Almost Lost, Never Forgotten

by T. L. Sieving

  When I wake back up I’m on my side with Chase spooning me. His arm is around me and tucked under my boob. I push my butt back into him and go back to sleep.

  I wake up startled instantly not feeling as secure as I was all night. I’m alone in the bed and can hear the shower. My head is still spinning with all the revelations we had last night. I grab my phone and see a missed call from his trainer. Oh Shit, I suck!

  I walk into the bathroom and ask Chase if he needs any help and he says no. I know I shouldn’t, but I feel rejected; most guys would have joked about joining them in the shower but he didn’t.

  I brush my teeth and Chase is standing next to the shower still wet but wrapped in a towel. Wow, he looks delicious.

  His body is a work of art; he obviously works out, a lot, and he is nicely defined. I’m staring and I don’t care, I’m just happy not to be drooling because he’s seriously hot.

  Chase notices my ogling and walks out of the bathroom laughing. I take a nice hot long shower and I hear Chase walk in and ask if I need any help. Wanting him to feel a little rejected I simply answer, “No.”

  I step out of the shower wrapped in a towel and see Chase just standing there. I ignore him as I brush my hair and pull it up. I walk into the bedroom and over to the table where my bag is to get some fresh panties, shorts, and a tank top and I drop my towel.

  I hear Chase’s breath catch and get dressed with a smile on my face.

  Chapter 25

  Sam, Chase, and I are enjoying a peaceful day at the beach. We’re in a private area and no one is bothering us. Chase says he still has a headache and has thrown up a few times today. He’s taking Vicodin and drinking lots of water and I’m keeping in constant contact with his trainer and coach.

  We had a lot of visitors this morning and I had to get pretty strict and ordered them all out. I know a lot of people are looking out for Chase, and that makes me very happy, but he can’t be over-stressed right now. I take the job of taking care of him very seriously; I owe him that much.

  “So tell me about George,” I say to Sam.

  “He’s hot. We fucked. I’ll see him again. Maybe. The end,” she says and we both laugh.

  “How was last night with sleeping beauty over there?” Sam asks and points to a sleeping Chase. I check my watch to make sure I don’t let him sleep too much. I know I don’t have to do that anymore but he still seems a little loopy.

  “It was good we straightened some stuff out which was painful but needed to happen.”

  “Are you ok? It couldn’t be easy finding out you left him for the wrong reason.”

  “No, it… WHAT? How did you know?”

  She laughs at me and tells me how she had a nice long talk with Chase when they were in New York and has kept in contact with him. I can’t help but feel a little bit of jealousy after hearing this.

  “He’s a really good guy; I can see why you liked him so much. And, he’s fucking hot!”

  “Watch your mouth, there could be kids around.”

  She laughs, “Didn’t you notice how hot he is?”

  I just look over at her and she laughs, “I’m just messing with you!”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” is all I respond. I know what she’s doing and I’m falling for it. There’s so much for me to think about I may go a little bat-shit-crazy over this.

  “So, I’m being stalked… talk!”

  “The maniac made a mistake, finally, and hand-delivered a note to your door. The security team wasn’t able to get any prints but they have his face finally and are going through video to find this guy from our video at the club. You just have to be a little careful but you have Luke and one other security guy now that’ll be following and watching you nonstop.”

  “Luke seems like a good guy,” I hear Chase say.

  “Yeah he is, he will protect her Chase, I promise,” Sam says back to him.

  Sam’s phone lights up and she excuses herself to talk, I hear her say, “Hi George,” and I smile. I like George and I’m glad she’s talking to him.

  “Sam is a great friend to you Lucy, she worries about you and she’s been keeping in contact with me since I worry about you too.”

  I look over at him and his eyes are closed as he’s soaking up the sun. I smile; he must have heard the bantering and teasing that Sam was dishing out to me. I’m glad his eyes are closed.

  Chase asks me a question but I didn’t hear it, “What?”

  He laughs, “In deep though huh Luce; where are your final two interviews?”

  “Oh, Boston and New York are the final two spots,” I tell him with a smile. Yes I am in deep thought.

  “The promo is really great, you should be proud of yourself.”

  “I’m very proud of it, and very proud of the interview you and I did together.”

  Sam bounces back in toward us and we finish up the afternoon talking about nothing serious but having a ton of laughs while doing it.

  Sam and Chase make the decision that we will all spend the night in Chase’s suite. He has two bedrooms so Sam and I will stay in one and he will stay in the other. I say nothing. I know they are happy to watch over me and I’m happy to be watching over Chase who still seems a little out of it at times.

  We head back to the room and all take showers. Chase recommends we order the steaks again since he didn’t get to enjoy his, so Sam and I both order a steak salad.

  We sit and eat out on the balcony watching the sunset. The view is breathtaking and the company is even better. We sit and talk with ease like we’ve all known each other a lifetime.

  We finish dinner and decide to watch a movie in Chase’s room. We all get into his bed and find a comedy on Pay-Per-View and watch it.

  I’m having a hard time dealing with how much I want to cuddle up with Chase. The thought scares me. He cuddled with me last night, but did not flirt with me even the slightest bit today. I miss feeling his body close to me and my arms around him. ‘I have a boyfriend, I have a boyfriend, I have a boyfriend,’ I chant in my head but it doesn’t seem to help. I miss that feeling I had with Chase’s arm around me and I want to reach over to him so badly. It’s not Jax that stops me from doing it; it’s the fear of rejection.

  I can’t handle being this close to him with the memories of laying on his chest, so I yawn and tell them I’m going to bed. Sam agrees that she’s tired so we both say goodnight to Chase and head to our room.

  I close my eyes trying to wrap my head around the past couple days. I’m being stalked, I left Chase over a silly misunderstanding, and he knew where I was and didn’t try to fix the misunderstanding. Being stalked is freaking crazy. I’m so lucky to have the resources to be protected and find this guy.

  The past four years I’ve been a mess over this guy who I thought dropped me at the first chance of being with whomever he wanted. I went through years of not wanting to be around any man because I didn’t think it was right; it was Chase who I wanted.

  Finally I find someone who I want to be with and I love spending time with him; but do I love him? He was the first man who I wanted to spend time with, the first man that I had butterflies in my stomach for. He was the first man I had sex with after Chase.

  Jax has never pressured me and has always been so honest with me. I need to make sure I’m honest with him the next time I see him.

  “You want to talk about it?” Sam asks me.

  I turn around and see her looking at me.

  “He held me last night, in his arms, and it felt so nice.”

  We’re both silent; she’s a great listener and never rushes my thoughts.

  “He knew I was in New York, but he never came to try to make it right.”

  Again, there’s awkward silence and I think it through before I speak again.

  “How could I leave him like that? How could I leave and not look back without making sure I was 100% certain with what I thought I saw? Why didn’t I confront them that night, and why didn’t I try to stop it?”

  Sam’s silent
for a long time and I almost think she’s sleeping but then she says something that’ll keep me up for days.

  “Maybe you were looking for an out, maybe you wanted that break.”

  Chapter 26

  It feels good to be home and in my own bed. So much is going on that my old routine will feel relaxing. Jax is coming over tonight and we haven’t seen each other and have barely spoken in a week. I’m actually a little nervous.

  Saying good-bye to Chase wasn’t easy. I keep thinking of what Sam said to me and I want to think she’s wrong, but it sounds so right. Maybe you were looking for an out, maybe you wanted that break. If that is true, I was a coward and I took the easy way out of our relationship. I wanted to go to NYU so badly, why didn’t I tell him that? I also wanted to be with him, why didn’t I tell him that?

  Our last day in Miami with Chase was great, but he was so platonic with me that it felt… weird. I couldn’t look at him without thinking of his arms wrapped around me holding my boob. Obviously he wasn’t affected by our time together. I shouldn’t be affected by it since I’m with Jax... and I’m over Chase.

  Right as that thought enters my mind my absolutely gorgeous boyfriend comes into my room and I can’t help but smile.

  “I missed you gorgeous,” he says as I leap into his arms.

  “I missed you too handsome.”

  He kisses me and it feels so good to be wanted. I kiss him back and wrap my legs tightly around him. I want him now.

  I kiss up and down his jaw line stopping to suck on each of his earlobes. I pay special attention to kissing and lightly sucking on his neck. I know this drives him crazy and that is exactly what I plan to do.

  He moans in appreciation as I unbutton his shirt wanting it off now. He walks toward the bed and lowers me on to it but I don’t release my legs around him.

  He grabs my breasts tightly and it feels so good being touched and wanted by him.

  I take his pants off and take my time spending extra attention on his member. He’s thick, hard, and standing to immediate attention. I can see the veins throbbing and know they are in need of attention as much as I am. I grab it hard and he gasps as I lower my head down to lick him.

  “Oh that feels amazing,” he moans to me.

  I lower my head onto his thick length and take him all the way in and slowly release it with great suction. Jax is moaning and I feel much appreciated.

  I lick him up and down playfully and suck him hard, not so playfully. I’m moaning, this is giving me as much pleasure seeing how I affect him. “You’re so big, I love sucking your cock.”

  “Oh, baby,” Jax moans, “I love it too.”

  I grab his balls with my right hand and use my left to increase the pleasure while I take him in and out of my mouth quickly.

  I take one last slow lick up his vein, take him completely in my mouth and pull fiercely down on his balls. I know he’s close so I quickly move up and down sucking and twisting my hand as he explodes in my mouth with a great moan of pleasure.

  “God, Lucy, that was incredible!”

  “Yes it was!” I say back to him swallowing every bit he sprayed into me. He kisses me and I know I really like this man. He makes me feel so secure, so wanted, and so gorgeous. I know I affect him the same way and I love it.

  “So how was your week?” I ask him.

  “It was long but great. We finalized all the casting issues, we have every scene set up and each location is finalized. Everyone is excited about Sam joining us,” he tells me with great enthusiasm.

  “Wow that sounds awesome! What a productive week.” He’s beaming and I am too; I love seeing how excited he is.

  We talk for awhile about the movie and how different it’s going to be for him to Direct it. Jax suggests ordering in some Chinese but I suggest we go out instead. It’s down the street and so isolated that we’re never bothered there. I’m sick of eating in and I love the city, I want to be in it.

  “Make sure you have your wallet, stud; you’re buying me dinner.”

  On one of our first dates he forgot his wallet and I had to pay. He’s a multi-millionaire and I know it, but it’s a funny joke between us and I know he was so embarrassed.

  “You drive a hard bargain Lucy, this is going to set me back almost $15,” he jokes. I never choose expensive dinners and he knows it.

  As soon as we walk out the door he holds out his hand for me. Holding hands is simple but he initiates it and there’s something comforting knowing he wants me. I left Chase and I accept that, kind of. But what was it about our relationship that made me want to leave him? It’s only something Sam suggested but it has made me do some serious thinking about that relationship. Even though it was so long ago, I remember it like it was yesterday.

  I push these thoughts away, this is unfair to Jax. I’m on a date with my gorgeous boyfriend who is holding my hand and taking me out.

  Jax is playful at dinner and the feeling is contagious. We talk about his projects and my projects with equal engagement.

  On our stroll back home we walk with our arms around each other stealing kisses. I’ve missed Jax. I like Jax. I enjoy time with Jax. Chase was my past and I need to leave it there.

  He walks me up to the door and doesn’t move, “So, um, I had a good time tonight Jax, thank you for dinner.”

  “It was my pleasure, you’re a fabulous date and I would love to take you on another one.”

  “Are you asking me out on another date?” I ask him.

  “Why yes I am, do you accept?”

  “Depends on if you kiss on these dates… and then it depends on if I like those kisses.”

  Jax leans down and gives me a kiss worthy of another date.

  “I’ll most certainly go on another date with you, but please don’t make me go a week without these kisses again,” I murmur into his ear between nibbles.

  We make out a little bit on the porch and I invite him in. He agrees and I practically drag him inside. We open the door and run right into Sam.

  Jax and Sam are excited to see each other. We sit down and chat about what we’ve all been up to. Most of it I’ve already heard from Jax, but it’s equally exciting to hear it again. Once we get on the subject of Dallas and Miami I freak out a little. I still need to tell Jax about my time with Chase. He knows I was with him helping him get over his concussion but he needs to know I slept in the same bed with him.

  Sam drops the bombshell on Jax that she told me about my stalker. Jax goes white and this angers me.

  “You’re mad that she gave me the heads up to be more careful?”

  I know phrasing it like this will get his attention. I’m pissed that they kept this from me and Jax needs to have that same conversation that I had with Sam and Chase already.

  I decide to play this one up and tell Jax how I left Chase’s room when there was a flurry of activity and Luke didn’t know that I left so I went to my room alone. He looks furious as I tell him but I do that on purpose. “Yup, so if I would’ve known about the potential danger and the 24 hour security I could’ve been more careful, catch my drift sweetie?” I tell him in a very sassy tone.

  “Yeah I got it,” Jax says defeated.

  “Good!” I curl up on his lap and give him a kiss on the cheek.

  Jax tells us he talked to Chase earlier today and I am shocked. I knew Sam was keeping in contact with him but didn’t know Jax was. I guess it makes sense since the two of them were in contact enough for Jax to send Chase to my hotel while I was in Detroit.

  I get up and let them know I need to send a few emails for work before going to bed. Jax kisses me and tells me he will be right up. I head upstairs and return some emails regarding the Dallas and Miami interviews and see that the promo is being received well. This is happening!

  I check my phone to see if Ana is back in town yet; she travels so much I never get to see her anymore. She hasn’t texted me in awhile so I send her one asking when we can have lunch. I then decide to see how Chase is doing. I don’t want to
call him and have his ‘non-girlfriend’ answer again so I text him instead.

  11:08pm

  Me: Hey, how are you feeling? I hope you are getting better. I’m thinking of you.

  11:08pm

  Chase: Thanks for checking on me. I had another scan today and it’s looking good. I’m playing tomorrow night.

  11:09pm

  Me: Great to hear. I’ll be watching, goodnight.

  Chase: Goodnight Lucy

  Going from being Chase’s girlfriend to not talking and missing him for four years to being his friend is weird. Well, it kind of sucks actually.

  I get ready for bed and turn off all the lights. I need to talk to Jax but I’m getting sleepy. I have to work early in the morning so I’ll save the conversation for later.

  Chapter 27

  “Wake up Lucy-Lucy-Wake up…” I feel someone shaking me but I can’t wake up fast enough. I open my eyes and Jax and Sam are both in my room. I’m trembling and tears are running out of my eyes.

  I don’t know if it’s being in New York or what would’ve brought my nightmares back. I try to shake it off but I see the concern in Jax and Sam’s eyes.

  Thankfully it’s time to get up and I don’t have to try to go back to sleep. I get through my normal morning routine and hitch a ride to work with Sam.

  Sam isn’t working for too much longer so I’ll take advantage of the rides to work while I can. I know I have the car service at my disposal, but while she’s away I won’t be using any Renault perk.

  Sam’s on the phone the whole ride and it gives me time to once again text my nomad friend Ana and find out where the heck she is and when we can resume the lunches I used to love having with her.

  5:48am

  Me: Yo Biatch, I know you’re getting messages so text me back. When are we having lunch?

  5:55am

  Ana: Don’t text me at this God awful hour. Lunch tomorrow, unless you wake me up again. Xoxo

  I put my phone back in my purse and head into the office. I’m later than normal today due to traffic. I’m excited to see the first six of eight interviews today. We have a lot to discuss and two more interviews to prep for. I’m in Boston at the end of this week and then done with traveling for this project, New York will be the last stop on the tour.