Almost Lost, Never Forgotten

by T. L. Sieving

  As I peak down the hall my eyes land right on Chase. He doesn’t see me. He’s standing with an absolutely gorgeous girl who leans up and kisses him. I immediately turn around and walk back to the room. I wasn't anticipating seeing that and I think I’m going to throw up.

  When I walk into the room Rebekka immediately asks me what’s wrong. “Luciana you look like you've seen a ghost,” she tells me.

  I need some space to put myself back together so I tell her, “I ate something off a vendor on the way over and it’s not sitting well. I’ll be ok. Please excuse me and I’ll go re-apply my make up.”

  I grab my purse and go out the back door. I quickly get myself back together and take some deep breaths knowing Chase should be in the room when I get back.

  When I walk back in its like everyone stops and I can’t help but stare at him. Chase Perri’s in the same room as me. I want to run into his arms and slap him at the same time. I just stand there until Rebekka nudges me.

  Since I’m the host I walk over to him and say hello and we shake hands. “Hi Chase, it’s nice to see you.”

  He simply replies, “Luciana.”

  Ok that didn’t go so well. He’s acting very cold toward me. I didn’t expect a hug but I didn’t expect this either.

  I try to break the ice by telling him to call me Lucy, but he continues to call me Luciana throughout the interview.

  The interview starts off bad. Not just bad, actually horribly. I'm pretty annoyed at Chase for not taking this seriously and not being himself. He's being very cocky and not giving straight answers. Even his ‘people’ seem to be nudging him to act normal, but it's not fazing him.

  Now I’m thankful to have my PR people here. They ask for a brief break and request a moment with his team.

  They called a 15 minute break and it came at the perfect time. I need a moment to breathe so I walk outside. This is surreal. Here I am having the biggest interview of my career and I’m stuck doing it with an asshole I dated in high school.

  Who am I kidding? Chase is more than that to me, but in this moment he's problematic.

  On my way back in I pass Chase and a few of the people that he brought into the meeting that I recognize as being players and the girl that I saw him kissing earlier.

  Courage comes to me and I walk over and ask Chase if we can talk. He says no. My eyes go wide and he suggests we just talk here.

  “I don’t think that's a good idea Chase.”

  “Well, Luciana why don’t we talk about how you set this interview up and it’s the first time I’ve seen you in four years. I’m just supposed to be professional? Doesn’t that seem a little fucked up to you?”

  I'm not at all thrilled with his tone or the way he's talking to me. Especially the way that he's pronouncing my name. It's not the Chase I knew. Maybe that Chase didn’t exist anymore but I’m not putting up with this version.

  “I'd very much like to talk to you in private, Chase,” I say sternly.

  “Well you don’t get to call all the shots. Let’s talk about how you just disappeared on me and never even looked back.”

  Wow. I just stare at him for a minute but I don't see the Chase I knew. He wants to hurt me and it's not right professionally or platonically. I’m not going to stand for it so I excuse myself and walk away.

  I hear one of his teammates tell him, “Relax dude, that wasn’t cool.” I silently thank someone else for sort-of being on my side.

  None of the suits are back in the room when I return so I get my phone out and send a text to Sam telling her about the interview and suggesting we may need two bottles of vodka tonight. I text Jax telling him I miss him and I'm excited for our date tomorrow, and then text Ana asking if she is able to go out tomorrow too.

  I wasn’t going to get wrapped up in how Chase just treated me or what this interview was going to do to my career. I instead try to remember all the good stuff going on in my life right now and take a few deep breaths.

  It feels like hours, but it's only a few minutes before the NBC PR people come back in. They tell me the interview was being rescheduled for Detroit next week and the Detroit Mustangs apologized for the delay and promise a more professional interview next time.

  Deflated. That’s close to how I'm feeling. I'm on the verge of tears but I hold it together knowing I can cry as soon as I get home. I ride back with Rebekka and as soon as were alone in the car she asks me, “Do you have a magic pussy or something? Seriously you wrapped that boy up really fucking good.”

  I can't help but laugh at her and I can't thank her more for being so… weird.

  No one suggested that someone else should do this interview and I'm relieved. I stayed professional and I feel good about that.

  When I’m finally alone I start feeling the weight of what happened today. Chase’s words hit me hard. For him to have blown an interview like that; is just not the Chase that I’ve known since kindergarten. I really hurt him when I left. As happy as I am to know that he cared, he walked into a bedroom with my best friend, and any girl would leave if that happened.

  Bottle service starts as soon as I get home so I text Ana and Sam to get their butts home. It was 4pm so I wasn’t expecting them until much later, but after the day I’ve had I'm ready to have a cocktail with or without them.

  I open the Berry Ciroc and Sprite and pour myself a generous drink, and sit down to call Jax.

  He answers on the third ring, “Hey baby, how are you?”

  “Very horny,” I reply to him. I don’t want to talk about my day. I just want to start relaxing for the weekend.

  Jax laughs and says he will be here super late but doesn’t mind taking care of business when he arrives. When he tells me exactly what he can do to my body I tell him to get his ass on the plane and get to me before I take care of myself. I hear him groan into the phone and I gasp at how he can easily affect me.

  Talking to Jax almost erases my bad day.

  Sam and Ana walk in together at 5:30pm and I’m already well on my way to being drunk. I have their drinks poured before they get back down from changing and we start discussing our days.

  I tell them all about the interview and they are as shocked as I expected them to be. I replayed his words several times. ‘Doesn’t that seem a little fucked up to you, Luciana?’ and ‘You don’t get to call all the shots. Let’s talk about how you just disappeared on me and never even looked back.’

  The truth is yes, that does seem fucked up to me. I left him and he must think I’ve never looked back. The truth is I never really stopped thinking of him. I never went on a date and didn’t wish it was him. I never had a phone call and didn’t wish it was him. I saw him places he wasn’t because I was so wrapped up in wanting him. I left him, but I never stopped looking back.

  After several drinks it’s Ana who finally asks what he looked like. I’m three sheets to the wind and I tell her the truth. He was jaw-dropping gorgeous. I tell them I had to wipe my mouth a few times because he was so damn hot. We’re all giggling like school girls and I’m feeling so much better.

  We finish the bottle of vodka by 10pm and we think it’s a good idea to go to the pizza place down the street. As we walk back, each carrying our own pizza, I start replaying his words again.

  ‘Doesn’t that seem a little fucked up to you, Luciana’! I want to cry but I’m lucid enough to control it so I just start talking to the girls hoping that helps.

  We get back and tear into our pizza as Jax walks in. I jump up and run into his arms and hold him tightly.

  “Well hello Lucy, I missed you too,” he whispers in my ears before shouting over to the girls, “Hi Sam! Hi Ana!”

  “Don’t touch my pizza, we’ll be right back. I need to show Jax something,” I say to the girls and pull him upstairs.

  “What are you going to show him upstairs?” Ana yells.

  “My vagina!” I yell back downstairs and both girls burst out laughing.

  Jax starts running up the stairs when he hears what I want to show
him. “I definitely want to see that Lucy,” he says and starts ripping off my clothes.

  Chapter 17

  “OH MY GOD, what did I drink last night?”

  “A bottle of vodka!” Jax says from across the room. He’s sitting on the chair and has a very cute smirk on his face.

  “A whole bottle, huh?” I ask him.

  “Yeah, you passed out on me after telling me you were going to show me something.”

  Oh I did? It’s all coming back to me now and I burst out laughing and look around the room.

  “What are you looking for?” Jax asks me.

  “My panties! Jax did you rip my panties off again?” I say feigning annoyance. It’s honestly really hot how he rips them off me but they are not cheap panties.

  I hear him laugh a real belly laugh and I’m glad he finds it so funny.

  “I have to show you something,” he tells me.

  I think he’s making fun of me for saying that to him last night. “Is it my vagina?” I ask him.

  “Close!”

  He grabs a beautifully gift wrapped box from his bag and brings it to me.

  “What’s this?” I ask as he passes over the gift box and kisses me on the head.

  “Open it and see.”

  I open the box and there must be 100 pair of the La Perla underwear I wear that Jax keeps ripping off me.

  “I felt bad that I kept ruining yours so I kept the last pair and went to buy you some more.”

  I can’t help but laugh.

  “Jax did you really take my soaking wet ripped panties to the La Perla store to buy me some new ones?”

  “Watch that dirty mouth or I’m going to rip off your panties right now.”

  I push down my covers and show him that I’m naked. I look over and invite him over with the lift of my eyebrow. After all, I did say I was going to show him my vagina.

  “Wait just one second so I can brush my teeth,” I tell him as I run into the bathroom. I hate to stall the moment but I need to brush them. I run back and Jax is still sitting in the chair so I decide to go to him.

  I brush my hands over his shirt and moan lightly at the feeling of his chest. “I think you’re way over dressed.”

  “Hmm… what are you going to do about that?”

  I take the invitation and have his shirt off in seconds. “You look mighty fine this morning.”

  He growls at the lust he can sense in my voice. “You always look mighty fine, Lucy.”

  I take my time kissing every inch of his chest; I can feel his heart beat and know I’m driving him mad.

  My God he takes my breath away. I’m so turned on. I’m ready to beg him to touch me.

  I whisper in his ear, “Are you going to touch me?”

  He heavily sucks in a breath and asks me where I want him to touch me.

  I lean away from him and take his shorts off, exposing his length. “Maybe I’ll do all the touching today.”

  I lightly touch him from his sexy V all the way to the tip of his penis. I lean down and lick him from his tip to his balls and then back up. I hear his moan and know he likes it.

  “Jax what would you like me to do?” I ask him trying to turn this around on him a little. He’s driving me mad and I know I’m soaking wet.

  “Fuck baby I want to touch you and see how wet you are for me,” he says and I need him to touch me. I’m throbbing and I want the release I know he can give me.

  I climb up on the couch next to him and kiss him letting our tongues feel each other. I lean down and take his length into my mouth taking him as far down as possible. When he finally reaches over and touches me I feel like I might explode.

  I grab his balls and squeeze them hard before I suck him in again using my hands and mouth.

  “Fuck Lucy! I don’t want to come on you; I want to come in you,” Jax says as he pulls me to him. I mount him on the couch and take his length inside me.

  “Oh god Jax, this feels amazing,” I moan into his mouth as we start kissing. Jax is an unbelievable kisser and making out with him is a real turn on.

  I’m grinding him and I’m so close to my release.

  “I’m gonna come!” I barely get the words out before I start to spasm. It seems to be all Jax needs as he yells out my name and comes with me.

  The passion is electric this morning. It feels both physical and emotional like we are taking everything from each other. It’s exciting, magnetic, and tense all at once.

  Instantly I want more. I start moving my hips again hoping he can go one more time with me.

  Of course he can and does.

  This time I don’t care who hears me. I scream out in ecstasy. Waking up to two orgasms is definitely the way to start a morning after a shitty day.

  Jax and I shower, dress, and decide to get some greasy food for my belly. I don’t feel that bad but I know the greasy eggs and bacon will make me feel 100%.

  Over breakfast I tell him about my interview and he looks furious. I start to think I shouldn’t have told him but I’m relieved when he tells me that it makes him so mad that Chase treated me with such disrespect. I know Jax has always had a thing with safety for me, even before we dated, but it makes me feel good that he cares so much.

  I get up and move to his side of the booth. I want to make sure he knows how much it means to me that he cares like that. Beyond anything that happens between us, Jax has always been a good friend to me and I’m thankful for him.

  Since we’re having dinner with a few of his friends along with Sam and Ana, I decide to surprise him with a romantic lunch in Central Park. I grab lunch at a deli I like and pack up the basket and blanket and tell him to follow me.

  We find a spot beneath a willow tree and spread out our blanket. He brought his script and I brought a book. I lay on his stomach and enjoy feeling his chest move up and down while I read my steamy romance book. The relaxing rhythm of his heart beating makes me fall asleep until he wakes me with little kisses along my jaw.

  “Good afternoon, gorgeous,” he whispers as he continues his pattern of kisses.

  “Mmm,” is all I can reply.

  “Wake up so I can feed you,” Jax demands and I don’t resist.

  Lunch tastes amazing. Then again with the way Jax is feeding me, anything would taste good.

  After lunch we sit and watch people, talking about life in general. Nothing specific and nothing heavy; just life.

  Jax gives me the heads up that paparazzi will be crazy tonight. The guys coming out with us are actors as well and I guess this is what I need to get used to. It still scares me, though.

  He also tells me that Ana and Sam are going all out. I should expect full-on hair and makeup tonight.

  “I appreciate the heads up. It’s easier to take when I know about it,” I say.

  “Someone as gorgeous as you Lucy doesn’t understand the hair and makeup thing,” Jax says before he kisses me softly.

  I was talking about the paparazzi, but I’ll take that compliment.

  ***

  “Are we going to dinner or the Oscars?” I yell up the stairs.

  I don’t know why we need so many people to get us ready for a night out.

  “Shut it, biatch, you’ll thank me when your pictures come out stunning!” Sam yells down the stairs.

  “Oh fuck her, she looks gorgeous without anything on and that’s why the press is going to be all up in our shit tonight. This is your fault, Luciana!” Ana yells from upstairs.

  I’m laughing as I run upstairs to join them.

  “Well since I’m so naturally pretty,” I tell the girls, “I’ll just wear this and no hair and makeup for me.”

  “Hardy har har. Your outfit’s on your bed and they’ll be ready for you in 45 minutes sharp so drink up sweet pea tonight is going to be epic,” Sam tells me and points at the stylists who I’ve come to know well.

  “Thanks sweet Sam,” I say as I take the glass from her hand. “I want to toast the two best girlfriends a girl could have.”

  W
e each raise our glasses for the toast.

  “Seriously girls, when I left Michigan to come to NYU I had no idea what my future would be. I was heartbroken and going very fast down a road that’d only lead to a deep depression. You were there for me. You picked me right up and made me have fun. You made me laugh and see the light again. You showed me the reason I wanted to come to NYU and you gave me the desire to want my life back. I love you more than you can ever know and I thank God that you were brought into my life. You literally saved me and I owe you everything.”

  I can’t help the tears that fall. All this stress over the past few days of my work project and seeing Chase again has been too much. I had no idea I was holding all this in as the tears won’t stop. I look over at Sam and Ana so embarrassed and see they’re crying too.

  Sam looks at me and says, “That first week we met, I was shocked when you came to the spa and club with me. I was so thrilled to finally see a spark of life in you that I vowed I would bring that back out of you. I’m so glad I had Ana there to help me because it wasn’t easy. I don’t think you knew how much of a depression you were in or how sad you were. It broke our hearts and we bonded over wanting to help you get that spark back in you. Thank God you have it back, because we gained a best friend and a sister. Someone we can’t live without. I love you so much, Lucy. And I love you so much, Ana.”

  We’re all crying! I can’t believe we’re having this talk now after so many years. I don’t think I was ready to hear that from them until now. I knew I was sad when I moved to New York, but to hear her talk about depression is difficult.

  We’re standing here crying in a three way hug and Ana breaks it up. “Alright! Let’s wipe these tears away. I love you both. I’m so glad we’re all friends. Jax is bringing some seriously hot friends and I’m dying to get laid, so I need this hair and makeup to be perfect, ok?”

  The cries turn into laughs and we continue our primping. I sit quietly sipping my drink thinking about what Sam said. I thought I skipped the depression but she saw it in me. What makes me feel even more love toward her is she saw something in me she knew she wanted to know. I see that in her too. That’s why I’ve never pushed her into telling me anything.