Unspoken: A High School Bully Romance: The Longlake Duet, Book 2

by Hattie Jude

  I think of a dozen different ways I could respond to Raf’s text, but I’m so annoyed by it, especially after he had Heidi, the bitchy druggie, straddled around his waist, kissing her. He has no right to demand any answers from me. I don’t owe him anything, especially when I have no idea myself what the fuck that was.

  I’m smiling when I fall asleep though. The beauty of the kiss in itself was liberating…but also the justice of it. I decide not to overthink it and just be happy that it happened, for whatever reason. It made me feel better and it made Raf miserable.

  Two things I can feel good about.

  When I wake up the next morning, I pick up my phone. Ten o’clock. Can’t remember the last time I slept this late.

  There are three more messages from Raf.

  Raf: Answer me, dammit.

  Raf: Fuck, Gabi. What are you trying to prove? You know fucking well you don’t belong with Ashton.

  Those were sent at two this morning, so I’m guessing he didn’t sleep as well as I did.

  Raf: We need to talk.

  That one was sent at seven.

  I’d feel sorry for him if he wasn’t such a jerk.

  My mom comes floating into the kitchen while I’m eating cereal. Stefen isn’t far behind her. I lift an eyebrow at her and she flushes.

  “Oh, we’re having sleepovers now?”

  “No.” She presses her lips firmly together. “He came by while you were still asleep. Don’t be like that, Jo-Gab…” she stutters. “How did you sleep?”

  “Better than you, apparently.”

  I still don’t know how I feel about my mom dating Stefen. I don’t trust the guy. I’d like my mom to be happy, but there are too many loose ends hanging with Stefen that he won’t answer. The problem is, my mom’s not giving me any answers either. I need to find out what they know about Luke and they’re keeping me in the dark.

  I force a smile at her and she relaxes slightly, getting eggs out of the refrigerator.

  “Would you like some breakfast, Stefen?”

  “Sure.” He grins.

  “Gabi?”

  I hold my spoon up. “I’m fine. Thanks, though.” I drink the last of the milk in my bowl and take it to the sink.

  “You’re not rushing off, are you? Sit with us for a while.”

  “I need to get started on homework.”

  “Okay.” She pouts, but when I walk down the hall, Stefen says something and she laughs so hard, I know she’s okay.

  For now.

  I hope he doesn’t hurt her.

  I’m still in sweats and a tank top when my mom yells up the stairs that I have company. I throw a sweatshirt over my tank and check my messy bun. It’s not my best look, but it’ll have to do.

  I walk downstairs and Raf is standing there looking like broody sex. I scowl at him and he scowls back. It’s torture every time I see him. I don’t exactly regret having sex with him because the experience was out of this world, but it’s painful, knowing I can’t go there again. I feel a trickle of sweat form near my hairline and brush it away.

  He does not affect me.

  I hear him in my head saying, “Right. Keep telling yourself that.”

  “What are you doing here?” I ask.

  “Seemed like your phone wasn’t working.” He crosses his arms over his chest and I do the same.

  “It’s working fine. I didn’t like your tone.”

  Stefen clears his throat and we both turn toward him. “This little—whatever it is between the two of you—it needs to get resolved right away because I don’t need it getting between Sarah and me.”

  Raf stiffens next to me and I want to light into Stefen. How dare he? I decide to let Raf do all the talking for both of us once he starts. It doesn’t take long to know we’re on the same page about this at least.

  “Gabi and I are completely separate from you and whatever this is you have going on with Sarah. It’s none of your business.” He holds up his hand when Stefen starts to respond and Stefen’s mouth closes. “And since you didn’t ask for our input when you started screwing each other, or even tell us it was going on until long after the fact, you don’t get to give your input into how we talk to one another. Got it?”

  If I talked to my dad like that, I would be black and blue for a week, but whatever Raf has over his dad or whatever arrangement they have in their relationship is a different story. Stefen blinks and then gives a barely noticeable nod.

  “Treat each other with respect. That’s all I ask,” he says, his tone much quieter this time.

  I watch as Raf stares his dad down. Then they clasp hands and do a weird handshake, and I wonder what it would be like to have a peaceful relationship with my father. It’s not something I’ve ever known or considered.

  But then right before I leave the room, I hear Stefen say under his breath, “Keep your hands off of her, Raf. You touch her, and I’ll make your life a living hell. Take that input and stick it where it belongs.”

  Too late, I want to shout at his father.

  I don’t wait around to hear what Raf says back. My mom walks in as he’s saying that and chuckles the way she does when she’s uncomfortable. I cringe. I think back to her excitement when she first thought Raf was a boyfriend possibility—how quickly she changed her mind when she realized he was Stefen’s son.

  It’s unsettling how similar Raf sounds to his father. Now I know where he gets it.

  What does this mean for my mom?

  Raf follows me to my bedroom, despite me telling him I don’t want to talk to him. He nudges me in the back and I keep going up the stairs. When I reach the top, I turn toward him before we step inside my bedroom.

  “Say it out here.”

  He motions to my room. “I want to say it in there.”

  “No.”

  “Please?”

  My mouth drops, the shock too real for me to hide. “Don’t think I’ve ever heard you say please before.”

  His eyes start smiling before his lips do and I study the transformation in his face like a girl seeing snow or the beach for the first time. Complete awe and wonder. I quickly school my features and fold my arms across my chest.

  “You better make it quick or our parents will wonder what we’re up to.”

  He lifts an eyebrow. “You think I care what they think? Let their imaginations run wild for all I fucking care.”

  I bite my lower lip, unsure how to respond to that. “Your dad sounds—”

  “Forget about him.”

  The doorbell rings and my mom answers it. When I hear Ashton’s voice and see Raf’s expression fall, I know I should try to figure out the best way to handle this, but life is too complicated to worry about every little thing.

  I yell. “We’re up here.”

  Raf’s eyes narrow, fiery, as he cages me in with his arms. “What game are you playing, pretty girl?”

  My heart softens the slightest bit with his endearment, but I hear Ashton and glance under Raf’s arm to grin and say hello.

  “No games,” I tell Raf. “No games,” I say to Ashton.

  He grins back. Raf doesn’t.

  I duck underneath his arm and stand next to Raf as Ashton reaches the top stair.

  “Came to see if you want to go to the new coffee shop‚” Ashton says. “But I can see you’re—”

  “Sure, I’d love to. Let me just get a jacket.”

  Raf steps in the room behind me and stops me, tugging on my sleeve. “If you leave with him, Gabi, I won’t be here when you get back. I mean, I won’t be—”

  “Why don’t you come with us?”

  He stares at me like that’s beyond his comprehension. For a second, there’s hope and then it’s gone. He bites his bottom lip and then shakes his head.

  “Suit yourself.”

  I walk past him and Ashton moves into the doorway.

  “Raf? Wanna come too?” he asks.

  Raf drags his hand through his hair and looks tormented for a second. Then I think I’ve imagined it
all because his expression returns to stone.

  “Nah. I’m good. Have fun.”

  He stalks out of the room, pounding down the stairs, and he’s out the door before I have even reached my doorway.

  “What was that?”

  “Who knows?” I say.

  But my heart worries that Raf just turned something off that he might not ever reopen. For one brief second, I thought he might show me who he is and be willing to bend even the tiniest crack. But as quickly as I saw the window open, he slammed it shut.

  Ashton and I drive to the new coffee shop, not saying much on the way. I order a chai latte and he orders a mocha and we sit at the table near the back window. A fireplace is roaring and I look around, smiling at the cute decor. When I taste my latte, I start nodding.

  “Oh yeah, they’ll do well. It’s delicious.”

  “You approve?”

  “Wholeheartedly.”

  He grins and tries his mocha, his eyes narrowing in agreement. “Yes.”

  “Are we going to talk about the bonfire?”

  “The kiss of all kisses?” He lifts his mug over his mouth until I only see his twinkling eyes.

  I snort. “Well, when you put it that way…”

  “Do we need to talk about it? It was fucking hot, that’s all I know,” he says.

  “I’m just tired of all the back and forth with Raf…and not wanting to get into something complicated with you. What we have is so nice and easy…and has felt platonic.”

  “I don’t think I’ve made it a secret that I like you.”

  “Well, kind of—but not in that way. I didn’t…know exactly,” I stutter to get it out. “You like Raf?”

  “And I like you.” He shrugs. “Raf and me—we’re never going to happen. I’m letting that go. But I know you like him. I also know we’re going our separate ways to school next fall. You’re aiming for Columbia and I’m counting on the University of Alabama.” He leans in and sets his mug down. “But you’re not going to lose my friendship, ever. If you need me for anything, and I mean, anything,” he laughs, “I’m here.”

  My eyes widen as I hear what he’s saying and what he’s not saying.

  “The look on Raf’s face after I kissed you. Priceless,” he says. “If you want nothing to do with me from here on out, I’d like to think I helped your cause with that kiss. And it was fucking hot.”

  I lean my head over on the table, hiding it in my arms as I laugh until I cry. When I come up for air, he’s laughing too and I wipe my eyes. “I don’t even know what to say. You might be the best thing to ever happen to me. I never want to lose your friendship either. Let’s just plan on not letting that happen, okay?” I take a sip of my drink just to calm down. “But we should probably not make a habit of kissing like that often because it could get…confusing.”

  “Fair enough. Unless we want to explore how much hotter we can take this.” He presses his lips together and we lose it again, laughing until my chest hurts.

  I hold my hand and shake my head, trying to catch my breath. “Friends. We’re friends.”

  We laugh again, but he nods and clinks my mug with his.

  We make a stop at the bookstore and then head back home. Raf is nowhere to be found when we pull in, and I don’t even want to think about what I’ll deal with the next time I see him. But at least with Ashton, I think we’re good. It’s nice to have one thing in my life going right.

  Chapter Seven

  The rest of the weekend is quiet. Dangerously so, because it makes me think of Raf too much. He was actually being sweet at the party and then that kiss between him and Heidi…it did a number on me. Once again, he managed to flip everything upside down and make me feel like an idiot…and then had the nerve to get mad at me for kissing Ashton.

  It’s infuriating that as nice as that kiss was with Ashton, Raf is still the one that has my heart all tangled up in knots.

  On Sunday morning, before I’m fully awake, my mom barrels into my room.

  I stare at her, shifting my crazy hair out of my eyes. “It’s Sunday. What are you doing?” I put my pillow over my head and groan. It took me forever to fall asleep.

  “Why did you try to fool me into believing Ashton is gay?” she demands.

  I lift the pillow and stare at her. She’s grinning and tapping her foot like she can’t contain her excitement. I’m actually impressed she managed to hold off until now to ask me this.

  “Because it’s true.”

  “That kiss Friday night was no joke,” she says. “Someone gay does not kiss a girl like that.”

  “Times have changed, Mom. It was a nice kiss. I still don’t think it means we’re a couple.”

  “But maybe?”

  I sigh and pile two pillows on top of my head, waving for her to go away.

  She giggles and closes my door, but not before shouting, “He is so cute. And that kiss. Wow!”

  I groan. How does a porn star end up starry-eyed about romance?

  By Sunday night, I’m sick of thinking about Raf, sick of wondering what’s going to happen next with Luke, worrying about what Ashton feels…and the worst—I can’t stop wondering where my dad is.

  I’m all over the place.

  I can’t think about my dad too much or I go crazy. There are too many reasons why it’s best that we are far apart. Across the country isn’t far enough, and I don’t know why I ever believed he would keep his word about anything.

  It hurts too much. The thought that he’s behind the video…if that’s even true. What kind of a father would be okay exposing his daughter like that to the world?

  One that was okay with his wife being exploited for years.

  Yes, my mom initially made the choice to be a porn star, but she wanted out long before he ever allowed her to get out. And I thought the whole thing between Luke and me was what forced my father’s hand…why he let us go.

  Did he really just use that to hurt us more? Nothing about that makes sense to me. I don’t understand how a father could be capable of that…but what do I know about fathers other than the one I’ve had? I don’t know my grandparents. Both parents have always stayed quiet about their lives growing up, but I know they didn’t have very loving relationships with their families, even before they worked in the porn industry. I used to try to get information out of my mom about her family because it felt like we were an island. I longed to have a connection with someone other than our little family unit.

  I never got much out of her…only that the hurts were deep and that neither side wanted anything to do with the other.

  I set my book aside and stare out the window, movement next door catching my eye. I can only see the side portion of their yard and Raf is jogging up to the house. He tugs his shirt off and wipes his face. I duck when he glances up, hoping he can’t see me from this distance.

  I’ve been gun-shy about friendships, never had the normal school development that I should’ve gotten from day one, so I have no idea how much this weirdness is my fault and how much of it is a crazy situation that wouldn’t be the typical for anyone. I guess I’ll never know since I only have my experiences or lack thereof to go on. But it would be nice to feel like I know what I’m doing. Maybe life is this complicated for everyone, or maybe the curses my parents have carried with them are passing down to me and I’ll pass them on to my children and their children.

  God, that’s depressing. I need to get out of this house.

  I chance another look outside and Raf is gone. I want to go for a run down the beach, but I feel like a prisoner stuck in this house. Until something is resolved and these lilies stop showing up at random times, I’m scared to go anywhere alone.

  At least tonight.

  Maybe tomorrow I’ll get my bravery back.

  Heidi’s kiss with Raf gave her all kinds of bravado because at school on Monday, she’s hanging all over him like a ratty shirt. He stares at me woodenly and doesn’t do anything to remove her hands from his body.

  It makes me
sick.

  Her desperation makes me sick, and his acceptance of her makes me even sicker.

  For someone who’s just lost a friend, she sure doesn’t seem torn up about it.

  His words play over and over in my head about staying out of the mystery with Jen’s death and the longer I think about it, the more I know I can’t sit by and say nothing. Regardless of what he seems to think, he does not dictate what I do with my life. Ashton doesn’t either, for that matter. I square my shoulders and get a backbone. I think all of this with my mom’s assault and mine…I haven’t known which end is up.

  But enough is enough.

  During lunch, I go to the office and ask to speak to Principal Saunders. I wait for about twenty minutes while he’s finishing his lunch and then he calls me in.

  We’ve had little interaction with each other, but he seems off today. Maybe it’s the fact that a student recently died while under his care.

  “What can I do for you, Ms. Sinclair?”

  “I don’t know if this will help, but I wanted to tell you about something I saw between Jen Ames and Heidi Serrin.”

  His lips purse tighter and he nods down at his desk. “Okay.”

  “I saw Heidi give Jen a bag of something that looked like drugs. I thought at the time it was coke, but I’m not one hundred percent it was that—it could’ve been another drug.”

  “How close were you?”

  “Uh…close enough to see that it was drugs?”

  “But not to be sure about what it was?”

  “Like I said, not one hundred percent, but I’m not fully educated on what every drug looks like either.”

  “Did you see Jen take the substance?”

  “No, but…”

  “Would it be safe to say that it’s taken some time for you to adjust to the school environment at Longlake?”

  I clamp my mouth shut, feeling my frustration rise that this is the way the conversation is going. He’s making me feel like I’m being paranoid and intrusive.

  “I don’t know what that has to do with anything—I think I’m adjusting fine given what I’ve dealt with since being here.”