Alice's Nightmare In Wonderland

by Jonathan Green

  The rose-tree starts growing at an astonishing rate, claw-like woody limbs emerging from its trunk while the flowers themselves mutate and change, their petals becoming one great, thorn-lined mouth.

  Two screams as the transformed rose-tree grabs him with one woody appendage and promptly lowers him into its monstrous mouths. The remaining gardeners soon meet their ends as well, as the plant crushes Five beneath one splayed-root foot, whilst trapping Seven in the thorn-lined constricting coils of another tentacle-like growth.

  The gardeners all dead, Alice has no intention of sharing their fate and prepares for battle. (Alice has the initiative.)

  ‘ROSE’ COMBAT 10 ENDURANCE 10

  If Alice is armed with a Pair of Scissors, any successful strikes she makes against the carnivorous plant will cause 3 Endurance points damage, rather than the usual 2.

  If Alice defeats the rampaging rose-tree, turn to 36.

  309

  Alice goes timidly up to the door, and knocks.

  “There’s no sort of use in knocking,” comes a voice from behind her.

  She turns and, looking down, sees a large Frog dressed in the style of a Footman, curled wig and all.

  “No there’s no use in knocking,” the Frog Footman goes on, “and that’s for two reasons. First, because I’m on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because they’re making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you.”

  And certainly there is a most extraordinary noise going on within – a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish or kettle has been broken to pieces.

  “Please, then,” says Alice, “how am I to get in?”

  “There might be some sense in your knocking,” the Footman replies, “if we had the door between us. For instance, if you were inside, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.”

  Clearly the Frog Footman isn’t going to be any help so what should Alice do now? Open the door herself and enter the house (turn to 289), or give up on trying to get in at all and be on her way (turn to 228).

  310

  The garden is a horticulturist’s paradise. Beds of tiger-lilies, bordered by daisies, fill the air with their heady perfume, making Alice feel almost relaxed after all her bizarre experiences since falling down the rabbit-hole.

  But there is something peculiar about these flowers. At first she takes it for a trick of the light or a change of pattern on the petals, but the closer she looks she soon realises that many of the flowers have faces.

  “Why, I do believe that I have seen something like these curious flowers before,” Alice says, “and if I recall rightly, they can talk as well. You can talk, can’t you?” she asks, turning to a particularly tall Tiger-Lily.

  The Tiger-Lily turns its head to look at her and then its flowery features crumple into an expression of pain and it emits a terrible, ear-piercing scream from between its petal lips. The Tiger-Lily is soon joined by the rest of the flowers, until their blood-chilling cries become deafening.

  Alice throws her hands over her ears and starts to run. Everywhere she looks she sees the scream-twisted faces of the flowers, as the sky overhead darkens, and the piercing shrieks threaten to overwhelm her senses.

  Take an Insanity test. If Alice passes the test, turn to 333, but if she fails, turn to 321.

  311

  Flinging herself forward, Alice lands on the first of the massive toadstools on her knees. Picking herself up she prepares to make another leap. However, the subsequent landing platforms are further apart.

  Take four separate Agility tests. As soon as Alice fails an Agility test, turn to 341. But if she passes all of them, turn to 331.

  312

  Leaving the beach Alice heads into the dunes. Struggling up one of the low sandy hills, fighting the cascading sand as it shifts ever downwards, threatening to take her back to the beach, she finally reaches the top and there before her sees a beautiful landscape of woods, walled gardens bursting with exotic plant life, and carefully-manicured lawns. She can make out buildings too, from a quaint thatched cottage with a pair of chimneys that look just like rabbit’s ears, to a grand house built in the Palladian style, and, away to her right, a fine palace of spiralling turrets and heart-carved crenulations.

  Descending the dunes again, Alice finds herself at the end of a winding gravel path that leads to a neatly kept house. She catches sight of a polished brass plate on the front door of the house, shining in the light of the sun, but she cannot make out the name engraved upon it.

  Pausing only to empty the sand from her shoes, Alice sets out along the path…

  Turn to 2.

  313

  “Wrong!” declares the Cat, and with that, it vanishes, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remains some time after the rest of it has gone.

  “Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” thinks Alice; “but a grin without a cat! It’s the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!”

  Add 1 Curiouser and Curiouser box to Alice’s Adventure Sheet and then turn to 216.

  314

  The mechanical killers dealt with, Alice starts to explore the Hall of Doors. There are tall doors and small doors, some with golden handles, others half-hidden behind drapes, but they all have one thing in common; they are all locked.

  The child can’t help feeling that she has found herself in a situation very similar to this once before, but she can’t quite remember when. It is as she is struggling to recover the memory, lost in her ruminations, that she notices the three-legged table standing in the middle of the hall. It is made of solid glass which must be why she didn’t see it before now.

  On top of the table are two objects, a tiny golden key and a bottle. The key appears far too small to open any of the doors around the hall. The bottle, on the other hand, is much more interesting. It is full of a strangely fluorescing liquid that changes colour before Alice’s very eyes; one moment it’s cherry-red, then next a custard yellow. A label tied round the bottle’s neck reads ‘DRINK ME’.

  It is as Alice is studying the objects on top of the table that she spies something through the glass, sitting on the floor beneath it. It is a little glass box.

  What should Alice do now?

  Take the tiny golden key? Turn to 329.

  Drink the contents of the bottle? Turn to 387.

  Open the glass box? Turn to 3.

  Keep trying the doors around the hall? Turn to 339.

  315

  Alice begins to back away from the Bandersnatch, but then she feels the curious warmth of the Vorpal Sword in her hand and her courage returns.

  “You’re not a Jabberwock!” Alice says indignantly, now advancing on the beast. “In fact you’re not in the least bit frightening. In fact you remind me of a dear, sweet puppy. You’re nothing but a puppy dog!”

  With every step the child takes towards the beast, the Bandersnatch takes a pawing step backwards. And with every step backwards the beast takes, so it becomes less like a beast and more like a man, until Alice is facing a hunched wretch of a fellow, with untidy black hair. “I didn’t mean any harm,” the man says. “I never meant any harm to any of my child-friends.” And then he turns, gives a pathetic whimpering howl – but a human howl this time – and flees into the forest.

  Turn to 268.

  316

  The strange mist obscures the way through the warped wood and Alice can’t be sure that it isn’t playing with her perceptions so that she can’t trust her own senses, but eventually she emerges from between the towering toadstools, leaving the mind-altering mists behind her. Taking a number of deep breaths of fresh air to clear her head, Alice looks about her.

  She is standing at the top of a steep slope. Below her, at the bottom of the incline, to the north, on the other side of a rickety fence, she can see a curious house, with chimneys shaped like ears and its roof apparently thatched with fur. To the north-west there stands a grand house built in the Palladian style
. Beyond the cottage Alice can see the towering yew hedge walls of a maze that appears to cover acres of ground.

  In which direction should Alice go now? To head towards the grand house, turn to 319. To make for the fur-thatched cottage, turn to 216.

  317

  The Tumtum Tree has Alice in its clutches now, and will not easily give her up; and Alice considers a future in which she becomes fertilizer for the pernicious plant.

  If Alice is still able to use The Pen is Mightier ability, and you want her to employ that power now, turn to 337. If not, turn to 358.

  318

  There is no one sitting at the table, even though it has been laid for tea.

  If you want Alice to take a seat at the table, turn to 327. If you would rather she look inside the house instead, turn to 381.

  319

  As Alice approaches the grand house, the wind sends scrags of cloud scudding across the face of the sun and the sky darkens.

  Keen to get out of the wind and sudden cold, Alice considers how best to proceed. Should she knock on the door (turn to 309) or enter the house without knocking (turn to 259)?

  320

  The deeper Alice ventures into the maze the more overgrown its paths become until she is having to push past brambly tangles just to keep moving forward. It is one of these protruding thorny creepers that snags her leg, tearing her stockings and drawing blood. (Lose 1 Endurance point.)

  At another right-angled turn in the labyrinth, do you want Alice to go south (turn to 224) or west (turn to 300)?

  321

  Rose and larkspur, violet and dahlia, it seems as if every flower in the garden is screaming at Alice now and she can bear it no longer. (Add 1 to her Insanity score.)

  Alice runs on, tears of terror streaming down her face, not knowing where she is going. Roll one die (or pick a playing card). If the number rolled is odd (or the card picked is red), turn to 173. If it is even (or the card is black), turn to 344.

  322

  Alice is startled to hear a fluttering of wings, as a huge blue butterfly emerges from one of the spinning mirror shards orbiting the chessboard plateau – its wingspan as wide as the dining room table at home – and bombards the monster with puffball fungi that it is holding tight to its body with its spindly legs. The Alice-head is obscured by a clouds of spores and Alice hears a child-like wheezing and coughing.

  Make a note of the fact that the Alice-Jabberwock has suffered one attack and turn to 231.

  323

  The colossal Caterpillar rears back, the hookah falling from its mouthparts, its body rippling hideously as it does so. Manipulating its mandibles in an unnatural way, the Caterpillar says, “Alice! Is that you?”

  Not sure whether she should be more surprised by the fact that the Caterpillar can speak or that the gigantic butterfly larva seems to know who she is, confused and bemused, Alice says in a dreamy voice, “I hardly know, sir, just at present – at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”

  The Caterpillar sucks on the hookah pipe and then says, “So you think you’ve changed, do you?”

  “I’m afraid I am, sir,” says Alice; “I can’t remember things as I used – and I don’t keep the same size for ten minutes together!”

  “Can’t remember what things?” says the Caterpillar.

  “Well…” Alice hesitates. “This place for a start. Everything seems strangely familiar even though I haven’t been here before.”

  “What you mean is, you don’t remember being here before, and that’s hardly the same thing, is it?” replies the Caterpillar sagely.

  The Caterpillar takes another puff on the hookah, closing its eyes as it savours the smoke, and then goes on. “The question is, what is it more important for you to remember? Things that have already happened or things that have yet to happen?”

  “I can’t remember things before they happen,” Alice says indignantly, starting to feel like she has had enough of this nonsense.

  “It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards,” the Caterpillar remarks.

  “What sort of things do you remember best?” Alice ventures to ask.

  “Oh, things that happened the week after next,” the Caterpillar replies in a careless tone. “Things that happened later today. For instance, I remember you standing at the gates to the Royal Palace and uttering the password ‘Jabberwocky’.”

  (If anyone ever asks Alice the direct question “What is the password?” deduct 50 from the number of the paragraph you are reading at the time and turn to this new paragraph immediately.)

  “It’s dreadfully confusing!” declares Alice.

  “Which is precisely why you need to remember,” says the Caterpillar. “So what’s it to be? The future” – the immense larva points to the edge of its mushroom – “or the past?” it asks, offering her the hookah pipe.

  Alice is not in the habit of accepting strange substances from even stranger strangers but then neither does she normally have conversations with giant caterpillars. So what should Alice do now?

  Nibble at the edge of the mushroom? Turn to 21.

  Take a puff on the hookah pipe? Turn to 346.

  Politely decline both and leave this

  strange place? Turn to 336.

  324

  Leaving the pond, which way should Alice go? East (turn to 210) or west (turn to 510)?

  325

  As the beast prowls towards her, Alice prepares to use the Vorpal Sword to defend herself once again. (The Bandersnatch has the initiative.)

  BANDERSNATCH COMBAT 11 ENDURANCE 10

  If Alice manages to kill the creature, turn to 268.

  326

  Alice hears a buzzing, almost right in her ear, and a large wasp flies out of the wig Alice is wearing – and suddenly Alice has a mad idea!

  If Alice has a tot of Shrinking Potion, turn to 491. If not, there’s no use Alice getting a bee in her bonnet about it, she will just have to abandon her mad idea; turn to 305.

  327

  Sitting herself down in the large arm-chair, Alice surveys the delights spread out before her. There are plates of cucumber sandwiches, jam tarts and slices of pink and yellow sponge cake wrapped up in a layer of marzipan, and a large teapot, of course. There is also all manner of cutlery, including a large bread-knife, and the silver tea tray used to bring everything to the table.

  What should Alice do now?

  Pour herself a cup of tea? Turn to 338.

  Prepare herself a picnic? Turn to 349.

  Pick up the bread-knife? Turn to 359.

  Take a closer look at the tea tray? Turn to 369.

  Leave the table and be on her way? Turn to 15.

  328

  Rallying, the Alice-Jabberwock gives a roar of fury and launches itself at Alice across the chessboard plain. “And now you die!” the monster roars.

  Preparing to fight for her life one last time, Alice readies herself for her final battle.

  (Alice has the initiative in this battle, but the Vorpal Sword will only cause 3 Endurance points of damage to the monster’s iron-hard scales, rather than the usual 4.)

  JABBERWOCK COMBAT 10 ENDURANCE 15

  If Alice manages to slay the Jabberwock, turn to 520.

  329

  The key is very finely wrought, but it is far too small to open any of the locked doors Alice has come across so far. Nonetheless, she drops it into the pocket in the front of her pinafore for safe keeping, just in case. (Record the Golden Key on Alice’s Adventure Sheet.)

  What would you like Alice to do now?

  Drink the contents of the bottle? Turn to 387.

  Open the little glass box? Turn to 3.

  Keep trying the doors around the hall? Turn to 339.

  330

  The statue of a tortoise, its shell covered with patches of moss, has been positioned at another of the maze’s interminable turnings. Its head seems to be pointing westwards.

  Which way sho
uld Alice go now?

  North? Turn to 300.

  West? Turn to 274.

  331

  Alice makes it to the other side, landing back on the path, unscathed and still in one piece. Add 1 to her Agility score and turn to 361.

  332

  The flipper catches Alice across the face, drawing blood and sending her flying. She lands on the sand, amidst the discarded oyster shells, banging her head on a half-buried rock. Alice sits up woozily, her head spinning.

  (Deduct 1 point from Alice’s Agility, Logic and Combat scores, and lose 2 Endurance points as well.)

  Emitting a bullish bellow, the huge Walrus shuffles its way across the sand towards the addle-witted child, its savage intentions plain.

  If Alice is still able to use The Pen is Mightier ability, now might be a good time to do so (turn to 394) otherwise she is somehow going to have to fight the beast (turn to 377).

  333

  Alice keeps running, whilst repeating over and over out loud, “I’ve been in many gardens before, but none of the flowers could talk. I’ve been in many gardens before, but none of the flowers could talk!”

  And then, at long last, she is past the screaming flower beds, the storm clouds dissipate once more, and she finds herself at a parting of the ways. Turn to 344.

  334

  As Alice approaches the pond, a pair of bulbous eyes breaks the surface and with one almighty leap a huge frog hops out of the water and lands on the path in front of her. Opening a mouth as wide as Alice is tall, a whip-like tongue shoots out towards the child.