Or to Begin Again

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Or to Begin Again Page 8

by Ann Lauterbach


  all the lambs slaughtered

  and the Lamb.

  UNTITLED (GEGO)

  Touch

  were there any

  was there a flotilla

  or, arguably, was she

  standing on nothing

  untitled obviously

  the drawn harpoon

  the rigorous crowd

  forms of sway

  articulated stoppage

  after the multiple descent

  the Nude’s catastrophic joints

  down down down

  abysmal sight

  the drag on her knees

  the stiff drumbeat

  nothing at which to point

  arrest of the hovering craft

  punctum abrasion silt

  inexplicable gap

  surprised to be standing

  pinions of optical shift

  what was said at passages.

  Sometimes I think we will

  perish just there

  under that sign

  at the appointed time

  when nothing points back

  so that what is held

  is exactly not

  between this that, that this

  in the traffic of hours

  the knotted cage

  where nothing is kept

  the hinges of hope

  thin coordinates

  matter as shadow

  fossil imprint

  untitled light.

  CONSTELLATION in CHALK

  These ready-mixed colors are available only in

  case of emergency, dial

  power

  with one arm showing

  green, then orange flashing, then green.

  An airplane? Plane of content—sleep’s sound

  harvests twenty stamps, each with

  floral arrangement, and poison

  merit, ultra in the night,

  the drawing on the left

  a creature in want of wings.

  The Third New International

  harbors a bug roving, its minor journey

  neither in nor out, where the pointing is.

  Sandpiper below Essex, Park,

  their finish three stories above a hollow noise.

  Door hauling.

  I would like

  five red apples, please,

  but omit the five and the apples.

  This was an episode in description.

  Morning’s adapter came without

  messages from the near—far near, only

  mobile structures, flanged and muddy,

  mind spooled at the knot, counting without measuring,

  a topography of cost scratched into the floor.

  Rug slide. Box shapes, and moist smoke

  leaning on the environment

  like an Idealist colony speaking in tongues,

  climbing the hill in period costume,

  bothers, sisters, before we hear what was said.

  Record of records, the paradoxical mouth.

  On that side of the river

  a ghetto bus replaced the high orchestral cloud,

  rose to ragweed, field with visual noise,

  the elders’ parade

  dragged toward the crows’ damaged carillon.

  There was a splinter, or leak, in the habitat of selves,

  more names than things on the

  stage. Only the recording had remembered

  and it was shard. I paint what I paint

  said Rivera. In a dusty window, a sad-eyed doll

  caused one to point as at a final moon, an

  instrument long surpassed: thought-ghost reads the fi

  the fa, child invents, sighs, scribbles

  outside the faint stance of the ready-mades.

  How much is that? One or two themes

  slink away, scented in derision and

  the decision not to play.

  Tendresse mystery genre whose fast horses

  and arcadian themes

  question the robed dawn. Hehe hehe

  as careful as a ladder leaning on air, nonsense chapters

  drawn onto the figural ground.

  She swallows the poison, waits and counts. Psyche’s

  pool of omission reflects the flying horse as the villain leaves

  his semen card in her body of reams (operatic ring of gold).

  She draws the Empress from the

  deck, its familiar headdress of snakes, one for each

  known dead. Nobody’s diary, somebody’s curse.

  From his niche in the anthology the Hero speaks,

  eyeing her bloody or painted toes, her livid mouth.

  Strip the prayer from the kiss web,

  it is merely sham. Salvation has undone

  her eternal soul into little itinerant drops,

  each younger than dew.

  The moon’s strap slips off the shoulder of night.

  Night of Nights it is called; all must follow.

  In memory of Barbara Guest

  ELEGY FOR SOL LEWITT

  The weather map today is pale. The lines on the map

  are like the casts of fishing lines

  looping and curved briefly across air.

  The sky now, also, toward evening, is pale.

  On Sunday, in Beacon, there were lines

  drawn on walls and also lines

  drawn across the canvases of the last paintings

  of Agnes Martin. One of them has two pale squares

  on a blackened field.

  The lines on your walls

  follow directions

  as if

  as if there were a kind of logic

  charged with motion

  at the end of winter: the pale blue northern cold

  almost merged with the pale green

  at Hartford, and then the blank newsprint of the sea.

  Or TO BEGIN AGAIN

  1.

  Way over in the particularities of evening

  so many missing it seems we are alone at

  last, you and whatever I am thinking about you,

  not a happy thought, but not indifferent.

  And that other world? The image

  had receded under the angry claims of the

  image, and in this redundancy

  we stopped to buy apples, and to speak of the dead.

  The face of the dead came into view

  as a consolation, and the apples seemed

  a magnitude of form, brightly gathered, a crowd.

  These are impossible things to say clearly, because

  the proper name has less than accurate

  attributes: so little had been copied from life.

  But think now of Seurat. Think of Child in White

  rendered as absent agitations of a crayon. The end.

  2.

  Or to begin again

  gold touches the back of her neck. It spawns

  a crest, a brief tattoo. She moves

  into and beyond

  shedding its improvisation, its effect.

  The effect of gold is bright heat. She

  seeks cover in a passing cloud, a passing leaf. Gold

  moves off into the landscape, touching a wasp, a truck,

  a stone. Down at the end of the path, a head

  appears as that of a man, riveted to a wall.

  The gold moves off and vanishes

  as night ignites a halo

  around the head at the end of the passage.

  This is the assemblage of nevertheless,

  its sudden rupture. I thought of something else.

  I thought of a stranger seated in a tent. The end.

  3.

  Or to begin again

  I had wanted a location but had become embattled

  in a zone of supposition and indirection.

  The emergency is ink-stained.

  A temporary orange blocks the view.

  An ambulance is climbing slowly uphill.

  Return
ing to the lost, the sound increased

  over whatever exemption had been founded on passage.

  Around and around they went, the metallic children,

  carving an arena into the climate, an

  erasure that would become a road, repeating the turn,

  learning its rhythm in the denuded wood.

  He began, “I sought, this time, to approach him.”

  I thought then of the witness, of the carriage of the

  body moving downstream on a barge, and the small

  red tug like a living toy, riveted to its mass. The end.

  4.

  Or to begin again

  in the miraculous scale of the small nouns,

  their mischief and potential.

  Auden imagining war at a sidewalk café.

  Oppen staring into the face of a stranger,

  into the face of his beloved Mary.

  We want to be here.

  I was thinking of table settings: folded napkins,

  polished ware, sparkling glasses.

  And the prayer? What was the prayer?

  What if everything had slowed

  and she had chosen to wait, to forget her chore.

  There were, I recall, ripples of violence

  that caught on twigs and snapped wires.

  Words were spoken from too far away to be heard.

  There was a blind spot, a stained cloth. The end.

  5.

  Or to begin again

  suspended above the habitat, bees

  dying in their boxes, salmon

  desiccated in their nets, flight on flight,

  origin marked by tracks in mud

  and the river newly revealed

  through naked bark

  like a silver coin skipped across time

  the migrations of time

  the small noun time.

  The world fallen from its skin

  into the airy wild, abode of infinite

  contraction, this in which it is, adhering.

  A swarm and a nub, tumbleweed shadowed on ice.

  The facts encroaching on intimate constraint.

  These could be a hand, a voice. The end.

  6.

  Or to begin again

  an accident disperses the law. Thrown there,

  there. Less than forgotten

  in the usual ditch of leaves, weeds, caps,

  a massive gold afloat in the autumnal sky.

  At whose approval? The call stuffed in a sock?

  The faces of the war dead in a signature farewell:

  boy, boy, boy, girl, boy, boy, girl,

  picturing evidence, picturing silence,

  and the chorus ready to respond: holy, holy, holy,

  to awaken the dead but not in the language of the dead.

  Perhaps a finite contraction,

  the child practicing to fly overhead, to drop the bag

  on the dusty road below, to watch it spill into flames from on

  high, from a mobile perch

  cruising through its episodes of grief. The end.

  7.

  Or to begin again

  some got lucky, came rushing

  toward the giant appeasement of the given.

  Singing along with the anthem

  they distributed coupons to the rest

  to redeem, solace for those who do not

  begin but stay back in the infrastructure

  of the singular: what you said, what I said, before

  the fact. Were we to be among those to be counted

  one by one, like days? Greeted by our host?

  In which language? And what were we meant to

  carry away, down the road a bit, into the rest?

  Light strays across the dry grasses.

  The arm lifts, the head turns.

  A gathering, an image, a dispersal

  in whichever order. The end.

  8.

  Or to begin again: now now

  birdlike, repeated,

  the noise of nearness,

  yet without either body or mouth.

  In the mind’s eye, a wall

  painted robin’s egg blue

  behind Paul Klee’s dirty yellow circus.

  Nothing noticed, nothing gained.

  A clown on his head, a dog, a ball.

  And yet the acquiescent rain,

  and yet the passage

  of a massive chant

  through the fictive pilings of a cage.

  Comest thou now? Comest thou now?

  Repeated, birdlike, from over there.

  Look up and then look away. The end.

  9.

  Or to begin again: virtuous moon

  appears to be taking a star for a walk; I

  cannot see a leash, but the star

  is obedient. Together they traverse

  the night sky. It is winter

  and the ground below is a dull shell.

  The secular ghost is chastised

  in its moody camp; it fears ice

  as it fears the dawn when the moon

  will have vanished, star in tow.

  It knows when things begin to melt

  there will be a forgetting and, in the wan face

  of the beloved, the stigma of desire.

  Fuck desire, says the ghost, only

  no one can hear and so no one can answer.

  Fuck desire, it repeats, birdlike, at dawn. The end.

  10.

  Or to begin again: a gift is in the offing.

  Something a sparrow might drop

  on its way, something sent

  across the boundaries of time.

  Why is the deck at a tilt

  so that the day and its objects

  might slip off the edge? The boy

  with the fiddle, his

  dark brows flat, eyes recessed

  into the harbor of play:

  four strings, taut bow, the arc

  of elaborations, note by note, his wrist

  traversing their wake.

  The day has its spelling, the night also.

  Tell me what she heard in the splashed instant.

  Say the last kiss. The end.

  11.

  Or to begin again—still no sign

  in the field of negation.

  All appears to be ordinary.

  Seabirds depicted above the sea,

  the pretty couple dancing,

  the buzzing saw,

  evening clouds assembled, mountains dark.

  Yes, but the page is not blank.

  Yes, but the sun’s pallor

  consumes as it rolls

  across the heavens, dragging

  the head of the beheaded despot,

  the embattled fishermen

  combing the sea with nets,

  the girl with a dove in her suitcase.

  I had wanted to count the steps. The end.

  12.

  Or to begin again having quoted, inscribed,

  having changed a few words

  along the way, a gesture toward

  the gaps between is not, is, is not.

  Eve gives me a map traced on thin paper

  with a red dot. The boys walk along the road,

  their hoods up, their speech riddled.

  The red dot is where they were headed

  in the year of the snake. We decided

  against perfection. We said

  perfection is a morbid

  judgment against the living.

  The girl with red hair was imperfect.

  They did not come with only a suitcase on a boat,

  Eve said. The Dutch, I said, made paintings

  of nature arranged as perfect death. The end.

  13.

  Or to begin again: thisness abbreviated:

  margins, earshot. Have no herald, no scope

  under such bearings, only an instruction

  to carry on under the new doctrine’s law.

  A friend is
known to speak

  about the difficulty of understanding.

  Could he climb higher to see better

  as from the distant star

  occluded beyond ever knowing?

  Now obey this.

  The steps lead nowhere, so only

  the small bird, hiding under boughs, escapes

  the mirage of escape.

  Fidelity ruptures at the core

  over there, where he hurled

  his oath at the corpse of belonging. The end.

  14.

  Or to begin again: lavish permission,

  ribbons placed back in their bag,

  pulled through the sleeves

  of the prisoner’s coat, the suicide’s

  gun. The Arab men

  are playing backgammon in the courtyard.

  The preacher’s voice fills the chapel

  with iconographies of faith.

  Our tears turn to ice

  and the mourners stop along the path,

  informal now, unrestrained, makeshift.

  So that with nothing held back we sigh,

  beyond time, for that green pasture where time

  stands still. Does not. Does. Go back

  before the beginning, before

  a promise was made. The end.

  15.

  Or to begin again: chronicle of thaw

  and the sitting hawk

  and the tilting stones.

  The place has become

  a saturated edge

  moving quickly along the road

  up over the arc of bridge, flag, sun,

  and the hanging man. Fact

  dissolves into fact, proximate to

  the slowest economy, the most forbidden dream.

 

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