still don’t know.

  DON: But you got an idea, Bob. You got an idea you can deviate from.

  Pause.

  BOB: The other guy went ninety bucks.

  DON: He was a fuckin’ sucker, Bob.

  Pause.

  Am I a sucker? (Bob, I’m busy here. You see?)

  BOB: Some coins are worth that.

  DON: Oddities, Bob. Freak oddities of nature. What are we talking about here? The silver? The silver’s maybe three times face. You want fifteen cents for it?

  BOB: No.

  DON: So, okay. So what do you want for it?

  BOB: What it’s worth.

  DON: Let me see it.

  BOB: Why?

  DON: To look in the goddamn . . . Forget it. Forget it. Don’t let me see it.

  BOB: But the book don’t mean shit.

  DON: The book gives us ideas, Bob. The book gives us a basis for comparison.

  Look, we’re human beings. We can talk, we can negotiate, we can this . . . you need money? What do you need?

  Pause.

  BOB: I came here . . .

  Pause.

  DON: What do you need, Bob?

  Pause.

  BOB: How come you’re in here so late?

  DON: We’re gonna play cards.

  BOB: Who?

  DON: Teach and me and Fletcher.

  TEACH enters the store.

  What time is it?

  TEACH: Fuck is he doing here?

  DON: What fucking time is it?

  TEACH: Where’s Fletcher?

  Pause.

  Where’s Fletcher?

  BOB: Hi, Teach.

  TEACH (to DON): What is he doing here?

  BOB: I came in.

  DON: Do you know what time it is?

  TEACH: What? I’m late?

  DON: Damn right you’re late.

  TEACH: I’m fucked up since my watch broke.

  DON: Your watch broke?

  TEACH: I just told you that.

  DON: When did your watch break?

  TEACH: The fuck do I know?

  DON: Well, you look at it. You want to know your watch broke, all you got to do is look at it.

  Pause.

  TEACH: I don’t have it.

  DON: Why not?

  TEACH: I took it off when it broke. (What do you want here?)

  DON: You’re going around without a watch.

  TEACH: Yes. I am, Donny. What am I, you’re my keeper all a sudden?

  DON: I’m paying you to do a thing, Teach, I expect to know where you are when.

  TEACH: Donny. You aren’t paying me to do a thing. We are doing something together. I know we are. My watch broke, that is my concern. The thing is your and my concern. And the concern of Fletcher. You want to find a reason we should jump all over each other all of a sudden like we work in a bloodbank, fine. But it’s not good business.

  Pause.

  And so who knows what time it is offhand? Jerks on the radio? The phone broad?

  Pause.

  Now, I understand nerves.

  DON: There’s no fuckin’ nerves involved in this. Teach.

  TEACH: No, huh?

  DON: No.

  TEACH: Well, great. That’s great, then. So what are we talking about? A little lateness? Some excusable fucking lateness? And a couple of guys they’re understandably a bit excited?

  Pause.

  DON: I don’t like it.

  TEACH: Then don’t like it, then. Let’s do this. Let’s everybody get a writ. I got a case. You got a case. Bobby—I don’t know what the fuck he’s doing here . . .

  DON: Leave him alone.

  TEACH: Now I’m picking on him.

  DON: Leave him alone.

  TEACH: What’s he doing here?

  DON: He came in.

  BOB: I found a nickel.

  TEACH: Hey,
that’s fantastic.

  BOB: You want to see it?

  TEACH: Yes, please let me see it.

  BOB (hands nickel, wrapped in cloth, to TEACH): I like ‘em because of the art on it.

  TEACH: Uh-huh.

  BOB: Because it looks like something.

  TEACH (to DON): Is this worth anything?

  BOB: We don’t know yet.

  TEACH: Oh.

  BOB: We’re going to look it up.

  TEACH: Oh, what? Tonight?

  BOB: I think so.

  DON (hangs up phone): Fuck.

  TEACH: So where is he?

  DON: How the fuck do I know?

  TEACH: He said he’d be here?

  DON: Yes, he did, Teach.

  BOB: Fletcher?

  TEACH: So where is he, then? And what’s he doing here?

  DON: Leave him alone. He’ll leave.

  TEACH: He’s going to leave, huh?

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: You’re sure it isn’t like the bowling league, Fletch doesn’t show up, we just suit up Bobby, give him a shot and he goes in?

  Pause.

  Aaah, fuck. I’m sorry. I spoke in anger. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. (Everybody can make mistakes around here but me.) I’m sorry, Bob, I’m very sorry.

  BOB: That’s okay, Teach.

  TEACH: All I meant to say, we’d give you a fuckin’ suit, like in football . . .

  Pause.

  and you’d (You know, like, whatever . . . ) and you’d go in. (Pause. To DON) So what do you want me to do? Dress up and lick him all over? I said I was sorry, what’s going on here. Huh? In the first place. I come in, I’m late . . . he’s here . . .

  Pause.

  DON: Bobby, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? (He picks phone up and dials.)

  BOB: I need some money.

  TEACH (digging in pockets): What do you need?

  BOB: I want to sell the buffalo nickel.

  TEACH: I’ll buy it myself.

  BOB: We don’t know what it’s worth.

  TEACH: What do you want for it?

  BOB: Fifty dollars.

  TEACH: You’re outta your fuckin’ mind.

  Pause.

  Look. Here’s a fin. Get lost. Okay?

  Pause.

  BOB: It’s worth more than that.

  TEACH: How the fuck do you know that?

  BOB: I think it is.

  Pause.

  TEACH: Okay. You keep the fin like a loan. You keep the fuckin’ nickel, and we’ll call it a loan. Now go on. (He hands nickel back to BOB.)

  DON (hangs up phone): Fuck.

  BOB: I need more.

  TEACH (to DON): Give the kid a couple of bucks.

  DON: What?

  TEACH: Give him some money.

  DON: What for?

  TEACH: The nickel.

  Pause.

  BOB: We can look in the book tomorrow.

  DON (to TEACH): You bought the nickel?

  TEACH: Don’t worry about it. Give him some money. Get him out of here.

  DON: How much?

  TEACH: What? I don’t care . . .

  DON (to BOB): How much . . . (To TEACH) What the fuck am I giving him money for?

  TEACH: Just give it to him.

  DON: What? Ten? (Pause. Digs in pocket, hands bill to BOB.) How is that, Bob? (Pause. Hands additional bill to BOB.) Okay?

  BOB: We’ll look it up.

  DON: Okay. Huh? We’ll see you tomorrow.

  BOB: And we’ll look it up.

  DON: Yes.

  BOB (to TEACH): You should talk to Ruthie.

  TEACH: Oh, I should, huh?

  BOB: Yes.

  TEACH: Why?

  BOB: Because.

  Pause.

  TEACH: I’ll see you tomorrow, Bobby.

  BOB: Good-bye, Teach.

  TEACH: Good-bye.

  DON: Good-bye, Bob.

  BOB: Good-bye.

  Pause, BOB exits.

  DON: Fuckin‘ kid . . .

  TEACH: So where is Fletcher?

  DON: Don’t worry. He’ll be here.

  TEACH: The question is but when. Maybe his watch broke.

  DON: Maybe it just did, Teach. Maybe his actual watch broke.

  TEACH: And maybe mine didn’t, you’re saying? You wanna bet? You wanna place a little fucking wager on it? How much money you got in your pockets? I bet you all the money in your pockets against all the money in my pockets, I walk out that door right now, I come back with a broken watch.

  Pause.

  DON: Calm down.

  TEACH: I am calm. I’m just upset.

  DON: I know.

  TEACH: So where is he when I’m here?

  DON: Don’t worry about it.

  TEACH: So who’s going to worry about it then?

  DON: (Shit.)

  TEACH: This should go to prove you something.

  DON: It doesn’t prove anything. The guy’s just late.

  TEACH: Oh. And I wasn’t?

  DON: You were late, too.

  TEACH: You’re fuckin’ A I was, and I got bawled out for it.

  DON: He’s late for a reason.

  TEACH: I don’t accept it.

  DON: That’s your privilege.

  TEACH: And what was Bob doing here?

  DON: He told you. He wanted to sell me the nickel.

  TEACH: That’s why he came here?

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: To sell you the buffalo?

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: Where did he get it?

  DON: I think from some guy.

  TEACH: Who?

  Pause.

  DON: I don’t know.

  Pause.

  TEACH: Where’s Fletcher?

  DON: I don’t know. He’ll show up. (Picks up phone and dials.)

  TEACH: He’ll show up.

  DON: Yes.

  TEACH: He’s not here now.

  DON: No.

  TEACH: You scout the guy’s house?

  DON: The guy? No.

  TEACH: Well, let’s do that, then. (He’s not home. Hang up.)

  DON (hangs up phone) : You wanna scout his house.

  TEACH: Yeah.

  DON: Why? Bob already saw him when he went off with the suitcase.

  TEACH: Just to be sure, huh?

  DON: Yeah. Okay.

  TEACH: You bet. Now we call him up.

  DON: We call the guy up.

  TEACH: Yeah.

  Pause.

  DON: Good idea. (He picks up phone. Hunts guy’s number. Dials. To himself) We can do this.

  TEACH: This is planning. . . . This is preparation. If he answers . . .

  DON shhhhs TEACH.

  I’m telling you what to do if he answers.

  DON: What?

  TEACH: Hang up. (DON starts to hang up phone.) No. Don’t hang up. Hang up now. Hang up now!

  DON hangs up phone.

  Now look: If he answers . . .

  DON: . . . yeah?

  TEACH: Don’t arouse his fucking suspicions.

  DON: All right.

  TEACH: And the odds are he’s not there, so when he answers just say you’re calling for a wrong fucking number, something. Be simple.

  Pause.

  Give me the phone.

  DON hands TEACH the phone.

  Gimme the card.

  DON hands TEACH card.

  This is his number? 221—7834?

  DON: Yeah.

  TEACH (snorts): All right I dial, I’m calling for somebody named June, and we go interchange on number.

  Pause.

  We’re gonna say like, “Is this 221—7834?”

  DON: . . . yeah?

  TEACH: And they go, “No.” (I mean “—7843.” It is—7834.)

  So we go, very simply, “Is this 221—7843?” and they go “No,” and right away the guy is home, we still haven’t blown the shot.

  DON: Okay.

  TEACH picks up the phone and dials.

  TEACH (into phone): Hi. Yeah. I’m calling . . . uh . . . is June
there?

  Pause.

  Well, is this 221—7843?

  Pause.

  It is? Well, look I must of got the number wrong. I’m sorry.

  He hangs up phone.

  (This is bizarre.) Read me that number.

  DON: 221—7834.

  TEACH: Right. (Dials phone. Listens.) Nobody home. See, this is careful operation . . . (Pause. Hangs up.) You wanna try it?

  DON: No.

  TEACH: I don’t mind that you’re careful, Don. This doesn’t piss me off. What gets me mad, when you get loose.

  DON: What do you mean?

  TEACH: You know what I mean.

  DON: No, I don’t.

  TEACH: Yes you do. I come in here. The kid’s here.

  DON: He doesn’t know anything.

  TEACH: He doesn’t.

  DON: No.

  TEACH: What was he here for, then?

  DON: Sell me the buffalo.

  TEACH: Sell it tonight.

  DON: Yeah.

  TEACH: A valuable nickel.

  DON: We don’t know.

  Pause.

  TEACH: Where is Fletch?

  DON: I don’t know. (Picks up phone and dials.)

  TEACH: He’s not home. He’s not home, Don. He’s out.

  DON (into phone): Hello?

  TEACH: He’s in?

  DON: This is Donny Dubrow.

  TEACH: The Riv?

  DON: I’m looking for Fletcher.

  Pause.

  Okay. Thank you. (He hangs up.)

  TEACH: Cocksucker should be horsewhipped with a horsewhip.

  DON: He’ll show up.

  TEACH: Fucking Riverside, too. (Thirty-seven cents for takeout coffee . . .)

  DON: Yeah. (Picks up phone.)

  TEACH: A lot of nerve you come in there for sixteen years. This is not free enterprise.

  DON: No.

  TEACH: You know what is free enterprise?

  DON: No. What?

  TEACH: The freedom . . .

  DON: . . . yeah?

  TEACH: Of the Individual . . .

  DON: . . . yeah?

  TEACH: To Embark on Any Fucking Course that he sees fit.

  DON: Uh-huh . . .

  TEACH: In order to secure his honest chance to make a profit. Am I so out of line on this?

  DON: No.

  TEACH: Does this make me a Commie?

  DON: No.

  TEACH: The country’s founded on this, Don. You know this.

  DON: Did you get a chance to take a nap?

  TEACH: Nap nap nap nap nap. Big deal.

  DON (Pause): Yeah.

  TEACH: Without this we’re just savage shitheads in the wilderness.

  DON: Yeah.

  TEACH: Sitting around some vicious campfire. That’s why Ruthie bums me up.

  DON: Yeah.

  TEACH: (Nowhere dyke . . .) And take those fuckers in the concentration camps. You think they went in there by choice?

  DON: No.

  TEACH: They were dragged in there, Don . . .

  DON: . . . yeah.

  TEACH: Kicking and screaming. Gimme that fucking phone.