by Hattie Jude
Can you look up James Mathers and Edward Miller? They were at dinner tonight. Weird vibes.
Raf: Don’t be alone with them. Ever.
You know them?
Raf: Promise me you won’t be anywhere near them.
I can’t promise that, but I’ll be careful.
Raf: Fuck, Gabi. I hate this.
I feel like Raf has let me see more of who he really is in the few texts we’ve had and the night he held me than the whole time I’ve known him. And yet, I’m still in the dark. I still don’t know anything. I wish he’d talk to me. It would help to hear what he’s thinking. Even on the other side of the country, I want to understand why he’s pushed me away for so long, why he treated me so horribly, and yet acts like he cares now. Was the whole thing an act? Why wouldn’t he tell me now if it was?
And why won’t he just say why I need to stay away from James and Edward? Does he know something he’s not saying? I don’t know why everyone thinks I can’t handle the truth, but I’m sick of being the last one to hear anything when I’m the one it affects the most.
It makes me angry at my mom and Raf all over again.
My doorknob rattles a couple of hours later. I sit up in bed and stare at the door, my nerves mangling around in a tailspin. I stay silent, but I pick up the chair by my desk and hold it up, just in case whoever it is gets through the locked door. It rattles for a few minutes and I feel like I’m going to shake out of my skin. I don’t think it’s my dad because he wouldn’t be able to stay so quiet. He’d be yelling by now. James and Edward didn’t seem in any hurry to leave. I wonder if they were spending the night. God, what if it’s one of them?
I sit down, still holding the chair, when it gets quiet some time later. I rock back and forth but don’t feel like I can move from this spot. I lose track of time and when I finally crawl into bed, it’s three in the morning. Another sleepless night in my childhood home.
I hate it here.
When my alarm goes off the next morning, I drag myself to the bathroom and let the hot water drench my skin as I stand under the showerhead and try to come up with a plan to escape.
Who cares if my father has custody of me?
It doesn’t mean I can’t run away.
Chapter Twenty-One
Now, all I can think about is running away.
Sage doesn’t understand why my dedication to studies has suddenly vanished. I don’t tell her it’s because I’m no longer her responsibility. Somewhere between the rocking back and forth like a crazy person and my shower this morning, I’ve decided I can’t stay here another night, wondering if someone is going to break into my room and do God knows what. I’m jumpy and tired and can only go through the motions with Sage, in hopes that she will leave early for the day and I can start working on a plan.
I don’t know where to go. The first place my father would look for me is Long Island. I don’t have a way of getting there, no money, no resources. I had isolated myself with everything that happened with Luke here before, so I don’t have any friends that I want to call, no one that I fully trust.
When I think of people I trust, the first people that come to mind are the ones I left behind in Long Island. Ashton, Luci, and yes, even Raf.
Sage taps on the table and I look up at her, caught daydreaming again.
“What’s going on with you?” she asks. “You’ve been staring at that page for twenty minutes. I’ve said your name at least ten times.” She laughs and shakes her head, tapping on her planner. “You’ve got work to do, missy. We need to visit these places today and you haven’t even finished your first assignment yet.”
“Where are we going today?” I perk up and look at the list she hands me.
She rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling good-naturedly as she hands me a list. I still don’t know if one wrong move is going to bring her true colors out or if she’s really this nice, but I don’t want to find out. I’d like to leave here still thinking Sage is decent.
I study the list of volunteer places—a food shelf, a home for the elderly, a few charity options—and nod before handing it back to her.
“Sorry, I’m distracted. Didn’t get much sleep last night. I’ll get to work.” I lean in a little bit. “You were here before me today. Did you see two men by any chance? Friends of my dad’s?”
“Oh, James and Edward were here, yeah. They said they stayed the night because they had too much to drink.” Her eyes widen as she pinches her lips together, managing to still look amused. Does anything faze her? “They left with your dad. Why?”
“No reason. I wasn’t sure if they stayed the night or not.”
I try to focus on my assignments, but my gut is churning, wondering which of them tried to get into my room last night.
Getting out of the house is wonderful. I’m exhausted, but being out in the sunshine and the heat…it feels good. Even seeing how neglected my succulent garden has been since I moved away makes me wonder if I should just try to make the best of the situation here until I can legally leave. But then I remember sitting up in the night, ready to hit someone with a chair and know I need to think of something.
Sage introduces me to her contacts at the different places we go and I’m signed up to help out as soon as next week. Part of me feels guilty that she’s going to all of this trouble when I hopefully won’t be here, but I have to make everything seem normal, not raise any suspicion.
Sage and I stop at a juice bar before going home and as much as I miss my friends, I have to admit, Sage is good company.
“Oh, you have to try this one,” she says. “I’m sure there’s nothing healthy about it, but it’s gotta be better than ice cream or chocolate, right?”
I order it and she’s right, it’s delicious.
We drink it outside and the day is gorgeous. I find myself wanting to delay going back to the house for as long as possible, but Sage has already put in overtime.
“You’re a great teacher and good company too,” I tell her as she drops me off.
“You’re so sweet. Thank you. I’ll see you in the morning!” She waves and beams.
Not if I can find a way to get the hell out of here.
My dad is in the living room when I walk in, sitting where I usually do my schoolwork. I pause when I see him, wanting to back out of the room, but it’s too late. He’s spotted me.
“Where were you?” he asks.
“I’m surprised Sage didn’t tell you. We went to the places I’ll be volunteering.”
He nods, and it’s only then that I notice the alcohol he’s drinking. My stomach sinks. He sets the glass down with a clatter and I take a few steps back. I won’t be anywhere near him when he’s drinking in the afternoon.
He stands up and moves toward me like he’s expecting me to run. “We’re waiting for you in the media room,” he says.
“Who’s we?” My voice comes out shaky and I grip my phone inside my pocket, as I keep stepping backward.
“It’s not important.” He waves a hand and I can’t breathe.
The panic is boiling under the surface.
Something isn’t right.
“I just need to go to the bathroom first,” I tell him. I point upstairs. “I’ll be right back.”
His head tilts and at first I think he’s going to tell me no, I can’t, but he takes another swig of his drink and presses his lips together. “Okay, make it fast,” he says.
I run upstairs and shut my door, locking it behind me. I race toward the bathroom and pull out my phone, shaking as I sit on top of the toilet seat.
I text Raf.
My dad is acting strange. He’s scaring me. It’s probably nothing, but I just have a bad feeling.
Raf: Call me.
I can’t. He’s waiting on me. I’m trying to figure out a way to leave. I just don’t know where to go yet.
Raf: I’ll work on that. Just get out of there and call me when you’re in a safe location. Coffee shop, a mall. Someplace like that. Can you do that?
I hear my dad knocking on my bedroom door and calling me, so I go to the bathroom and flush, washing my hands as I look in the mirror and try to calm down.
You’re overreacting. Nothing is going to happen in this house.
I jump when my dad calls my name again.
“Coming.”
I tuck my phone under the waistband of my pants and open the door to face my father. He grins and motions for me to follow him. His eyes are drooping, the way he looks when he’s had a few drinks. I consider bolting out the front door as we pass it, but in the next thought I berate myself for being so dramatic. I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about. It’s not even dark yet.
We turn down the hall toward the media room and when he opens the door, he motions for me to go first. I walk into the dimly lit room and he shuts the door behind me. I hear the click of a lock. I turn around to face him and he grins.
“There you are.”
I turn to the voice and see James and Edward standing there, shirtless. There’s a large bed where our theatre seating used to be and spotlights click on, one by one. It’s then that I see the cameras everywhere. James and Edward both walk toward me, James holding out his hand to take mine. I turn to look at my father and he chuckles under his breath.
“Don’t look so shocked,” he says. “We have some work to catch up on. Luke had a job to do and he was too distracted by you to finish that job. I assure you that these men will make you look your best and we’ll be back in business.” He steps around me to go to the camera and motions for another man standing in the shadows. “Felix, if you can go ahead and get in place. She’ll be dressed within a few minutes and we can get started.”
“You-you were working with Luke?” I stare at him, trying to make sense of what is happening right now. “I thought you hated him. I thought that’s what caused you to snap—my relationship with Luke, why you finally let me and Mom go—”
“Luke had a simple job and he let his ego get in the way. His stalking tendencies were a surprise, but hey, I tried to make that work for me.” He holds a dress up and hands it to me. “Did you know the short time your video with him was up, I made more money on that than your mother’s last year in the business?” He grins. “Like mother, like daughter. Only you’ve got the looks to go even farther than your mother ever did.”
“You were working with Luke the whole time?” I’m stuck on that point. I reach out to hold onto the nearest chair, my legs weak.
“He had one job, get a new video of you and get out of there. Bastard couldn’t even do that. He wanted to prolong everything, wanted to make you suffer.” He shakes his head. “He’s a fucking idiot. He was supposed to have you for a few hours and he broke the script.”
“And what is the script?” I finally say. I feel detached from my body. I clench the material of the dress between my fingers, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, just to hold onto something real.
“Well, today’s script is you put this dress on, and James and Edward will have their fun with you. It’s okay if it gets a little rough. Your call really, on how you want to play this.”
“You’re really okay with watching me have sex? Your own daughter?” Tears run into my lips and I taste the salt. “How are you so evil?”
“When it comes to business, I can detach from it all.” He shakes his glass and the glass rattles hauntingly. “How else do you think I was able to watch your mother all those years? Business is business. And it’s been hard since your mother left. I’m feeling the loss way more than I should. Time for new blood. That’s where you fit in.” He laughs and then says loudly, “Everyone in place. Hurry and get dressed, Josephine. The clock is ticking.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
I step into a darkened corner, cowering as best I can as I change into this dress. I turn to the wall, reverting to my childish ways and convincing myself that if I can’t see them, they can’t see me. I leave my phone tucked into my pants as I take them off, and I bend down to pull my shirt off while I check my phone. Raf has called six times.
My hands are shaking as I pull the tight dress over my head, and I stay crouched down while I call Raf back. I don’t know if he’ll be able to hear anything that’s happening, but maybe he’ll at least know something’s wrong.
“Josephine, hurry,” my dad says.
I feel hands on my back and freeze, making sure the phone is out of sight before I stand up. It’s James and he’s leering at me in a way that has my skin crawling.
“Edward and I will make you feel good, don’t worry,” he says. “It doesn’t have to be rough. Your dad was just saying that to make you nervous. We’ll follow your lead. It can be as easy or as rough as you make it.” He bites his bottom lip and I feel sick.
I follow him to the bed and Edward steps forward then, his chest against my back, as he pulls my hair to the side and kisses my neck. Every part of my body rejects this.
How did my mom ever do this? Was it really what she wanted? Why didn’t I ever ask?
My father tsks in the corner and throws a box of tissues at me. “We won’t be able to roll until you dry the tears. Don’t act like a baby, Josephine. Be the professional you were born to be. Everyone here is counting on you.”
I don’t know how to get out of this. I push James’ hands off of me and then Edward’s and try to break free of their large bodies acting as barriers.
“I can’t do this,” I pant. “I can’t.” I shake my head and bend down, hyperventilating. I don’t know which one of them yanks me up, but it’s forceful and the next thing I know, I’m tossed on the bed and my dress is ripped in one fell swoop.
The lights are somehow brighter than they were before, and I know without anything being said that they’re already recording. Some sick pervert out there will love the fact that I’m resisting.
James takes off his pants and crawls over me, while Edward comes by my head and pulls his pants down slowly, his dick jutting toward my face. I know what he expects of me and I swear I will bite down on that angry looking thing if I have to.
My panties are pulled down with me kicking and flailing the whole time. It only seems to make both of the men more determined. One holds down my arms while the other works on getting me completely bare. My wrists are secured on either side of the bed with ropes and I use my feet to kick until they’re restrained too.
I bare my teeth when Edward tries to kiss me and he backs away, laughing and tweaking my breast instead. It feels like they’re winning, and I scream and shake my head as hard as I can, letting the sound pierce the room. The room fills with a different energy and the sounds—loud banging and yelling—are suddenly much louder than I am. At first I think there must be more of them than I realized, but then the bed shifts James gets off of me and a breeze hits my skin as Edward falls to the ground.
Warm hands loosen the rope around my wrists and they fall to my side. Only then do I stop screaming.
“You are under arrest,” is being said around the room.
I try to cover myself before I meet the eyes of the person who freed me and lose my breath. “Raf?”
He frees my feet and wraps a blanket around me, hugging me tight. “I’m getting you out of here.”
“How did you get here so fast?” I whisper as he picks me up and holds me to his chest.
“We were nearby. Just waiting for the time to come in. Your text today scared me, but when you called, I knew it was time.”
I’m too shocked to cry or speak. My mind is spinning a thousand miles an hour. I hold my throat. It hurts.
Raf takes me outside and when we reach the SUV, he sits inside, still holding me. We sit there for a few moments and then he grabs a shirt from the back and hands it to me. I pull it over my head, trying not to flash him. He wraps the blanket tighter around my bare legs. It’s humiliating to think about what he saw in that room. The car door is open so we can hear what is being said as my dad and everyone else inside are hauled out in handcuffs.
&nbs
p; “I want my lawyer,” my dad is shouting.
Stefen is the one who has a grip on my dad and I grasp Raf’s hand as I watch my father being stuffed into the back of a cop car. I sag against him and he holds me tight. The weight of everything that’s happened to me over the past week and for much longer than that is debilitating.
“I didn’t know my dad was capable of such evil,” I whisper. “I knew he was capable of a lot but not that.”
“I’m so sorry you ever had to know.” Something about the ache in his voice breaks me even more.
I try to say something louder, but my voice croaks. Raf puts his hands on my cheeks and turns me to face him.
“My little fighter,” he says, leaning his head against mine. “Rest your voice. If we hadn’t been here, the whole neighborhood would’ve come to save you after hearing your scream.”
He smiles and I feel like everything is going to be okay.
Raf takes me to a hotel and we wait to hear from his dad. My mom is waiting at the hotel and she takes over for Raf with the hugs and relentless attention. It’s nice, but I wish I’d had more time with Raf before we were around anyone else. Before we go home and go back to whatever my new life is going to be.
Raf leaves to pick up food. I’m not hungry, but I can’t remember the last time I ate.
“I can’t believe he’d do that to you,” my mom says over and over. “If I’d known, I’d have kidnapped you the first night myself.”
“Did he ever force you?” I ask.
“In the beginning, yes. That’s…how I got my start in porn.” Her face bunches up and she cries hard, loud sobs.
“I thought your career was your choice. I never ever knew. I’m so sorry, Mom. I would’ve—”
I’m ashamed to say I would’ve thought of her differently. I would’ve fought for her harder.
Instead I say, “I would’ve understood you better.”
That makes her cry harder. “It’s something I never wanted you to have to understand. I had no idea he was working with Luke.”