by Hattie Jude
“What about Stefen? I still don’t understand how he fits in all of this.”
“He knew your father was abusive with me. He helped me get out of here and to Long Island, and he hired Luke to get the inside information on your father. He needed someone on the inside and Luke wanted to get out of jail faster. Stefen had a lead that your father was connected to a sex trafficking case two years ago. Those two men—James and Edward—were both involved. But he couldn’t seem to get any evidence to stick. It was a massive risk and it backfired because Luke was so obsessed with you, it nearly screwed up the whole case.”
Raf walks in then and we stop talking. The smell of burgers reminds me I could eat and I take the food he holds out.
He smiles sweetly and looks like a different person than the Raf I’ve known.
“I’m so glad you’re out of there.” He sighs and stares at me and I feel my mom studying us both.
I smile and look at her, nervous she’ll have a bunch of questions about Raf that I can’t answer.
I focus on eating. And after that, I focus on the fact that I’m still not wearing pants. I have the blanket wrapped around me and stand up.
“I’m gonna get a shower. Anything I could wear?” I ask my mom awkwardly. It’s weird being with Raf and my mom. I don’t feel like I’m doing a very good job of hiding my feelings for him, but I have no idea where we stand. And either way, my mom isn’t going to like it.
“I brought a few of your things,” she says. “Take your time in the shower. We’ll probably have to stay here a few days, or at least until we know what’s going to happen with your father.”
I cringe. “I really don’t want to be here another second. I wanna go home,” I whisper.
“I can make sure you get home,” Raf says.
My mom turns and looks at him, shaking her head. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“There’s no reason she should have to be here. She’s already more than done her part to put her dad away. Everyone needs to back off and let her recover. She’s been through enough.”
My mom and I both stare at Raf, mouths open.
He swallows hard and stares at me, his eyes a swirling ice blue, but I feel more warmth from him than the hottest desert sun.
I head to the bathroom and turn the shower on, and when I step in, I slide down until I’m sitting directly under the water.
Maybe it can wash my sins away.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I get to go home sometime in the middle of what my mom and Raf said. We have to stay an uncomfortable night with the three of us in a hotel room while Stefen spends the night at the police station. The next day I answer questions all day long. It’s exhausting and degrading and I hate every second, but I want to do all I can to make sure my dad, Luke, James, and Edward are put away for a long, long time.
I hope they rot in prison.
Hateful words for a daughter about her father, but I mean them.
I don’t want his perversion to touch one more person.
When we finally pull into Raf’s driveway and step inside the drafty house, I don’t have the strength to question why we’d be coming here now and not our home. I’ll flesh out those answers tomorrow, but for now, that guest bed and I have a date and I can’t wait to get started.
After a hot shower, I climb into bed and am almost asleep when Raf sneaks in.
“Wasn’t sure you were coming tonight,” I whisper when he crawls in, facing me.
His hands find my waist and he tugs me closer to him. “Haven’t you noticed that I can’t stay away?”
“Thank you for saving me,” I whisper.
“I tried to save you so much sooner. The whole drug scene and Luke…well, they complicated everything. I needed you to hate me so you’d leave Longlake and so we’d get all the dirt on your father without you being involved. But then I met you. I kissed you,” he leans over and his lips lightly brush mine, “and then I felt what it was like to be inside you for the first time…”
I pull him closer and kiss him hard this time, getting lost in him. When he pulls away, we’re both breathing hard.
“I’m crazy about you, Gabi. I’m sorry I’ve been the worst kind of a bastard to you,” he whispers. “I’ll probably have to go back to being one tomorrow just to keep our parents off our backs, but—”
I laugh and he covers my mouth with his again. His hands tug my waist tight against him, so I can feel how hard he is. I groan and he gives my tongue a tiny nip.
“Shh,” he whispers.
“I don’t want you to go back to being a bastard tomorrow. I like this you so much more. Hey…you said you’re crazy about me.” It’s like it’s just now penetrated and I feel my heart explode inside my chest. “Is that true? Do you really mean that?” My voice breaks and I’m on the edge of either laughing hysterically or bawling.
“I mean it. I never meant the hate. I needed you as far from me as possible, but that was never going to happen. I couldn’t stay away from you, even at the risk of your life, as it turns out. And I don’t even want to bring Heidi into this conversation, but it has to be said…she was always a means to an end. When we suspected it was her bringing the drugs in, and she wouldn’t touch Toby with a ten-foot pole, I was the stand-in.”
“This is all so confusing, but I think I’m starting to get it.”
“I worked with my dad…against his will, but I knew too much and he needed my help. He tried to force me more than once to stay out of it, but I couldn’t. I was in too deep with you.”
“And you’re crazy about me,” I say against his lips. He smiles and it warms every part of me.
“I am. How do you think you feel about me?” he asks.
“Oh yeah, as much as I’ve tried to fight it, I feel the same,” I whisper. “So much that every awful moment we had felt like death, but every good moment was so good that it sustained me and just made me want you all the more. It overrode everything, the times you were…not as hateful. I felt like the biggest fool though, for giving in to you.”
“You were never a fool. I was, every time I lost my mind over you. I should’ve left you alone and worked harder to resolve all of this. I will never forgive myself for what you went through this past week. Luke, your dad, those men. All of it. I—”
I put my fingers over his lips. “No, don’t. We’re not going to blame anyone but them. They’re the ones who did this, and I want to be free of it. That means letting it go. Starting now.”
“You really think you can?”
I lean in to kiss him. “Help me forget,” I whisper.
He pulls my shirt off and leans down, his tongue wrapping around my peak. I hiss into his neck before he goes lower and lower, his hands pulling down my shorts.
“Are you sure this is okay?” he asks.
“Yes,” I whisper.
For the next hour or so, he makes me forget everything but him and the way he can make me feel. When I explode under his tongue, he just keeps going, until I’m writhing across the bed and begging him to stop. He puts his hand over my mouth and is relentless, making me cry out again and again. I grab a pillow and moan into that when it’s too hard to stay quiet. When he finally sinks into me, I’m spent, but he manages to wake me back up until I’m falling over the edge again with him.
I can’t believe he admitted how much he cares.
He pulls out a few minutes later and gets rid of the condom. I try to remember that I’ll need to do something with that in the morning so my mom doesn’t come across that—not that she’s ever in my bathroom here, but ew, I don’t want her to find it. For now, I’m so exhausted I fall into the deepest sleep. He comes back to bed and situates me in the most perfect spoon position. We sleep so peacefully, I don’t have a single nightmare.
He’s gone when I wake up, the sun bright in my room. I look at the clock and sit straight up. Eleven o’clock. What in the world?
I take a shower, smiling at the things Raf said last night. The way my body a
ches in the best way from where he’s been.
Which Raf will I see today?
I hope with everything in me that he’s the Raf from last night, not the other asshole I know now was all an act.
He sure played that part well.
The doorbell rings before I make it down the stairs and I hear Ashton. I squeal and run down the stairs, practically falling into his arms.
“There’s my girl,” he yells. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too.” I hug him so hard and then see Raf out of the corner of my eye. His face is hard to read and my stomach drops. Not again.
I pull away from Ashton and smile up at him. His smile is so wide that I laugh out loud.
“Are you really back for good?” he asks.
“Yes, I am. It’s been a crazy week, but I am back for good.” I hold my hand out to Raf and he looks surprised but takes my hand. “And things are finally right with Raf and me too.” I look at Raf and he smiles at me tentatively, almost shy. “Right?”
“Right,” Raf says, kissing my knuckles. “Sorry, I was a jealous jerk with you, my brother.”
“Damn right you were,” Ashton says, laughing. “I was just hoping you’d get your shit together before I stole her from you.”
Raf’s expression falls and Ashton hits him in the shoulder. “I’m kidding.” His smile drops. “But, I will totally knock your ass out if you hurt her again. And I won’t hesitate to steal her either, if you don’t prove yourself worthy.”
“I hear you,” Raf says, nodding. “I hear you loud and clear.”
They grin at each other and my heart melts.
I hug both of them. “I can’t believe this is happening,” I say. “Okay, we better stop hugging or I’m gonna start crying again…and I’ve cried enough for a lifetime.”
They both back up and start talking at once. Raf talks about food and Ashton asks about Luci and we all laugh together. It might take getting used to, the three of us being at ease with each other, but they seem like they’re both willing to try. And as for me, it just feels right. The guy I love and my best friend, our best friend.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I was expecting smiles and the tension to finally be gone when I saw everyone today, not the thick anger I walk into when I enter the kitchen. Raf stands with his arms folded across the chest, with Stefen and my mom sitting across from him at the island.
Guilt flashes across my mom’s face when she looks at me, and my heart drops. Something is wrong, I can tell by her eyes. She quickly schools her expression and beams, coming over to wrap her arms around me.
“Hey, sweetie. Did you sleep well?”
My face heats as I think about Raf’s body wrapped around mine after the mind-blowing sex. I make the mistake of glancing at him and his smirk sends a pool of want between my legs.
I squeeze my mom back, grateful she can’t see my face.
“We need to talk to you guys,” Stefen says.
I pull away from my mom and see the look she exchanges with Stefen. I glance at Raf and his jaw is ticking.
“Yeah, you need to not keep her in the dark any longer,” he says.
Wow, he is mad. What have I missed?
“Are you guys hungry?” Stefen looks at his son. “Too early for pizza?”
“We just had pizza,” Raf’s tone is short and Stefen frowns at him.
“That’s never been a problem before.” Stefen laughs.
“Cut the bullshit, Dad. Say what you need to say.”
The tension could be cut with a chainsaw.
Stefen holds his hand out, motioning for us to sit at the table. We all move there quietly. I sink into a chair and my mom sits next to me, her hands in her lap.
“I think I’ll keep standing,” Raf says.
“Suit yourself.” Stefen sits down across from me and stares up at Raf. He must not like Raf being so much taller because he stands back up and for the first time since I’ve met Stefen, he’s painfully nervous. “Okay, I know you guys have had a rough start of a friendship, but it seems like you’ve worked some of that out.” He swallows hard and pauses for an awkward moment. “Maybe a little too well, if I’m honest.” He sighs. “I’m just gonna come out and say it: your relationship needs to stay one hundred percent platonic. Under no circumstances can the two of you take this little—whatever it is—any further.”
Raf’s eyes narrow incredulously, and even I am having a hard time comprehending what Stefen is saying. We must not have been doing very well at keeping—whatever we are—a secret.
He starts to speak again and Raf holds up a hand. “No, please don’t embarrass yourself any further. You have raised me to be an independent, smart…man…who thinks for himself. I know I’m young, but I’m eighteen and I don’t need your permission to be with Gabi.”
My mom gasps and turns to me, her face a mix of horror and fury.
“Son, stop right—”
“No, you stop. We care about one another…so much.” His cheeks turn pink when he says his next sentence. “I’ve fallen for her and that’s not changing. I followed your rules and treated her like trash and look where that got her. Kidnapped—on your fucking watch! I will never forgive myself for listening to you and not following my gut. I should’ve never let her out of my sight for a single second, but because of you, I pushed her away every chance I got. She didn’t need to leave Longlake to bring down the drug circle—she needed to be in on the truth from the beginning. You both owed her that. I owed her that.”
I stare at him in awe and when he looks down at me with those eyes that are so much softer than they’ve been before, I stand up and put my arms around his waist, leaning my head on his chest.
“My God, this is insanity,” my mom says. “Josephine—”
She shakes her head at me when I try to correct her with Gabi.
“No, I’m not calling you Gabi. You’re confused, honey. This has been a traumatic time in a multitude of ways. I won’t have you making a rash decision to be with someone. Not right now. And certainly not with him.”
Stefen reaches down and puts his hand on my mom’s shoulder. She nods and then reaches up to pat his hand. The light hits just right and it’s like all of the attention in the room is forced toward the glare of the diamonds she’s wearing on her left ring finger.
“Mom, what have you done?”
“Yeah, why don’t you tell her what this is really about,” Raf says.
I feel like I might throw up. She turns and sees me staring at her ring and swallows hard.
“Stefen and I are married,” she says softly. “I did it for you—for us. We needed the protection,” she adds. I struggle not to yell at her that we already had that without this farce of a marriage, but she keeps talking, oblivious to how she’s offending her new husband in the process. “Which is why you and Raf absolutely cannot be together.”
Raf’s arms tighten around me and his voice is a low rumble that I feel from his chest. “Like hell we can’t.”
I end up next door in my bedroom. I need time to think, time to process the fact that my mom got married without me. We hashed it out way longer than we needed to, nothing getting resolved in our angry words back and forth.
Raf and I can’t help it that our parents are together. Married. God. It is gross to think about. But we’re not doing anything wrong. No laws are being broken. It will sound taboo when people don’t know the situation. My mom will be embarrassed about it, but other than that, who cares?
There’s a soft knock on the door and Raf opens the door. “That whole bit about I should’ve never let you out of my sight…that was as much for my sanity as it was to keep you safe.”
“I’m safe now, right? No more surprises lurking? Everyone is going to pay for what they’ve done and you and I can get on with our lives.”
“You mean it? You still want me, even with our little forbidden thing going on here?” His eyes twinkle when he says it and I decide happy Raf is the best thing I’ve ever seen.
“Oh, I’m definitely into the forbidden thing.” I lean up on the bed, getting on my knees as he walks forward and reaches down to bring my lips to his.
He kisses me hard and then gives me a slight push backwards. I fall back on the bed and he groans.
“I can’t believe we wasted all this time acting like we hated each other,” he says, pulling me lower on the bed and tugging my shirt over my head. He plays with my breast, making my nipples harden under my bra and then lowers to wrap his tongue around the lacy peak.
“Oh, I wasn’t completely acting,” I say, moaning when his hand squeezes my backside.
“Mmhmm, right. I know. I was the only one acting, and it wasn’t like we didn’t still have enough sense to get down to business, but…we could’ve been so much more productive.” He pulls my jeans down and grins when he sees my Monday panties. “Wrong day,” he says.
“I’ve been traumatized, remember? I shouldn’t have to think about the days of the week too. And for someone so productive, you’re being awfully chatty.”
“Point taken,” he whispers before he gets rid of the future’s undies. “Less talking, more action.”
His tongue dives into me and I forget about everything but how good he makes me feel.
Chapter Twenty-Five
When Monday rolls around, my mom talks to me long enough to tell me that she can take me to school or I can skip. She’s furious that Raf and I stayed at our house last night instead of with her and Stefen.
“The teachers all want to do whatever they can to make this easier for you,” she says.
“I’ve missed too much school. I’m ready to finally have a good senior year,” I tell her. “Raf will take me.”
“Are you at least practicing safe sex, Gabi?” she asks.
I roll my eyes. “Yes. You should know me well enough to not even have to ask that.”