We get down to the waiting car, but this time it’s a driver and car I don’t recognize. Chase tells me this is his car and driver and that I can use them as long as I want. I understand what he’s saying, but I’m a big girl and I make damn good money for my age. Even living in this city I can certainly afford my life. Ok, maybe not this exact lifestyle; ok definitely not this lifestyle, but a good life and I don’t want Chase taking care of me.
I nod because I know I won’t say that in the nicest way if I talk right now so I’ll wait and find a better time to talk to him about everything. We’re silent on the way home and I’m happy that Chase understands what I need right now without having to say it. He takes complete control and asks if I want to stop at home quickly or just have some stuff sent over to the hotel room when we get back. I decide I would rather stop at home so we change directions and head toward Central Park.
It’s Friday afternoon so traffic is rather busy and it takes us twice the time I would have thought. I hope Sam and Jax aren’t here because I’m not ready to talk to them yet.
Once we pull up to my townhome I know they’re home and I look over at Chase because he had to have-known; he’s been texting the whole time we’ve been in the car. I just look at him silently begging him to tell me what is up.
“I’m sorry if I made the wrong decision here, Lucy. You have some great friends and you need to work this out, even if you are boiling mad. I’ll stay with you if you don’t mind. I’ll be silent, but if you say let’s go I’ll whisk you out of here faster than you can imagine. Ok?”
I’m shooting daggers at him right now and I hope he knows it.
“Lucy, Sam knows you, and she begged me not to let you have time to make up your own story about this. But you can decide differently if you want… so, what do you want to do?”
I take a few breaths before I go up those 10 steps unsure of what I’ll find out.
I walk in and don’t see anyone but hear Sam on the phone in the kitchen.
“Nice place,” Chase tells me as he looks around.
“Thanks, it was Sam’s graduation gift from her parents and I’m lucky to be her roommate.”
I show him around a little bit and I’m surprised I haven’t seen Jax. I walk into the kitchen and hear Sam ending the call, “Yes mom, I’ll send Lucy your love.”
I get a couple bottles of water out of the fridge and hand one over to Chase. We all sit down at the kitchen table but no one talks until Chase breaks the uncomfortable silence.
“This is a really nice place, Sam.”
“Thank you.”
We’re quiet once again; no one wanting to be the first to speak.
“So,” Chase starts hesitantly, “Sam, you said some really nice things about your friendship with Lucy with some reasons why it was important that we’re here right now, so why don’t you tell her.”
Sam looks at Chase and it gives her the push she needs to start.
“Oh Lucy, I’m so sorry I never told you. You have no idea what it’s like for me to have a friend like you. You only know what I tell you and you don’t ask me to tell you too much. We’re so normal.”
She stops and wipes away a tear and I know one is moving down my cheek.
“God… when I met you… you were such a mess I didn’t know if I was going to be able to handle living with someone so depressed. But I saw sparks of who you were and I had to get to know you. When we went out that first night to the club I knew you were going to be my best friend for life.”
She takes a deep breath and continues, “I had never brought anyone to the spa or my parent’s house that treated it so ordinary and I knew you would never take advantage of me or treat me any different than you would treat any friend.”
I’m touched because it was that same day that I realized how different our pasts were but how similar we were as people. I wanted her to be my friend for life and I knew it that day too.
I don’t need her recapping our relationship; I remember it just as fondly as she does.
“Did you and Jax have that past… the one that creep is writing about?”
“What sucks is I always wanted to be able to have a normal relationship with you. I sorta think this kind of fight is normal. But you finding out about Jax through a stalker is not normal and was not how I thought we would have this discussion.”
I take a minute to think this through. I don’t give a damn about her time table at this point. I’ve known her for five years; times up.
“Enough, Sam! Seriously, I stopped watching entertainment news and reading those magazines because of you, so I wouldn’t find out anything you didn’t want me to know. That didn’t give you a free pass to lie to me or deceive me in any way.”
“I wasn’t trying to deceive you Lucy.”
“Samantha, come on!”
She gets up and starts making a cup of coffee and a sandwich. She’s making more than one and I’m thankful, I’m starving. Chase gets up and offers to help her and she lets him take over and comes back to the table with me.
She takes the seat next to me, “Lucy I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to date him. I saw the way you were looking at him and I was hoping he’d look at you the same… and he did. You finally gave another guy a chance and I had never seen you look at anyone else like that.”
I’m super embarrassed that she’s saying this in front of Chase and I don’t look up but I can sense his eyes on me.
Great now he knows how depressed I was.
“After that first date when he told you about the kidnapping I made him promise not to tell you anything about us. He was shocked you didn’t know and wanted to tell you about us but I asked him not to. Would it have made a difference to you, Lucy?”
I take a few minutes to let it sink in, but I know my answer.
“Um, YES Sam, I never would have dated him if I knew you loved him at any point in your life. How could I do that to you and how could you think I would do that to you?”
“I know Luce, which is why I didn’t tell you. You are my best friend. Four years of nothing and you finally were able to move on and I wasn’t going to be the reason you were depressed another second.”
I don’t know what these feelings are that I have but I can’t be mad at Sam or Jax about this.
“Are you mad?” Sam asks me.
“Honestly… I’m mad that you made the decision for me - but I’m not mad at you.”
I’m so glad she hasn’t asked me if I would do the same for her. I don’t think I would. She drove me crazy when she talked about Chase like she did in Miami. I don’t need to admit that to her or Chase, who looks at me like a friend now.
“Jax is a mess, Lucy.”
I know he is, but I don’t know the real reason behind it. Is he mad I found out like this? Is he mad he was predictable to the stalker? Or is he mad that any idiot can see that he’s still in love with Sam? I always thought it was a brotherly/sisterly thing, but as I flash back to how protective he’s been from the first day I met him it’s so obvious.
I feel so stupid.
I’m such a girl and I’m making stories up in my head about how he’s only with me to get back to Sam and I know I need to talk to him. But I have a few questions for Sam first.
“Do you still love him?” I don’t need her to answer I see it in her face. I’m her best friend so of course I can see the truth.
“That’s a silly question Lucy, are you still in love with Chase?” I look at her and she covers her mouth with her hand obviously forgetting Chase is still in the room.
Chase puts the sandwiches and coffee on the table but all the sudden I’m not hungry.
Luke walks in and doesn’t say a word but puts his fingers over his mouth for us to be quiet and makes the signal for us to follow him. I look at Chase and Sam and we all get up and walk out the front door and into the car that’s waiting for us.
Chapter 31
The car door closes and Luke tells us there’s a slight chance someone was in
our house because the alarm was disabled prior to us getting home.
Why on earth are we just finding this out now?
“I have a suite booked for you guys. Chase your hotel is probably fine but we are sweeping it and packing for you right now. We will bring your stuff to the suite within the hour.” Luke tells us and he is all business right now.
I realize Chase is going to be involved but he has a life so I make sure and tell Luke what he has going on, “Chase has a double-header tomorrow guys, so he needs to get some rest and needs all his shit.”
“Yes, Lucy, I know that Chase has a double-header and you have a 10am interview, so I’ll make sure you are both ready and rested for that,” Luke tells me and I feel like an ass.
“Thanks Luke,” is all I can say.
Chase seems fine with all of this and calls his coach to let him know he’s switching hotels.
We head to our new hotel and it’s not shocking that Jax is already in our room. He’s sitting out on the balcony and I know I need to go out there, but first I need to make sure that Chase is ok with all this. He has a big game tomorrow, well two, and I know he needs to get his head in the game and out of this drama.
“You ok Chase?” I ask
“Yeah, don’t worry about me.”
“Should we order some food and have an early dinner to get some sleep so you’re well rested tomorrow?”
“Perfect coach,” he tells me with a smirk, so I slap his shoulder, “Are you ok, Lucy?”
I can see he really is concerned, “Yeah I think so.”
He wraps his arms around me and whispers in my ear, “Do you love him?”
I whisper back a firm, “No” in his ear. He squeezes me tightly and lets out a breath. I’m not sure if he was scared for my feelings or his.
I pick the phone up and hand it to him and tell him to hurry up and order the food because I’m starving. I turn around and walk toward the bathroom. I want to shower and get the suntan lotion and pool off me. I know I need to talk to Jax and I’m not trying to hurt anyone, but I need some time to figure things out.
I need to know about their relationship and what happened. Based off what I can piece together from stories alluding to this, and what Sam just told me, they were dating when she was kidnapped and Jax felt like he failed her. They both had a hard time getting over that ordeal. He has said Sam wasn’t the same after, but I saw the guilt that Jax had from my drugging I know he was wrapped up in guilt during that time too.
Jax has this real sense of wanting to take care of Sam and me. I wonder if taking care of me is a way for him to take care of Sam, especially if she has pushed him away. Ugh, that’s an ugly thought; is Jax with me for Sam?
Would I have dated Jax if I knew? Sadly I know the answer to that.
What started as tears turn into a major crying session and I just hope these are solid wood doors so no one can hear me. I can’t stop, I think I broke the seal and tears have been waiting to pour out. I slide down the tile and sit on the shower floor and just cry. It’s not until I notice the water has turned cold that I finally stop because there are no tears left.
I’m crying for my friend who had a maniac steal her life for 30 days, I’m crying for me because I have a maniac trying to get his hands on me, and I’m crying for Jax who had a maniac steal his girlfriend away from him, twice now.
I get off the floor and finish my shower as fast as I can since the water is freezing. I dry off and take a look in the mirror. I look ridiculous. I don’t even try to hide it and throw my hair up into a pony tail and put on some yoga pants and a tank top.
I don’t want to eat. I want to lay in the bed and go to sleep and try to forget the shit that is going on in my life, even if only for a few hours. I have an important interview tomorrow and I’m going to knock it out of the park no matter what.
Sleep comes easy to me and before I know it I wake up and see its 7am. I must have been emotionally exhausted because I slept like a log.
What a day yesterday was but I have no time to dwell on it. I need to get ready and get to the stadium. All my stuff is in the room but I’m surprised to see I’m alone.
I guess I scared everyone away from me.
I shower and dress in the sharpest skirt suit I have; a simple black Theory suit. I walk out of the bedroom to the main room and see Jax is sitting at the table with a breakfast spread.
“Good morning, gorgeous, I ordered breakfast.”
“Thanks,” is all I can think of saying in return.
I sit down at the table with him and he pours me a of cup coffee. I take a few bites of the omelet made just the way I like it with tomatoes, mushroom, and cheese. It tastes like the best thing in the world. I’m still starving from last night as I dig in at record speed.
“Hungry?” Jax asks with a smirk on his face.
“Not really,” I say matching his smirk.
Our simple joke puts a frown on his face and I know we both understand the conversation we need to have.
“Chase left about 5 minutes ago for the hotel to meet the team,” he says as I take a sip of coffee.
“I have to get going to make it to my interview. I can’t believe they’re letting me keep this interview time after the rain delay caused this double header.”
Whatever happens I want Jax in my life. He’s been such a good friend to me above being a darn good boyfriend.
We exchange more small talk and agree to meet at 6pm to talk. Luke is at the door waiting so I tell Jax good-bye. When I’m just about at the door he stops me and wraps his arms around me, “Have a good day. I’m so proud of you.”
I don’t want to cry right now, it feels so good to be wrapped up in his arms. He kisses me on the forehead before I walk away.
The energy around the stadium is electric. There’s nothing like a baseball game on a warm summer day. I met Rebekka and some PR people at NBC and we drove together to the stadium. I filled Rebekka in on what thoughts I had for this final piece and she agrees with everything I propose. I think she’s only listening to part of what I’m saying, she actually seems super nervous.
“What’s going on?” I ask her needing her to act her usual self so the day can run smoothly.
“Fuck! Lucy you know how much press is around this segment? We’ve sold out commercial space already and it will run in print too,” She tells me.
This is news to me; I need to get back to the office, like yesterday. Too much is going on without me. I can’t let this drama affect my dreams like this. My job is going so well right now and I want to be at work living it not hearing about it.
We get there and make our way to the interview area they asked us to meet at and everything is about set up. Its 9:05am and we’re running ahead of schedule. They’re going to try and find him so we can start a little early since they know he’s already in the stadium.
At 9:35am we start the interview and we wrap it at 10:45am. It went pretty well, but I would say he was my least favorite of all the interviews. That’s not a fair assessment considering what I’m going through and that he has a double-header to focus on, but it’s done and that’s what counts. The editing team starts working on it immediately and I hit the stadium with the camera crew for the filming and commentary we want to do.
We work all day on it but I know we’re finally done and it feels amazing. I agree to go have a drink with Rebekka and the crew who have been working with me for these eight interviews. I text Jax and ask him to meet me at 7pm instead.
Luke, Rebekka, and I arrive first at a bar close to NBC. I order a Bud Light and ask the bartender if I can open my own bottle. Luke is gleaming at me with some major pride but I feel like a jerk. The bartender gives me a funny look but lets me open it.
“What the fuck is that about?” Rebekka asks me.
“Oh you know, some maniac trying to drug me and ‘pretend’ drug me,” I say using finger air quotes. Rebekka seems to understand and just says “Fuck me!” as she takes a drink of her bourbon. She really does love
that word!
The rest of the team comes in sporadically and by the time everyone arrives I’ve had three beers, all of which I opened myself. I feel like I took control over my night making sure I was more careful and still enjoying some time out. It’s nice to have a chance to talk more to some of the PR people and camera crew that were with us for so long.
When everyone starts talking about getting dinner and I see its 5:45pm I say my good-byes and head home to have my discussion with Jax.
Chapter 32
I’m not surprised that Jax is already at my place, but I’m a little surprised that Sam’s gone. I wanted to have this talk with both of them.
“Hey Jax,” I say as I walk in, “Give me a few minutes to go change and I’ll be right down.”
“Sure thing,” he says but follows me upstairs.
He’s acting ‘normal’; like yesterday didn’t happen, and I’m not. I smack myself. I’m not looking forward to this conversation.
“How was your day, gorgeous?”
“Busy, but successful; we have finally completed filming.”
I walk into my room and straight toward the bathroom. Since I’m going to try to act normal, I don’t shut my door as I wash my face and brush my teeth. I pull my hair up in a messy bun and walk back into my bedroom.
Geez, Jax is looking pretty fine! He seems stressed and I want to make him feel better. He’s sitting on my bed and I change right in front of him like I normally do. I know he thought I was acting weird when I walked in the door because I didn’t jump in his arms like I normally do, but I’ll try my best to not act too different with him during our chat.
Once I’ve changed into some skinny jeans and a shirt I crawl onto my bed next to him and sit with my legs crossed so we’re facing at each other.
“How mad are you, Lucy?”
I don’t really know how to answer that. I’m pretty pissed about a lot of things. He see’s my mind racing and gives a little smirk. In that moment I know I can’t be mad at either of them.
Almost Lost, Never Forgotten Page 19