True Colors

by Melissa Pearl

  I practically floated to school the next morning. Eric and I had parted ways shortly after dinner. He hadn’t kissed me goodbye or anything (like he even would!), but he’d hugged me tight and told me to keep him posted. He even took my phone and programmed his number in. It would remain to be seen if I’d ever have the guts to call him. I’d respond in a heartbeat, but to actually initiate? Scary!

  I took my time walking to my locker. This time I kept my head up and took in those around me. It was an effort and I failed at least three times, but I did manage to hold onto those first glimpses for some people. I resisted the layers falling away and scrambled to put them back in place before I saw it all. It helped that most of the people I chatted to were friends so I remembered what they looked like normally. The skill was going to take time to master and I’d still slip-up and spot stuff I didn’t want to see, but the more I practiced, the more I could do it.

  It was a triumphant feeling and I would be eternally grateful to Eric.

  Eric.

  Le sigh.

  “What are you smiling about?” Stella’s voice was sharp. I could see that what sounded like annoyance was actually hurt, and I had to quickly work to put her normal face back together. “Caitlyn? What is your problem?”

  Okay, so I obviously needed to work on my concentrating face. I shook my head and smiled. “Nothing. I’m good.” I squeezed her arm and looked her in the eye. “I’m really good. Sorry for being so weird the last couple of days, I’ve just been struggling with this headache.”

  “Still? Have you seen a doctor?”

  I hesitated, then grinned. “I saw one after school yesterday...and I’m already starting to feel better.”

  “Good.” Stella looked exasperated. “Because I was getting really over you.”

  “Thanks.” My droll look elicited a cheeky giggle from Stella and she threaded her arm through mine and hauled me to U.S. History. That was our favorite subject together. Mr. Winright was such a boring and unobservant teacher, we ended up passing notes and fooling around most of the time. It was fun.

  The day progressed easily. I kept practicing and it did get easier. I couldn’t block out everything, but I would be able to eventually. I was determined. The cafeteria at lunch got a bit too much for me, so I left early, making up an excuse about needing to finish some homework. I got a bunch of weird and disbelieving looks, but I didn’t care. I needed a breather. And in all honesty, I could use a little extra study time. Work was piling up. With SATs less than three months away, the pressure was on. I still had some big assignments ahead of me too. I couldn’t afford to slack off.

  No one else in my group seemed overly fazed. I was either a dumbass or a super slow worker.

  Probably a combination of both, dumbass.

  I snickered at my self-deprecating joke, knowing it wasn’t true. I wasn’t the smartest kid at school, but I’d do okay, especially if I didn’t slack off. I cringed when I thought of how little Stella was doing. Surely she’d start to freak about her grades soon. I’d no doubt get sucked into a last minute study-fest, cramming for SATs until the early hours of the morning.

  The corridor was pretty empty as I walked to my locker. It was a pleasant relief. I nearly made it all the way there without a single interaction, but then I heard Libby’s sweet titter and I couldn’t help looking. I peered down the adjacent corridor and spotted her leaning against her locker. Her face was practically shining and it wasn’t hard to figure out why.

  Carter Hanson was leaning over her with a charming smile.

  Really?

  What the hell was Carter doing chatting up Libby? Not to be mean about Libby, but she was hardly in his league.

  I couldn’t help myself, I ducked around the corner and played spy.

  “So I was thinking, maybe you could join me.” Carter ran his finger down Libby’s cheek. Her body was quivering as she gazed at him with a nervous smile.

  The layers fell away before I could stop them. I was too intrigued to fight it...and the intrigue quickly morphed to concern.

  Carter’s gaze wasn’t leering; if anything, he actually looked a little reluctant to be doing what he was doing. It wasn’t until the reluctance fell away that I noticed the malicious gaze beneath it. What was he up to?

  “Liam’s parties are always the best and he’s having it at Indie’s place, which is, you know, a mansion. We’ll have a great time.”

  “I’d love to come.”

  My insides hitched as I studied Libby’s face. She was ecstatic that Carter was even talking to her, let alone inviting her to a party. Part of her couldn’t believe it was true, but it was being overridden by her desperate need for acceptance. Her slight fear was shunted aside by a dreamlike euphoria.

  I got it. I mean Carter was hot. Liam’s parties were amazing, if not a little overwhelming, and Libby had never been invited to anything like it before. She always tried to tag along, but I’d never seen her at a Liam Donovan party. Whether she chickened out at the last minute or was turned away at the door, I didn’t know. Judging from the current look on her face, she’d be chickening out over her dead body. With Carter taking her rather than showing up on her own, it would be a given.

  The question was, why was Carter taking her? What did he really want?

  The black gleam in his eyes scared me. He was up to something, and although Libby and I weren’t super-close, there was no way I wanted to see her get hurt. She was a sweetie and didn’t deserve whatever Carter and his friends had planned. I knew him well enough to know he wasn’t working alone.

  I had to do something about it.

  Swallowing back my nerves, I approached Libby’s locker just as Carter was walking away. I figured Libby would be the easier one to talk to. If I tried to call Carter on anything, he’d probably tell me to go screw myself. He was on the basketball team with Chase and Sean. A bunch of good-looking guys who thought they ruled the school. Most girls swooned...just like I had. Spotting Chase’s true feelings had helped stunt my deluded admiration.

  “Hey Libby.” I kept my voice light and casual, not wanting to scare her.

  “Oh, hey Caitlyn.”

  Her smile was nearly blinding.

  “Did I just see Carter Hanson ask you out?” It was really unlike me to get straight to the point. I had ‘dancing around the bush’ down to an art form, but the bell was about to ring and if I went for small talk I’d lose my nerve altogether.

  “Yeah,” Libby breathed. “He’s taking me to Liam’s party on Friday. Everyone’s going there after the game.”

  It was pretty standard. Friday night basketball was often followed up with some sort of event—normally to celebrate the win, sometimes to blow off steam. Stella would no doubt drag me along this Friday. She never missed Liam’s parties. He was a bit of a legend at this school. He and his girlfriend Indie were the couple everyone wanted to be like.

  “That’s cool.” I nodded. “But um...” How did I say this?

  I glanced at Libby’s expression. She was nervous about what I was going to say, in spite of her smile.

  “I don’t want to sound rude or anything, I just wanted to make sure you’re comfortable going with Carter.”

  “What do you mean?” Her nerves were picking up big time. I had to get this out quickly.

  “Well, he’s not really...I mean you guys don’t really hang out much. Don’t you think it’s weird that he’s suddenly asking you out?”

  “What are you saying?” Nerves were being replaced with anger. It was a jittery anger fueled by her underlying insecurity and I really didn’t like it, but how could I not say something?

  “Libby, I don’t know if you were aware of this, but when he was talking to you, he looked kind of...untrustworthy. I can’t help wondering if he’s up to something. I’m worried you might get hurt.”

  “Worried? You’re worried about me? Really?”

  Shame crept over me. She was right. I’d never given a rat’s ass before. I’d always just stayed quiet as my fri
ends made her feel like pond scum. She’d have to be blind not to see through their plastic smiles. You didn’t need any kind of super power to pick up the get lost vibes that radiated off them whenever Libby was around.

  Lifting her chin, she gazed up at me with a steely glare. “You know what, Caitlyn, I think you’re jealous.”

  My head jolted back in surprise. “Of what?”

  “Carter liking me. I know you and Chase broke up and now you’re probably on the prowl for someone new.”

  On the prowl? Was she serious? That was so not my style.

  I closed my eyes, forcing a calm softness to my voice. “Libby, I’m not trying to take Carter off you. I don’t even like Carter...like that. I’m just not sure if he’s being honest with you.”

  I was sure. I was one hundred percent freaking sure, but I couldn’t say that to her.

  Libby’s face bunched up tight, her obvious and hidden emotions blending together. I tried to put back the layers, not wanting to see how much I’d hurt her. I finally managed to settle on an indignant anger, which wasn’t exactly fun to look at either.

  “You know what, Caitlyn. You can have any guy you want. You hang with Stella and Indie and all the cool girls, so it’s not hard for you. Why would you want to take this from me?”

  “I’m not trying to—”

  “Guys like Carter never acknowledge my existence so when one finally does, I’m not going to reject it. Why can’t you just be happy for me?”

  “I’m sorry. I just—”

  “Stay out of my business.” Libby shouldered past me before I could say anything else. I didn’t bother chasing her. I’d probably end up doing more harm than good.

  Dammit. Blocking people out was so much easier. I didn’t want to get involved with this drama.

  With my mood fully blackened, I headed to my locker. The hallways were crowded again and I worked overtime making sure to put layers back on every single person’s face. I didn’t want to see another damn thing.

  11

  By the end of the week I could block out most things. I was surprised by how quickly I’d managed to get a handle on my power. I guess I’d been practicing…a lot. It felt good though. I was in control, mostly, and I was determined to keep it that way.

  The basketball game went well with an easy victory against Santa Monica High. Micah, the star player, who also happened to be my biology lab partner, had been on fire as usual, pretty much winning Pali High the game. Stella and I followed the revellers to Indie’s house in my car. She was planning on getting plastered and asked me to be the designated driver. I was more than happy to do it. I still hadn’t really acquired a taste for alcohol and only drank it when I absolutely had to. That night, I had the best excuse in the world not to swallow a drop.

  We bustled into the party, knocking shoulders with the crowd. Indie Swanson was the daughter of Dominic Swanson, big time movie producer. They lived in a palatial mansion and now that her older brother, Maverick, was at a college in Texas, Indie basically had the house to herself. Her father was away shooting yet another film and the live-in housekeeper was so passive, she basically let Indie do whatever she liked. I had heard that Liam, Indie’s boyfriend, slept over most nights. They were like living together. Some girls thought it was so romantic. I still hadn’t decided what I thought.

  The humongous house was crowded. Liam had obviously invited everyone he knew. I hated being around so many people at one time and made a beeline for the quietest area I could find. It was the movie room, just off the main living area. It was dark and filled with couples mauling each other on various couches and beanbags. Stella was not impressed with my choice and pulled me back into the main area. The doors leading out to the pool were all open making the partying space a massive expanse, chocked full of people. Knowing I’d lost the battle, I pressed myself against a free space of wall and studied the crowd. Stella was flirting overtime with the guy beside us. I didn’t recognize him. He looked older than us, just Stella’s style.

  Not being able to help myself, I practiced putting people’s masks on and off. I didn’t study what lay beneath their expressions, I just let the layers start to slip then quickly put them back in place. I loved that I was getting better and could do it in under ten seconds. I spent the next half hour happily controlling myself, feeling proud for doing it.

  But then I spotted something I couldn’t ignore.

  It wasn’t Libby, who I had secretly been keeping an eye out for. I hadn’t seen her since we arrived and part of me hoped she’d chickened out and gone home after the game.

  No, what I saw was something totally unexpected. It kind of threw me and I ended up having to look again. It was Indie, the quiet aurburn-haired beauty that everyone wanted to be like. She was an enigma almost. Her soft smile and kind blue eyes made people like her, but she was so cool that no one had the courage to really go near her. She was like a celebrity at her own school. I had to admit that I was proud to call her my friend. I mean I didn’t know her that well, but we hung out together all the time.

  But I’d never seen this about her before.

  Fear. It was stark white all over her face.

  I blinked, quickly replacing the mask. Her calm veneer was back in place. She was smiling at Liam as he said some joke to the people in front of him. His arm was around her waist, keeping her close. They looked so in love.

  I frowned and tentatively let the smile slip from her face. There it was again. She was scared. Not like timid scared, but like hell scared. Her eyes were wide with fear, her lips quivering. The hand perched on Liam’s shoulder was practically shaking.

  I put her mask back on to compare what I was seeing. Her fingers were fidgeting with Liam’s collar as he spoke. He gazed down at her tenderly and whispered something in her ear. She giggled and gave him a coy smile.

  I whipped her mask away and saw her neck muscles strain tight. The smile was hiding a grimace and when she looked up at her boyfriend I saw a mixture of terror and loathing.

  My lips parted as I reverted my gaze to Liam. Stripping away his affectionate smile I snatched a glimpse of something that gave me goosebump, a dark possession that had my stomach clenching. The arm around her waist wasn’t loving at all, it was holding her in place, keeping her in line. Another layer began to slip from his features and I flinched, quickly putting it back in place.

  I didn’t want to see that. No. Indie and Liam were the perfect couple. Everyone at school aspired to be like them. They were cool, but really nice. They were accepted by every social set in the school. No one despised them. They were like the golden couple.

  My breathing was punchy as I looked away. What had I just seen? What was I supposed to do with that?

  Poor Indie. I hadn’t seen fear that stark before, not ever. She was petrified and I didn’t want to know why.

  “I’m getting a drink.” I nudged Stella and took off before she could follow me. I made it to the kitchen, keeping my eyes down. I didn’t want to look at anyone. I didn’t want to practice with masks or layers. I just wanted to be normal again!

  The kitchen was devoid of ordinary drinks. I opened one of the fridges, looking for anything non-alcoholic and finally spotted a small can of Sprite in the back. I felt a bit bad for taking it. It obviously wasn’t designated for the party, but I needed something to quell my pulsing nerves.

  Popping it open, I was about to take a sip when someone practically bowled me over.

  Sprite splashed up my nose, dribbled down my chin and soaked into my shirt collar.

  “Sorry,” the person mumbled tearfully as she bustled past.

  I glanced up to see Libby frantically pushing her way through the crowd and my drink was forgotten. I forged after her, squeezing past people and trying to keep track of her.

  She made it to the main entrance and started running for the door.

  “Libby! Libby, wait!”

  Her short legs slipped on the shiny marble. She obviously wasn’t used to heels. Her ankle twisted and
she hit the floor with a thud.

  A couple of people around her snickered, some of them pointed. No one bothered to help her up. I wasn’t bold enough to glare them down like I wanted to. It took all my courage to openly approach her and offer my hand.

  Libby looked up at me, tears spilling from her eyes, making her mascara run.

  “Come on,” I murmured.

  She reluctantly took my hand and I hauled her up. After a few hobbling steps from Libby, I wrapped my arm around her and supported her out of the house, toward a dark patch of grass off the main driveway.

  “Are you okay?” I rubbed her back as she hiccuped and cried. It was hard to see her in the dim light and I was glad. I didn’t want to read her. I just wanted to talk and find out the truth the conventional way.

  Libby popped open her purse and pulled out a Kleenex. Her shoulders shook as she dabbed at her eyes. I kept rubbing her back, not exactly sure how to make her feel better.

  “I didn’t think you were here,” I eventually said. “I was looking for you and thought maybe you’d changed your mind.”

  She rubbed her eye and shook her head with a sniff. “I wish I had.”

  “What happened?”

  “You were right about Carter.” She sniffed again.

  “Did he—“ I frowned. “Libby what did he do?” My insides were curdling. I didn’t want to hear what she was about to say as my mind raced to the worst scenario I could think of.

  Libby was quiet for too long, making it worse. My imagination was working overtime.

  “He took me upstairs. We’d only been here like ten minutes.” Her voice wobbled.

  “Lib—“

  “Don’t worry, he didn’t try to...” She flicked her hand. “He didn’t force me to do anything.”

  The way she said it made me squeeze her shoulder. “What did you do?”

  “Nothing.” I could just make out her eyes shining in the dim light. Tears were busting to break free once more. “He wanted me to give him a blow job and I was really uncomfortable. I’ve never even kissed a guy before and Carter just expects me to blow him?” Her voice pitched high and she took in a shaky breath. “He started undoing his pants and I said I didn’t want to. He got all annoyed and told me I owed him because he’d brought me here. If I wanted to be cool then I had to earn it and that if I didn’t do what he said, he’d make my school life hell.” Her face bunched with stress lines. “I thought about it, Caitlyn. I even got down on me knees, but I just couldn’t go through with it. I freaked out and ran...and now the rest of this year is going to be so much worse than what it already is.”