by Kelli Walker
“You need to start considering something now,” she said. “That money’s been sitting in your account for five days. You need to do something with it.”
“Why? Why does everything have to happen now? Why does every single thing in my life that needs to be planned out need to happen now?”
“Because you lost thirteen years being married to an asshole,” she said. “You deserve to be able to think freely about the future.”
“And I will. When I know Ryder’s all right.”
“There are so many things you could do. Get a house of your own. Find a job. Enroll into that Master’s program you were hell-bent on getting into. You could travel the world. Study abroad. Hell, you could settle in another fucking country.”
“Like you’d let me do that,” I said breathlessly.
“Girl, I’d be coming with you. No fucking doubt.”
I giggled and shook my head as I took another sip of the coffee. And Becca was right. The shitty coffee did taste like diesel fuel.
Good thing I had it loaded up with creamer and sugar.
“Becca, I don’t expect you to understand,” I said. “But Ryder is in the position because of me. He’s lying in a hospital bed wasting away because he agreed to protect me from Langley. He wanted to make sure no harm came to me while he tracked my ex down for a friend of his and he’s in a coma now because of it. I can’t just leave. Not after what he did for me. Not after sticking by my side. Not after the price he’s paid for it.”
“All I want is for you to-”
“The conversation is over,” I said curtly. “Either accept it and move on or die mad about it.”
I watched my best friend sigh as she leaned back into her chair. We drank the rest of our coffee in silence as my mind began to swirl. I wasn't leaving Ryder’s side until he woke up. And until the doctor’s told me differently, I wasn’t contemplating any other scenario other than him waking up. He stayed by my side through this entire ordeal. Ushered me into his own damn home to make sure he could keep me safe. Took a blow to the head, used every available resource at his disposal, and gave the whole of himself to keep me out of harm’s way.
No way in hell I was leaving him.
“Then let me ask you this,” Becca said.
“What?” I asked with a groan.
“What if he doesn’t wake up?”
I felt my lip beginning to quiver as tears rose to my eyes. It was a question I didn’t even want to entertain. Because in my mind, it wasn’t a possibility. Ryder dying from this wasn’t an option. It couldn't happen. Between the stories I kept swapping with Brendan and the reliving of our high school years I kept doing in my head while sitting at his side, I came to an understanding that took me days to stomach.
I’d never fully shaken Ryder out of my system.
I heard the scraping of a chair against the floor before I felt an arm slip around my shoulder. My cheek laid down into the crook of Becca’s neck as I began to cry. I felt my entire body slipping into an inconsolable rage as I began to shake.
It couldn't happen.
Ryder had to wake up.
“It’s okay,” Becca said. “I’m right here.”
“He has to wake up,” I said between my sobs. “He has to.”
“And I’m sure he will. He seems tough,” she said.
“He has to. Please. Please, Becca. Make him wake up.”
“I swear to you, Alicia. If I could make him, I would. I’d smack him right across his handsome fucking face and yell at him to open his eyes for you.”
“I can’t lose him,” I said breathlessly. “Don’t make me do that.”
I felt my best friend pressing kisses into the top of my head as the tears flowed freely. My arms wrapped around her and I practically pulled her into my lap. We sat there in the corner booth of the hospital cafeteria with empty styrofoam cups of coffee with nothing but the looming reality of the situation to occupy us.
What if Ryder didn’t wake up?
What if this was the end for him?
What if I never got the chance to tell him how much he still meant to me?
“It’s going to be okay, Alicia. I swear,” Becca said.
But until Ryder woke up, that wasn’t true. If Ryder didn’t wake up, it would never be true. Because I would never get to experience his lips upon mine again, or feel his warming grasp around my back. I’d never get to experience hearing him laugh or watching him read or lying next to him with the heat of the fireplace beating against our bodies.
I’d never get the chance to thank him for what he did for me.
And worse, I’d never get to tell him how I felt.
I would never get to tell him I still loved him.
Ryder
His face. I saw his face. I took off in a mad dash and whipped myself around the corner. But I didn’t see anything in the hallway. Where the hell did that fucker go?
I was going to kill him once I got to him.
“Over here.”
Langley’s voice caused me to rip around. My eyes darted off the corners of the wall as I took a step towards the staircase. He was there. I could feel him. I tiptoed to the edge of the staircase and looked over, seeing if he was below me.
And his eyes were looking straight up at me.
I threw myself over the railing and jumped down on top of him. Over and over, my fist is settled into his face. But his face kept bouncing back and no blood was drawn. It was like the man was made of rubber. Bouncing back every damn time I dealt a blow.
He tossed me off him as if I weighed nothing and he trained his eyes outside. Shit. Alicia was still at the pool.
“Alicia! Get to the car!”
Then I blinked, and I was in the backyard.
My head was on a swivel, but I couldn’t see Alicia. I saw her orange juice sweating in the sun and her towel discarded on the concrete, but I didn’t see her.
“Alicia!? Where are you?”
“Ryder!”
Her voice was faint, but I heard it. I ran to the side of the house and made my way to the front as I reached for my gun. But it wasn’t on my hip. I reached for the one at my ankle, but my holster was empty.
I even reached for the knife at my side and was met with nothing but an empty casing.
“Langley! Stop!”
Her voice was behind me now. How was that possible. I scanned the trees lining my property and looked for any signs of a struggle. Any shadows moving in a dead sprint. That was the only way they could’ve gotten behind me was if they were moving at lightning speed.
And with Langley’s strength, I couldn't put it past him.
I heard a splash in the water and I sprinted for the pool. That fucker was mine. I rounded the corner and saw Langley hovering over the shallow end with his hands underneath the water.
He was drowning Alicia.
I jumped into the water, but instead of penetrating it I stood on top of it. It was sloshing underneath my feet, but my body wasn’t sinking. I could see Alicia’s terrified eyes underneath the water as her hand reached out for her. I could see Langley’s hands around her neck. She was flailing. Kicking at Langley’s legs that seemed to bend like wet noodles in the breeze.
I reared my foot back and kicked up into his jaw, but this time he didn’t move.
I kicked and kicked and kicked as I yelled for Alicia. I wrapped my hands around Langley’s neck, but his skin was like iron. It wouldn’t cave to me any longer and his eyes were filled with devilish intent.
And every time Alicia opened her mouth to scream she robbed herself of more precious oxygen.
I didn’t know what to do. I raked my hands through my hair as my hands fruitlessly clawed at the unwavering water. I yelled out for Alicia as I brought my fist up, then brought it down squarely into the top of Langley’s head.
Then in a flash, I was in the hallway. With my head throbbing and my heart pounding and my hands clawing into the carpet.
“Ryder! Help!”
Her shrieking voice wa
s all I could hear as I pulled myself off the floor. Langley was cursing at her as that thunderous crack resounded against her cheek. I felt my chest filling with rage as I stumbled down the hallway. Lunging myself into his body. Pushing him down the damn steps before I tossed Alicia into my bedroom.
Then I shut the door and I was on the floor again.
“Ryder! Help!”
Over and over again, that memory played off the corners of my mind. Her helpless shriek, that thunderous crack, and the bile that threatened to choke of my air supply. I shoved him down the steps, tossed Alicia into my bedroom to be safe, then I was right back on the damn floor.
I had to get to her. Every time I heard that slapping of skin, it filled me with a blind rage. And even though I was aware of the fact that it wasn’t real any longer, I couldn't help myself. It was like my mind was trapped in this endless loop. This version of Hell I was destined to relive for as long as I lived.
Was I in Hell?
Had I died?
That thunderous crack pulled me back and I lunged for Langley again. I ripped his hand from Alicia’s hair and caught her before she tumbled to the ground. I threw Langley over the balcony, breaking the cycle in my mind before I pulled Alicia close to me. She buried herself into me. Fisted my shirt and pulled me as close as she could get me. I stroked her hair and shushed her lowly in her ear, telling her that it was okay. That no one else could hurt her or touch her ever again within her wanting it.
But who was going to be there to make sure of it?
Who was going to step up and protect her if I was dead?
I had to make sure Alicia was no longer harmed. Her face tilted up to mine as her eyes fell to my lips. I raised my hand up to cup her cheek.
Then I watched her get ripped from my grasp as Langley’s crazy smile came into view.
“Alicia! No!”
I gasped as I lunged forward and the sound of beeping machines rang heavily in my ears. I heard footsteps clamoring across the tiled floors as people filled my room. Someone was poking my toes and another was shining a light in my eyes. Someone else was checking my pulse and another was asking me idiotic questions.
Did I know where I was?
Could I remember anything?
What was my name?
“Alicia,” I choked out. “Alicia.”
“Does he think his name’s ‘Alicia’?” a woman asked.
“Alicia! Where are you!?”
“I’m right here!”
The sound of her voice settled relief over my bones. My hand fell off the edge of whatever I was laying on and I felt a warmth encompass it. I turned my head to face the owner of the person pressing against me and I saw Alicia’s head dip into view. I saw her hovering over me with tears in her eyes as the man with the flashlight finally backed the fuck off.
“Alicia,” I said with a whisper.
“Thank you, Ryder. Oh my gosh, thank you so much.”
She reached her lips down to my forehead and it filled me with a warmth that pooled in my chest. My feet jumped with the continuous pricks of something against my toes and I growled at the person at the foot of my bed. My vision was slowly focusing and I could tell I was in a hospital. Surrounded by bright fluorescent lights and beeping machines. There were tubes flowing all around my body and nurses pressing for more idiotic answers to stupid questions.
Then there was Alicia. Thanking me with every kiss she pressed to my skin.
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for coming back to me.”
I gripped her hand tightly as the ache in my body hit me like a tornado. It felt like I’d been run over by an eighteen-wheeler truck. My head was pounding and my vision was shaking with each throb and I couldn't get the damn doctors to go away. I rose up my arm and tried to knock them off me, but with every move I made there was someone else there to overpower me.
“Just relax,” Alicia said into my ear. “Take a deep breath.”
I slipped my hand from Alicia’s and wrapped it around her body. I pulled her into me. Practically on top of me. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of her hair as my hand pressed into her back. I could feel her heart beating against my shoulder as her hand stroked my hair. I heard something beep rapidly in the distance as the doctors and nurses finally backed off. Then, I felt a euphoria encompassing me as the pain in my body and my head slowly ebbed back into place.
“Alicia?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“What-... I don’t-...”
All I could remember was throwing up on her porch before darkness overcame me.
She slid from my grasp and scooted a chair up to my side. Her hands wrapped tightly around my one as her eyes locked with him. Her eyes were sunken in and her cheeks were hollowed out. She seemed paler than usual and she looked at if she’d lost weight. I slipped my hand from hers and reached up for her cheek, cupping it to feel her warmth.
She wasn’t even as warm as the lips that had touched my skin moments ago.
She brought her hand to mine as she nuzzled into my palm.
“Welcome back,” Alicia said as tears welled in her eyes.
There it was. The truth about everything that had happened. Why the doctors were so frantic. Why the nurses were asking me stupid questions. Why the medication was so strong and why I still hurt.
Hell, it explained why Alicia looked as if she hadn’t slept in weeks.
I had been in a coma.
And judging by the grease that lined the roots of her hair, I’d been in it for quite some time.
Alicia
The moment his eyes flew open my head shot up from the side of the bed. Ryder was gasping and shouting my name. Oh my gosh, he was awake.
Ryder had finally woken up.
I held his hand tightly and kept whispering in his ear as the doctors and nurses did what they needed to do. Even I could tell they were shocked. Feeling his palm against my cheek was miraculous. His palm was warm and his touch was kind and his eyes.
Those hazy, beautiful brown eyes.
They were all too knowing of the situation.
“Welcome back,” I said, whispering.
“What happened?” he asked.
“You-- um--.”
“Start from the beginning,” he said. “Don’t leave anything out.”
“You blacked out after throwing up on my porch,” I said. “The paramedics tried to get you to come to in the ambulance, but they didn’t succeed. You were rushed into surgery for…”
My eyes migrated to his bald head.
His eyes rose up before his hand drifted from my cheek. He ran it over the stubble that had been growing back on his head. He furrowed his brow and sighed as he dropped down into his hospital bed. I reached for his hand and threaded our fingers together, watching how his callused appendages dwarfed mine.
“They had to remove the shattered bone from your head. There were a couple of pieces lodged in your brain, so they had to remove those as well. You’ve got a plate and some screws just above the crown of your head.”
“Explains why my head hurt so badly.”
“Yeah. But you had a lot of swelling around your brain. They had to insert a port at the base of your skull, through the back of your neck. You had it in for about a week so they could slowly drain the fluid off.”
“Concussion,” he said.
“And a bad one at that. They said that, even if you hadn’t slipped into a--”
I felt tears crest my eyes immediately as I lowered my gaze. I sniffled and tried to push the word out, but I couldn’t. Coma. I could practically chew the word. It was a disgusting word and it wasn’t one I wanted to speak. A tear rushed down my face and I felt Ryder’s hand pull my gaze up. His hand cupped my chin and his thumb caught my tear as it fell from my face. I looked into his eyes-- his open, illuminated eyes-- and he urged me to continue.
He had a right to know what happened no matter how hard it was for me to talk about.
“They said that even if you hadn’t slipped into a
coma, they would’ve medically put you out. The pain alone wouldn’t have been manageable with narcotics.”
“How long was I out?” Ryder asked.
“Please…”
“How long, Alicia?”
“Almost a month,” I said, whispering.
Like I was cursing at him or something.
“Four weeks,” he said.
“Almost. Not… not quite.”
Like that was somehow better.
“What else?” Ryder asked.
“I’m so glad that--”
“What. Else. Alicia?”
“You had two fractured ribs and three broken ones. Not to mention a concoction of anesthetics in your body. The doctors figured that was what Langley tried to take you down with,” I said.
“Do I have screws in the broken ribs?” he asked.
“You do. You had three surgeries over all. One for your head, one for your ribs, and one to chase a clot that occurred. I noticed your left foot was looking a little pale and I brought it to the doctor’s attention, and they rushed you off before I could get answers.”
“Then it sounds like we’re even.”
“What?” I asked.
“A life for a life. I save you from Langley and you saved my foot.”
“That’s hardly a life for a life, Ryder.”
“I don’t know about you, but I’m attached to my feet. I like standing. It’s a thing I enjoy.”
I giggled and shook my head as a smile trickled across his cheeks. I couldn't believe it. Ryder was awake and taking this information much better than I thought he would. He was smiling. Cracking jokes. Like he hadn’t been in a coma for the past month because of my ex.
“Did Brendan get him to him?” Ryder asked.
“Ssshhh… you need to rest,” I said.
“Tell me. Did your lawyer-”
“Yes. Ryder, yes. He did. Brendan’s actually been by a lot this past month. We’ve been sitting and talking.”
“That can’t be good.”
“The stories from your military days are entertaining, to say the least. But I think my stories of you from high school put him to shame.”
“Fuck, the two of you in the same room are dangerous.”